i wonder what became
of the girl that threw butterflies to the rain
and shattered pretty vases
so her heart could relate.
who buried her sorrows
deep in the bottom of a bottle
and never woke up again.
sick of being a burden on everyone's shoulders,
she stretched her arms to
the wind on the boats and ponds
and longed for enough despair
and enough bravery to finally
set herself free.

what became of the girl whose solace grew bigger everyday?
her desire for life ate her away.

-k.m.

nobody could see me
trying to **** myself.
but i could.
every night i saw it.
i saw the various ways to
slit my throat, my wrist,
to tie a knot, maybe with a bow?
and kick my moms nice chair away?
maybe by drowning,
or jumping from a tall building?
so many ways... so many.
i still see those ways.
i still want to cut.
actually, ive craved the blade
for a few weeks now.
and yet, i havent made a single mark
up and down my arm.

whats stopping me?
i'll be honest: when i go back to school
i want to be able to show my teacher that
it'll be a whole month since ive cut.
thats a long time (for me) and i
really want to keep going.

i can save myself.
i know i can...
right?

there's a map beneath my skin
but the lines point in
all different directions
a slash for the boredom,
a couple for the chaos
follow it to where it splits
and tell me that it's okay
and i'm "just a little sick"
you won't lay in my bed
once you see what
it's like inside my head
so please just
don't wander in at all
cause i'm so *******
sick of helping you find
your way out

Im done thinking of all the possibilities that could make everything turn from beautiful to shattered.
My heavy heart that once beat so vibrantly is now so very vulnerable.
Vulnerable to the feelings I have pushed so far beneath my soul and terrified they would never reach the surface again.
Time and time again my heart has been shredded and torn so immensely that I wasn't sure it could feel that electric beat ever again.
The kind of beat that sends surges through your veins when your lips collide with somebody else's.
The kind of beat that leaves you breathless.
Then there’s you. So unbelievably beautiful, and you don’t even realize it.
You make me feel that beat again.  
I feel it when you kiss me.
All I want is for you to see yourself through my eyes.
All I want to do is to make you smile.
But underlying it all is how utterly terrified of my heart being shattered once more.
Im afraid of feeling something that is now so foreign to me.
I know I will never allow myself to feel again if I don't let my fears fly on wings of the past.
Just hold my hand, let me kiss you and we can paint the sky together.

It's a blessing and a shame
A title with no name
I really wasn't trying to play
And I really wasn't trying to stay.

We got more serious than I really thought we would
We talked every night, more than we really should
It made us feel like adolescents
Even when all these obstacles were present
Grew fat on conversations all the way from texas
And now I don't reply, your inbox's anorexic

Don't shed one more tear and let go of your fears
Enjoy every second, they quickly disappear
There's so much more to fulfill you with enjoyment
Life is so much sweeter, when you enjoy your every moment
I'm sorry that I hurt you, i can see you grieving
And there's nothing I can do, I just hope that you believe it  
Only thing I can do, is advice you to move forward.
I'll forever cherish the thought of you, I'm sorry this is over...