More and more people each day give up on trying to be happy
It has become a tedious chore that many no longer want to do
It was something you would add to your to-do list for the day
"Be happy," it reads
And each morning you wake with coffee too hot to drink
And a vague memory of last night's lust toward sadness
It will baffle you how morning is not that much different
The sun is out, it is a brighter landscape but your body is still in the closet darkness
Eyes that narrow at any source of light
It was never like this before
And, as every morning, you think back to that feeling
Where happiness would sweep over you and you did not have to look for it
Before "Be happy," was written
On a list

It's like playing with fire
It's like deep-sea diving
It's like playing in a hailstorm
It’s like sticking your hand out the window
Going 80 miles an hour down the highway
It's like climbing on the roof
It's like looking at the sun
It's like being blindfolded
It is such a rush
No matter how careful you are
You're in the dangerous situation
So it would only take away from the fun
It is never taking for cover,
Never backing out,
No limits, no escape plans
It is standing in the middle of it all
Realizing the risk
But never moving out of the way
That is what being with him
Is like

Intoxication is so bitter-sweet
Blood slipping out of its form
Inundating in alcohol
And there is something so sweet about swimming in the thin liquor
But something so bitter
In the fear of drowning

every person has their flaws
and with those we fall in love
theirs seem to disappear along with
the past times
and every wrong thing
diminishes, but
today I discovered that just because
I could not see your fault
**does not mean it is not there

Imagine if the sky were always orange and red
If it was a flaming sunset all the time
If the cloud's silver linings resembled halos
I think this the reoccurrence of beautiful things turning ordinary
I think this is the end of what once was a beginning
You see we often take things for granted
Things that do not last forever
I say to myself that nothing lasts forever often
I look at you and there is the picture frame understanding
You are a sunset I sometimes forget to step outside and see
Paint you on my walls to be a reminder of beauty
I often wonder if the sky were always orange and red
If it was a flaming sunset at all time
In the clouds silver linings resembled halos
I suppose if that were to be the case at hand
Then we may marvel and take pictures of the sky when it was blue

Your smile will be a sunset shouting, declaring that mountain tops are not the most beautiful place on earth because you have always believed that was a setting saved for loving someone
Your fingertips will be magic wands casting spells on bodies who ache for illusion her hips are the trap door that I never saw coming
Your heart will be a speeding ticket, gaining on cupid as he races away with the one thing you swore you would never let go of
Your knees will be an earthquake, shaking under the sound of her breathing, bearing witness to each tendon imitating downfall
Your eyes will become testaments of the strength we never learned how to use the right way, an open drawer of instructions to someone who didn't know how to read
Your love for her will grow like wildfire, falling trees, building stairwells up past all of the smoke, you will find it hard to inhale something not seeking to **** you
Your mouth will be filled with words that have become stale from the overuse of them, you will tell her what she wants to hear
And she will always listen

This is an indispensable love that has tied itself to me
Handcuffed my tired wrists to its strong pull
It is luring me in and I am trying to convince myself
Maybe I can walk away from this before it is too late
Before I am completely bound
Before this small cuff turns into chains
Love does not let you see it adding more custody
You will not realize the urgency until you cannot move
And I feel as though, maybe looking at you too long
Can cause a ******* that I will never escape from
And I am not sure if I am ready to be bound to you
While you are still bound to her

I dreamt a slow river wrapped its arms around a mountain and you smiled at me for breakfast
Still, I can feel the warmth of your ambience slipping under my skin
As the sugar in your smile gets washed over by the sea
I am sipping coffee and sitting in awe of how you manage to be so brilliant
I want to live happily in a world I don't understand with you by my side to help me decipher it
When you are miles away you are more present than anything else next to me
I've read that wherever the road takes you depends on whose hand your holding and what music you are playing and you just happen to be my favorite song
This is the part of the story where we love without hesitation, without doubt
Here and now has never been more important
Coming home to you is the 8th wonder and I strive to see that kind of phenomena everyday
You are the story I'll read every time it's raining and I forgive you for whatever you'll do to me tomorrow
Love is simple when you don’t think about it too much, it's the little things all in all
It's breakfast on Sundays when it’s cold outside and he looks like the sunrise
It's walking in the fall with leaves watching you and he smells like hazelnut
It's the miracle of waking up next to him every day and cooking him breakfast, nothing more than that

I sit in a chair we once sat in together gripping the last pieces of our love in the palm of my hand
We slipped away like leaves on the side of the road
Too many others were flying past, pushing us into oblivion
We sat almost too calmly, rewriting the next chapters
Whiting them all out like mistakes we loved making
Starting on a new page would take away the memories
We brushed away the words like ashes that fell into our laps,
like spilled white whine
We did not believe the words
until we felt the dampness seeping into our jeans
I will never forget you
One thing is for sure, that even though one day I will be happy again and carefree and no longer crying over you
I will always remember your laugh
The way it slipped out, the way you lit up
I will always remember your eyes
The way they lit up like the stars we used to gaze at together
The way they smiled,
And the way they cried
I will always remember the way you held me like losing me was not an option
I am sorry that it crept in anyways
I sit in this chair, holding on to these pieces like you used to hold onto me, I am afraid that it is time to let these go too

After it all
I can really only think of one thing
You didn't fight for me
You said that there was nothing left for you to say to me
You didn't fight
You laid down your weapon
And watching me walk away
I would have preferred a bullet in my back
Than something as tragic as pain
With no wound to show for it

As I sit here, letting my tears race to the bottom of my chin, down my neck, swept up by my cold, shaking fingers
I sit here and wonder if this pain is sitting with you too
Are enveloped in a state of regret and guilt?
Do you feel anything at all?
There is a constant, reoccurring thought
"I am the one who did this to us"
I forget to brush away the flooding salt water from my eyes, noticing they have reached my collar
They sit there, slowing evaporating
The others escaping from my eyes making new traces on my cheeks
Before you, I would have held my breath and suffocated, choking on these shining crystals of pure sadness before I would ever let them plumage down my face
You opened up a doorway that I cannot shut on my own, not that you would ever help me anyways
This is the only language I speak to you
This silent language of grief
I am fluent in these words, distracting me from every other beautiful thing in my life
I hate you for pushing them out of the spotlight so that you could shine in their place, only in a dimmer form
Almost translucent
You are a cheap magic trick
Walking out of a trap door that I never noticed
Because I was too drawn to you
And I find myself sitting here, hating myself for it

I have finally brought myself to smile
Even if it is only in a numb form
Intoxicated, high, anything to get you out
And I only hope now that you are still reading my poems
I hope that you see what is behind these drawn shades
I hope that you can almost hear me weeping
I hope that you do not call me
Because I don't want your sympathy
I don't want you to feel bad for me and call me
Only because you don't want me to feel this way
I hope, if you ever do, that you call me
Out of sincere curiosity to how I've been doing
Acting as if you don't already know
Sitting with one hand grasping your cell phone
And the other, scrolling through my poetry page
And I will tell you "I'm making it"
That's all I can say, if you want me to be honest
Because I am
Sure, it's hard and each day it feels like a rubber band
I am pulling myself away, hoping that it will shoot me back to you before it snaps
But I am making it, none the less
Tonight, I will probably go and get drunk
Erasing you from my mind for a few hours
And I ******* hope you call me while I am intoxicated
So that I can answer and smile
Really smile, not because you called me, but because when you did, I didn't have to worry about anything
You are just another contact in my phone
And one day, that is all you will be
Drunk or sober
You will just be another person who calls

Who knows if it’s easier to breathe through your mouth or through your nose
Through the nose I smell your sweet scent
I can memorize the sweet, trace my fingers through the depths of your collar bones
Follow your heartbeat with the tapping of my fingers on your chest
Through the mouth I can breathe you in
Your kiss is more intoxicating than any liquor I've ever remembered tasting
I find myself craving you in moments where I know you won't be there
Who knows if it's easier to breathe through your mouth or through your nose
With you, it does not matter
Not that it ever really did

pastel drawings hanging on faded floral wallpaper in broken picture frames
this used to be a lovely scene before you left with
all of your secrets and lies swept under the carpet
these floorboards hold more skeletons underneath them than you could even count
I ask myself often how it was so easy for you to walk out
you didn't even lace up your shoes or
straighten up your hair
but before you try to step back into my life
don't forget to wipe your shoes on the doormat
for only God knows where those soles have taken you
muddy puddles, cracked concrete, and graveyard grass
but darling, one more thing
while you're out there on your own
be careful not to trust so fast
for I have more places to go in a game of hide-and-seek
more places that you never knew existed

I will call you up drunk
Declaring my mistaken disposition
Pulling your skin between my lips
like a cheap cigarette
Igniting your spirit
Watching you dance in the smoke
But eventually throwing you out
Because even fire does not last forever
Though it may keep us warm for a short time
It will always burn out

I am fascinated by candles
I am enticed by how such a small flame
can bring so much light to a room
My father used to always tell me
that no matter how the small the light may be
it is still stronger than the darkness
This is how I want my life to be
A candle can light a small closet
but can also bring enough light to
so much light a whole room

I don't mean to care
but I don't want to not
and my indecisiveness
is the alter ego
that is going to end up
ruining me

I am not easy with my words
I do not think, do not ponder, do not wait 5 seconds
I speak
I speak bitterness and enmity
The words flow out of me like blocks of cement
Like cannons, like bullets
Leaving wounds, leaving blood
I have found I am a lot like a body of water
The ocean for example is beautiful looking at it from the shore
But the farther down you go the darker and more grisly it gets
Or perhaps I am like a river
The problem with rivers is they look calm on the surface but underneath they're unpredictable, full of chaos and this is like most people
This is how nature proves visible in seemingly miniscule aspects of our lives
This is how nature destroys itself
This is how we dig our own graves
This is where the story is not so sweet anymore
There is a time and place for everything
There are words for each situations
Ones that fit the puzzle just right, leaving just enough space for comfort
I do not know these places, I do not know these words
I only know cement

As a smile slips across your face I dance at the thought of someone like you loving me
Here's to all the hours I've spent picturing your cheek bones
To the days where you were the only medicine to cure this disease growing inside of me
Here's to the good times, to the smoke breaks, to the drunken dances in the kitchen
Here's to the vacuous words that made us bleed and to the gentle phrases that drew us forward
Here's to the boy with the green eyes on some days, to the boy with the blue eyes on other days
Here's to the early mornings and late nights
Here's to all the wonder you bring to the table
Being with you feels a lot like being a part of something or like belonging to something much bigger than myself
Being with you feels like falling asleep and waking up in the middle of the night knowing you have a few more hours till you've got to wake up
Or like opening a new book with fresh pages
Being with you feels like getting to know the side of me I never knew I had
Or like finding something that has been lost for years
And I understand love is not always easy in fact sometimes it is not fun at all but it lays and smolders at the core of all human happiness
Life can be as cruel as it is beautiful
Love isn't always magic sometimes it's just how they look at you in the mornings

you're right there
right in front of me
not even 3 feet away
although you and I are
miles and miles apart
my heart is on my sleeve
& yours is tucked away
in your blue jeans
each second crawled by
still I lost count
I tried to listen to your words
but all I could hear was myself
getting choked up
trying not to stare at you
was like trying to avoid
a flaming sunset on one of the
last days of your life
trying to forget you was like
trying to forget my own name
it's engraved into my mind
it's glued to the walls of my heart
my arms constantly crave to in yours
how can I avoid your smile
when it's the only thing I love
in the **world

You are as beautiful as
flowers in the rain,
a sunset setting fire to the sky,
fall leaves,
snow on trees,
You are so beautiful and you don't even know it

The subway stairs will trip you up, make you slip, make you fall
They will hold you hostage, hold you close
Brush against their hand rails, let the feeling of other hands rub off on your palms
Sweat will gather on your back as you walk further down
It is too cold out and too hot down
Body heat radiates off of children and their mothers
You feel the gust of wind hit your body like a preachers knees hitting the floor
When the subway arrives, it is submitting to the sound of its breaks
It is telling you to stop where you are and fall into me
The doors open wide
They remind you of your mothers open arms
You step inside checking to see if you are going in the right direction
It never hurts to look twice
The subway trains will trip you up, break you down, make you weak
You will look and see quiet people, there are far too little people laughing
You wonder if it is the cold weather
You wonder if it would be better if it weren't so cold out

You
The 10 letter name that never leaves my mind
I keep you trapped inside my head like a little kid
traps a caterpillar in the palm of their hands
You were the missing piece to my puzzle
That one that let you know exactly what you were looking at
You made my picture beautiful
Illuminating each edge, filling each blank crescent with color
and I was in love with the colors of your rainbow
I fell in love with you a lot faster than I'd expected
I memorized each curve, each insecurity, I loved
The way your eyes squint when you smile
How you never fail to look at the ground when you're laughing
As if you're trying to hide something
The way you say her name
Your precise tone and articulation
Sometimes I like to talk about you
like you're the one that got away
sort of like you're on a trip somewhere and you're coming back
I'm sorry I have not forgotten how to see you as beautiful
I still have your paintings hanging on my wall
and I have not yet brought myself to taking them down
But when I do, I'll return them to you
just as you gave them to me
maybe she needs a little color of yours too

Anyone who has ever been in love has gotten a taste of what it feels like to be completely mad
The things you will do, how far you will travel has no limits
Love does not care about your boundaries
It will push them until you begin to doubt why they were ever there in the first place
The hurricane that they put in you will get so bad
Blowing away any inch of sanity you once thought you had
Love never played a fair game
Cupid does not feel bad for the unrequited lovers
He is the menace that puts them there
Loving you is like breathing with broken ribs and punctured lungs but enduring because it is the only way you will make it out alive
I know that this will eventually **** me
But I wouldn't mind dying with your hands around my neck
Because at least I will leave the world looking at the one I love
Even if they do not love me

Come What May
I will always leave an open room for you
In the depths of my soul's hotel
The 'No Vacancy' sign will never be lit
I will always leave a room open for you
No matter how many come to my door
Come What May
The gesture of open hands will never grow old
I will not let you slip through them again
If you ever do decide to make your home in these palms
Come What May
My mind will grow weary and footsteps be miscalculated
I will soon grow unsure if I am walking towards you or away
I know that this is madness but
Perhaps there is nothing wrong with a little self-destruction
Come What May
Your smile will always be a masterpiece,
Forever painted on these walls
No other artist but God
I wonder how steady his hands were on the day he made you
Come What May
I will never bring myself to wash off the kisses you left on my collarbones
I will not tell you how I feel because you will only remind me of her
I cannot bear to hear another audible proclamation of her name
Come What May
If you must know, I do still love you
But I wish you the best and that you be happy
Despite the amount of pain it inflicts on me
Come What May
I know that if you are doing well
I will do my best to do the same

Congratulations
You went to church
but did you pay attention?
or were you focused more on bright screams
Congratulations
You read your bible
but when do you plan on listening to it
Congratulations
You're going to an outreach on Saturday
but what did you do Friday night?
Congratulations
You're a Christian
You are adding onto the stereotype of
Fake Christians
Stop telling people to not be lukewarm and
To live for God full out
When You Yourself
**Are the problem

I need to be kissed by someone who knows how. A kiss even softer than the hands that moved the strap off her shoulder. I will not say no to your hands. There is an unconditional longing for the luring ******* of love. Affections bats it’s eyes and a pulse of electricity climbs up your spine. Sleep in me, around me, with me. We are all museums of longings. We each have gardens growing in our chest, all of us waiting for the rain to teach us how to love. Like we once waited in the living rooms for our fathers to teach us how to dance. Like waiting for a book to mysteriously fall off the shelf as we pass by in hopes that there is another world out there where there is no small talk. We hope that they are real. We would like to miss them. Some people are like a long walk home and I like to think of myself this way. Some days I feel like smoke leaving a flame or a rooftop standing under a full moon. There are days I am sure that I am sailing in full wind and others where I am more of a loose string hanging from your jacket. Sometimes I feel things so strongly and in these times I wonder if it is possible to think someone into existence. Suddenly, I feel the night shaking it’s head and perhaps it is time to get some rest. I could wander through my own mind forever but it is, in fact, the most tiring thing I find myself actively doing on a daily basis.

I was never good at coping with severe pain
I only magnified the existence of it
My heart pounded into my chest like a plane crashing into a building
You will never get used to someone not loving you
Of course, we say it will get better and that you will feel renewed, refreshed once you finally move on, they promise that it will be okay
But how am I supposed to trust these people that never knew you
I've tried to let go, to throw away the things at the bottom of the box
To burn and let the ashes dance in the wind off to some better place
But each and every time I spark the lighter, I end up burning myself
Instead

I do not know if I can bear to hear you say
That you do not love me
the weight of each word alone
would crack my bones in half
In a new way I am not sure I understand
Each time you speak
there is a text underneath your words that scream
I do not love you like that
and a hole in my chest forms each time
Each time we embrace
It feels as if you are trying to erase a mistake on my back
All the things I needed for you to say
were never said
and I am not sure if they ever will be

Each and every time someone warns me about you
My heart tends to crave you just a little bit more
Each and every time

Daydreams have become common occurrences
I am sitting in the driver's seat of my car at a red light when suddenly
A vision of him sitting on his front steps, long legs stretched out and crossed casually at the ankles
Eyes bright and watchful, still piercing even from a distance
His smooth complexion, a reflection of his mother's
He smiled, gentle like a child, playful, toying with my mind like a cat with a ball
He was so beautiful and he didn’t even know it but I did
Snap out of it
I am lying in bed, sheets tucked at my sides, head resting on the edge of my pillow
I look to my left to see an vacant resting place and suddenly
A recurring thought of him there like he once was
Hands tucked just beneath his cheeks
Spread out, stretched wide like a trampoline
I could feel the warmth of his body radiating towards mine
Opening up, chest full while vibrations of giggling humming, rising to the ceiling like steam
The sound reverberated to my ears as if he really were here
Close, next to me curled up like it used to be
Snap out of it
I am in a coffee shot, fumbling through sheets of paper
Scribbling words I won't remember, finished up work I should have done hours ago
I glance up at the empty chair across from me
Suddenly he is there
Laptop open, hiding the writing on his shirt
I could see his collarbones peeking through
He would sigh and look down, grinning
My feet propped under the table onto his thigh
He told me I was distracting him, trying to be quiet about it
Whispering loudly, stop it while laughing through his teeth
Snap out of it
I can't snap out of it
I can't stop the recurring thoughts of you
I had taken you everywhere I love to go and it is hard to find new places in such a small city
I have had to find new music, listen to the scraps of songs I loved years ago before I had known you
Still the lyrics somehow bring me back to you
I can never escape, I am locked in a holding cell and I fear this will be a life sentence
I will tell my children about the boy who convinced me life was all about loving
And then who later made me feel so absent of air
I swallowed the guilt and it weighed down my stomach like a rock
I questioned if I'd tried hard enough
If I had done a little bit more, pushed the boundaries, exposed myself
Stripped down of righteous cause and let you see
I was so in love with you
I still am
Daydreams have become common occurrences
Each one, a little worse than before

Days like today make me reminisce
On the times where everything was simpler
When boys were only like bees that we chased on the playground
Not the sweet honey that we now crave, risking the sting for the little bit of sweetness that never lasts too long
The times when lunch was a sandwich and juice instead of cigarettes and cheap ***** that doesn't even burn going down anymore because you are so numb
I have been thinking about the days before these
When the world revolved around being happy instead of the constant stress of trying not to feel anything anymore
I still dream of the days when I did not love you
Days when you were not my constant thought
Days when I could go about my day and not worry about you at all
Days unlike today

I hate the idea of death
That someone is here for one moment
with no idea
with no suspicion
Just living like they always have
And then their gone
with every dream
with every goal
All of it goes with them

Sitting in a crowded restaurant with a table too far to put your elbows on and you wonder if this is how it feels to be well mannered
He smiles, innocent and pure, deceiving your naïve mind
"We've grown apart, it's been months and I still can't sleep, how did you do it so fast?"
He parts his lips like he is going to say something but pauses almost as if it is a death sentence he does not want to give. A pounding on a gavel, a mother gasps in a courtroom, handcuffs fitting too tight.
He says, "Part of growing up is picking and choosing your battles and you just aren't one I want to fight anymore."

I have noticed that you only pay attention to me on the days that she pays none to you
On the days when you are craving affection from anyone who will deliver it to you in the worst way
When she cannot follow through with the promises she tells you on the nights that she feels like it
I hate myself for still loving you on the same days that she does
The days where you are glued to her side simply because she will let you
You told me, "You are everything I want in a girl, but I still love someone else"
I am learning that even though I may love on the same day she chooses to, I will not succumb to your beckoning call anymore
I know that I am only mimicking you answering to her
I am working on getting strong enough to press decline
So the next time you call me, I will pick up the phone
Hold it in my hand, feel the humming vibration reverberate throughout my body, down my spine
I will let it go to voicemail
Because there is no use in letting someone drink the rest of your water
When they are on the brink of dying from dehydration anyways

Do not tell me to calm down
When you do not know
Of the demons inside of my head

My arms are wide
Capturing fire as the wind blows
When I am with you I feel as if I can take flight at any moment
And I am still unsure if it is because you lift me up
to where I can smell the clouds
Or if you are about to push me
Over the edge

I think we all imagine our lives
to look just like the pictures
we painted in our minds as children
because at that point we have not yet come
to the realization that life is a roll of the dice
you can not choose
you can only guess

I carry the weight of your smile
like it is someone else's baggage that I am planning to steal
Something so desirable that I can not obtain on my own
I look in the direction you are in and I am being told
by the voice in the back of my mind
(that most of the time knows what it's talking about)
and it tells me not to stare
but how can I not
when something as beautiful as you
is in my sight of vision

My bones are hollow like a baby birds
I cannot hold much weight on my shoulders
Due to the burdens that have already made their homes there
When I see you my bones shudder
Sidewalks shivering inferior to an earthquake
Trees shaking in the midst of your hurricane
Your presence alone in the same room as me
Turns my once still body to a constant tremble
I do not want you to leave
But I do not want to perish either

Do not confuse hands for a safety net
You will trust that the fun is worth the fall
Will trust that the holes are small enough to still catch you
Will trust that you won't slip right through them
Will trust that it is a sturdy landing to sink into
Will trust that they love you just as much as you love them
But despite everything that will decieve you
Despite the amount of confidence you have in someone who looks so sweet do not mistake the first bite for the bitter aftertaste that follows
Do not confuse hands for a safety net
Because they are not
They are only hands

Throughout your life you will experience love in some form
Maybe in a one night stand, maybe in a relationship, maybe in an unrequited form
Whatever way it may be, you will experience it
Some people think that a significant other is all there is to life
Thinking that you need someone to complete you is the easiest way to get broken
You will experience heart ache and somber
There will be days where you feel as if staying in bed is the same thing as staying alive
You will learn to never take a risk and never look down
You will learn to succumb to your pillow instead of going out with friends
You will learn that love is not a road easily traveled
You will forget that there is actually some light in this seemingly dark room
Yes, love is burdensome and tiring and it will only wear out your legs causing your knees to weaken at the sound of their name
But do not make that the reason you give up because strained legs that have shuffled over a burning bridge are so much better than those who have never experienced running

Whatever you do, don’t let your love go unspoken
It will be scary and your knees will quiver
Your hands will shake but this is what it feels like to be alive
To really feel something for someone
Do not miss an opportunity because you cannot bear the idea of your palms being anything but still
Tell them
Tell them that their smile runs through your veins and their touch consumes your body and soul
Tell them you have found a home within the gold of their eyes and a place between their laughter
Tell them that you still love them
Despite all the past holds, tell them you still haven't let go
Before telling them too late, past the point of repair
Tell them before they find someone else
Because they will

I never imagined that I would still be in so deep
That the sound of your voice would still be playing in my head at night like a record
That I would still drown in your eyes every time I looked into them
That your smile would melt my insides
Talking to you was like walking on tight rope
One wrong move and I'd fall
Maybe even further than I'd ever fallen before
Praying that hitting bottom would hurt a little less than the last time
I will never forget each of our memories
The way you were so desperate to know what was going on inside of my head
The way I was so desperate for you to stop asking
How I wanted to kiss you but on the other hand I wanted you to kiss me
I still dream about the taste of your lips
And the silk on your hands
How each breath you breathed out was the same one I breathed in
I still have not forgotten your scars
The way you tried and I pushed you away
I pushed you away like a glass door that had the PULL sticker on it
I didn't know what I was doing
I forgot to read the message that was sitting in my phone that I had forgotten was there
But now the tables have turned
And I am the one that is waiting for you to answer my call
For you to take my hand and save me from this saltwater
Please don't let me drown
**Please don't let me drown

Friday night
Window open
Cigarette lit
Praying that the house is still asleep
Hoping to maintain the good girl reputation
Maybe they wont find out
But then again too drunk to even care
My mind is unconsciously running out of reasons why I should stop
The addiction is too strong
The persuasiveness is at its all time high
And the regret remains at the bottom of an empty bottle
I hide myself behind drunken nights that are as never as fun as they sound
I want to forget it all
So I cross the lines that I drew to keep myself away
Not even thinking of going back
Not even wasting my time on the fact that the more I do it
The more permanent the thoughts become
You are engraved into the concrete of my mind
And I still
Constantly
Tell myself that if I just keep going
If I just keep pushing myself
It'll all go away
But it doesn't
Every time
It comes back

Let's get drunk together
So I can kiss you
And blame it on the alcohol

We are a story of bad timing
We let each other in, arms swing wide
Holding the elevator door
We were both destined to be going down
You never realize the change of elevation until your ears pop
Space was tight between us like knots in braids, the air hung hot above us as if we were steaming
The confined walls fogging
The thing about this amorous vapor is it never last very long
The doors eventually open
And we can either choose to step off, or suffocate
We are a story of bad timing
Getting in an elevator
Seconds before a fire

You are the open textbook on how not to fall in love
You are the hand-written love letter that no one gets to read
You are broken glass vase with a stained memory of where flowers used to live
I know that you are not good for me
You're a liar who feels no guilt in lying
You are a desirable gift that never last very long
You are the reason for when my palms get sweaty I immediately wipe them dry
You are a runaway train that no one can easily get off of
And I do not have time for bumpy rides
My heart refuses to wear a helmet
Today I am saying that no matter how hard you pull or push
I will never go back to the empty train station again

An endless amount of wanting to see you wanting to be with you all of the time but an endless amount of fear to tell you because I do not want you to see me in need
I want to be able to stand by myself with you in the other room
I have to be prepared if you ever decide that you have gotten sick of me
If you ever decide to walk away
I don’t know how to even consider the thought of you leaving because I have wrapped myself up in our movie days
I have become too accustomed to our Wednesdays
I have gotten so lost in this peace that you bring, that the mere idea of you taking it away is frightening
There is an endless amount of wanting to see you and wanting to be with you all of the time and I do want to tell you
And I am working to get to the point where I do
You will know when and
I pray it is soon
because I've learned that in asking comes receiving
And confession brings good things
So maybe, when I tell you
You will agree
And I will spend less time missing you
And more time being with you