God ******, my chest is aching with a scream that’s clawing up my throat but it’s trapped, the words won’t come out so I scream and I cry, they’re inaudible. I’m suffocating, smothered by the thought of being conformed, choking on the ideas people try to shove down my throat. I’m trying to breath, but I’m struggling, watching carefully as my dreams start to fade wistfully. My back is pressed to the wall and there’s an ocean at my feet. Hell is above me and it’s crashing over me. It’s raining fire but my veins are covered in ice and my heart is pounding like a thousand drums beating as one. Maybe it’s because I feel like I’m being drowned, maybe because I've died a thousand times over, but I want to fly and soar and explore the world, a dream dreamed by what seems like a caged bird. That’s all that I am, how ******* sad. I’m fifteen feeling like life has already passed me by, wasted away in a troubled youth and truthful words painted on lips but left unspoken. Just set me free, let me breath, to me there is no liberty.
Last night, I had a dream where I was trying to fly, but I kept getting caught and brought back to the ground. Do you think that maybe this could be an analogy for life? I try to get out of this rut, but I keep getting pulled back. I run but my legs are tired and my feet seem to be bleeding. My lungs are burning as if they’re about to burst leaving nothing but the ashes of what could have been and smoke rising to the sky never to be seen again. They tell me not to give up, giving up is for cowards, but what if for the life of me, I can’t keep going. I can feel my oxygen start to run out of my body, the sensation leaving me dizzy and numb. I swear, giving up is not my first choice, especially so close to what I've been trying to reach. I mean, I've got two more years and I’ll be ready to go, two more years seems like nothing at all, but I've been fighting for too long, a battle that’s been drawn out, so please don’t blame me when you see me growing weak. I know I can’t stop now, but I feel like giving up. Maybe I should I should close my eyes and stop for a while, catch my breath and rest for a while.
I think these wounds are actually starting to heal. You see these scars? That’s all they’ll ever be from now on. The light at the end of the tunnel is burning bright, enticing me to run with all of my might. A weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I can breath, this world is no longer smothering me. Finally, I screamed and let my breath out, finally you heard what I've been trying to say. I’m done choking, I spit it out. God, it’s good to breath. It’s like a new light that at first was hard to believe. My heart rate seems to be picking up, it’s like my soul knows that this is the last fight. Grab a hold of my hand, breath in and out. It’s our turn to take on the world. We've gone down in flames but we've a phoenix’s soul. This inhalation of new life is filling my lungs, rejuvenation and existence finally on my mind. My time has come, so I’ll take a full grasp. It’s my turn to fly, I’m along for the ride.