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Ask me why
I believe
in God.

I'll say:

you.
Here I am
In front of the mirror
With him behind me
Loving my beauty
But when I turn around, he doesn't exist
And we can only see each other in the mirror
In my dreams I see him in a pool of water and I've only seen him beside me in my reflections
My mirror
The only source of my very fantasies
That I just feel I can't live without
Because the world is so empty,and,yet so full of everything and nothing
But no matter how good he makes me feel in my dreams or in my mirror
It hurts that I love him,thou he's not there
And what the mirror gives me is worthless in reality
Because it keeps me hoping he's out there even when everything is telling me he's not
And I guess that's why I need that mirror
It gives me my hopes, my dreams, and my impossible meanings
So, I guess it's not completely worthless
What the mirror has given me
It isn't just hope, or a dream, or something I just can't reach
But something I can try to achieve
to make me happy
In the mirror, he sees this sad cruel world I'm in, trapped and unsafe
He wants to get me out, but can't
The mirror only shows us what we want
And what I want, is for him to be here with me
And it can't, it doesn't have the strength to
No one does
But the reflections in that mirror only act out my pain
The pain of what I'm missing
And the painful stare of the truth
it won't matter in the end
how brightly your light shines
or how deep into my heart it delves.
it'll never be enough
to extinguish my darkness
so i'm afraid my darkness will extinguish us.
i'm trying. please don't give up on me.
“When I was young, you fascinated me.
You were always so beautiful
So perfect.
You had a wide smile,
and beautifully deep eyes.
You had a glowing warmth,
that my childhood body grew up surrounded in.
In your arms I felt safe and whole.
Your arms were my home.

When your arms began to get weaker and weaker,
I couldn’t understand.
Where was the life I once knew?
The life I loved so dearly?
The soul was still there,
But the life,
The life was slipping away.
Your arms were my home,
But you were letting in the rain.
The house was crumbling before our eyes,
And you couldn’t help it.

The last time I ever saw you again,
Was on a cool summers morning.
You were sat in a wheelchair,
And it wasn’t your home.
You smiled amidst a backdrop of wild greens, and pretty flowers.
I asked you to stay with me always,
And you promised you would.
Your arms were my home.
I’d be without shelter otherwise.

Well, God works in weird and wonderful ways,
And the day your soul departed from my world,
Was the day my heart crumbled,
Into a thousand tiny pieces.
I had convinced myself that you had broken your promise.

But my twenty year old self looks back,
With hindsight,
With knowledge,
With faith and with wisdom,
That a thirteen year old girl can never have.

You kept your promise.
You are always with me.
In a light summer rain,
In a bitter winters night,
Amidst the beautiful browns and golds of an Autumn day.

You are the beautiful warmth that fills my heart,
Every time it beats.

Your arms are always my home.”
 Jul 2013 DieingEmbers
Sorrow
Here lies a poem
waiting to be written
But without
true words to be found
we may lie here together
Forever
Never see anything more
than what exists
Or what could be less
that she
Who waits to be?
Unravel.

Here lies absence.
Who could call it fine
When times do not reveal
Any more than mere lines
Striped in time.
This is our life.
This is mine.
when I was younger
I just wanted to be Alice
so that when I fell down a hole
there would at least be a purpose,
an adventure
and a story to tell.

I would be famous,
befriend the weird and wonderful
& finally belong.

but I got older
acquainted with the real world
and found myself
in a very different hole;
there is no white rabbit
to tell me where to go
and the monster in my head
will not be slain so simply
and my tears don't allow me
to simply float away.

but the biggest disappointment
(I blame growing up and finding love
and losing hope)
is that there is no end
to this hole of mine.

and I'm falling
& falling
&& falling.

and I'm afraid it's too late
to rewrite my ending.
it's too late at night and i'm too tired to hide from depression
so excuse the awful poem please
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