i.
today,
i woke up
with my head
swamped with thoughts of you.
a smile started at the corner of my lips
that eventually coursed through my face
like how the first light of the day spreads at sunrise,
or how i feel my body respond
to the first sip of coffee in the morning.

i look at the space beside me that is intended for you,
a space that i have saved just for you.
pillows substitute your presence.
not as warm, but they will do.
for now.

ii.
what gets me through the day,
no matter how difficult it is,
is the idea that there is you
(to look forward to)
at the end of it.

that later that day,
i will be seeing you again;
but i will have to wait for a while.
which i find very difficult to do
because patience was never my virtue.

iii.
if there is one word that lost its appeal to me,
it would definitely be the word forever.
how can someone of ephemeral existence
promise something as pretentious as forever?

i would not tell you that
i will forever love you;
what i would tell you instead is that
i will always love you.

always, meaning all the time.
always, meaning every time.
always, you and i.

One day, you will realize how much you love a person.

How your whole life is much like the Solar System
        where you have the one you love as the Sun—
                                                            ­                      the center of the Solar System.

In this case,
                   the Center of Your Solar System,
                   the center of Your Life.

You feel that you are gravitationally bound
   in orbit around that person,
   like the planets or the many astronomical objects found there.

I. Physiological
                If you were air, I would gladly take you in,
                fill my lungs with every particle that is you.

                You’ve been a significant part of me
                that taking you away
                would cause so much distress,
                would wreak instability—
                                                    ­       *disequilibrium.

II. Safety
                When you enclose me in your arms,
                    pay attention to the things I say,
                       fill every inch of me with kisses,
                         smile at me reassuringly,
                that’s when I know I’m safe—
                           that I’m secured,
                           that I’m home.

III. Love or Belonging
                I like the idea of us
                having the same wavelength:
                     our interests go in the same direction,
                     and sometimes go their separate ways;
                     but at some point, would intersect beautifully.

IV. Esteem
                I used to think less of myself—
                           always not good enough,
                           almost there but not really.
                I never really thought I mattered
                   until you showed me…

V. Self-Actualization
                It would be pretentious if I told you that
                I am a self-actualized person now;
                but with you, I’ve come to terms with my demons.
                And in you, I found joy and fulfillment.

                                                   ­                                                   *I love you.

You are like the stars in the heavens that blanket the vast unknown,
Like thousands of pearls that grace the dark sky with its beauty,
Like millions of gems that don the sky with their grandeur.

As I lay here and admire you beauty from a distance,
I realize that reaching you is like a dream to me.

You will always be the Sirius of the night sky.
And I will always be that one person who will admire you from afar.

Cannopus’ brightness is not even at par with the light you exude.

Your brightness that radiates to my very skin,
A light that illuminates every inch of your perfection,
Highlighting every detail of your physique.

My lovely star, could you please do me a favor?
Fall to the ground and spend a lifetime with me.

I have been staring at this blank space for awhile now.
It pains me to see myself struggling to express myself.
I wanted to compare you to the sun, the moon, and the stars.
But I do not want to sound passé nor cliché.

I have been looking for the right words to say,
but it seems that I am drowning in an ocean of words.
I am at a loss for words
but still I keep trying,
             I keep looking,
             I keep searching…

I have no choice but to say this straightforwardly—
           without twists and turns.
Words will never be enough to express how much affection I have for you.

I love you, with all that I am.
And I thank you for giving me a reason to carry on with my life…
to continue going,
                              to continue fighting,
                                                                and to continue loving.

*You mean all the world to me.