Trying to write fiction
is like pretending I am not ******
That I am passed ***
moved on
ahead
or beyond
and on to intelligence
I can assure you that no matter how disguised
in eloquence of academia’s violent explosion
It is actually soaked with ***
and it is dripping out everywhere
I do not mind if no one else is noticing
I gladly wipe up dripping ***
refined moistness
what we share
is directly related to the creation of life
inherently ******
That professor may be mathematics on the outside
But so is the *** it desires to indulge in
once the equation is exhausted

I want to sink your battle ship
I want to play risk with you
I want to monopolize you
I want to say Im sorry
I want to get in your candy land
I want to hear you yell yahtze yahtze!
I want to scrabble you
I want to hear you yell jenga!
I want to play check hers
and I definitely want to check mate you

When asked where I have been
No worries
of course not
no
I’ve been out doing white things
Nothing unwhite I swear
You can ask my friends I was being white
You always catch me at the wrong times
I have recordings
Time stamped
Documented
Notorized
that I was being white
I already prayed to white Jesus 3 times today
Yes!
I know
My girlfriend is white
I have sustained that
Come on!
Its documented
what else?
I did
Yes
Yes classical
Yes NPR
Yes I watched Amy Goodman too
Yes word for word
memorized it
I sent my test in
20 minutes after
I was the first one done
Yes I did that too
come on!
Yes look it up
Yes Obama
of course
okay I will check in tomorrow
thank you
click
Im getting a passport

Nature is trying to roll over you
Chew you up and reincarnate you
I walked out of my poetry reading
having declared whiteness is a mental illness
As I was being told which poems were their favorites
A woman passing by overheard them say
“mixed race”
She said to me,
“Cain?”
I said what from the bible?
She said no
“biracial Cain.”
There was a long pause and she could tell I didn’t know what she meant
She said,
“Cain was my step son.”
“He just killed himself in his cell the other day… because the police were harassing him about being black and white.”
I felt so desperate to help
I told her I’m trying to change things
I cannot bring back her step son
I put a ski mask on
and said come with me

To me whiteness is a mental illness
whiteness is the worst habit
a habit forming process
construction
worse than cigarettes
nevermind being 18 yet
they force it on new born babies
Whiteness kills more people
its worse for the lungs
worse for the human spirit
whiteness taught humanity conflict
and it still does
it taught how to make crack from *******
it gave it to families
that it had already attempted to destroy
taught us how to infect blankets with small pox
and then have an Ivy league college named after you
whiteness taught us how to be inhuman
made groups to destroy humanity
whiteness taught us how to
and it is encouraging me
to destroy humanity and blame it on the other
to destroy humanity then blame it on the destruction it attempted to leave behind
whiteness taught us
and encourages me
to disassociate from humanity
it taught us to never
and I mean never
stray from humans that have evolved
not ever again
whiteness taught us the need to worship evolutionary people
by negation it reminds us to be human
whiteness is the silence of genocide
I will no longer construct whiteness
I promised myself
I am a decomposer
consider whiteness socially deconstructed

The arrogance is the most fascinating thing to me
when I think of equality
race
gender
class and such
It is the arrogance
the arrogance that a brutal military could earn anyone really
its no merit to evolution
or the continuity of nature
cooperation is the fittest
so the arrogance of
“Black lives matter more than white lives”
signs
being held on busy streets crowded by people who feel the need to construct whiteness
all day ever day
getting paid very little and sometimes even nothing
to construct whiteness
some get financial aid
to construct whiteness
some get allowances
loans
some inherit money to construct whiteness
some are also just really dumb
some do it intelligently
some started ivy league institutions
to construct whiteness
some people ask me to construct whiteness
and I
say
*******
I think insurance should cover treatment for whiteness
and cover the treatment for the damages done by whiteness

Did you know that slaves who fought their way to freedom escaped white liberty?
They make liberty and justice for all a relevant and possible concept
Are you aware that escaped black women were the first to conceive freedom in America?
Did you know that the eradication of white supremacy will be brutal and violent?
Did you know that after being brutalized the only way to demand respect is to be even more brutal in return?
Did you know that after what white America has allowed and done to dark skinned humans it is surprising any white Americans are still alive and not buried by vengeance?
Take a look its in a book
Its reading rainbow

Sometimes I auction myself to myself
Sometimes I enslave myself
Then late at night
Instead of sleeping
I desperately break out of captivity
I teach myself how to read in write in secrecy
With a vengeance
Sometime I am the overseer
Brutal
I lash myself until my back is open and ******
I catch myself stepping out of place
We give each other space
Black and white and me
I have become very strong
This ebb and flow
This internal struggle
Ever since white people needed to **** black women
In this struggle that is relentless and eternal
Sometimes I settle for being
Simply a human
That is when I grow the most

They hate the sound
They hate what it means
They cover themselves in dark white cloth
They organize tribes against it
They hire police to stop it
They imported them to **** whenever they wanted
They got drunk and miserable and numb
Their white wives protested oppression by torturing and slandering my brothers and sisters
They hate with exterminating thoughts
They hate how I got here
They hate that it is out of their control
They hate the sound of black and white *******
They hate how I was created
They hate the sound of my family
They wanted us to be oil on fire
On top of polluted water
They hate the sound of mixed parents *******
They have to wake up and imagine what it feels like
To be free
To be human
They hate the sounds of pleasure as it mixes uncontrollably
They hate our *******
They would rather the sound of us twisting in agony in trees
Like Nina’s strange fruit
They hate the sound of us ripping through their police
They hate the sound of us breaking down their barriers
They hate the sound of us being better role models for their children
They hate the sound of us owning America
I love the sound freedom

“Oh good you are here!”
The child was was being scolded when I walked in
“can you tell him why he should not use the N word?”
Can I get time and a half
Actually can I get worker’s comp?
Do you mind if I put my jacket down first
and my coffee
“It keeps repeating in my head”
the white kid says with his thumb in his mouth
smiling to the side in some spaced out ecstasy
the child enjoying the power he has gained in this interaction
My entrance into the school interrupted
Ok so I explained what the word actually means and what it came to mean
why it hurts me
the nightmares of my father being tortured by peers in school and their families and friends
Confederate flag molotovs
I would put under their beds
the resting place of this putrid confidence
the one that they call now
reality that is the future already when they say now
and the future is at first now before it is already the past
you cannot just open your ****** mouth and describe the future
and look at me with expectations
as if I don’t notice how far gone into the past
you have become in your communication
and in doing this
a defense and assumption of white supremacy being the generator of value
but experience of being human is most valuable
whiteness is inorganic

Theology is dedicated atheism
Because in a multicultural world or event
existentialism is organic
to leave the focus of monotheism
atheism intervenes to allow polytheism
disloyal indulgence
and also
It is doubt that drives us to research and study
to remember experience on purpose
we do not always exist
all gods are so important
that if you just got one
you are terribly flawed
unevolved and tricked
if you had to pray to white jesus
to breathe the same air as being human
required atheism and then
the desperate search for the source of doubt
there is no need for doubt
we do know safely and casually
and there are so many gods
and who are we to create them and not know them all?
like the woman knows birth

A love letter to America…
Dear America,
Now that my heart is broken
smashed
destroyed
legally and psychologically
sexually plundered
At least
now
is the first time
that I know
I have a heart
I am consistently amazed
at how autonomous
it used to be
Thats all for now

and as Im holding my sign that says
“black lives matter more than white lives”
black families cheer and beep
a white man with his family in a pick up truck
yells out
your mother should have had an abortion
I yell back
she did 
before me
because her mother said she would disown her
I was after that 
next
and then I killed him in front of Academy of music with a ski mask on 
in front of  bernie supporters
and a bunch of street lights

Passing is paranoia
Like oiled up blonde blue eyed women
On the slave for sale stage
Next to dark skinned slaves in the same chains
From the clamor in the audience
White women
Yelling
Proclaiming
Protesting
“Are we selling ourselves now?!”
Passing is paranoia
I don’t know who knows I’m not white
I do not like white people behind my back
Where I cannot see them
I keep my back against the wall
Passing is dangerous
Confidently passing
Will get you beaten and killed in a dark place
White uniformed militia will say you did something you didn’t
White women will force themselves on you and say you did
Passing is ****
Until her white parents find out
Then passing is loneliness
Passing is plotting
Them against you
Anticipation
Edginess
Tension
Passing is in limbo
An interval of genocide
A frantic meditation on what it is to be human
Passing is revolution
Passing is waiting for the perfect moment of revenge
Passing is vengeance
Passing is the blackest you will ever meet

Why is sorrow so heavy?
It puts its anchor down
stuck
And no one can seem to find where the anchor dropped
No one can figure out how to get it back up
It is confusing
But don't be confused about sorrow
Happiness is much more confusing
Try and come with a final answer all day
Happiness is still killing us all slowly
Decomposition

Whiteness disassociates from science
“We all come from Africa.” Science says to it
“Also you have been having *** and procreating with Africans forever.” Science adds with a stern clear and colorless face
And then Science says, “Im going to stop helping you travel to space. If you don’t listen to me…
You have one week.”

Forgetting you are indigenous is the first mental illness
The process of removing indigenous from oneself is the worst gateway drug
Worse than the liquor needed to obliterate minds into colonialism
Worse than distorting evolution with violence and corruption
worse than enforcing the corruption of whiteness

If Stephen King was black
Obama would not be president
Segregation would exist all over again
OJ would have gotten guilty without a trial
Except the black part would be technologically advanced
cars that navigate themselves
Sonic energy distribution
portable wings
the Rockateer would also therefore be black
Disney Land would be scary and real
Darwin would have been black
Go go Gadget’s engineer would be black
Malcolm X would have been mixed race
Carl Sagan ran the blackest gang in Oakland
If Stephen King was black
Therefore
Stephen Hawkings is black too
Einstein invented Compton in ten minutes
On a coffee break
The bees Einstein was referring to are the African Killa bees
And Einstein was the father of Wu tang
Stephen Hawkings hangs out with Mike Tyson and Alicia Keys
The Black Panthers like every other morning in the blackest house Washington DC
Made me eggs benedict with fresh eggs and ham
Dr Seuss is therefore black by association
Aunt Jemima would run the FDA and tap maples trees in the Berkshires
But she is white now
America would turn a blind eye and play more volley ball
and in us
God would trust