Wah wa wa wa wa wa
Wah wa wa wa wa wa
Wah wa wa wa wa wa

I remember morning
Peeping through the curtains' awning
As I just lay there
With my gal just begging for it bare.

Every Texan city
Where I've dropped my pants
Ain't so ******* pretty
Without love and romance.

I'll ne'er forget Amarillo
Every night I'd grease her *****
I dream dreams of Amarillo
And the girl who ****** me there.

Is this the way to Amarillo?
Where I kissed an armadillo
Crying over her huge *****
And sweet Edna's ***** hair.

Wah wa wa wa wa wa
Wah wa wa wa wa wa
Wah wa wa wa wa wa
And the girl who ****** me there.

There's a church bell ringing
Welcoming the KY-gel I'm bringing
Though I may be poor
I'm the guy who's coming to do her.

Just beyond the highway
There's an open door
And I can't stop running
To **** that little *****.

I can't forget Amarillo
And Edna's mighty *****
I dream dreams of Amarillo
And the girl who ****** me there.

Which is the way to Amarillo?
I've been weeping on my pillow
Clutching to her huge great *****
And sweet Edna's public hair.

Wah wa wa wa wa wa
Wah wa wa wa wa wa
Wah wa wa wa wa wa
And sweet Edna's ***** hair

Wah wa wa wa wa wa
Wah wa wa wa wa wa
Wah wa wa wa wa wa
Lovely Edna's ***** hair

My dear old Granny,
How I shall miss her
What a tragedy.

She crossed over the road
To avoid walking under a ladder,
Being of a somewhat superstitous bent.

Thus she got squashed by a bus,
Like a plump ripe tomato
In spaghetti alla vongole.

So no more shall I have to suffer
Her slipping me the tongue
When I kiss her good night.

But the stench of her filthy farts
Will always remain with me
As will the cushion stains.

My sister boasted to me one night in a Liverpool pub
She had *** with a couple of coppers down the Mersey Tunnel.
'You're nothing bit a fat slapper' I scolded her,
As she examined the selfie I had taken
Just a few moments earlier of me
And her best friend up against the ladies' bog door.
"Good likeness, innit?" I commented and the
She farted stentoriously in surprise and,
The follow-through oozed down her dimpled thigh.

Night falls over Soho and, gazing into some cheap ****'s eyes
Over a candelit-chequered-food-stained tablecloth,
Beneath my belt an immense ******* lurks leakily,
The seams of my ****** soaked with bursting lust,
My groin twitching in desire for her wanton ****-flesh.

Streetlight shining through threadbare curtains
Glinting sexily over my hairy pounding buttocks;
My screamed roars of pleasure echoing
In the deepest depths of her tenth-rate mind;
Her poor brain collapsing in mighty mid-******.

Morning reveals a classy scene to chambermaid's gawp:
Spread-legged cold-as-chilled-salami ****,
Puny brainbox imploded like mashed bananas
By staggering rivulets of overpowering *******
Like a duck's entrails in an unwashed sink.

I'm proud of my father
Who fought in World War II
He helped save the world
And the red, white, and blue
He brought me up with sternness
Kindness and understanding
And now I see the rules he had
Were there for my good standing
He is an American, true and blue
Looking back when I was a teen
In the nineteen seventies
I rebelled against war
And fought for the causes
Which I believed would change the world
For the better, not the better off  
So, when my father put me down
I had to turn and look at him
And say the only reason that
I do these things is because
I am an American

We had a really fat bird in the morgue last week;
We had to put two tables together
Just to accommodate her bloated mass
And the funeral director said
She'd need a specially reinforced coffin
And a flatbed truck instead of a hearse.

By the way, I think I should debunk
That legend about fat chicks appreciating it more;
She just lay there, like all of the others,
No sign of gratitude what-so-*******-ever.

Stick your thumb
Up your ***.
When it's brown,
Pull it down.
Show it all
Around the town.