I mistook your smile for the moon
and like a sailor lost at sea
you became my North
I let you take me to the edge of the world
and as the clouds stole you from me
I unstitched my heart and used
the needle of my broken compass
to point me home again.

A suicide of words
falling from my lips
onto deaf ears
yet I suffocate,
as the emptiness resonates
silently dawn veils me
in her shimmering blues
her passion bruising my skin
she takes me from within.

Maybe every night
I cut myself
sleeping on the shards
of broken promises
you left on my bed.

If I could leave you with one last thing
it would be ‘thank you’
thank you for scrubbing off the blackened, charred skin
and helping me shine again.

You made me realise, truly realise
that I wasn’t the first person to feel hurt
and I certainly wouldn’t be the last
that I didn’t have a monopoly
on sorrow or pain
but…
you told me that if I ever did get hurt
you’d be there to kiss away the pain.

Thank you because you showed me it was ok to trust again.

I needed you then
with a passion
that overflowed crimson
painting my days
with a tender ache
and colouring my nights
with shades of your smile.

I needed you then,
I still need you now.

You live fearful
that every night
the ghosts you keep in your heart
may find their way out
and eat you from within,
so that as the dawn breaks
and crimson stains grey skies
you stare bleary eyed, into the mirror of your soul
and fail to see
the demon staring right back at you.

And I stand in the rain
thankful for the thunder
yearning for the lighting,
at least the skies
still wish to kiss me.

I implore your good self
would you walk away right now
before we go too far?

Before your whispers become tangled up in my sheets
and your heartbeat becomes the soundtrack of my dreams
because when you’re gone, my bed will feel like a tomb
where I sleep with your ghost
and your eyes will be all I see
like an after image of the sun when I close my eyes.

would you leave if I begged you to
would you walk away
and take your heart, your kiss, your smile
would you leave right now
because it’s already too late.

In perpetual darkness
as I sit in the wreckage
there’s nothing
to carry the sound
of my heart
as it shatters to pieces.

I see nothing
as I float aimlessly
in a debris of memories
made
of you and me.

Do you ever get that feeling
that you’re not sure
if you’re awake or dreaming?

Because in this emptiness
under a cloak of weariness,
you are the past
that I am tethered to
and I am the astronaut
endlessly searching for love
within the galaxies
that pool in your amber eyes
thru a sea of asteroids
I’m hoping against hope
that you will find me first.

Thoughts of you are in my head
Playing loud and on repeat
Like a stereo I can’t turn off
From the dark into the light
Your kiss is the salve for my broken lips
Maybe I should learn the hymns
To worship at the church of your curves.

I am lost and weary
a wandering ghost
with vacant eyes
a drunken silhouette
dancing with shadows
in an endless night
whirling in a pool
drowning in the memory
of your crushing kiss.

“You came onto me”
“You sought me out”
“You spoke to me first”
I tell myself in my dark hours
Did that make you feel like you owned me?
As if I was a toy
and you were the boy
who ‘choose’ me
Something with a shelf life
Something that was useful
as long as I held your interest
Maybe I bolstered your interest
by being so devoted to you
It sounds so cliche, so predictable,
… so pathetic
But isn’t any relationship
Isn’t it about give and take
I was the one sided coin
loving you more …
wanted you more …
needing you more …
Maybe I made you feel I was dispensable
Could it be my fault
Or maybe I just made you feel you were indispensable
And when your fancy, inevitably, petered off
When something shinier caught your eye
I was left, discarded
to collect dust
Without a final goodbye
I told you:
I would never be a number two
I would never be a ***** little secret
I would never tolerate it
It was an ultimatum, and
you called my bluff
So good luck, go have your fun
Goodbye my sweet, I’ve had enough.