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he told too many lies
that man of mine
he lied and lied
all the time

he said he loved me
and that he'd be true
but he was out last night
fraternizing with Sue

he told too many lies
that man of mine
he lied and lied
all the time

he thought he wouldn't get caught
out with his latest escort
but he didn't figure
that I'd have him tailed

he told too many lies
that man of mine
he lied and lied
all the time

they were making
a secret meeting
he was kissing  her
with a passionate greeting

he told too many lies
that man of mine
he lied and lied
all the time

I gave him the mail
I told him to vacate
I wasn't going to tolerate
a sundering mate

he told too many lies
that man of mine
he lied and lied
all the time
 Dec 2013 drunkonthoughts
Elise
darling
please come inside
I've never seen it with my own two eyes
but I can imagine you igniting your addiction with a flick
inhaling the smoke
are you trying to start a fire in the bottom of your lungs?
or keep one burning?
I might ask you one day
when you're looking up at the sky
memorizing the constellations once more
you may close your eyes then
are you trying to create a universe between your rib bones?
penciling in stars like letters
writing a book of
expanding//contracting
beginning//ending
with each breath
starting the same way it finishes
until the point of collapse

darling
please come inside
it's so cold
your veins may freeze
is your addiction keeping you alive?
or is it killing you from the inside?
it took a part of me once
your addiction was once another's
it left with him
and took a piece of me with it
I've never been the same
and I'm getting tired of looking at hospital walls
but I can't tell you that
I've seen the inferno behind your eyes
that you're so desperately keeping alive
so I simply say
"hurry back"
instead of

"darling,
please come inside"
"I admire addicts. In a world where everybody is waiting for some blind, random disaster or some sudden disease, the addict has the comfort of knowing what will most likely wait for him down the road. He’s taken some control over his ultimate fate, and his addiction keeps the cause of his death from being a total surprise."
—Chuck Palahniuk, Choke
remember: this is a poem, not a reason
I deactivated my Facebook
Deactivated is such a strange word
More like I left because I was tired of seeing
Every one talking to one another

Every one discussing weekend plans
Of past, present, and soon to come
Of their fun family trips
And I'm sitting here

Lonely and uninvited
Crying my eyes out
Wishing for a friend
Hoping to be liked

Jealous? Definitely.
My two best friends don't talk
To me, but they talk to their
Facebook walls and other people

They hang out with others
Others but me
I'm not saying they can't have
Their own set of friends

I just feel cheated because
Whenever they need me I try to
Always show up and
Pat their backs and wipe tears

But in a time where I need
My friends the most
They've vanished for what seems like forever
Abandoned me

I just don't want to be alone
Can't be alone
When I am suicide pops up
And the cutting starts again

So please friends don't
Leave me alone
 Dec 2013 drunkonthoughts
silent
angry is an easy emotion
it's easy to feel
easy to describe
easy to tame.
aggravation is an easy emotion
easy to feel
easy to describe
easy to tame.
annoyance is an easy emotion
easy to feel
easy to describe
easy to tame.
it's sadness that's the hardest
it's not easy to feel
when bed seems like the only place you're accepted
or when the simple task of breathing is daunting
how could that be easy?
it's not easy to describe
how do you tell someone you're dying inside
when you've been laughing all day?
how do you tell someone the sobs that attack your body
during the darkness & silence of the night?
how could it be easy to describe?
it's not easy to tame
how do you overcome the yearning for sleep? for death?
how do you overcome the blanket of numb that threatens everything
whether it be your movements or your process of thought?
how do you overcome something with so much influence?
how could it be easy to overcome?
I wish I could write happy endings but its not over till my heart stops and buried in the ground
I enjoy those pleasant moments but they are quickly ended by deceit
Learning to trust is hard after years of betrayal
Im happier than most I worked with what I have
others are blessed given everything and its not enough
Ive been told im great and deserve more respect
I keep giving even when things go wrong
Keep busy I dont like to sit around thinking how to make things right if it was meant to be things would still be going on
 Dec 2013 drunkonthoughts
Jessie
There was once a boy who almost drowned
inside his own self pity and doubt.
But if you could ever get him to smile,
he would sit in his car and whistle a while.
He whistled Coldplay, he whistled Muse,
he whistled notes only birds could use.
He whistled the sweetest, saddest songs,
that made you wish you could sing along.
There was a time that came one day
when I sent that whistling boy away.
He almost drowned, but then he was saved
by the only girl that made him cave.
So when he came back, there I met him,
there, in his car, with the lights all dim.
And there he played his Muse and Coldplay
And there he whistled until the end of his days.
It reminded me of how life should be,
a sweet and complicated melody.
He taught me to whistle, the best gift of all
a gift I can always quickly recall.
I realized then that we'd always be friends,
until he whistled no more at the end.
But for now, we'll sit and whistle a while,
I'll do my best to get him to smile.
I look forward to when I see him soon,
so he can whistle to me life's beautiful tune.
 Dec 2013 drunkonthoughts
Love
I want you in my arms,
I want a kiss,
This New Years Eve,
Under the mistletoe,
With you.
It was ten hours in when I opened my eyes to watch Christmas begin,
Santa had been with presents galore
he had come down the chimney
and not in through the door.

And it was fun being there watching as Santa and sleigh flew here and away,
It was Christmas
I knew it would come.
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