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Apr 6 · 35
Nevermind Apr 6
I don’t really know
What keeps me from them
From all the bad decisions
And broken promises
I keep on running
Too scared to look back
Afraid that there’s something
When it’s nothing in fact
I look ahead
And run from the fear
I can’t see anything now
But something may be near
Nevermind Feb 12
I’m so happy
Not worried at all
Grateful for things
Ignoring calls
I don’t like to leave the house
Unless my stuff is getting thrown out
I’m so happy
Nothings happening
I hear laughter
Talk is sappy
Nothing hurts if I don’t feel
Next time I’ll just leave at will
Feb 9 · 43
Nevermind Feb 9
I don’t think I’m a bad person
I just let it get to the point
Where I’m only really hurting,
Feeling so frustrated and annoyed
Because I think and think
About what I am and what I do
Sometimes I think I’m at the brink
Of crazy not confused
I must somehow escape my mind
And run as fast as I can
I wish I’d just go blind
So I won’t fear the things at hand
I don’t think I’m bad at all
I just get hung up on my thoughts
I need to get outside my head
And be grateful for what I’ve got
Nevermind Feb 3
I love the way, even on your busiest days
You still find the words, at least something to say
You always swoop in when I’m at my worst
Like everything I’ve ever been searching for
When I’m with you it doesn’t feel bad to cry
And even still the tears won’t leave my eyes
I just get so hung up on your thoughts
Secretly wishing to know them all
The mystery will always draw me in
Old to you, new to me, it’s always been
Jan 31 · 25
No Gods No Masters
Nevermind Jan 31
I don’t want to be admitted again
I think I’ve just been missing my old best friend
It feels so free to be by myself
When no one can tell me I’m crazy and need help
I just tell them I’m working on things
Even if I don’t really know what that means
I’m so happy when I’m alone
When others are around it never shows
I can’t let others influence my mood
When everyone says you’re sick, what else can you do?
When everyone points the finger at you
When it’s wrong to even speak or move
Some days I just block it all out
It’s always disrespectful
Whether I’m quiet, or running my mouth
Jan 28 · 50
Family Affair
Nevermind Jan 28
I want to take this world
And grab it by the hair
Beat it up like that girl
That got me expelled last year
I’ll pull out it’s tracks
Leave them in the street
It’s fun to be a badass
Fists clenched, bare feet
It’s probably not good
To let myself get this mad
If I was smarter I would
Find an outlet that
Won’t get me arrested
And read my rights
I’m tired of domestics
And red and blue lights
Jan 27 · 82
Getting Over It
Nevermind Jan 27
I want to be strong
In all the wrong ways
You can’t please them all
But watch what you say
I don’t want to fall
Forget yesterday
I can’t worry about
The things that won’t change
If I’m scared to run
Then I’ll never fly
I’ll follow the sun
If only with my eyes
I’m not the one
Who’s obsessed with the night
Done hiding in darkness
I’ll seek out the light
Happiness is something
You must get up and find
I don’t want to lay down
I just want to fight
Jan 22 · 25
Patiently Waiting
Nevermind Jan 22
Call me Betsy
See if I give a ****
Haha let’s see
Where you’ll end up
If I outlast you
It’ll be quite fun
It probably won’t happen
So you’re in luck
You better pray
The decisions not mine
I’ll choose the ******* place I can find
Jan 22 · 73
Nevermind Jan 22
If you want me to leave
Then why would you tell me to stay
Don’t try and confuse me
You know that’s that **** I hate
I can’t wait till summer
When I can sleep outside
The sound of crickets chirping
A switchblade between my thighs
You know if I left
It would be the last time
So just let me go
If all I’m good for is lies
Nevermind Jan 19
I’m not uptight
Just afraid to be a human
What wrong what’s right
What should I be doing
What is natural
And what’s deemed odd
I follow the patterns though
I’m still not as strong
As people who are confident
And know what to say
People who have lots of friends
And don’t stare at the wall all day
I know I can break out of this
I just get so afraid
It’s easier to stay within
So the feelings won’t escape
Jan 19 · 201
Game Over
Nevermind Jan 19
I wish I was dead
I don’t want to breath
I guess I can’t stand
The responsibilities
You have to do this
You have to do that
All I’ve ever wanted
Is to not feel so bad
I just shut down
I don’t need you in my life
I miss when we used to hug and say goodnight
Now I just fall into this dreamless sleep
I miss you so much I don’t want to breathe
Jan 15 · 16
Attention Whore
Nevermind Jan 15
I found something that’s better than rejection
It’s turned into a quiet obsession
It started out easy
Just once in a while
Friends started leaving
Regret began to pile
I found something magical
It never gets old
It’s more important than friends or goals
I can’t stand eye contact
I do what I’m told
I’ll go as far as I have to go
I wouldn’t really say
That there’s anything wrong
But on quiet days
I have to face
Most of my friends are gone
It’s a pain that’s temporary
I won’t feel it for long
Once the magic fades away
Again the chase is on
Jan 12 · 76
Black Sticker
Nevermind Jan 12
If I had to write a letter
To tell you why I’m gone
If I knew it would make things better
When I’m finally moving on
If I could find the words to say
I’m sorry and I want to change
But I don’t want to change for you
I really want to want it too
I know it starts with saying that
I want the relationship we once had
I miss you so much I can’t feel it now
I say this though I hear the sound
Of lawnmowers humming
On one of the hottest days
That started out dewy, and cloudy, and gray
Jan 12 · 49
Nevermind Jan 12
I’m done with wishing

It’s gotten me nowhere

I’m done just existing

Standing silently there

There are more ways to be present

Than being mindlessly loud

I don’t want to feel restless

Wondering how I look, and sound

Wishes are empty

What does it mean

To promise someone something

You only had within a dream

I don’t want to know

And I don’t want to see

I don’t want to hear

How cowardly of me
Jan 11 · 353
Nevermind Jan 11
My words mean nothing

They come from nowhere

So if I am talking

Just pretend I’m not there

The things that I say

They don’t make sense

They come from a place

That’s confused and distressed

All I want to do

Is say the right thing

My thoughts are strange

They don’t belong to me

It’s easier with you

To just erase my mind

After all this time

I’ve kind of been trained

To put on a mask


And lie through the pain
Jan 11 · 34
Stupid Girl
Nevermind Jan 11
I want to die

By a fist to the face

So forceful I fly

Into the abyss of space

I want someone to punch me

As hard as they can

If my nose gets ******

It may spray on their hand

They can’t be squeamish

Or hold back

Just know that I need this

Make my world turn black

I want the bones in my face to break

I want the teeth in my mouth to cave

All I’m really trying to say

Is I hope I die in an awful way
Jan 11 · 24
I Miss My Mom
Nevermind Jan 11
I was once told

Everything starts with a thought

It was me that let go

But now that it’s done

It suddenly hurts

The emotionless divide

I’m not like her

But God knows I tried

I know you deserve

So much better than me

You say I don’t mean it

But it’s plain to see

I am dramatic

And I tell lies

What’s worse than having

A daughter despite

Everything right that you tried to do

Just turn into a monster and betray you

I don’t care what you think of me

If it’s good, if it’s bad

I can’t separate the feelings

Each one carries an expectation it seems

I had no dreams

Just who you wanted me to be
Nov 2018 · 37
Happy Ending
Nevermind Nov 2018
This world seems to treat me
As low as I hang my head
I just can’t help feeling
Things are better left unsaid
If I choose to ruminate
Abiding by rules no one created
Only I will be the fool
Only then will I be mistaken
The best moments in life
Weren’t given much thought
And some of the worst
But at least they brought
Something to be said
And through it all
I realize everything starts with a thought
Maybe that was you and I
The same old thoughts going through my mind
If I say they are good thoughts they will be
It’s o k to miss you being apart of me
Nov 2018 · 138
Nevermind Nov 2018
Following a path
Walking aimlessly still
Clutching a staff
I don’t look down until
The root of some tree
It trips me up
Suddenly everythings so far above
You really don’t land so far when you fall
Reaching for stars and missing them all
I’ll train my hand
To be more precise
I know that I can
Look fear in the eyes
I can calmly acknowledge
That it does in fact exist
The only thing wrong with falling
Is the fear of it
Nov 2018 · 41
Nevermind Nov 2018
Karma’s a *****
You reap what you sow
I only know this
I’m good in my soul
I always mean well
Sometimes I forget
It’s just hard to tell
When your eyes are wet
I love the sunshine
And warmth of white sand
When the tears dry
I’ll hold your hand
A thousand times
I’ve thrown you away
Even still
You choose to stay
Nov 2018 · 26
I Can
Nevermind Nov 2018
If love is something
That cannot be changed
If it can’t be misplaced
Or taken away

If love is sure
Like a tree in the ground
And old brick buildings
Unoccupied now

If love is something that can’t be seen
Existing in places far in between
Love can be a thought
Or the seasons change
Only gone when forgotten
Love has no face
It’s beauty is unexpected
And strange in a way
Going undetected
In its hidden place

Gazing into shimmering pools
And the glittering light reflected
I dream of the love I’ll find
In things often neglected
Nov 2018 · 33
Nevermind Nov 2018
I found a new love
It’s stuck by my side
It takes me above
The worries in my mind
I’ve thrown it away a thousand times
Thinking it was too good to be mine
It’s scary giving your heart a chance
Allowing yourself to be held in the hands
Of invisible fate that hangs over me still
I can’t control it, what’s bound to happen simply will
Life is so much better living in the now
Not worrying when, or where, or how
In this moment I’m free of guilt
I’m forgetting a million things
But for now it’s nice to just
Oct 2018 · 111
The Underachiever
Nevermind Oct 2018
I remember how it used to be
When it felt like it was just you and me
As time went on our world would expand
You were so far, I couldn’t reach your hand
That’s okay I’ll be fine on my own
Life's everything it should be, but still it’s so cold
The biggest part of me has nowhere to go
It’s hard to sleep
I thought I didn’t want you to know
Now these things eat me alive
The things I held in all the while
There should be a date when thoughts expire
When people just move on
And get over desires
I just love to feel good in the moment
So I don’t think about it over and over
I like to feel good every second of each day
Just to keep the darkness away
Just to keep a smile on my face
Everything else settles beneath
My skin riddled with scars and ink
You were everything to me
Now I’m running from memories
I never want to be close to you again
You don’t know who I am
Oct 2018 · 124
Nothing New
Nevermind Oct 2018
I get so scared when you call
I know the numbers don’t add up at all
I get so nervous talking to you
The same old worries, nothing new
It seems there’s this big fall looming over me
Much more severe than scraping a knee
Maybe the ground will break beneath my feet
Only God knows what’s beneath
I have to keep my mind from these thoughts
Everyday I’ve got no choice but to carry on
There are so many people
Living different lives
Problems much more significant than mine
Real issues, real people
I don’t care if I’m your equal
I don’t care what I am to you
Same old worries, nothing new
**** cancer
Sep 2018 · 166
Nevermind Sep 2018
Sometimes for a moment I glance away
From the street before me on the drive home
Usually stuck beneath a light, gazing into the rain
Some days feel impossibly long
I keep singing last summer’s songs
If it weren’t for transactions I wouldn’t know the date
Between the mailbox and the bus stop I wait
Maybe I’m finally moving on
In the keyed up plastic I see myself
I can’t ask anyone for help
I know the way home I’ve been a thousand times
But it rarely feels like home once I arrive
Sep 2018 · 397
“You Are Weak”
Nevermind Sep 2018
I’ll never mean anything to you
And that shouldn’t matter to me
Sometimes it really is the truth
That’s so hard to believe
If I don’t take hold of these things
They will drift away
The words that burn like cuts and sting
They bother me everyday
I’m the only one who can believe in me
What can anyone else say
I always feel lonely
But I push everyone away
No one loves unconditionally
Except Mary Jane
Sep 2018 · 101
Can't Get Enough
Nevermind Sep 2018
My love is like an ocean
It's depth is unknown
I wish I knew what to say
I wish I wasn't so cold
I know my moment is far away
I'm sensible enough, I know the space
I know the distance between you and I
It exists physically but solely in my mind
There are a million ways to get to you
But time can never be removed
If my love breaks gently like waves against the shore
It will simply return to its place before
How can I learn if I can't recall what's past
Where do I find a joy that will last
I know the answers are within myself
Every feeling must be felt
Every thought has a place
Why do I numb myself so I won't have to face
The problems I just try to sleep away
The worries that settle beneath my eyes when I wake
And spread over my skin like a mask on my face
They always greet me, once again
Whether I ignore, or recognize them
Some evil things are not affected by time
They will forever remain until love is mine
Sep 2018 · 80
Get Over It
Nevermind Sep 2018
The day you began seeing me
As you see everyone else
Was the day I tried to stick up for myself
The day I said what I knew to be true
Was the day I became nothing to you
Sep 2018 · 73
I Hate The Therapist
Nevermind Sep 2018
I want to be “honest”
But if I say
“I want to hurt myself”
They’ll lock me away
And leave me with the thoughts
That hurt the most
In my eyes it’s worse
Than voices or seeing ghosts
It’s a trap
They love to play
The “open up to me”
So I can lock you up game
Sep 2018 · 195
Nevermind Sep 2018
Possessions in life
They come and go
Working all night
For money to blow
I stare blankly at the car ahead
Yellow lights, the streets are dead
That’s when I like it best
When no one’s around
I can’t be worthless
When I’m alone I can’t be compared
In the darkness not even shadows appear
My thoughts are boundless
I cannot be wrong
If I don’t speak them into life’s song
Negativity is unfounded
I am the sun
I am not less than anyone
Aug 2018 · 135
Nevermind Aug 2018
If you can’t recall the past
You’re bound to repeat
If you don’t pick up the glass
You’ll cut your feet
Everyday questions
Aren’t too much to ask
Life’s many lessons
I keep coming back
I love to forget
And wander instead
I’ll wander into something
So much better one day
Please keep looking out for me
I promise in my heart I’ll always believe
These lessons they’re mine alone to keep
I can only hold onto positivity
Aug 2018 · 124
Nevermind Aug 2018
Sometimes I dream of a place in my mind
It doesn’t quite go with the pace of life’s time
What would I find if it took me away?
I’d find myself ending an unproductive day
Nothing means anything if it’s in your head
So just let it go and put things to rest
Think of the good things in life instead
Life’s never difficult till you’re nearly dead
I don’t want anyone to know how I feel
My feelings make sense only to strangers, who listen at will
Strangers who don’t know who I am
Strangers who come and go as they can
I never want to rely on someone
I want to throw off my shoes and run
I want the ground to harden my feet
One day no one will say I am weak
Jun 2017 · 396
Nevermind Jun 2017
If you need to leave
I don't want you to stay
I don't need you to breathe
I'm fine anyway
Sometimes it's better to have loved and lost
To have the love be dead and gone
Than the bitter tease, you come and go
Just make up your mind so I'll know
May 2017 · 339
Nevermind May 2017
African sunshine
Blacken my skin
African sunshine
Feeds melanin
I won't be ashamed
Of where my roots lie
I'll embrace the color
Of African sunshine
For Love
Apr 2017 · 221
The Sweet Spot
Nevermind Apr 2017
I'm staying in this Friday night
Don't need the parties to get high
I've got a party all on my own
So **** the fakes and stuck up hoes
I don't wanna hotbox the car
Or run crazy through the yard
I just wanna trip in my room
And dream of the things we could do
Inhaling the good
Exhale the bad
You never understood
It's all I ever had
I'm staying in
Don't hit me up
Call me a flake
I don't give a ****
I love the silence
Where I can make up
A very own world
Just me alone
I'm not going out
I'm staying at home
Just wanna trip
And be alone
Apr 2017 · 191
Nevermind Apr 2017
I hope you're happy
But ******* too
You're better off without me
I'm too blue for you
Sometimes I dream
Of the places we've been too
The things you used to say
The things we used to do
Apr 2017 · 185
Nevermind Apr 2017
The wishes that sleep in your heart
The thoughts that take your breath away
The words that tear your mind apart
And keep you up both night and day
The smells are like dreams from the past
And all the things we hoped would last
They shatter like the church stained glass
Catching sunlight, lying in the grass
This fragile image of ourselves
Traps is in this dismal ****
Chasing riches and boundless wealth
These lives were living, the lies we tell
I wonder if the voice has gone
The one that tells us right from wrong
Sometimes I hear it, sometimes I don't
But either way I'll always know
Apr 2017 · 203
The Comedown
Nevermind Apr 2017
Kiss me with the warmth of winter fires
Missing the glow of memories past
Rekindling love and selfish desires
Too many things I'm afraid to ask
I just want to know the depths of your heart
I want to leave no stone unturned
I'd love to know your every wish
You can tell me the things that hurt
The secrets no one kept as kids
Scuffed jeans and button up shirts
You're pure like water from a stream
I'm walking through a desert, down on my knees
If nothing else, you can believe in me
I'll always love you, I'll never leave
Apr 2017 · 122
Sober Thoughts
Nevermind Apr 2017
You've painted a picture
Inside my lids
A beautiful caricature
Like the ones when we were kids
The longer I look
The more I see
And now I'm hooked
On vibrant scenes
Every time I close my eyes
I'm wrapped up in spring's delight
And colors that I've never seen
Life's just been a black and white dream
But now I see a spectrum of light
My thoughts are like bees taking off in flight
I've forgotten the world as I knew it before
With all these colors and sights to adore
You'll never know how perfect you are
Pristinely aligned like twinkling stars
I reach through space to hold your hand
Over Venus and asteroid bands
My heart breaks into shards of light
Burning up, glowing bright
Apr 2017 · 124
North Salem
Nevermind Apr 2017
You make my lonely world
Something worth living for
Even though the girls
Are blonde with hair curled
You make me feel pretty
In an **** sort of way
You take the imperfections with me
And everything feels okay
Like I can be the demon
I was always meant to be
Everything I'm feeling
Is too much to believe
I wanna let go of these habits
And be addicted to you instead
Life's so rich and lavish
With you trapped in my head
I'd forgotten life's thrilling highs
Beneath rolling summer skies
Living, breathing everything's alright
I can let go of the things I hide
The anxiety that itches away
I'll save it for another day
Another time when you're not around
On the outskirts of my mind
Spinning round and round
Mar 2017 · 551
Blue Pills
Nevermind Mar 2017
I'm always *******
Always overwhelmed
I wish upon stars
From way down in ****
All the dreams I once had
Were lost along the way
I can't remember and for that I'm glad
It's all worthless anyway
There's so much **** I have to do
But I'd rather lay around, getting high with you
You're no good, a lazy fool
But I'm worse and that's the truth
The love from our parents that we once knew
We find in strangers and dark blue
My love is an ocean and you're a cruise
A grandiose boat, just for two
Mar 2017 · 173
Dead Flowers
Nevermind Mar 2017
I hold my head underwater
And take a deep breath
Waiting longer and longer
Inviting sweet death
I close my eyes and feel the pain
Of a million things I'll never say
The anxious thoughts they start to fade
As my mind starts to stray
I'll never live to see the day
That's free of anguish and endless pain
There's nothing left to loose or gain
There's no reason left to stay
There's nothing left to say
What's said is said, never goes away
Mar 2017 · 290
Nevermind Mar 2017
I'm tired of being taken advantage of
I'm tired of ******* thinking they're in love
I wish everyone would just shut the **** up
Just for a moment so I can hear my thoughts
I'm tired of acting like I care
Life's a ***** and it's never fair
Everyone wants a shoulder to cry
But no ones there for me, so why should I?
Lately I'm just so out of line
Didn't know kicking back was a ******* crime
It's just like poker or a glass of wine
So much *******, I stay red eyed
**** the fakes
Tall grass and snakes
I try to shake the resentment and hate
I stay red eyed
It's all I can take
Or else I'll loose it, then it's too late
Mar 2017 · 205
Nevermind Mar 2017
I don't care what anyone says
Even if the words get locked in my head
Without you I'd rather be dead
Even if you're what I'm fighting against
Don't give a **** we're like partners in crime
Least we have the ***** to own up to our lies
Around at night it's like ride or die
**** being a coward behind petty disguise
You're the only one that knows what's real
Only you know how I feel
If someone ***** with you I'll ****
Even through the ******* still
Middle fingers up I'm gone
Getting faded to our song
Like nothing was ever wrong
Things were fine all along
Everyone hates our generation
But right now I'm a sensation
Cause we're our own number one fans
And ******* if you don't understand
Youth is simply in the mind
So when you start to ***** and whine
Remember all the good old times
Young, free, dope, wild
Being obnoxious just because
In the moment we're so ****** up
Forget tomorrow it's worlds away
**** tomorrow let's live for today
Mar 2017 · 144
Nevermind Mar 2017
I wish I didn't **** up so much
I wish it was easier to get in touch
I wish the words were just enough
But they're hollow and meaningless
Like the "friends" and the drugs
You've been singing a different song
You don't know the words but you hum along
There's a harmony of right and wrong
Sometimes it's hard to decide which one
I don't have the voice to sing acapella
But you sing the same old songs and I'm fed up
I know I'd never be the one to step up
So I've decided I won't sing at all
Anything to go against the grain
Anything to show I'm not the same
You talk and talk
But you'll never walk
So what's the ******* point anyway?
Mar 2017 · 212
Friendly Shadow
Nevermind Mar 2017
I see you
Trying to talk to me
You look so blue
And under the shade of trees
You seem to disappear
For once you leave me
But underneath the sun
You follow so bravely
I watch the way you mimic me
To learn the ways of humans and things
I like the way you walk so tall
So bold, so utterly unlike me
I can't read your lips
But your hands spell a word
The silhouette I long to kiss
Changes into a koi, then a bird
And when I try to hold you
Close to me in my arms
You try to hold me too
But we simply drift apart
Mar 2017 · 383
Nevermind Mar 2017
I'll never tell another soul
I'll never give the trust away
I wish you would just take me whole
Confide in me like an empty page
A thousand words in black ink's stain
As the thoughts wax and wane
I'll never find the words to say
I just want things to stay the same
But we can't stop the seasons change
Or the moons gentle phase
We can't change our parents' ways
Or the pain that radiates
But in this moment we have the reigns
I could never make you stay
There's freedom that can't be taken away
It keeps us hopeful for a new day
It's the freedom that keeps us young and alive
Without the call we'd surely die
With nothing but what's set ahead
We'd both be better off dead
Maybe that's why we do the things we do
Getting drunk and breaking rules
Mar 2017 · 474
Nevermind Mar 2017
Blushing velvet underneath your eyes
Shimmering, soft lovers disguise
Cool stained glass and lavender skies
You say hello but your eyes say goodbye
Rose petals flutter atop of skin
Like the love we're wrapped up in
I close my eyes and dream of the kiss
But you'll never relieve my lonely lips
I lose hold of this false innocence
I can't pretend we're still just kids
You've blossomed into forbidden fruit
But I'm still hopelessly in love with you
Mar 2017 · 167
Worm Food
Nevermind Mar 2017
I peel the skin away from my bones
Blood on my fingers, the smell in my nose
You trace the ribs and it feels like home
A feeling I've never ever known
I bite off my fingers and wrap them in lace
Your eyes are rotting out of your face
Your hair has fallen like autumn leaves
But now you're most beautiful, at least to me
If you break a bone I'll mend it back
I'll press my fingers to your skull when you're sad
And when you begin to fall apart
I'll put you back together from the start
Mar 2017 · 137
Escape Artists
Nevermind Mar 2017
When I cry myself to sleep
I think of you, beneath white sheets
Sleeping soundly, completely at peace
My heart is pounding whilst adrift on a dream
I lie here dying it's so hard to breath
There's so many things you wouldn't believe
The summer flowers are soaked in rain
You've found cover while I'm drenched in pain
The whitish scars they spell your name
Killing time and hopping trains
I remember the land that used to roll
And all the fields we used to roam
The watercolor bruises, running from home
Fleeing from the hurt with no where to go
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