I love the ways you look at me
and I've still got eyes to see
but know that when you try to hold me
I'm only a shadow of what use to be

I'm grateful that you see a man
when you watch me standing across a room
but know that when you reach to take my hand
that I'm just a shell where a soul's entombed

I'm not a living, breathing body
with a heart heaving rich, red blood
I'm not person, not a timeline, I'm just a coat worn shoddy
not able to offer you warmth in the rising flood

I want so much to never read
the last page in our story
to never fear the words unsaid
or to wear the crown without it's glory

but the price of days I walked as king without sorrow
was agreed upon before I knew you
the cost of the kingdom then, was my every tomorrow
and my smile painted on this carcass shows that truth

I borrowed time I can never repay
I convinced myself I stole what could only be given
I thought that I could charm luck to stay
but in the end my palace built, proved only a prison

gold won't stop a hungry stomach aching
dollar bills can't buy a promise kept
diamonds will never keep the dam from breaking
after all your tears for my absence have been wept

I'm not a man, not a person, not a creature whole
I lived those days, I held those true riches
now I can only pay that journey's toll
in bearing the weight of the living's bridges

I died somewhere in a battle I lost
but my ghost just went on fighting
I never felt my spirit cross
until I saw myself bleed the ink my story was writing

all I have to offer now is a smile when you look
all I can be is a mannequin frozen
a scrapbook page of what the teachers took
just an effigy, just a map of paths once chosen

I love the ways you look at me
and I fear the day you see straight through
the shadow that looks like the man you could love
because a shadow can never reach arms out to hold you

These routines are seeming endless. the fences round my mind are slowly growing ever-more defenseless. Where these thoughts are boldly mentioned I feel lost of all intention. An abundant sea of words and verbs to satisfy my senses. Where feelings return from the grave and reach for peaceful vengeance.


Through these written cryptic lines, i hope you seek to glean a meaning that revives a thought you thought benign, or an emotion you had lost and forgotten you could find. Compassion does elude us, and inaction makes delusions till we’re rejecting whats been proven, in a life rejecting movement.

I send my soul out
In search of you
upon on the wind.

I know our moment
Is close.

I sense you in the air
I feel you on my skin
these earthly things
Are of not our love
Immortal.

Let the glorious day come
When we cast off
the weight of these skins
These anchors of bone and flesh
to find each other;

Where for that small
Space in between
We are one light Immortal
unsepreated by cruel birth
And unmoved stars.

a breath, a beat;
a moment.
upon the breeze
whispers in
remembrance
of our worlds in between
love  spaces.

A girl is breathing heavily, her red nose
indicates ones feelings like those you stumble
upon walking, strolling through the city,
scarf wearing, caught the flu, and leaf

staring, sky as moist as cloudy cushions
taking the blow, thinking about the smell of
newly bought to read, freshly printed and well
proudly he speaks of his belongings left, to part

the route we walked on repeat. The lass is
helpless, less selfassured than before, as if
she messed things up. she wore her dress for,
I guess, a guy who tore her being apart, the best

possible part of a girl, her being, vulnerable, stirred
by my attempt and try and suddenly forgot to cry.

The old blue box filled to the brim
With bandages, Advil, and what my dad used to call "magic healing lotion"
So that we would feel special when putting it on
After falling down
From the monkey bars on the playground across the street
Or that first time I fell off of my bike

Now my pain is more than skin deep
Not a simple dab of magic healing lotion and a Spider-Man bandaid
Will help stop the blood dripping from my wrists

The old blue box filled to the brim
With bandages, Advil, and what my dad used to call "magic healing lotion"
Now sits on the top shelf of the closet
Collecting dust

My demons
From the shadows
Are a limitless power
That overtowers
Sanity in its weakest form
That I used to welcome
Until I left them

So listen here
Sinister and Fear
You don't own me
You can't ruin me

I won't let you take me back
I won't let you increase the lack
Of love that I am able to give
This is my life, that I will still live

So ******* and your prescriptions
Plus your clinics that once held me
I can make it through
This month or two
Before insanity
Overtakes me

I cannot  ignore you
I know you are there
Waiting in the shadows
Preparing your dark lair
You can torture my thoughts
And try and scrape through my skin
But you won't take the will I have left
This time I will win

I think you're the sea.
Your blue plaid shirt the waters and
My red plaid jacket the sunset,
Our hands are oars,
Yours tracing my fingertips-
My skin-
Arms, legs, and stomach,
Sending shivers down my spine,
Exploring my body like a ship
Sailing out into the horizon.

I hear your heart,
It beats in time with the tide,
Your breath a sweet ocean breeze
As it tousles my hair,
And I'm hyper aware of how
Deep your eyes are.
Not blue,
But brown like the ground of
The earth underneath the water.

Our kisses are dives,
Striving to reach the
Sunken treasure at the bottom
Of your ocean,
Of my ocean,
The pieces are scattered but
We'll find them and
Piece it back together.
Our hands intertwine to
Lock the chest but
I find I drown in your stare

Because seas are violent.
I'd forgotten that, but the thought
Seizes my mind as your waters
Grip my throat and I
Gasp for air but I find I can't
See anymore.

Your hands are cold against my body,
Like the tide of your heart casting me out
Onto the shore,
Naked and sure of indifference
Your breath a typhoon of ice
Hurled perfectly at my chest-
You used this sunset and
Left a storm in my eyes.
Painted a picture of sincerity but
Blue is the color of clarity and
Mine won't forget your
Murderous waves or
Mischievous ways and

Through you I've come to know
Some people aren't that lucky-
We cry alone.
Throw a rock, aim right at our chest,
Our hearts are stone.
We suffer in silence. And
If I could catch all the tears I've cried in a pitcher,
I would rain them down,
Drown a river in my sorrow.
Drown my sorrow in a river?
What's the difference? Life is only borrowed, anyways.