Please be okay
I hope you’re alright
I can’t handle anything else
I can’t spend another night
Drowning myself in tears
Passing the day in sighs
Please just take care
Please oh please don’t die

No one understands
And no one ever will
I've long since given up
Trying to explain how I feel
I'm so tired
I'm so weak
I'm currently feeling
A thousand things
I just want
Everything to pause
And give me a moment
To collect my thoughts

I can live without you
I'll always do what I do
I can't deny I liked you
Your lips were like a haiku
Small, sweet and delightful
When we split they became so spiteful
The words are caught up in my throat
All the words you once wrote
The silent love we never spoke
Disappeared along with the hope
That we could go back to the way things were
*But I'll never be able to get through to her

Sunshine peeks through gray clouds
Soon after the rain
And everything seems to wake up
And become alive again
It must be raining
Inside of me
Because even when things
Are bright and sunny
I can't seem to shake
The dismal and gray
I'm caught in between
Being asleep and awake

The lights flicked on
One by one
They were so bright
Like a thousand suns
Closer and closer
Row by row
Knowing they were coming
My body froze
And finally the light
Poured down upon me
A mess of life
I couldn't speak
I couldn't move
It hurt so bad
Frantically looking
For a thought to grab
But it simply doesn't
Work that way
And the light just wouldn't
Go away
And suddenly an arena
Was built around me
I was on display
For all to see
A disgustingly pathetic
Reclusive freak
Their laser eyes blinking
In robotic sync
I'm hunching over
Head against my knees
Hoping to disappear
From these awful things
But such luck
Just won't come my way
So I'll suffer and suffer
Day by day
No one knows
Just what it's like
To have a hole
So big and wide
Right in the center
Of your heaving chest
Bloodying everything
You cherish best
A hole for wicked hands
To reach inside
And rip out everything
That keeps you alive
So I'll keep looking
For another soul
With stains of blood
Upon their clothes
And when I do
I'll reveal my own
The tragic flaw
That the anxious hold

It's no fun
To meet up anymore
I'm a broken record
A revolving door
I say anything
You want me to say
If you put me somewhere
I swear I'll stay
I'm an empty cup
Waiting to be filled
I take and take
Then tip over and spill
I'm that last leaf
On a tree in the fall
Everyone's moved on
But I'm scared of it all
It's no fun
To meet up anymore
The girl you know is gone
I'm a vacant lifeless corpse

And I love when you talk my ear off
Don't ever say you're a pest
I wanna hear you at 3 am
I wanna hear you stressed
I wanna hear you first thing in the morning
I wanna hear you before bed
Living in the absence of your voice
Is the loneliest I've ever been
You're never annoying
You never will be
So please oh please
Just talk to me

I don't know
What I want you to know
But I want you to know
Something
So I'll keep
Tossing rhymes about
Hoping you'll understand me
Who are you
And what am I?
Empty feelings
In disguise
As something much more
Than what they are
Searching for meanings
In glowing stars
Can't we just accept
That they twinkle and shine
Instead of wracking our brains
Wondering why
Just lay back
Under the sky
And for once
Just once in our miserable lives
Inhale the miasma
Of a world dying

I had a dream about us
Before I said the things I did
I felt the warmth of your love
Like the sun's gentle kiss
We'd run around in the backyard
Pretending we were fish and sharks
Grandma said don't open your eyes
Rainbows dancing 'round the lights
The chlorine burned but it's fun to see
Changing shapes and warped little feet
I carried you, you carried me
Now it's all too heavy for me
Even just to drag myself
I'm always looking for someone's help
I'll never admit when I'm in need
I just get mad when no one sees
My mind is no else's to read
I should really be able to do these things
I had a dream...
Before I said...
Sunburned shoulders...
Chafed and red...
Don't open your eyes...
Be home on time...
No one else can read my mind

When the thought crosses my mind
That you might not even know
Just how the loss of you
Shattered my brittle soul  
I can't help suddenly cringe
And shut my eyes tight
Your love I tried to win
My heart wounded in the fight

Little round tops
On little glass jars
Little shiny needles
Sewing up the scars
Little white lies
Little black marks
Everything's small
But it still hits hard

Concealed by
The smoke of confusion
You slipped away
Now I'm trapped within
This twisted delusion
Thinking that you still care
That you're still here
I know you're gone
But I can't bare
I can't handle
The very thought
So I'll just pretend
That nothings wrong

Sunset stained lightening
On a melting horizon
Swaying just slightly
To the thunders vibration
Rain drops dancing
Wistfully circling my pain
I stand in the storm alone
Crying underneath the rain

Haunted by the possibility
That all the seeking hands
To ever touch me
Will never adore
Have never cared
Only for a moment
Will they ever be there

The day you began seeing me
As you see everyone else
Was the day I tried to stick up for myself
The day I said what I knew to be true
Was the day I became nothing to you

Don't say you need me when
You leave and you leave again
I'm stronger than all my men
Except for you

Kiss me with the warmth
Of Summer's embrace
Say you'll always love me
Till we fade away
Wrapping you up
In blushing lace
Tracing the smile
Over your face
Beneath my fingers
I feel your warmth
Into my prints
I love you more
Than all the things
I seem to collect
Than all the value
Around this bed
Hopelessly consumed
In worthless things
Hanging on to you
Beneath the sheets
My eyes find the window
Drifting snow
My heart wanders
But I'll never go
I'll never betray the home you've made
I'll never leave the assurance you create

Can't see like everyone else
I've got holes in my eyes
And they can't be helped

Emptiness feasting on green, full grass
Everything succumbs to winter at last

Fitted with diamonds and jaded by green
Sweeping arms open towards sullen seas

To sunset on the horizon just boats away
Rolling into dreams and sleeps decay

These holes in my eyes they won't let me rest
I lie awake and gaze at the ceiling of red

What's just beyond me is impossibly far
It's distance is a bit further than my outstretched arm

And just when I pay it a moments mind
It fleets away into the emptiness in my eye

My love is like an ocean
It's depth is unknown
I wish I knew what to say
I wish I wasn't so cold
I know my moment is far away
I'm sensible enough, I know the space
I know the distance between you and I
It exists physically but solely in my mind
There are a million ways to get to you
But time can never be removed
If my love breaks gently like waves against the shore
It will simply return to its place before
How can I learn if I can't recall what's past
Where do I find a joy that will last
I know the answers are within myself
Every feeling must be felt
Every thought has a place
Why do I numb myself so I won't have to face
The problems I just try to sleep away
The worries that settle beneath my eyes when I wake
And spread over my skin like a mask on my face
They always greet me, once again
Whether I ignore, or recognize them
Some evil things are not affected by time
They will forever remain until love is mine

I'm hating myself
And I bet you're hating me too
If I can't love me
How can you ?

I swore I heard my name
Called quietly behind
But turning to see empty space
I began to realize
Maybe it was
The quiet itself
Knowing how lonely
It is in this hell
Maybe just maybe
It called out my name
To let me know
That it feels the same

I'd like to think
That at least one time
As the mess that is "me"
Happens to walk by
That someone around
A complete stranger to me
Has turned their head
And maybe just maybe thought
That I was
P r e t t y

I don't feel well
But I'm not sick
I've just got aches
And pains in my chest
I've just got some thoughts
Stuck in my head
It's hard to breath
It's hard to rest
Wide awake
Can't get out of bed

There'll always be someone better
Makes it so easy to just forget her

I had this dream
And you were there
And I was dying
But you weren't scared
I had this dream
That I was almost dead
But you weren't sad
You wanted me to rest
And I felt the warmth
Of your hand on my head
It was so hot it was cool
And I couldn't comprehend
But once I passed on
I truly realized
It was the energy of that touch
That kept me alive
I had this dream
That we both died
And in our graves
We both decided
To throw a party
With the worms
And ants arrived
In tiny swarms
I had this dream
That we were alive
And I was walking down a hall
Wishing to die
But my heart picked up
As I walked through the double doors
Because my eyes were fixated
On on that warmth
And the back of her head
Came into sight
Long dark curls
I almost sighed
In some sort of relief
I took a seat
It was lunch time
And I was beat
I had this dream
That I wasn't weird
And I didn't live in fantasies
And I wasn't held together by tears
And I wasn't weaving webs
Around my arms and legs
Then getting agitated and upset
When I couldn't move
*******
I had a dream
That there were eyes on your hands
And they were showing me
Some foreign land
Speaking in
Some foreign tongue
I now know to be
The language of love
I turned and grabbed
A safety pin
I opened it
And jabbed it in
The eye deflated
And began to bleed
And yet you still
Stayed close to me
I had this dream
Yet I knew I was dreaming
I still believe
Claiming to be done believing
Dreaming
Dizzy
Twitching
Life
Spinning around
Leaving me behind
Spiders crawling
Over my skin
Into my nostrils
Breathing them in
They're making their webs
Inside my lungs
They're laying eggs in my heart
Then I woke up

Relying on numbers
And blank screens
We walk around headless
Mindlessly
Somehow convinced
That we know what it means
Yet we wander
Aimlessly

Let's go back
To the way it used to be
Oblivious to you
As you were oblivious to me
Let's go back
To the times before
When it was all a joke
And nothing more
Let's go back
To the way it was
When I didn't crave
Your gentle touch
When the little things
Were just enough
Let's go back
To before we fell in love

I want to take this world
And grab it by the hair
Beat it up like that girl
That got me expelled last year
I’ll pull out it’s tracks
Leave them in the street
It’s fun to be a badass
Fists clenched, bare feet
It’s probably not good
To let myself get this mad
If I was smarter I would
Find an outlet that
Won’t get me arrested
And read my rights
I’m tired of domestics
And red and blue lights

There's something lively
About your skin
Raw and pale with a pinkish tinge
It appears
To be well lived in
Laughing smiles
Ocean wind
The color of freshly
Upturned earth
Captivate me
Secret hurt
Lazily chasing
"Nameless hers"
Mystery girls
Different worlds

Thanks to everyone

Who's read my work

The hearts that resonate

With every word

Thank you for the feedback

And all the support

I feel the energy

From across the world

You all have inspired me

To keep moving forward

And lean on each other

To ease the hurt

Dead skin under fingernails
Chewed up lips and dried tears trails
Adrift upon the wave of calm
That followed the storm that rages on
It's subtle now, rumbling in my chest
It won't give me a moments rest
With just the bump of a restless wave
It consumes my body in raging flames
In its glow I still see your name
When everything's gone it still remains

A bad smell lingered in the air
And reminded me of the beach
And suddenly I wanted to run along the shore
Just you and me
But who are you anyway ?
And why are you in my head ?
Oh right, you're just my imagination


The real you is dead

I spent my life wishing
That you would come around
Eternally hoping
You'd catch me coming down
***** swirls on porcelain
Round and round and round
I see my own reflection
And you're nowhere to be found

The writing's on the wall
Yet I still can't seem to grasp
The fact that you're gone
And you're never coming back

Islands of paradise basking in the sun
Situated on the horizon, untouched and un-run
Gazing out into the glow I see you and I
In the rustic smolder, where our loves still alive
I see the person I was meant to be
The shimmering dream vessel that encapsulates me
My ship sways lazily drunk on melancholy dreams
The glamour of this paradise is just a bitter tease
I see the light so bright but cannot feel it's warmth
I see it green and shimmering from your dock's shore
I raced against fate to capture the dream
I lost myself in the chase, and still it's all I see