Most people say
“You don’t know what you have till it’s gone”
That isn’t true
We know exactly what we have
We just never think it’ll leave
And then we try and make up for how we treated that thing we had
And most of the time it’s to late

She stares at me
Lovingly
With her hands on its hilt
Holding on to the knife she’s jammed in my ribs
But still
I kiss her soft lifts
In response she ****** her hands in my chest
Crushing my heart
So I wrap my arms around her
To bring us closer
But my neck
Only ends up cuffed between her palms
I smile
Even though I’m almost out of breath
My dear
Why do you try to **** me?
Can’t you tell
I’m already dead

Stop chasing her
When she doesn’t even look back searching for you
And stop trying to impress him
With makeup
That hides the true beauty in your eyes
And the tight clothes
Doesn’t matter how **** you dress
He still looks past you
No instead
Go after the girl
That that will run beside you
The one that will stop
And rest next to you
When you’re gassed and out of breath
Look for the guy
Who will giggle at you’re crazy hair
Because it can’t be tamed
Stay with the guy
That will lay in bed
For as long as you do
And reply to your messages instantly
Because these days
No one really do
Stop chasing her beauty
And his rock hard abs
It often false advertisement
Because the burden they carry
With be the end of you

Running frantically down a vacant street
Dashing through puddles
As they splash beneath my feet
And squirt from in between my toes
Why am I not wearing any shoes
I’m in a rush
But my destination is a secret my mind has hidden from me
I guess it’s been raining for awhile
Everything is soaked
From the buildings
To the streets
The cars
And even the trees
Who leaves hang like her wet hair
But it’s finally starting to slow

And what the wilting rain unveils is unnerving

Finally I get a glimpse of my surroundings
But the scenery before my eyes....
The street lights
Desperately hanging
Its last few wires hold on tight
But the green is as dim as her eyes
On the verge of going out for good
Stop signs bent
Posters on brick walls
Halfway torn down
Cars parked randomly
The paint faded
Covered in scared
That seem to reach all the way to her bones
Building windows cracked
Open signs
Fizz,spark and blink

Not sure if this is a dream, or foreshadowing
But before I can think
It starts to rain

Humans are suppose to be the most evolved species
Top of the food chain
But there are some animals that mate for life
While us
“Evolved species”
Can creep and cheat
On our so called “soul mate”
Night after night
If you ask me
We are no better then the animals we eat

It’s weird
Almost poetic
That’s listening to a song in a language I don’t understand
Is what sparks thoughts of you
And now
I’m about to say things I’ve been trying to avoid
I’ve locked up the memories in a vault
Deep within me
But bits and pieces still seep through
So here goes

I don’t want anyone else loving you
Because no one else knows
How much she hates her nose
And how terrified she is of taking pictures of her toes
No one will appreciate the beauty In her imperfections like I do

I don want another’s lips touching hers
Because it’s where mine should be
I don’t want his hands playing in her hair until its messy and covers her face
I don’t want another guy staring into her green eyes in my place

No one knows the things she told me
So when she has multiple finished cigarettes at her feet
Or when she’s getting high in the evening
And drinking alcohol when she should be sleep
They’ll never know what she’s hiding
He’ll never know when you’re hurting
Not like I do

You’ll think it’s weird she draws a unicorn smoking ****
While I find it funny and cute
You won’t know what she goes to Mc Donald’s for
He won’t know her favorite drink

You wouldn’t know how stupid she feels
When she pronounces a word wrong
You won’t laugh out of love like I do
You wouldn’t tell her to say it again
Because you just loved the way she talks

There’s so much more
That he wouldn’t know
He favorite color, he favorite show
I don’t want any other guy knowing her like I do
Because even if she’s gone, she’s still belongs with me

You’re nothing more then a temptation
That twist and turn my stomach  
Almost sickening
One look in your eyes
And my heart convinced me this is meant to be
Ignoring my mind
Constantly screaming
True love is fiction
It’s the same as a drunk man trying prove he knows karate
Someone is going to end up hurt
But any man who kissed your lips
His virginity would cease to exist
I got insnared in your musk
And I would’ve walk through the fire
Kicked down the doors of hell
If you were trapped behind them
I would’ve packed my bags and flown to any destination
If you were there
So Entangled I didn’t think clear
But now my flesh can touch yours
Without me getting lost
I paid the price
It wasn’t money
What I paid with
Will be more costly then I thought

I love the rain
Not really sure why
It’s only water falling from the sky

It’s relaxing
And I often feel stress free
Listening to how it sounds

It pounds on the windows
And splat on the ground
Thuds on the roof

Nothing can escape it
Everything is within its reach
You can’t hide, you’ll get wet eventually

I love how everything scatters
Trying to get out of its way
No birds flapping or animals scurrying around

I like watching others react to it
Some people run
Others walk

Some skip, some jog
Others hop over puddles like they’re logs
And some avoid it at all cost by hiding in cars

I love the rain
And if I could
I’d watch it all day

Hate
Hate
Hate
I tried it your way
I even behaved
But I was only left feeling betrayed
Now I hide in my room
Like it’s some sort of a dark cave
And I only come out
To rebuke happiness
And curse all your names
No one should be alone on Christmas?
What about all the other days

How she felt

Could never compare to his

Feeling miserable shouldn’t be a competition

But if it was

He’d surely win

He couldn’t escape his emptiness

It was hooked to his ankles

And his wrist like chains

He would hide in music

Blast it in his ears

Hoping to rebuke it

He only felt emotions as the songs played

And as soon as they ended, he immediately felt alone

But he didn’t know where to turn

And often flirted with death

In the form of a loaded gun and a bottle of pills

Sitting on the shelf

He could never do it

As much as he hated life

He wanted to live

So he’d laid in bed and wondered

Why he felt dead inside

Delete
Delete
Delete
I erase you
Because you erase me
And it’s how it should be
But wait
That’s not how the movie ends
Would you like me to tell you ?

I don’t understand destiny
And all this everything happens for a reason
It just seems like a bad excuse to accept how things are

So if you stumble upon a dog and it’s dying
Do you watch it die
And say It was meant to die
Or do you do whatever you can to save it
But then again we’re you destined to find the dog?!
Crap

I never walked away
Because I didn’t want you to see the knives in my back
I couldn’t understand your pain?
Maybe you just didn’t know mine

I thought I just saw god
But I was wrong
It was just headlights from a car
I was searching for something good
That’s when he sent me an angel
And it’s angle
Fix the loneliness in my heart
For a moment it worked
I submitted to love
Entirely
Foolishly
Once my loneliness was gone
My angel
Sent from heaven
Turned into a demon
An agent from hell
And its goal
Was to leave me depleted
It snatched away the love
Leaving my soul
Empty
Not broken
Not in pain
Not full of rage
No it’s goal was for me not to feel anything
I felt the heat from love
Only for a moment
But now
I’m cold

Everyones scared of death
Because they don’t want life to end
But I welcome it
With a smile on my face
Sometimes I ask why am I alive
Why am I here
Hoping for an early death like it’s some sort of a prize
Or a twisted blessing
What’s wrong with me
Can’t convince myself that I’m good anymore
But if anyone ask
Tell them I’m doing ok

Some people cut
But what I do to myself is much worse
My scars will never show
I’ve gone after my heart
And the things I do to it
You don’t want to know
I couldn’t even put it in words
Hurt me
I’m worthless
Trying to convince me otherwise
Is useless
I’m worthless
One day I woke up
And now I hurt less
I know it’s dangerous
But its also beautiful
I’m not the only one stressed
I’m not the only one who’s life is a mess
So pity me not
Just don’t stand in the way
If you were once a friend not anymore
I’ve chosen to walk away
No one deserves
To suffer along with me
Hurt me

I’m sorry poetry
But you can’t save me this time
I use to scribe to you
Until I lost track of time
And the bad feelings went away
As soon as I was done
I didn’t do it for fun
I wrote to you to save me from myself
But now
You no longer help
When I put the pen down
I don’t feel healed
Or cured
I always felt empty inside
But now this time it’s real
Hello Poetry, Goodbye

My faith in us
Unshakable
Like a Christian praying on his knees
Nothing can defeat us
As long as we believed
As long as I fight
I thought you’d never leave
I thought love conquers all
But now
All is lost
I don’t blame you
I blame me
I thought I could save you
Strip away your pain
I thought I could motivate you to fight
But that seed never sprouted in your brain
I thought I could pump your heart
But it’s hard to love behind a screen
I was foolish
You were 18 years to young
And all the wisdom I’ve gained at 24
Still want enough
I was selfish and stubborn
To think I myself was enough
I’m sorry I could help you
I’m sorry I failed
Your pain has you shackled
I’m to weak to carry your chains
I’ll always love you
I’m sorry I wasn’t the cure to your pain

When did I become so numb
You could shoot me with a loaded gun
I wouldn’t even flinch
Stab me with the sharpest knife you could find
And I wouldn’t even yell as I bleed
You could punch me in my gut
I wouldn’t fall to my knees
Gasping desperately trying to breathe
You could do whatever you want to me
And I wouldn’t feel a thing
Because inside I’ve become paralyzed

I can see it now
I’m forcing myself to be there
When all you wanted to do was be alone and sink
But I pulled you out the lake anyway
And now I’m the one who’s going to drown

I’ve never felt so alive
But trying to save you from yourself
Will eventually be the death of me

I don’t want you to leave
But forcing someone to stay
Was never my way
So if you must leave
Don’t be afraid to go
It’ll hurt
Inside I might cry
My heart my ache
But I won’t stop you

I once read

You shouldn’t fight to stay with someone
Who does nothing to keep you
Maybe this is true ?

The last time I saw your face
It was naked
Now you bare a beard
It’s weird to see
How much you’ve aged
All your black hairs, outnumbered by the grays
The skin on you face seems to sag
Even your gold tooth looks beige
But what you fail to notice
Is the rage in my eyes that’s hidden behind the black shades
I don’t hate you
But the resentment in my heart
Makes me want to serve you with a right hook
And I wouldn’t be satisfied
Until I felt the snap of your bones
And crack of your teeth
The adrenaline blazing through my veins
Would convince me
The throbbing in my knuckles isn’t real
But as much as I want to inflict pain on you  
I can’t
Because today is my baby sis graduation
Which is the only reason
We’re standing here face to face

I’m loyal!
You assured me
I’m as faithful as they come
You won’t ever have to worry or doubt me
I’ll prove it to you watch me
Ok
I’ll believe you
Let’s go outside for some fun in the sun
A few minutes later
You turned alarmingly warm
But we haven’t been out here that long
All of a sudden
The veins under you skin started to bust
I gasp in disgust
You tried to grab onto me
But all the bones were gone
Liquid started to gush from your ears
It appeared your brain was melting
You tried you yell
But your tongue boiled and turned to jell
Even the thing in the back of your throat exploded
You seem to be corroding
Melting like plastic
I guess on the inside
You were really fake

I feel everything
Well only sadness and pain
And it’s wounded so tightly around me
I can barley breathe
It’s so suffocating
And I’m so committed to misery
I found myself proposing on one knee
She laughs and says no
Because she’s been with me before I was a teen

Im finding less ways to cope
Maybe I should feel up a shot glass
And throw a couple back
Until my vision becomes out of focus
And let the brown liquor
Run dangerously free
Like the migration of locus
But even then
Will that take away the hurt
I should knock back a few more
Until my stomach swells
And every sound rings in my skull like a bell
Maybe I shouldn’t stop
Until each step becomes a challenge
And even if I’m standing straight up
I still feel off balance
But you see I don’t drink
It’s hard fighting the demons now
Just one sip and I wouldn’t have the strength to keep them down

Ok forgot the sip
Maybe I should match it up
Would getting high
Help me hide what I feel
Because if it will
Maybe I’ll roll it up
And get lost in the clouds
And chock on the smoke
Forget the cup it always burn my throat
Yes maybe drugs will help
I should smoke until my eyes get low
And until there’s no more left to pull from
It’s a dubbie a roach in my hand
But I have connects
So I’d always have an endless high
How many hits would it take
Until my memories vanish and erase
How many blunts in a day
Until I can’t remember what’s hurting me today
Tell me is smoking the answer
The thing is I don’t smoke
So what should I do
I don’t have a clue

Who knew evil girls had the prettiest face

I can see why people cut themselves
I did for the first time the other day
Not on purpose
But on accident
Moving something out of the way
It hurt of course
I hate how we have such delicate skin
But the relief I felt afterwards
Was better then the pain

Lay here with me
And hold me please
She pleads
And begs
Just five more minutes
She always says
Ripping my white tee
As she pulls me back on the bed
I hate when she gets petty and upset
She always bring up memories I try to forget
Haven’t I always been by your side
She likes to quote
From the times you would get so angry
And tie a belt around your throat
I even kept your demons a secret
Ever since you were a small child
Remember those bruises
He left you
Because you wet the bed
Now resentment and hatred is all the fills your head
You often say
It wouldn’t bother you if your dead beat dad were dead
And you can’t say you aren’t happy
That your mom and alcoholic ex have parted ways
Or you might still be waking up to fighting and screaming
Between the two
That’s why you were always out so late
You weren’t really much use
I guess that’s why liquor never touches your hands
From your first heart break
Which you never really seemed to recover
It’s been years
And you still haven’t fully healed
But it’s ok
You know I’m always here
I’ll never leave your side
Not even after you die
Because I love you
And I know you love me

I won’t be a victim of this love ****
Either hate me
Or love me
Date me or forget me
That’s it

You don’t know what I struggle through
I could **** myself
And everyone would be all confused
Thinking I’m just some cheery happy dude
When in reality
I’m probably more broken inside
Then what I put off to you

Happiness is but a fleeting light
For some
It’s like trying to catch lightning in a bottle

I ran to the moon
I heard she was good at giving advice
Should I love her with all my might ?
To my surprise
She replied
Why are you asking me
I am but a lonely rock
Trap in a slow dance
And the only time I’m noticed is at night
I do not know what it means to love
I can only imagine what’s it like
All I can say
Love someone who will cherish you even in the dark
Why don’t you go ask the sun

So to the sun I went
Should I love her with everything I have?
But the sun ego was just to bright
He strutted his rays
Polluting the air waves
I demand he answer me
And with a smug look on his face
He said
Love someone who isn’t afraid to get burned by your pain
Why don’t you go ask the ocean

So I traveled to the sea
Stood at the foot of his crashing waves
Should I love her even if she’s far away
There’s no distance to great
He said calmly as the summers breeze
If she’s not willing to fight through my tides
Hide your heart
Because it only means she doesn’t have to patience to nurture it
If it should ever fall apart
Love someone who’s willing
To become stranded with you
So you both can be saved

Here I am again on a writing tear
But it isn’t helping
Because what I’m feeling isn’t going anywhere
It’s stuck
Deep down inside
I can’t find it
It crawled in some deep dark corner
Trying to hide
So I write
Trying to exposed it with poetry
Because it’s my blinding flash light
I keep in my hand
But lately I can’t tell if it’s fixing anything

The heart wants what it wants..

Someone once said..

And my heart wants..
Y
O
U

Does that make me fool..

Because I never thought I’d feel this way again

Am I special enough to always be on your mind
Or was I just a good dream
That you couldn’t remember once you were awake
Have you finally forgotten me
Are does thoughts of me run through your mind

I’ll never forget how this started
A simple compliment
Nothing fantastic
Or dramatic
A didn’t swoop in fast
With some sort of smooth line
I wasn’t trying to sweep you off you’re feet
I just couldn’t keep my words to myself
Contemplation in the way
But I’m going to say it anyway
This all started
Because I said you had pretty eyes

I got caught in the rain today
It didn’t pour
But just enough that everyone wanted to get out of its way
But not me
I didn’t run or flee
I walked as it painted the pavement grey
With each step
The water droplets latched themselves on my clothes and onto my hands
They laid down the hairs on my arms
And darkened my pants
And even though my clothes were starting to get soak
I still walked as it continued to rain
Because it’s the one few times
That I feel at peace

I hate to burden you with this
But you’re in everything I do
It’s like you’re my reflection
My eyes are dark brown
But somehow the eyes looking back at me
Are now a burning bright green
My short black hair
That’s curled with waves
Fans out
Past my shoulders
Now it’s a brunettes brown
My Carmel skin
Turns pale
Like it hasn’t seen enough of the suns glow
If I were to raise my arm
So would you
I can no longer look in the mirror and cry
That means you would too
Plus all I feel is happiness whenever I see you
So I smile as much as I can
Because I know you’re smiling too
I’ve always looked in my mirror and felt alone
But now I know your always on the other side
It’s like you’re in my mirror
The reflection looking back at me
You might be the love of my life
I just hope
Whenever you looking in yours
You’re seeing me

I shoved her into the closet
Shh don’t make a sound
My mom is home
And I don’t want her to know you’re around
I’m not ashamed of you
Even though
I keep you hidden like a ******* magazine
It’s just I’m not use to this
So for now you can’t be seen

Ok the cost is clear
I’m sorry I had to hide you
But you know the routine
It’s been drilled in me to show no emotions
No love
No fear
I hear footsteps coming up the stairs
Quick
Under the bed
Don’t talk and hide your head
It’s not that I’m afraid
But I’m just a broken person
It might be to late for me to be saved

I have to go to work now
So you’re free to roam around
Just don’t let anyone know you’re involved with me
I’ve already brag to the guys
Me and you will never be

I came home today
You were no where to be found
I checked underneath the bed
Even between the sheets
You weren’t in the closet
I threw out all the clothes
And in my frantic panic
I exposed who you were
You were the loved I kept a secret
The feelings I denied
The emotions I tried to hide
I tried to keep it on the low low
But now
Everyone knows

Her favorite color is purple
But I don’t know how to write a poem about that

What comes to mind
When you think of the color green ?
Money obviously
Or maybe the green leaves
That protrude from the branches of trees like ache
Or does green remind you off the grass
And how itchy it becomes
When it comes in contact with your skin
Or maybe fresh green paint
That drips from a brush
After you attempted to repaint your balcony
What comes to your mind when someone ask you to think of something green
Do you picture a girl screeching and screaming
Because a green toad pounced or her toes Trying to dodge the dangers of the busy highway road
What comes to mind when you think of the color green
I’ll tell you what comes to mine
The green in her eyes
When the sun hit em just right
They sparkled
And danced
I don’t need to watch the burning stars of the galaxy
I have all the twinkling lights I need
Right here
When I looked In her eyes they put my turbulent soul at ease
The only problem
They aren’t next to me
Sometimes I fear they might leave
Then where would I be

I stare into space
Hoping to conjure up answers
But the confusion in my heart
Clouds my mind
Doors closed
Locked from the inside
Blinds down
I sit in a vacant room
Occupied by darkness
The silence sting my ears
Memories crash in an out like waves
I try to hold on to them tight
But they can’t be saved
Battery running low
The only light that pollutes the air
Is the 10% warning on my phone
Paragraphs typed
I often wished weren’t sent
Feeling sorry for myself left me spent
One friend left in my corner
She begs me not to push her away
But the confusion has left me with nothing to say

I don’t know how to feel
I smile
But that grin you see on my face
Yeah it’s not really real
I laugh and chuckle
Even clutch my abs tight
So you think the emotional I’m showing is true
It’s fabrication
Fiction
But your unable to see
That the happy expression on my face
Really isn’t me
The jokes I crack are just a distraction
In reality
There’s sadness stuck in my throat
But I’ll do everything I can so it won’t show