Every once in a while
I get this feeling
Like there's a tiger
In my chest
Clawing at my
Abdomen
Rib cages
Solar plexus
So abrasive
And it demands attention

It's like I stumbled into it
this flow
Climbing onto a roller coaster
Blind
Only noticing when you're
Upside down
That there is something calling
To set off
A bomb dying to drop

Ease is what to seek
And I search for
The closest good feeling....

It doesn't come to me

Searching relentlessly
I look at my thoughts
And nothing major
Seems to arise
Just a feeling that something
Inside of me is half alive

The pain lifts me a couple
Of inches above the ground
Frazzled by the electric currents
Pumping around

The ego waits for the shadow
To resolve this mess
Knowing the only solution
Is a break down moment
Where supposed behavior
Falls high from its tower
And crashes everything
I subconsciously strive
To prevent
This out of the vortex
Release
To give in to instinct

And in that action
I find what I need
The old cat is silenced
For the time being

Something bout a dead flower
Something bout the wind when
It picks up power
The guy I'm with
Has a tattoo
Of a green apple sour
On his hand
Twin butterflies floating
In the breeze
That's what Venice seems to me
Open mind, chilly seas
The guy I'm with he says to me
I want love for eternity
But he doesn't put off that energy
Hung up on his ex
Like the rose bud
On his neck
Flowering but stuck
He works at a tourist shop
On Venice beach boardwalk
Planning a neurotic escape to Vegas
Makin Ditching to the desert
Something bout a dead flower
Something bout the wind
When it picks up power
Chilly momentum
Out on the open sea
I want love for eternity

The lessons I'm learning now will be clear to me later.

The smell of matches
Light refracting off metal skyscrapers
the ego of the Bronx
bodies holding space
sending a message
everyone is watching;
paying attention
worshipping the sidewalk
redemption at the top of buildings
that is what keeps things moving,
the matter that is stagnant.
God is height and so is success.
Forget about the stars, the moon, the sun.
Rich men think they can buy friends.
Instead they buy temporary connections;
Pride and prestige.
The men play pride, the women play prejudice.
Women are chasing the dollar in a man's eyes,
are you going to pay my cab tonight?
I'll blow you for some blow.
Just at the end of the night, take me home.
I have work tomorrow.
*** every night.
Staying in Jersey City
with a bunch of cats
and I'm playing mice

I want him
to be mine
simple and unconventional
nothing the world hasn't heard before

I want him
but he says no

I want him
but in a drunken jealous rage
i slapped his face
i cursed his name
i hid in the shade

I want him
but he says no
its the wrong time
its the wrong place
I slapped his face I crossed the line
the past cannot be erased
I have scars he says
no space to be hurt again
I ask him,
where is the room for healing
where is the room for breathing?

I want him
but he says I want to be selfish

Well I want to be selfish
I want him to be mine

Paradise in Colorado
Cali bound 
While Iowa calls you to play
Some time passed
Then I saw your face
 In Sunny Miami 
You came to see me
High rises 
And air mattresses
Holding me in an empty room
I'm crying your sleeping the night through

Unleashing through my eyes 
Everything I'm not speaking 
Dreaming about the past 
You pushed me back

Shoulda let me
Now I'm gone
I've been waiting way too long
Committed to someone new
Words are stab wounds
Ya shoulda let me now I'm gone

****** advances
From alcoholic trances
 last minute you pull away
pass it up
Passed out drunk
Wake up to a red head 
Cuddled with you on your bed

Shoulda let me
Now I'm gone
I've been waiting way too long
Committed to someone new
Words are stab wounds
Ya shoulda let me now I'm gone

From everything I can gather
From what I've learned
From relationships
The bless of luck
The knot in your chest
You named covet
From the wheel
Turning fully
Brushing the bottom with your feet
Just when you think the ride is over
Love appears in the horizon
With the sun on it's back
Screaming lord have mercy
Because the worst thing in the world
To wish on anybody, essentially,
is trauma.
You don't have the privilege of carrying it,
Much less holding...
It wears you.
Like that purple long sleeve
You somehow never managed to lose
Through all your years wandering.
The worst action in the world is stagnation,
And from this I know hate means that you wish
Somebody or something never gets past that obstacle, that fear, breaking through that path to the next moment of what it means to be alive.
I don't need to hate you,
Stuck is what you have been
And it's where you are.
And I mutually write this
In its dysfunction,
Naked at no one
Staring out the blinds

We wore sport bras
And smoked out of an apple
She kept handing me the temptation
After every pull from her lips
Until I opened my eyes and desire
Was inside of me
******* the **** out of me
My first time with a girl
That lion made my head swirl
White Russians hitting on me harder
Than the bouncer outside
Pouring the drinks on the bar
As I watch her roam around
in pig tails and sweatpants
As she makes me wet
Still in love with her ex
But I'm determined to be next