The strangest things bring you back to my mind
A song unrelated to us
An international paper logo
On my Orange Julius

I've let you go
I don't care anymore.

How do I stop remembering?

I cried leaving this all behind.  
I loved this hell that I'm now trapped in.

Then I left.
I left because it was the right thing to do
Because I knew
I would find myself along the way

And now...
Finally home.
Finally free to have my life back

And I really don't want it.

For just a second there
For one moment

I knew what it meant to be alive

Was it really worth knowing?
Now all is empty.
Nothing meaningful

Is it really better to have loved and lost than never loved at all?
Because for once, I loved life
I loved each morning
Each hour
Every person I saw
I loved them

I was pretty happy before

I guess I wasn't.

But I thought I was.


And so I just sit here
Complaining to the internet
I'm lost
I'm confused
I'm like everybody else out there who has a blog

I pretend that I have some direction in this haze.

Here's a hint: That's a lie.

Instead I'm going to end this poem
And realize I still have no ideas
No direction
Not a clue what path I should take
To find happiness

And I'll just be another girl
sitting at her kitchen table
Broken

every day
another relationship status changes
another photo of a ring
another wedding invite arrives

And I'm alone

And it's fine.

who needs a valentine
when you can spontaneously buy a baby betta fish
Watch it swim circles in my otherwise empty heart

I am the most important thing
to a form of life

So.

I'm fine.