I see a path
of golden light in front of me;
gonna follow it
to where and who I'll be.
Deep inside of me
lies everything I'll need.

It's useless
Why keep going
It's a big mess
It's all unfolding

It's useless
I can't do this
Everything's gone to ****
Might as well quit

I know your wings are made of ash,
I know what we've become.
And if there was one thing I could take back,
It would be that night of love.

I know we said forever,
I know we wrote it down,
And if I was a little more clever,
Maybe I could drown that out.

But I'm not.
Never will be.
Loves gives you a lot,
Then steals it all and leaves.

Except for the flame that stays burning.
That's how your wings turned black.
Your heart was constantly turning,
And you ended up going back.

i still feel self hated’s foliage
wedge its way into the garden i am currently trying
to cultivate for myself.
and on most days,
it’s still hard for me to look in the mirror.
but despite how much i still think of dying
it is no longer myself I want to ****. it is the parts
that were trying to **** me.
i can barely remember your lips and
i completely forget how your voice sounds.
and that’s the tragedy i suppose,
once you forget the sound of somebody’s voice
you know that’s really when detachment
is finally setting in and making a home
underneath each and every one of your scars.
i still think it’s sad,
the way it all ended. how you can keep on
loving someone even though they’re long gone
from your each and every day.
i still want to call you, ask how you are.
but i don’t because i’m not that person anymore.
you don’t matter as much to me as you once did.
and i think that’s beautiful because it’s honest.
remember how much we hurt each other?
good. i hope you never forget.
remember how much we loved each other?
good. i hope you always remember.
some things will always be worth remembering.

I wish I was a lighter I
that touched the clouds as they rolled by
and on the wings of joy I'd fly
far into the bluest sky

I wish that I had held it strong
held it true as we went along
and when the night came I was brave
and fought the shadows from my cave

But I lost my heart one day
in your smile as you drove away
and madness then consumed my mind
I was wrong, I was blind

because in you hope I saw
false as every time before
and I tried to cage you like a bird
with writing out my pretty words

I wish I was as cold as snow
cooled beneath an arctic wind
with frozen blood that could not feel
and no need to make me heal

I wish that I could see the lies
wedged with wires in my mind
I was not yours and you weren't mine
We are angels of a different kind

I wish that I could fix this mess
my insanity made my deeds digress
because its hard to let go of someone I touched
who told me that she loved me much

If I could go and fix the past
and make it better, make it last
I would be my closest friend
a hero that won in the end

But time can't bend back to repair
it's sealed and done forever there
and we are all just broken clocks
chained within and sealed with locks

And you were just a passer by
on a break, saying hi
And I was looking for a missing piece
or maybe just some pain relief

I've been unfair and been unkind
you did not deserve to see my despair
but you responded with human care
I think somehow you understand

And I will be well in the end
as I always get up again
and I'll try to leave this emo ****
it's a bit of an embarrassment

Someone said I'm a so so writer and I'm not that good.
The words didn't offend me and I'm working at improving.
Here's the short list of what I'd like to do with and for you.
I embrace words most need to look up and love when you use them.
Sit back and read this poem I wrote and hope you like.

I'd like you to walk beside me enjoying the view from the pier.
I know you have difficulties walking without pain
so we take it slow and stop as much as you required.
I'd like to talk to you for hours using intelligent words.
I'd like to gift you long love poetry written on parchment paper.
I'd like you to write poetry for me using a King's English.
I LOVE it when you use words found in a thesaurus!
I like the way you make poetry writing easy breezy.
I'd like to get to know you better face to face and use our words.
I've heard you speak and I love hearing the sound of your voice.
I would love it if you called me and said you want to hear me breath.
I'd like you to write and sing a song just for me one day.  
I'd like to know your favorite perfume and gift it to you.
I'd like you to paint a portrait of me and I'd hang it on my wall.
I'd like to know what you do when you're off net.
I wont follow you around town to discover where you go.
I'd like to know your secrets if you wanted to share them.
I'd like to know your favorite foods and prepare them for you.
I read words and know you like being read to and would like to
read works by your favorite authors to you under a shade tree.
I'd like to build a time machine for you to go back in time
to before you lost trust and faith in all men not to hurt you.
I like your long poems and love we share a love of big and small words.
You could be the bird in the D.H. Lawrence poem called "Self-pity"
I like how you inspire me to keep writing poetry and to get better at it.