I don't want to be treated like a queen or princess.

I just want to be yours.

I'm fine.
Ask anyone.
"She's smart,
beautiful, healthy,
happy, and bright."
Exactly why I wear
bracelets every day
To hide my wrists.
Exactly why I take
Medication just to function
Properly.
But I'm fine.
I promise.
Ask Anyone.

I hate this.
**** her.
I'm better than her.
You're mine.
I can give you the world.
Well...
Maybe she is better.
I mean,
That's why you're there
Right?
You're in her home
Feeling her skin
Kissing her lips...
I hurts so ******* bad.
...
I miss you.
...
Leave her and be with me.
...
I love you.

I know how you are.
You yell.
You hit.
You lie.
But I still loved you.

I found out what you did.
You hid.
You cheated.
You hurt me.
But I still loved you.

I put up with a lot.
More than I should have.
For longer than I should have.
Longer than anyone should have.
And now, I'm done.

I still love you.
But I will forget about you.
Most days,
It will be hard.
But it will get easier.

I still love you.
But I will move on.
I will find someone
Who treats me with respect.
I know this is true.

For sixteen months,
you controlled me.
I'm done.
With you.
With us.

I still love you.
But I forgive you.
And will get over you.

All I can see
         are your bright blue
                   eyes like crystals.
    Oceans to drown me.
All I can hear
           is your breathing,
                your chest
   rising and falling
          as you sleep
next to me.
   All I can feel
is the weight
                 if your arms,
     holding me tightly
            through this hurricane.
All I can taste
        is the stale
                              cigarette smoke,
            my cancerous lungs.
All I desire
      is your soul
             harmonizing with mine.
You *******.
                You make
                                           me want
         to believe in something
   bigger than myself.

I cry myself to sleep.
I forget who I am.
I self-harm.

I disconnect myself
From the world.
From everything.

I'm young.
I'm supposed to be alive.
That's how it works.
Right?

I don't know
Who I am anymore.
But it is okay.

I will get better.
I promise.

As I sit here in the dark
And pollute my lungs,
I think about my life.
I wonder if my life
Is a life
Worth living.
Day in and day out,
I'm dying.
Every second.
Its hard to breathe.
I'm dizzy and lost
In this cold, dark world.
Another pill to stop the pain
Another cigarette to clear my head
Another drink to make me sleep
I just want to disappear.
But I've already done that.
I'm alone.
I like it that way.
But  I still wonder..
A handful of pills,
A bullet to the head,
A slice to the wrist...
It would only take a second.
Easy enough..
...
But I won't. I'll wait.
I'll figure this out.
...
Someday.