I don’t like those good boys
Fresh faced, bright eyes
Chewing on their  white lies
I like the rough lips
Rugged on his cheek bones
Who would have known
I don’t belong to anyone
I held him captive
In my skin
My whiskey lips
Held him in
And exhaled his ghost
Where’d you go?
You’re somewhere in the body sleeping next to me
But the left side of the bed is cold
Who would have known
I’d break the bad boy
Boy, you should have known
When you saw me drinking straight out of the bottle
When I smoked all your cigarettes
I’m nothing but bad news
When we first met
You asked for my name
I said it was trouble
It wasn’t a challenge
It was a warning
That you didn’t head
And now look at us
Broken and bent
Shattered pieces on the bathroom floor
But I’ll get better
I’ll put myself back together
I don’t think you’ll be so lucky
Because I can see the look in your eyes
You’re used to breaking
Not getting broken
And I can tell you won’t be getting over this soon

I swear your love was like second hand smoke
Because it wasn't my choice to take it in
But it **** near killed me

So now you've gone on with some other girl
Last week you told me I don't even try anymore
But what do you want from me?
Maybe you're right
Maybe this is all that I can be
But it should be enough
You said
I was enough
At least for a couple of months
But ****
This really is all that I can be
You want more
You go find her
But you have to leave me be
Delete my number
My pictures from your phone
Delete the memories
And never speak to me again

I never really knew what I wanted in a relationship
Because I always had this distorted vision of what romance is
I thought it was Stanley standing in the middle of the street yelling
"STELLA!"

I thought it was a love so strong
You would die for it
Like Romeo and Juliet did

I thought love was supposed to hurt
That your partner was supposed to be your other half
And without them
You would be torn apart
And broken
On your own
You would be not whole

All of this is false
Love should never hurt
You should feel complete and whole
Withing yourself
And your partner
Should just strengthen that

You're a drugstore Romeo
Cigarette in your lips and hearts in your hands
And I really should have known
By that look in your eyes
That you never really cared at all
But I thought you did
I swear I thought you did
All you wanted was a bit of fun
And a hand to hold for a little while
And that's all I was to you

Sueño de tus ojos
De tu sonrisa
De tu voz

Sueño de tus carisias
De tus abrazos
De tus besos

Sueño todo de ti
Mi amor, mi cielo
Te amo

I'm screaming at the top of my lungs
I can't ******* breath
My chest feels tight
I'm suffocating
Drowning
Choking
I'm too far
Going
Going
Gone...

I get asked
At least twice a day
Sometimes three
If I even care about school
Because I skip class
I’m irresponsible
And apparantly I have an attitude problem
I care about a lot of things
I am so passionate about  lot of things
Music
Poetry
I am so passionate about life in general
We are young
We have just reached the edge
In which we jump off of
To reach the peak of our life’s
The world is at the palm of our hands
Easily taken by every one of us
With the flick of the wrist
The world is at our feet
We step on the same Earth
As six billion other people
We walk on the same planet
But every single one of us are experiencing it differently
This world is filled with so many things
We have yet to experience
Smells and tastes and feeling and emotions
Foreign to us but equally as fierce as they run through our veins
The world is amazing!
Every time I feel
Like I finally have the ability to run
To scream and shout and dance and laugh
To go off into the world
Grab it by the shoulders and shake it
Until I know every one of its secrets
I feel somone grab me by the scruff of my neck
And yank me back into a desk
To sit quietly with my hands folded neatly on my lap
As I listen to a teacher blather on about mediocracies
As we wait for the next stadardized test
I care
About so many things
School is not one of them

I'm really young
I'm ******* dumb
I'm trying to break free
But I'm so God ****** numb

And I'm bored of this town
There's nothing to do
But drink, smoke, and flirt
And yell at the moon

I feel so ******
For falling into the beat
I've become like other teenagers
Who seem dead on their feet

I'm trying to change
To become something more
Than an outspoken punk
Who's fighting a war

I've got young blood pumping
Inside o my veins
But why does it feel like
My bones are caving in
The clock is ticking
Time is running out
I don't want to be here
I don't want to breath
My back hurts
My knees are weak
I used to love the sun
When it shone through your window
Now it feels like it's burning into my skin
They say I'm too young to live this way
I say I'm too young to be alone
I spent the Summer cooped up inside
In an East Texas basement
Smelling of cheap beer and bitter smoke
I'd like to say that I'm sorry
I wish I knew what for
I don't know if I'm breathing or not
I don't know if I care
So it's ok if you don't
It's what I expect
If not a little less
I'm not worth the tears
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I think we all know what for

I never really know what to say
But I can say you took my breath away
You blindsided me
And before a metaphor could tumble from my lips
My palms were sweaty
And heartbeat unsteady
You know, silence is violent
So I try to fill it with dialogue
Though it usually turns into an awkward monologue
Then you lose interest in what I'm saying
It's not important
I just really want to talk to you
But I never know what to say
And so I make a fool of myself
While you give me that look
That shows how weird you think I am
Which is not untrue
I am beyond abnormal
I just wish you thought of me as the good kind of weird
If there is such a thing
The worst part is
I'm below average
And I know exactly who has your attention
I know I can't compete with her
I know if I do, I'll only hurt myself
I guess it's best if I just stay quiet
And let you overlook me
I'll give up on you
Even though I really
Really don't want to
And I'll wait for someone
Who thinks of me as the good kind of weird
If there is such a person

I'm just so tired of this
Because it makes no ******* sense
I'll apologize
When you're the one who knocked me down
If I were to slash my throat
I would use my last dying breath
To apologizee
For getting blood on your shirt
All you do is victimize
You never seem to realize
That no one even likes you
You like to act like you're so great
And that everything you say goes
You are manipulative
Vindictive
You make everyone around you
Feel like absolute ****
And then guilty
For not doing as you say
You pompous ****
You're nothing but a *****
Upset
Because you've got a tiny ****
And you make up for it
By acting like one but
It doesn't make you desirable
Just liable
For all the stupid **** you say
I remember the first time you told me to go **** myself
I contemplated it
I held the blade in my hand and thought
"If it's what you want, it must be right"
But there has been no greater wrong
According to you
My mental illness is my own fault
A form of natural selection
And I agreed
I let every word
That tumbled from you lips
To cut me like knives
Because if you say it
It must be true

You're like a drug
That makes my heart rate speed up
My body go numb
And slowly kills me
While I reach for another hit
You are the sticks and stones
That break my bones
And the words
That always hurt me
You are the burn of whiskey
As it travels down my throat
And the hangover that follows the next morning
You are the walking definition
Of bittersweet
Because you're so **** bitter
And you play-pretend sweet
Someone once compared you to a cigarette
I don't know how I should take that.  
Because I smoke
But I know they're slowly killing me
You're bad for me
Poisonous
And us together
It's toxic
It feels like we're drowning in battery acid
I know I should just leave you
Because you'll end up killing me
Emotionally, mentally
And even literally
But I can't get rid of you
You're in my veins
You are mixed with the oxygen
That trickles into my lungs
I feel like I'm stuck with you
As if you were a tattoo I got
On a drunken night out
You're gripping me by the neck
Preventing me from leaving
Leaving marks in the process
And I can't breath
You are suffocating me
Overtaking me in every sense
And I will soon disappear
Into a shell of who I once was
You are becoming my own oblivion
I try to escape
But you only grip me tighter
Whispering apologies and promises of change
As more bruises begin to appear
And I give in
Because I swear I can see love in your eyes
And I swear I can change you
And I swear things will get better
And I swear there is a future for us
We just have to hold on
And while I try to loosen your grip
You only tighten it
By now I'm gasping for breath
And you promise its just a fear of letting go
So I choke out that its ok
Because it's getting harder to speak clearly
But I want you to know it's ok
And I can't really breath
Though you're whispering sweet nothings
I can't seem to answer
So I simply nod
I try to tell you that I can't breath
But I can't
And I'm kind of scared
I knew this you happen
You killed me mentally and emotionally
I should have left when I had the chance
But I couldn't bring myself to do so
And now its too late
I gasp one more time
You won't even look me in the eye
I can't tell how you feel
You won't let-

But adults will smirk and say "All you teenagers think you're invincible."

And then they'll chuckle and shake their head as to say they have never heard something so preposterous.

But the thing is, we don't think we are invincible.

We know.

Because at 16, I have never felt stronger.

Because some of us have ****** parents that we have to deal with every day.

Because we've all had horrible teachers who disrespect us and belittle us.

Because we've all been ignored.

Because we've all had people not take us seriously because of our age.

Because we have been mistaken for weak.  

Because we've all had peers who turn against us.

Or were never for us in the first place.

Because we often have self destructive tendencies.

Because we are constantly torn between clutching our childhood and sprinting to adulthood.

Because we all have scars.

Because "Act like an adult" and "You're just a baby" are both phrases that often tumble from other's mouths as they direct our lives.

Because people often try to direct our lives.

Because we are too young to decide if we want to get a tattoo but this is the time in which we have to decide what we want to do for the rest of our lives.

Because we are considered rebellious for refusing to conform.

Because we are malleable and impressionable so we are often mistaken for shallow an stupid.

Because Some of us have to smoke to calm down and drink to become numb and take drugs to forget.

Because we are yet to be shaped and haven't become who we are meant to become.

Because we are often called the hopeless generation, doomed to crash in flames and fail miserable.

Because we are undeniably and irreparably broken.

Yet we still move forward and we still fight and we still ******* survive.

We are invincible

Because we have no other choice.

I am captivated by the way your skin is stretched over your bones and how

Every part of you curves perfectly into the next and

How your eyes lay sparkling in their sockets while

Your lips tug upwards and move into a melody as your

Heart creates a rhythm I want to live by and I

Wish the air you let trickle into your lungs was the air we shared while our faces where close but

Can I even complicate your breathing or

Maybe speed up your heart rate because

You make my body go into overdrive from

My racing heart to

My unsteady breathing and

My shaking palms but

You seem seem totally unaffected by my presence and

I should take it as a sign to just give up because

I can see the way you look at her and its the same way I look at you, I bet

That if you took your head out of her ***, you'd

Find the person more than willing to be with you i.e

Me, but

You won't so I guess its up to me to give up

Again

Because this seems to be the ever-repeating story of my life

Walls keep me safe
From truth and lies
From emotion and pain
From people who want to be let in
Just so they can leave
Too bad I can't build walls
All around my mind
So I can be safe
From my demons and insecurities
It seems that walls can keep me safe from everything
But myself

My body contains an entire ocean
Sometimes I have to cry
A lot
Just to stay alive

I traced your veins like lines on a map yet I still wonder why I find myself lost.

I don't know if I should drown myself in love

Or in whiskey

Or in the ocean

Sometimes I feel like I'm hiding myself behind my cigarette

As if the thin veil of bitter smoke

And a snarky remark

Could protect me

I'm like a distorted mirror image

I might have been beautiful

But out of hatred and anger

I punched the glass

I don't even know who I am anymore

Or who I was

Or who I will be

Sometimes I'm flooded with emotion

And it takes me under and drowns me like a tsunami tide

Sometimes I'm numb

As if somehow death has found me despite my beating heart

Alcohol, drugs, stoges, blades, flames

Rebellion, hatred, stubbornness, sarcasm, spite

Have all made me completely different

From who I could have been

Had I just stayed in societies boundaries

But I couldn't

I'm an outcast by design

Designed to always be alone

So here I sit

Curled up in a sheet-less mattress

And I still don't know

I don't know if I should drown myself in love

Or in whiskey

Or in the ocean

The sun will die every night just to let the moon breath

The ocean will continue to kiss the shoreline no matter how many times it's pushed away

And stars fall just so we can get our wish

Can't you see, it's obvious

Love is the very nature of this world

It's in the sky

On this Earth

And in your heart

I tried drinking that cheap strawberry wine that you love but it was far too sweet just like the memories we made while drinking it.

You helped me stop smoking but when you left I started smoking a pack a day to get the taste of you off of my tongue.

I deleted your number two hours after the break up but a month later I picked up my phone and dialed it by memory without realizing it.

You wore the same cologne every day for the two years we were together and I swear it still lingers on your side of the bed even though I've bought new sheets.

I found an old record yours and started playing it and I finally found the melody you used to hum to me when I couldn't fall asleep.

You called me last night and I could practically smell the alcohol through the phone when you said that you still loved me.

I saw a picture of you on Facebook and I saw that you still have my initials tattooed on your arm which makes me feel not so bad for still having yours on my wrist

You used to run your fingers up and down my spine and I hate the fact that I can still feel your fingers tracing the bones on my back.

We broke up an even though it still hurts and I still miss you and I know you feel the same I also know that if we get back together we will just destroy ourselves and one another so it's best we forget about each other.

I'm sorry

Spanish is my first language
I've been speaking it for 16 years
It occurred to me
That I have forgotten the word beautiful
I know fat, ugly, stupid, worthless
And so many others
But I forgot beautiful
Because I never use it
And no one uses it on me

It hurts because I stumbled in on him
As if he were broken pieces of glass
It hurt
And I'm still trying to get shards of you out of my wound

I wrote your name with a pen
Filled with the blood
I had spilled on the bathroom floor
Because it would only makes sense
For pain to describe pain

Your heart is still beating
There is air in your lungs
Blood is pumping through tour veins
Don't you dare give up

Tell me:

When did blowing bubbles
Turn into blowing smoke?

When did soda
Turn into *****?

When did pool parties
Turn into late-night skinny dipping?

When did Smarties
Turn into hydros?

When did sneakers
Turn into high heals?

When did cheek kisses
Turn into ***?

When did juice boxes
Turn into cheap beer?

When did bikes
Turn into cars?

Tell me:

When did growing up
Turn into this?

When I close my eyes
I see yours
Staring back at me
The spaces
In between my fingers
Feel so empty
The bed
Has never felt colder
The nights
Have never been longer
And my heart beat
Has never been slower

There are times my arms ache
To hold someone else
Because this heart break and loneliness
Is slowly killing me

I still feel your fingertips
Tracing my skin
The way your lips
Always tasted like smoke
Is imprinted in my brain
I memorized
Every line
On the palm of your hand
And I can't forget
I can't forget
You

Is there a cure
For the brokenhearted?
Some type of fuel for the long forgotten?
It seems I'm going down with this ship
I'm the only one whose fallen

In vino veritas
They say that drunk lips
Speak sober thoughts
Maybe thats why every time you say you love me
You have a bottle of ***** in your hands
I'm always scared when you talk to me
Your lips are painted with lies
But I kiss them anyways
Hoping to wipe them clean with mine
But I know thats not how it works
I feel like I'm intoxicated by you
By your essence and aurora
Because my head feels fuzzy
I get giggly
And I feel kinda sick to my stomach
But its the good kind of sick
Ir there is such a thing
And I know that when I wake up
You'll leave me with this enormous hangover
And I'll just lay in bed
Longing for one more touch
Even though I won't get it
Until you tell me you love me
With that ****** bottle of ***** in your hands

I honestly don't want to
Erase you from my mind
Or my lips
Or my fingertips

I'm just so tired of this
Because it makes no ******* sense
I'll apologize
When you're the one who knocked me down
If I were to slash my wrist
I would use my last dying breath
To apologize
For getting blood on your shirt
All you do is victimize
You never seem to realize
That no one even likes you
You like to act like you're so great
And that everything you say goes
You are manipulative
Vindictive
You make everyone around you
Feel like absolute ****
And then guilty
For not doing as you say
You pompous ****
You're nothing but a *****
Upset
Because you've got a tiny ****
And you make up for it
By acting like one but
It doesn't make you desirable
Just liable
For all the stupid **** you say
I remember the first time you told me to go **** myself
I contemplated it
I held the blade in my hand and thought
"If it's what you want, it must be right"
But there has been no greater wrong
You told me my depression
Was caused by myself
And that its a good thing I had an eating disorder
I was getting fat, anyways
As for my anxiety?
"Get over it, quit being a little *****"
And I agreed
I let every word
That tumbled from you lips
To cut me like knives
Because if you say it
It must be true

I tried desperately
To break down your walls
Pounding my ****** fist
Yelling
Let me in, let me in
I can take away the hurt
If you would just let me IN
But really
I'm just asking softly
As tears form in my eyes
And I will keep knocking
Until the skin on my knuckles
Is ripped
The flesh is bleeding
And you can see the bone
I won't stop
Even if my wrist breaks
I won't stop
Until I break down your walls

I'm on my eight shot of *****
And I'm still trying to forget your name
But all I managed to do
Is forget mine
This just goes to show
Even when I'm intoxicated
Inebriated
Incompetent
And incomprehensible
You are the only thing that is clear
In my clouded mind

You kiss me as if you were drowning
As if I were oxygen

You overtake every part of me
Embracing me into yourself
Until I disappear

It's not fair
Because you are the blood in my veins
While I'm just the dust on your shoulders

I give and give
Hoping for something in return
But all you do is take
And I refuse to stop giving

I'm afraid I'll disappear
That you'll become my own oblivion
And you'll take every piece of me
While I return to nothing

I can't seem to catch my breath
There's a ball of fire in my chest
My lungs feel like they're about to implode
My hands are shaking
My vision is blurring
I don't know why I feel like this
And I'm scared

I convinced myself
That the answer to all of my problems
Would be found at the bottom of a bottle
I didn't find it that first time
But it hasn't stopped me from looking

I can still see the scars
From where I cut and burned myself
There dark circles around my eyes
My lips are chapped
My knuckles are bruised
And my cheeks are hollowed out
This is not beautiful

I sleep on your side of the bed
I look at our old pictures
I walk the paths we used to
Hand in hand together
And smoke pack after pack of cigarettes
To keep the taste of you on my tongue
This is not romantic

Anger is crawling up my throat
Trying to find an escape
Depression is seeping into my bones
Crushing me with it’s weight and desperation
Anxiety is crippling so much
That even the thought of speaking out loud causes me to panic
This is not poetic

Pain is not beauty
Heartbreak is not romantic
Mental illness is not poetic
If you want the hell
That you call quirks
Have mine
I can’t live with them anymore

I'm scared that you can still see the tear tracks stained on my cheeks

I'm addicted to self destruction
Broken down by depression and anxiety
It's not cute
Or a quirk
Or something to want
So for the love of God
Quit romanticizing my instability
When all I pray for is mental health

I hope your breathing becomes complicated
I hope your heart starts to race
I hope your palms get sweaty
I hope you stumble over your words
I hope your eyes start to shine
I hope you can't hold back a smile
I hope your cheeks turn red
I hope your thoughts become a jumbled mess
I hope butterflies erupt in your tummy
I hope it's all because of me

I’m angry
Because it’s really late
But I’m wide awake
Thinking of how it would feel like
To be in your embrace

I will play for you a
Slow symphony
Can you hear the violins
Seemingly crying
This sonnet has turned
Into something much more
Pain is not beauty
It's a sour note in a sweet song
How can I be sure
That the music won't fade
Where is the melody
Coming from, anyway
I'm telling you
Romantic is not my style
All the emotions still flow
But with no order to put them in
I will play for you
A slow symphony
That matches the tempo of my heart
Slow and unsteady
Wavering
And then gone

I just don’t to understand
You’re made of entire galaxies
I’m barely a crack in the sidewalk
You could hold me in one hand
I could never hold you in my arms

Your smile
Reminds me of
Music
A beautiful
Melody
And I wish I could
Put it on replay
So I could listen to it
When you’re not around

People think I’m poetic
They see me as a troubled soul
Who bleeds ink
From torn up veins
Metaphors painted on endless pages
Dripping from my lips
People think I’m poetic
But I’m just a ****** up kid
With a large vocabulary

This year
I managed to get up off the floor
I think that’s a pretty big step
I can’t wait ‘til next year

Ten beers
Six shots
And a pack of smokes later
I’m still just sitting here
Staring at my lap
Trying to remember
How your hand felt
When I held it in mine

Your lips
Are a mixture of tobacco
And mint gum
You’re like a drug
Addictive
So please
Give me one more hit