I got caught in the rain today
It didn’t pour
But just enough that everyone wanted to get out of its way
But not me
I didn’t run or flee
I walked as it painted the pavement grey
With each step
The water droplets latched themselves on my clothes and onto my hands
They laid down the hairs on my arms
And darkened my pants
And even though my clothes were starting to get soak
I still walked as it continued to rain
Because it’s the one few times
That I feel at peace

Your suppose to feel
Love
Hate
Happiness
And pain
But for the most part I'm just feeling this was a mistake

You're my missing piece
She constantly repeats
Taking a handful of my shirt
And plants her firm lips against my cheek
Her lipstick
Leave a stain on my skin
Wherever you are
Thats where I want to be
Sometimes it's still hard to believe
That I could be that finishing piece you need
And even though things are great
Something's are never what they seem

You look at me
I look back at you
I reflect the demons inside of you
Im the nightmares that haunt you
Im the reason you wake up screaming
You try your best to avoid me
Not to look my way
You tried to smash me a thousand times
Failed attempts
I know your scared
When you look at me you dont see you
Im the reflection you dont wanna see
The old one walked away
And was replaced by me

Look at me
What do you see
Am I a man to you
Do you even still claim me
Am I even your boyfriend
Look at me
Do you even love me
You look at me as if I'm ugly
Or unworthy to be in your presence
Look at me
Do you even realize how you treat me
You're royalty to me
But in your eyes
I must look like a peasant
Who can't afford to buy you a decent present
Look at me
All I ever did was love you
But you spat in my face
Smacked me back ant forth
Kicked the heart I handed you
And said you wanted nothing more then space
I want you to look at me
But I can see you just looking past me
Because if you did
You wouldn't liked the look on my face

Kick me
Slap me
Punch me
Bite me
Throw salt on my ****** wounds
Stab me with a knife
Poke me in the eye
Scratch me on the face
Beat me till I'm numb
Until I'm black and blue
Covered in bruises
And can't move my arms
Yell
Curse
Scream
Be mean I can take it
What you don't understand
Is I'll go through all this pain
So you don't have

Here I am again on a writing tear
But it isn’t helping
Because what I’m feeling isn’t going anywhere
It’s stuck
Deep down inside
I can’t find it
It crawled in some deep dark corner
Trying to hide
So I write
Trying to exposed it with poetry
Because it’s my blinding flash light
I keep in my hand
But lately I can’t tell if it’s fixing anything

You will never hear me say
I love you
In any kind of way
It won't ever slip my lips
You won't ever see it twinkle in my eyes
If it was a plane on its way to you
I'd shoot it out the skies
So it would never arrive
Loving you is something I could never feel
It will never creep into my heart
Or pop into my head
As I dream in the dark
Even as we lay side by side
There's no reason to hide my love
Because there's no love inside to hide
You will never hear me say
I love you
In an kind of way

Written and never spoken
I put my soul in this pen
Then transfer it to paper

A poet is able to make you feel their words

I’d love you to death
Even if i was the one who killed you
And watched you
Exhale your last breath
Then carried you to deaths door step

Say something
Like you use to
Stop me from leaving, I'm about too
You use to have me speechless
Had my breath in your hand
But you let it slip through your fingers like sand
Can't tell you your losing me
So I wrote this for you
Hoping to give you a clue
As to why I'm so cold
Maybe loving me was to much If a taboo
Say something
The silence jabs at me
Have something to say
Spray your words on me like graffiti
Drench me in your words like rain
Let me know your still down
The doors wide open and your watching me leaving
Stop me from being swept away in the breeze
Even now
You don't have something to say

The heart wants what it wants..

Someone once said..

And my heart wants..
Y
O
U

Does that make me fool..

Because I never thought I’d feel this way again

Déjà vu
Here before

6ft deep
Who keeps burying me

Ways out
Can never find none

Tools
Forgotten

No shovel
No hope

No string
No rope

Lonely and cold
But lit by the moonlight

Fingernails *****
Hand stained with blood

No grip to climb
No vocalization to shout  

The only way out is through
Dig deeper, you fool

You do this to yourself
If it was just you and me on this earth
You still wouldn't think you were the last girl left
So convinced that it isn't just you
You believe you can hear her breathe
Yelling whose footprints are these
Even though it's you who trail behind me
So blinded by jealously
I've already committed infidelity

We had a bad breakup
And I just couldn't accept
You didn't want to makeup
Came to your door for a talk
But instead you just said no
Take a walk
And wanted me to go
But I panicked
Didn't know what to do
So I reached out and grabbed you
UnIntentionally
And now here we are
Driving full speed down the street
With you in the back seat
Legs bound
And hands tied
Please don't make a peep
I don't want to have to tape your lips
From cheek to cheek
You came with a fuss
Kicking and screaming
Now you just lay there silent
I know you want to speak
Tears streaming down your face
Staring
You won't even blink
I know what you must think
I'm crazy
And obsessed ex
But you're wrong
I tried moving on
But I just couldn't let go
There's no me without you
And if you ask me why
Just know
Love made me

I would like to believe this to be true
My heart has been longing for such
But im scared
Not for me
But for whatever beauty decided to take a chance on me
My soul that’s been awfully quiet
Whispers
You should have a good woman
But I’m plagued with the thought
Should a good woman have you
The answer is no
While most people carry baggage
I pull loads
Inside I’m cold
Permanently a blizzard blows
My heart is a black hole
Lord knows the affect I would have on you
I’d emotionally **** you
Change you without your consent
Ripped you if your joy
And fill you with resentment
But I cannot lie
I couldn’t hurt a fly
I’m just so damaged inside
It would take a miracle to repair me
The pain I carry is so heavy
I’d hurt you
Just because I’m hurting
Am I worth the risk
Yes
But who would be willing to give up themselves
Just to save me
And if that’s the price you’d have to pay
I good woman does not deserve me

We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.

What happens when the one you love lets you go

Hearts turned to stone
How can we leave this alone
Excuse me if I riot
To long have we been kept quiet
Waited long enough
It’s time to replace pleads with distress
Love couldn’t conquerer hate
Branded criminals
In a glance
I fear no repercussions
Of this distruction
It might not be the right way
But peacefulness couldn’t come with me today
So your walls I spray
Blacked out
Your glass I shatter
Let it crumble beneath my feet
Let your building fall to ash
To angry to ask
It’s time to take

I can see why people cut themselves
I did for the first time the other day
Not on purpose
But on accident
Moving something out of the way
It hurt of course
I hate how we have such delicate skin
But the relief I felt afterwards
Was better then the pain

You don’t know what I struggle through
I could **** myself
And everyone would be all confused
Thinking I’m just some cheery happy dude
When in reality
I’m probably more broken inside
Then what I put off to you

I stare into space
Hoping to conjure up answers
But the confusion in my heart
Clouds my mind
Doors closed
Locked from the inside
Blinds down
I sit in a vacant room
Occupied by darkness
The silence sting my ears
Memories crash in an out like waves
I try to hold on to them tight
But they can’t be saved
Battery running low
The only light that pollutes the air
Is the 10% warning on my phone
Paragraphs typed
I often wished weren’t sent
Feeling sorry for myself left me spent
One friend left in my corner
She begs me not to push her away
But the confusion has left me with nothing to say

She was born in November
The older sister of December
Raised under the autumn sun
Bright blue eyes
I see the sky's reflection when she looks at me
Face perfectly sculptured
Unique like each leaf hanging from the tree
Graceful like the breeze
Sweet like honey made by the bees
Her hair the scent of freshly bloomed flowers
Beautiful like a trail of falling leafs
Her voice is a soothing melody
Calming
She's a relief from the summer weather
Hoping she'll be here next year
To watch the leaf's  
Doing their dance of colors
Hoping the ripples I made
Well settle quickly
I can feel the cool weather settling in
December comes quicker this year

....

Metal
Or steal

Aluminum
Or tin

No longer coated with silver
I remember I use to shine

But now I’m covered in rust
And invaded by the weeds of the earth

Frozen in place
Can’t move my face

Dreams of me stretching out my limbs
But cursed never to move

I pray to the sun
And scream at the moon

I’m cold to the touch
Inside, an empty shell

Press your ear against my tin frame
Knocked on my chest

Echos is all you’ll hear
Peak into my rotted holes

No heart would appear

I've hurt you a lot
Blamed you for it
I'm suppose to help heal your scars
Instead I made more
I'm the reason your crying
I'm causing you much pain
Here's what I do... Even the score
I'll give you a brick
Pretend I'm glass and smash me
I'll give you ammo to my own gun
Shoot me
You know I have a bad heart so here's a stake
I'll supply you venom from the most dangerous snake
You want the upper hand here's all my secrets
Hurt me like I hurt you
Break me
Hate me
Do whatever you have to do
I can take it
But not life without you
Then after forgive me
And after that
Love me

I’ve never known you
I wish that wasn’t true
You live inside of me
I can hear your footsteps echoing
As they pound against pine wood floors in your bedroom
You’ve must have decided on the room in my head to lay you own
Because when you sleep I can feel your snoring trickling into my jaw bones
And redecorating must not be your forte
It tickles me how you clumsily drop things everyday
You nail at my skull constantly
As you try to get the frames you banged in to stay
And god I hate it when the hammer catches your nail
Because when you yell
Your screams rings in my ear
Like a small child playing with a doorbell
When you dust it’s hell
It gets caught in my nose
Like gum on clothes
Buts it’s all worth it
Because when you laugh it sets a fire In my soul
And makes me wish I wasn’t so cold
It seems as so
Your the girl of my dream
But the thought of loving someone like you
Dies behind my eyes

Her kisses where so passionate
That she use to bite my lips
And wherever her hands would lay
She would tighten her grip
The love she felt
Burned in her eyes
And I could see it on her face
There was no mistake
I was the one she loved
Love(d)
Past tense
Now when we kiss
It's like I'm kissing a ghost
One peck
And that's it
The word passionate wouldn't even come close
When we hugged
The way she held me
And how she buried her head in my arms
Made me never want to let go
I miss them
And in a way I'm still holding on
Hugging her
Even though she's not really there
Somewhere along the way
Something went wrong
And it affected the way
We hug and kiss

Who better for you then me
Who's going to love you unconditionally
When the path gets to rugged for you to walk on
Who's going to carry you like me
Tell me who could love you like I do
Who can fight with you then be ready to die for you like me
I can build you up
After I tear you down
Dress your face up In a smile
When it's been wearing a frown
Who's going to kiss the sun goodnight
Only to be there when it awakes from its sleep
Just to talk to you
Who will get angry like me when we don't speak
Who's going to get upset that your not here when I'm sleep
Almost 2 years in the making
Who's going to put a ring on your vacant finger
I need to know who better for you then me

Am I special enough to always be on your mind
Or was I just a good dream
That you couldn’t remember once you were awake
Have you finally forgotten me
Are does thoughts of me run through your mind

Where did this salty substance come from
I haven't seen this in years
These tears
They over flow out of the ducks from which there stored
But I fight trying to hold them back
Long enough from them to drain back in
Where the belong
Behind the folds of my eye lids
Every once in awhile they show up again
This time the burden was to much
The hurt was to strong
They creep to the surface
Like an unbound spring
And they sit at the boundary
Peaking over the edge
Until one has the courage to leap off
Into an unknown territory so it latches on an eye lash afraid to let go
But slowly it looses its grip
Then free falls
But the rest choose the safe path an climb down my cheek
They descend slowly, carefully
And as they reach the end of the path
They detach
And who knows were they'll end
This is the last time I'll tear up again

Sometimes I feel like the biggest loser
It ***** being unable to trust
I feel like my heart has been ripped out my chest
And chunked
I don’t know what to do
Where to turn
Or who I can vent too
That’s what happens when you lack trust
If I was trapped in a burning building
I don’t believe anyone would come to my aid
I don’t even believe I deserve to be saved
I know I shouldn’t feel this way
But sometimes I feel I’m as useless as a worm
I’m just everyone else’s bait
And the thing is
I’ve tethered myself to the line

Two plus two
Equals four
Four plus four
Equals more
I want more
More
I want more
More
I want fast cars, a big yard
Pretty girls, on each arm
I want more
More
I want more
More
That's what they want
These days
I want diamonds rings, shoes that gleam
Big purses, expensive things
I want more
More
I want more
That's what they want
These days

The concrete freezes my feet
As my legs sink
Deeper with each step into the snow
Soaking my jeans
Drenched
Who knew it would be this heavy
The cool air
Runs down the back of my shirt
Chilling my bones
Gray clouds drone above
Bleaching everything in its tint
How depressing
My arms pressed snug against my chest
Hoping to keep in the warmth
But it ultimately fades
I know I’m digressing
Wrestling with the cold within and out
How depressing
Water frozen mid air
Softly drifting in the wind
Melting as it touches my face
Slipping down my cheeks like tears
Quickly I wipe it away
How perplexing
It almost felt real

These are more then words
An insight
These aren't just sentences I write
The meaning is deeper then they seem
So when you read
Pay attention
Or it'll go fly right over your head
Like a frisbee carried off by the wind
An no it's not for attention
I'm trying to paint a picture
A short story if you will
These words are pictures
You develop in your head
I dare you let me lead you to the edge
Let's jump together
An let your imagination run rapid
I hope it catches us as we free fall
Without it you won't understand
The meaning at all
Not by just the thoughts in your head
These are much more then words
Once they were caged birds
But they've been set free
To choose there own branch
To perch on a tree

One roach
Now two
Crunch beneath my feet
I don’t know who’s better off
Them or me
They’re antennas still wriggle
Feet still twitch
The second one crawls on the floor
Struggling to get away
But soon it’ll be dead
And I just sit an stare
Tears filling up In my eyes
But I won’t dare weep
And I’m not sad because it’s about to die
At least it’ll be free
But not me
I still have to deal with this pain
Of feeling like the crushed roach

What comes to mind
When you think of the color green ?
Money obviously
Or maybe the green leaves
That protrude from the branches of trees like ache
Or does green remind you off the grass
And how itchy it becomes
When it comes in contact with your skin
Or maybe fresh green paint
That drips from a brush
After you attempted to repaint your balcony
What comes to your mind when someone ask you to think of something green
Do you picture a girl screeching and screaming
Because a green toad pounced or her toes Trying to dodge the dangers of the busy highway road
What comes to mind when you think of the color green
I’ll tell you what comes to mine
The green in her eyes
When the sun hit em just right
They sparkled
And danced
I don’t need to watch the burning stars of the galaxy
I have all the twinkling lights I need
Right here
When I looked In her eyes they put my turbulent soul at ease
The only problem
They aren’t next to me
Sometimes I fear they might leave
Then where would I be

I’m a cowboy
Chasing the sunset
No breaks
No rest
No intermissions to catch my breath
Hand on the neck of my whip
Choking It until my fingers turn red
The sound, so satisfying so crisp
As it rips through the hairs of my steed
Provoking it
To use it’s full speed
On a crying horse I ride
Birds above screech
They’re feathers falling from the sky
Possession, abandoned on the dusty plain
This is the path of my own choosing
I pray the lord my souls to keep
Because i plan not to make it home
I’m a cowboy
That chases the sunset
And I’ll continue to
Until I’m dead
Or until it makes me feel alive

I use to stay up all night
If you were in pain
I'd be the ice
You applied me to you, whenever you need too
But I didn't mind
You were mighty fine
And my family adored you
But it turns out you were a trickster
Tried to play my heart like a drum
It would've worked
But my heart couldn't be rung
It didn't carry a beat
It needed to be strummed
But my heart was way out of tune
Plus it was previously swept away in my last girl typhoon
You see she was one of those good people out there
But sadly I was more like you
A liar
Manipulative
Replied to all your love you's
I love you too
But that was never true
I was just reading from the script
Reciting a line
Like a play we were acting out
But really
You were just a drawing to me
And I was trying to erase parts I didn't like about you
You were trying to play me
And I was slowly trying to change you
See you thought I was a good guy
But you can't fool a fool
Without getting fool too
Love is really a game
And I haven't been in love in a very long time
You see I'm no longer a good person, no not anymore
Not after parting ways from you

Loves doesn’t last forever
But a broken heart does
My heart was already in pieces
Before love ever invaded me
Now I’m loveless and heartless
Hoping that’s happiness is getting closer with every breath I breathe

Who knows if you can keep me smiling
Permanently
For an eternity
Because past pains still live in my heart
And serge through my veins
The thought of you not being here
Has already started to turn this smile upside down
So take the camera and snap now
And distill this glimpse of happiness into a thin fragile frame

I urge to feel your lips
Not out of lust
But I’m hoping when we kiss
I can taste your trust
Will it be sweet a soft
And slick like a buttery croissant
Would I get lost In the texture
Lose control and barley keep my composure
Are your kisses thrilling like a roller coaster ride
Because I love the rush
And getting me pumped up full of adrenaline
Is a must
Are your kisses full of life
Because if so
Hopefully you can turn on the lights inside my darken soul

Stop
Just go
Steady waiting on you to leave
I wanted all of you
Just wanted you to believe in me
To trust me
I wouldn't drop you so easily like leafs
No
I'd carry you
Far away from this place
If you want to fly
I'll be the wind beneath your wings
I'll be the oxygen in your lungs
As you dived deep beneath the sea
But you can't see it
How much I care
The love for you
Nothing ever could compare
I'd love you 10 times over
An still have more to spare

I can feel it in my knees
It knocks on my chest when I breath
Crawled to my head
Kicked back and relaxed on my brain
Hello migraine

I'm so close to hating you
I can taste it
And I can't take it
So sour and bitter
Come a little closer
Take my hand
So I can break the chain
That had us shacked together
Now I can walk away
With a smile on my face
While you shed tears
As if you were sprayed with mace
If I'm honest
I'd say we shouldn't date

Mine bloomed from the heart
A precious bouquet
That I seem to want to give away
Each pluck leaves an open wound
Eventually stitched closed by the stem that’s been left behind
Once received I watch as the petals are blown away
Like dandelion seeds
Caught up in a strong gust
Once taken, they’re never taken care of
I guess their short lifespan isn’t enough motivation
But that doesn’t stop me from cultivating
I still keep the roses in the sun where the light is
But the shade came violently and turn them violet

How ironic you’re heart shaped too
Left in the winter unattended
To cold for the attraction of on lookers
Thriving when your surroundings have died
A beacon in the silence
Although clouds smear the sunlight
I still see you from afar  
No reds from roses firstly chosen
But blue
Will you now be picked
The many among the few
Or do your silent songs go unnoticed
Until the sun brings the red back into view

I’m not a perfect being
After all I’m human
I don’t have the best smile
Sometimes I find my voice annoying
Like a whaling child
I’m not that tall
To some I’m considered short
Compliments of attracting sent my way
But when I look in the mirror
All I see is faults in my face
I tell the truth
But lie with the best
I don’t have a gorgeous body
Barley have a chest
I have bags under my eyes
From constantly chasing sleep
Scars on my face
No one seems to notice
So that means no one really notice me
I’m not perfect
Imperfections all over me
But the only thing I’ve perfected
Is the mask I wear everyday
I smile and laugh
So everyone will think
That I’m doing ok

Yeah you’re right
There’s this gapping whole
Inside of me
And it just grows constantly
Mostly because I feed it
With the thoughts that haunt me at night
And there’s nothing I can do to fill it
It even swallowed my heart
Desperately I try to retrieve it
But no matter how far I stretch my arms
I could never reach it