Dear him..

I never thought that my mind would come to this conclusion but..

I thank you.

I hold onto a pocketed smile for the times we laughed, then an untamed sorrow for when you cried.
though in the end, it took quite the while to understand why? Why all of it happened, why all of the progress withered like that of a tumbleweed in merciless breeze.
...

It were Unsettled aswell as unwilling to be tamed, now here I stand, pondering upon whether do I not feel any course shame?
All of this senseless anger rooted within my very being, Senseless?? No I carry more than perceived from beyond that tiny fluorescent-ly lit screen.

He who were the one that offered those long car rides and gave those silent affections.. to me...
That little girl, one whom were trapped within a big wide world of those watching...waiting....expecting? to see buckling from within the chain.

For that now rusting chain being the one mourn, yet not the one I came to acknowledge.
One whom I can only glance at from afar, him..

So I thank you, Dad...
Or shall I even have the attachment left to call you that?

She loves me, she loves me not.

That is the cycle life had adapted for me to ride, through day and night, then sunshine and rain.

It feels as if a sickening game, what is life daring for me to partake? A dangerous charade where both of us find ourselves staring out into nothing.
—the clock ticks once.. then twice... Not a third.


She looks at me with those eyes so that I cannot help but crave her embrace, it is wrong for me to be so.. selfish.
Must you look at me like that as while slipping you're hand into mine?

As the seasons begin to shift, a whole other cycle once again spirals much like that of an aimless soap opera plot.
Yearning, solemness, jealousy, then departure. Again.. and again...

I am filthy, but please... do not toss me away, you promised.. you promised that if I gave you my heart and soul, the world would be mine through you're eyes.

Yet only half.. of that deal had been transacted, I am now nothing but a robot without batteries.
I am scared..
I feel disgusted...

Just a minute longer within you're warmth before you go, he was right.
I should have stopped and glanced into the other direction that day, the day that you had looked at me the way that turns my stomach in knots now..

Will you be mine? My Valentine?
—no, I know that you love another.
But I can't... I cannot stop thinking of you.

I shall be you're precious doll if you ask me too, I will.. I will even set my heart ablaze so you can sleep without the loud beating of my heart beside you.


So why him? That boy who called you that 'girl in my math class'
He won't be good, just as the boy before him and so on..
I love you, I love you much more than I should..

That being the main reason of my despair, the borderline of why I am now sitting in a corner and slowly losing strands of my very hair.
So please.. please... Please.... See me the way I see you my dear.

I want to feel the warmth like those princess's within those fairytales, you're long hair seeping over my shoulders as I feel the embrace I so desperately desire.
Please...
That is all I ask of you...

Be mine, as I shall be yours my dearest..