We'll melt out of our clothes
Like burning candles
Hopeless love flickering in the night
When everything feels so despondently wrong
You make me feel alright

The end of something beautiful
Is drawing near
And there's nothing we can do
To stop it I fear
We knew it was coming
Yet we let it creep up
Until it was screaming
Strangling us
I'm so afraid
A fear more than just change
I really want you to stay
I can't imagine a day
Without your smile
So wide and bright
Cheek to cheek
Innocent and light
For no reason more
Than unbroken joy
A joy that I'll always envy
Through eyes darting and coy
Oh God I'll miss you
And your little gifts
I wish I could have helped you
I wish I could have stopped this
Or was it simply inevitable
You've accepted it
And so have I
But it always hurts so badly
Saying goodbye

I want to be “honest”
But if I say
“I want to hurt myself”
They’ll lock me away
And leave me with the thoughts
That hurt the most
In my eyes it’s worse
Than voices or seeing ghosts
It’s a trap
They love to play
The “open up to me”
So I can lock you up game

It's already over
So just move on*
But God ******
It feels so wrong
You told me forever
And I guess it's been that long
I lost track of time
I can't believe you're gone

I think it takes a few of my bones
To keep them all together
Maybe they're just hanging on their own
Maybe it's a joint effort
It feels like they're crumbling beneath my skin
When I'm feeling under the weather
Why do I keep doing this to myself?
Why is it so easy to forget her?

I want to be strong
In all the wrong ways
You can’t please them all
But watch what you say
I don’t want to fall
Forget yesterday
I can’t worry about
The things that won’t change
If I’m scared to run
Then I’ll never fly
I’ll follow the sun
If only with my eyes
I’m not the one
Who’s obsessed with the night
Done hiding in darkness
I’ll seek out the light
Happiness is something
You must get up and find
I don’t want to lay down
I just want to fight

If you want me to leave
Then why would you tell me to stay
Don’t try and confuse me
You know that’s that **** I hate
I can’t wait till summer
When I can sleep outside
The sound of crickets chirping
A switchblade between my thighs
You know if I left
It would be the last time
So just let me go
If all I’m good for is lies

Being nice in this world
It doesn’t get you so far
It’s okay to be cold
Let the stickers on your heart
Encapsulate your muscles
Constrict your veins
If you never let it out
It’s only yours to contain
The agony inside
Crying out to feel
The laughter that hides
Saying it all isn’t real
I take black stickers
I cover myself
It’s easy to be bitter
There’s no one to tell

I made a promise years ago
I made it without thought
I made a promise recklessly
To use my brain I 'ought
I put my hand proudly in yours
To let you down I'd die before
I made a promise in the heat of youth
And aged so bitterly
Poisoned by it's truth

Blind in my right eye
Alive in the night time
I wish I was alright
So I say I'm "just fine"
Voices like wind chimes
Caught up in chasing time
I take a hit, it feels sublime
Like summertime sunshine
I won't pretend I'm someone I'm not
I'm just so tired of chasing clocks
Fell asleep and missed my stop
Even now life never stops

Underneath the boiling night sky
I felt the heat of your hand in mine
I couldn't breathe most of the time
Entrapped in steam and starlights shine
I never wondered how I looked
Enchanted and lost within loves book
My eyes locked on a single spell
Your heart was mine, far as I could tell
I never wondered if you'd stay
Or if this heat would dissipate
Or if the love would fade away
But you chose her and that's okay

It hurts to leave bed
It hurts to cry
It hurts to stay
And wonder why
There's so many thoughts
In this dizzy head
That swirl round and round
Full of hurt and dread
And then the guilt
For feeling this way
For not getting up and trying
To chase the day
But I'm tired of running
I'd rather walk
I'd rather lay down on the tracks
And watch the clock

Day after lazy day
Night after long dreaming night
Sluggish pendulums sway
Left and right
Asleep yet awake
Thinking of what it might be like
To just drift away
Erased from everyone's minds

You'll go off
To do great things
You'll meet great people
And forget about me
But the memory of you
Will stay forever
You've cut open my heart
And forcibly entered
I didn't want
To let you in
But here you are
My special friend
You're going places
So very far
You've torn apart
My tethered heart
With your wide smile
And your twitching brows
As you're speaking to me
Without any sound
The way your hands move
So swiftly and smooth
I love your language
I'm in love with you

I can't erase
The messy white lines
I can't erase them
Even if I tried
In fact I like them
So for the last time
Please don't ask me
If I'm alright

You make my lonely world
Something worth living for
Even though the girls
Are blonde with hair curled
You make me feel pretty
In an ugly sort of way
You take the imperfections with me
And everything feels okay
Like I can be the demon
I was always meant to be
Everything I'm feeling
Is too much to believe
I wanna let go of these habits
And be addicted to you instead
Life's so rich and lavish
With you trapped in my head
I'd forgotten life's thrilling highs
Beneath rolling summer skies
Living, breathing everything's alright
I can let go of the things I hide
The anxiety that itches away
I'll save it for another day
Another time when you're not around
On the outskirts of my mind
Spinning round and round

I wish I didn't **** up so much
I wish it was easier to get in touch
I wish the words were just enough
But they're hollow and meaningless
Like the "friends" and the drugs
You've been singing a different song
You don't know the words but you hum along
There's a harmony of right and wrong
Sometimes it's hard to decide which one
I don't have the voice to sing acapella
But you sing the same old songs and I'm fed up
I know I'd never be the one to step up
So I've decided I won't sing at all
Anything to go against the grain
Anything to show I'm not the same
You talk and talk
But you'll never walk
So what's the ******* point anyway?

I'll ask you a question
The answer ingrained in my mind
Just to hear your voice
Just to see you smile

Will I startle you
When you see me again
With fingers like twigs
Hanging onto a branch
Will you be afraid
To touch my skin
Thin as a sheet
Barely covering what's within
Will you gasp
When you see my face
Cheeks caved in
Eyes a sunken in disgrace
Will you even noticed
That I've changed at all
Will you even realize
How much of me is gone?

I like the way
You loom over me
The way the tip of my nose
Touches your chest
I like seeing you
First thing in the morning
Inhaling your sleepy breath
The messy tufts of hair
Scattered all over your head
I love having you around
Despite everything I've said
I'm just protecting my feelings
You know you're too good to be true
You are the meaning of perfection
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To keep you around just a while longer
To make this bond a little stronger
You're going places
And I'm going nowhere
But while you're in this ****** town
Just stay here

He loves me the way
That you loved me
Gripping my jaw
Making me bleed
Shattering my soul
Bruising my skin
He loves me
Like you did
I've found you
In black eyes
A ****** nose
I miss you so much
I'm numb to the blows
He grabs my hair
And asks me why
And I just laugh
And close my eyes
'Cause when he yells
I think of you
And all the things
You used to do

I’m so happy
Not worried at all
Grateful for things
Ignoring calls
I don’t like to leave the house
Unless my stuff is getting thrown out
I’m so happy
Nothings happening
I hear laughter
Talk is sappy
Nothing hurts if I don’t feel
Next time I’ll just leave at will

This is the worst it's ever been
It's raining outside
Can't get back in
My keys are buried in the ground
Guess I was hoping they wouldn't be found
Now they're just impossibly deep
Too far for you, way beyond me
I can see them in my mind
Taunting me behind my eyes
I shouldn't have left but I did
Singing birds and screaming kids
Empty hands - lost fingertips
This is the worst it's ever been

Your words reminded me
Of things I couldn't believe
All those years it seemed
Everything was just a dream
Tried to be pretty
Tried to be clean
But everyone saw right through me
Caught in the illusion
Dancing through reality
Lost in the confusion
The wicked schemes
And through it all nothing's real it seems
Just the thoughts, the visions
The rest is heat
Lost to mysteries down desert roads
And summer night's breeze
Caressing sails of boats

I don’t think I’m a bad person
I just let it get to the point
Where I’m only really hurting,
Feeling so frustrated and annoyed
Because I think and think
About what I am and what I do
Sometimes I think I’m at the brink
Of crazy not confused
I must somehow escape my mind
And run as fast as I can
I wish I’d just go blind
So I won’t fear the things at hand
I don’t think I’m bad at all
I just get hung up on my thoughts
I need to get outside my head
And be grateful for what I’ve got

I've trapped you in my thoughts
Helplessly ensnared within my mind
We're wanderers, not lost
Slaves to endlessly limited time
I've trapped you in this moment
I'll never let you go
Your world will continue turning
But mine will start to slow
Savoring the feel of your skin
Memorizing every moment of this
Burning up in the heat
Of your existence against mine
I'll never get this moment back
I can only watch as it slips by
I'll never get this moment back
But when I close my eyes
You're here with me once again
Your warmth is by my side

You never gave me a reason
So I came up with a few myself
I actually came up with a lot of them
Searching for some resolve
I've come up with so many ways
So many things I've done wrong
I'll never be anything
I'll never be what you want

I don't want to forget
But my memory betrays
Everything I've held onto
Is slipping away
It's for my own good
It's been haunting me for years
Pulling at my strings
Lurking in my fears

And I'm so sorry for pushing you away
All I ever wanted was for you to stay

Nothing I do ever seems to make sense
I'm just a fool with selfish intent
The things I like do nothing for me
Except get me so high I forget what it means
To keep someone's promise or show up on time
It's all I can think of, only thing on my mind
You'd think I'm a fiend when I'm all out of tree
Suddenly everything makes sense to me
The concept of family, having goals in life
They say it's what happens
Your motivation dies
It's inevitable, what your brain does
When instead of reading books you grow up doing drugs
"Your mom's a teacher you can't be that way"
"If you only knew" I just want to say
"Your dad's been there, can't you talk to him?"
It's hard to be an advocate
For someone who doesn't want to help themselves
Someone you thought you knew so well
Someone who was funny, and brave, and smart
From the rest they seemed so far apart
I've become the person I thought I'd never be
Nothing I do makes sense to me

I was afraid of your fingers
Crawling in my hair
Like silent spiders
Lurking there
I was afraid of your voice
So deep and low
It was the only thing
That let me know
You were still alive
Lying at my side
I swore you were dead
Most of the time
I was so deathly afraid
Of everything you did
But most of all
I was afraid that you'd dip
And leave me here
All alone
Abandoned by fear
An empty home
I was so afraid
To displease you
That I did everything
You asked me to do
And gradually
I fell in love
With the very fear
Provoked by your touch
But just as I went
To reach out my hand
And grab hold of you
You suddenly vanished
And left me alone
With these dreary thoughts
Without that fear
I've become so lost

I found a new love
It’s stuck by my side
It takes me above
The worries in my mind
I’ve thrown it away a thousand times
Thinking it was too good to be mine
It’s scary giving your heart a chance
Allowing yourself to be held in the hands
Of invisible fate that hangs over me still
I can’t control it, what’s bound to happen simply will
Life is so much better living in the now
Not worrying when, or where, or how
In this moment I’m free of guilt
I’m forgetting a million things
But for now it’s nice to just
Chill

I don’t really know
What keeps me from them
From all the bad decisions
And broken promises
I keep on running
Too scared to look back
Afraid that there’s something
When it’s nothing in fact
I look ahead
And run from the fear
I can’t see anything now
But something may be near

I’m done with wishing

It’s gotten me nowhere

I’m done just existing

Standing silently there

There are more ways to be present

Than being mindlessly loud

I don’t want to feel restless

Wondering how I look, and sound

Wishes are empty

What does it mean

To promise someone something

You only had within a dream

I don’t want to know

And I don’t want to see

I don’t want to hear

How cowardly of me

What you meant
And what you said
Unanswered questions
Fill my head
I feel so breathless
When I'm with you
Yet life's so easy
So what should I do?
Should I stay and succumb
To this fluttering in my chest
Or lay this youthful fling
To a cold, dead rest?
What you said
And what you meant
I'll leave to the stars
And hope for the best