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Today I felt myself dissociateing,
I tried to avoid communicating,
look towards the ground.

When I talk, I never make eye contact,
or else I find myself distract,
forgetting how to be an undercover extrovert.

Today we shared a silence,
born between conversing violence,
as one topic broke to another.

My eyes picked out your stare,
that common brownish pair,
which slid into place around me.

The understanding pass,
as if I were made of glass
and you could see every ticking gear behind my skin.

You held my glance as one might hold a hand,
gently, delicately, without demand.
I felt safe within your eyes.

Comfortable in the bridge of your nose,
a hammock where I did't seem to impose.
For the first time, I'd be happy to meet your eyes again.
The light pollution
from the lives of little people
in the big city
reflects off the lowriding clouds,
the same way my knees reflect
in the little puddles
from the big rains.

It hurts my eyes to look up
without sunglasses,
hurts my lips to think of tasting
the subway oil that
drip
drip
drips

I speculate at the transformers,
part automatic, part people
in their pre-ripped jeans,
learning to get their Ns
to drive themselves away,
yarn trailing from their sweaters
like parade float streamers.

Citizens run so fast
to catch the early train home,
freefalling down the stairs  
breathing in the exhales
of the other racer’s exhaust.
Marking their triumphs
with participation ribbons.

The pacific pants at toes,
a puppy that only occasionally misbehaves.
Impatient for attention,
waves wagging back and forth,
up the imitation river,
past the downtown.
Kicking the sea wall with it's gravity boots.


The geese are on hiatus
until they can take back the city.
Making the drains overflow,
creating their own habitat,
they’ll strut their haughty markings,
distinguished from orcas,
away from any saline nonsense.

Were we to retrain the population
to turn blind eyes,
we’d be much more efficient,
stop wasting time contending
to society’s obsession
with documenting itself.
But then, what would we do all day?

Creating light pollution
must give immediate gratification.
Once all the lights are turned off,
the influence won’t continue,
creating a lack of permanence,
making our need to be remembered
seem trivial indeed.
 Nov 2013 Elena Clair
Helen
I am afraid that unknowing strangers
will brush against me in the street
and I will catch a glimpse of eyes
that smile in pain as I silently weep

I am afraid to touch another's hand
only in pure condolence
to have said hand grasp me tightly
to lay underground with them, in Silence

I am afraid to be who I am
I live outside the norm
at the very end of Unusual street
usually a haven to a Perfect Storm

I am afraid you patronise me
because I whip you without fear
of becoming your ******* mistress
I sting, I disappear

I am afraid of letting the spaces
that crack beneath my feet
to swallow me whole
and I have to admit defeat

I am afraid to reveal to you
the darkness you so despise

I am afraid I am that darkness
I am afraid you will open your eyes
 Oct 2013 Elena Clair
Hugo A
Fly
 Oct 2013 Elena Clair
Hugo A
Fly
Let me talk, just let me talk
I'm so tired
To even carry
My own thoughts
I want to live
In a house
Adrift at sea
With my music, and my quotes
Seagulls gliding by
Windmills in the sky
I want to ground my feet
And stand up high
Climb the stairs
Of the thoughts, in my heart
Slide down rivers
Filled with hope
Land on clouds
Flying high, stand again
Deep deep dive
In the ocean, of my mind
Swim out clear, swim out clean
Of this sadness, that I feel
It's my story
Lying low, then I dive
Lying low, then I dive
But I see it now
I feel the change
Let me talk, just let me talk
As I stand, atop this cloud
Not to dive
But to fly
 Oct 2013 Elena Clair
Hugo A
You left
Not a word, not a sign
Yes, it was brief
Of course, it did not cover
Life's changing events
But we said that word
The word of connection
Of a future of sharing
Not the surface
Like so many others
But of visions of hope
A mistake is so costly
All it takes is a phrase
To end in a breeze
What started just as quick
Can we be friends again?
I guess no more
I remember one time when we laid together under the stars
You told me we'd always be
I said I'd never forget
Memories of us often fill my time
It's strange to see you walking with him
I saw you on the corner of love and despair
I think I was lost, can't really remember how I got there
I asked for directions and you said heartbreak could point me in the right direction
You nodded to me and I must've continued walking
I swear I knew your face, but I guess we're just unfamiliar's now
 Oct 2013 Elena Clair
agapism
there's that moment
late at night
when wanderlust fills my aching soul


but it's not wanderlust for the outside world
no
it's wanderlust for your *mind
 Oct 2013 Elena Clair
cresun
cameron
 Oct 2013 Elena Clair
cresun
a life saver, a hero*

he is the kind of guy
who would take
your mind into his
where star trek exist
and where flowers
grow from the stem

he is the kind of guy
who owns a pair
of real eyes that
enables him to see
the truth

he is the kind of guy
who often goes out for a walk
when he feels depressed
and he wouldn't cease until
the sun is finally setting

despite it all,
he's still breathing
he's still staying alive
under the skin everyone dislike
and he keeps radiating positive vibes
all by himself

six months and i still could not
figure out what does everyone not
see in him that i could
which makes me want
to be around him more

he has a funny mind,
but doesn't everyone?

(we are all just ashamed
to show it for we are afraid
of being an outcast in
society's dictionary)

and though he told me twice
how he finds his system an irritant
i still think that it's
what makes me
attracted to him;
his mind is always a mystery
in the most hilarious kind of way

he, my friend, is the person
who takes my pain away
by just breathing and talking to me
and oh how i wish he could see
how much i am thankful to God
that i met him and his
mischievious little mindset
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