Ever since that last "date"
I can't seem to think straight

Slipping back into bad habits
I'm worthless again
This stupid **** always happens
I lost all my "friends"
I'm drinking up the sadness
It stays with me till the end
I'm lost in all this madness
Feeling worthless once again
Never knew how much you meant
You'll be back but it hurts till then
A few days and I'm falling apart
Just a while ago we weren't too far
Now we're separated by a million stars
Just think of me please
Wherever you are
I'm lost in the galaxy
No air to breath
So lonely
I miss when it was you and me
What we had was perfect
So lovely
I pushed everyone away
So I could be
Absorbed in you
And live in peace
Your absence is silent
Yet so loud it screams

When the drugs run out
And the thoughts are so loud
When no ones around
And there's tears on the ground
I lived for the moment
And died the next day
They take what you have
Then "friends" run away
When the drugs are gone
And you're all alone
And all the sudden
No one has their phone
And all the sudden
You remember that time
A few years ago
And it makes you cry
And there's no way out
No end to the pain
Completely sober
And so insane

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You didn't love me
But I loved you

I hang on too long
Arms go the wrong way
I guess I just want
The moment to stay
I hold on too tight
Fingertips pressed into skin
Clinging onto time
When will I see you again?

I can see why you'd be mad
I can see the times we had
A movie when I close my eyes
Happy days and better times
When I try to get out now
It's wrong, I really don't know how
When you asked what keeps me sane
I should've said what I wanted to say
I can see why you'd be mad
You're all I've really ever had
I close my eyes and run so fast
Stumbling along this rocky path
I should've called when I had the chance
I threw away the trust we had

I saw a bird
On the ground dead
For a cat to eat
For the flies to nest
I suppose these things
Just happen sometimes
I guess it was odd
They usually fly
Over and over
I see the same man
Pushing the same cart
All around the lands
He's got a brimmed hat
A shirt and pants
Even though I pity him
I know that I can't
Simply assume
That his life is in vain
He's a stranger
I don't know his name
Sometimes I see cars
Rolling along at night
And I can't help but wonder
As I gaze into their lights
Just where they're going
Or how they feel
Or if they're tired
Guiding the wheel
The thoughts disappear
Into the red glow
When people die
Where do they go ?

In the darkness of night
You stole the sky's stars
You took each twinkling light
Those near and those far
You left the moon to cry
Without her stars so bright
Even the moon gets lonely
From time to time

The dust settles
In this empty home
The room is quiet
And I'm alone

You're alcohol
Without the burn
Buzzing warmth
I'll never learn

Cuts on knees
Mistakes, misbeliefs
Bite my tongue
Till it swells and bleeds
Hiding words
Dancing dreams
I'd love you some day
You and me
Scars on legs
Dreams are dead
Dizzy wishes
In my head
Bleeding love
Silent tears shed
Sleepless nights
Empty beds
I love you today
I loved you last week
Your feelings were fake
Thought we'd always be
Running away
Future seems bleak
Into the shade
Rest for the weak
Closing my eyes
Inhaling the smoke
Exhaling consciousness
Up and out my throat
We'll never have white teeth
Like the papers we wrote
Stained in black ink
Spilling down the roads

Panic filling
Up my chest
Gasping for air
Can't catch my breath
Has all oxygen left
The atmosphere ?
I'm screaming yet
No one can hear
The sound of agony
Crawling up my throat
Residing in
My very soul

This life’s so long
I just wish it would end
Before you move on
Cause you’ve seen who I am

Will you still love me
When my beauty fades
Cause I’m good for nothing
I’m weak, I’m insane

Do you still love me
I’m more than afraid
I can’t eat
I can’t sleep
I need you to stay

I try so hard
To be strong in my mind
I build myself up
Then fail every time

I keep having this dream
And I’m watching myself
Lying down in a casket
So peaceful and still

So far away from the things that I’ve done
Can’t be touched by anyone
Can’t be told I’m not good enough
Cause I’m finally dead and I’m finally gone

And all the ones that called me weak
That cut me down to meet their needs
Needed me to scoff and say
“At least I’m not living that way”

They flock to see my lifeless corpse
And poke fun one last time of course
Cause she was the worst of us all
The lowest, how dare she struggle and fall

And that confirms it, you’ve seen it first here
Watching I shudder, my very worst fear
She’s everything we said she was
A terrible daughter, always worrying us
She does it for attention
“Wait that’s not what we meant”
Your opinions don’t matter cause I’m already dead

No one understands you
And you can't understand why
So you sit and flail and throw a fit
You scream up at the sky
You ask why you're even hear
You wish you weren't alive
You call each and every one of us
You look to your daughters to cry
I hate to say this
I really do
But just..I mean.. look at you
You abandoned your children
Stood back as they grew
And played the victim when they turned on you
Not that they betrayed you to begin with
You pushed them beyond their boundless limits
You've hurt them more than you'll ever know
You say you've paid for your mistakes tenfold
I'm not here to ridicule or judge
But our grandmother is old and she's had enough
You're acting like a girl my age
You really are a waste of space
All the things you say about yourself
They'll always be true
Until you get up
Until you make the move
I know you're hurting
I know you are
It's the reason you've destroyed yourself
Why you're falling apart
Your desperate cries fell upon deaf ears
When you needed them they were nowhere near
When help finally came it was way too late
You were so far gone, in a manic state
But people with pasts so much worst than yours
People who have trudged through disasters and wars
But then again what's an arrow to a bear?
You're just a rabbit, bleeding there
All I see are two girls that need love
And a foolish woman who needs to grow up
A mentally ill woman who needs to get help
A is for addict
And addiction is hell

We raced the sunset
'Till the end of the earth
And jumped off the ledge
In a starry burst
It was pure ecstasy
To fall so free
And disappear
In an eye's blink
We became constellations
For the world to see
Passion glowing so bright
In bluish heat

I smile at all the wrong things
I hum along while everyone sings
I've got cuts on my fingers and scars on my knees
Lonely aliens trapped amongst human beings

They seem like an ocean now
All those words you said
I tried to stay at the shore
But found myself in over my head
Maybe I dove right in
Or waded in over time
All I know
Is all those words
Just won't leave my mind

I've lost the feeling of myself
Slowly decaying in a brittle shell
I'm so far from what was close to home
I lost the trail I made of stones
Dropping each carefully one by one
Along a desert baked by the sun
Now it's fall and I still can't breath
Am I even capable of being happy?

The sun need not rise again
The waves have no reason to crash
Until we meet again my friend
Until we meet at last

Sleepless nights
Turn into
Sleepy days
Everything starts to
Look the same

I once learned the secrets to the world
But soon forgot them all
I've got some friends, a family
But when I'm lonely never call
I found the sidewalk to the end
But it was but a turn
The world's a giant letdown
That from life I've learned
I've touched a hundred dollar bill
I've got a place on someone's will
I'm perched upon your windowsill
But you can't see me
Even still
My gardens full of the wretched trees
The ones that mislead both Adam and Eve
Serpents slither among overgrown weeds
Yet I sit in the shade with plenty to eat
I take just enough, the rest I leave
Save for animals and other things
There's a small flame in hell
Above which burns my name
It dances low and skillfully
It's movements quick yet tame
I've never won a lottery
I never remember bets
I'm the type that's always hungry
But will let you have the rest

And I hate how beautiful
God allowed you to be
He left no error
Lines drawn with ease
Every mistake
Flawlessly erased
Leaving to us
Undesirable traits

There's a thousand things
That make me tick
And you're at the very top
Of that weary list

I found something that’s better than rejection
It’s turned into a quiet obsession
It started out easy
Just once in a while
Friends started leaving
Regret began to pile
I found something magical
It never gets old
It’s more important than friends or goals
I can’t stand eye contact
I do what I’m told
I’ll go as far as I have to go
I wouldn’t really say
That there’s anything wrong
But on quiet days
I have to face
Most of my friends are gone
It’s a pain that’s temporary
I won’t feel it for long
Once the magic fades away
Again the chase is on

The box was heavy
Wooden and worn
I opened the lid
It's dust was torn
Creaking on its hinges
It revealed a girl
Coming to existence in music
And a slow, sad twirl
Churning out the melancholy tune
She went round and round
Reminding me of you
When the song was over
And she ceased to spin
I shut my eyes
And closed the lid

After all the love I had to give
I would have never thought it'd end like this

I’m done with wishing

It’s gotten me nowhere

I’m done just existing

Standing silently there

There are more ways to be present

Than being mindlessly loud

I don’t want to feel restless

Wondering how I look, and sound

Wishes are empty

What does it mean

To promise someone something

You only had within a dream

I don’t want to know

And I don’t want to see

I don’t want to hear

How cowardly of me

If you're happy one day
And you don't know why
I swear I'll be smiling
Right by your side
If your tears won't stop falling
Like lonely raindrops from the sky
I swear I'll do anything
To make you smile

Babies crying
Thrown into the wind
Morality dying
Drowned out by sin
Lawns getting longer
Grass getting greener
Wicked getting stronger
As all life leaves her
Her arms were open to one and all
Washing up following liberty's call
Everyone unwanted, feeling lost and small
Had homes and families, a reason to stand tall
Burning bridges, building walls
Pushing down the helpless, letting them fall
Proclaiming defense and showering bombs
Money hungry men can't admit their wrong
Why not just keep arguing? We have an army strong
Trampling over children in the arms of their moms
And finally when the "peaceful" country is ridden with war
There will be no one to protect our doors
No clean water, nothing to eat
You cannot consume green paper or greed
So let's rush to the hills, out to the empty plains
And try to live simply, blocking out the pain

Geometric shapes on the floor
***** sneakers, scuffs galore
Hunched over hiding from the light
Mocking from above, loud and bright
One dead flower in the bunch
It's subtle colors weren't enough
Only enough water in the vase
For those that grow steadily, a silent race
Fear lingering underneath fingernails
Ignoring grafitti and worthless details
Word's scratched into rusty stalls
Petals withering like leaves in the fall
Losing grips on whatever's real
Cut up fingers clutching the wheel
Guiding headlights through the night
Planning for later, hoping to die
Irritation stinging inside veins
Every voice seems to sound the same
Holding onto all this pain
Just to stay a little insane

When I was a girl
Not too long ago
The hills rolled far
Blanketed in snow
The summer was hot
And full of strange life
Everything was so colorful
Bodies bursting with delight
In a very short time
I grew so old
Wrinkles forming fast
Misery in every fold
Incessant fatigue
Plaguing each and every bone
Sometimes I take the long way back
Yet still avoid our old home

My baby leaves
At 6:45
I pretend I'm asleep
And close my eyes
I love it when
We play that game
Every morning
It's all the same
My baby gets home
When he does
He taught me not to ask
I learned fast enough
My baby loves me
No matter what anyone says
He tells me all the time
In different ways
He broke my dishes
My windows too
But my baby loves me
In blacks and blues

Sometimes I wonder just why I forget
My thoughts hold me under I can’t catch my breath
The memories that fill up my mind instead
I’m trying my best to just replace them
I want to focus on something brand new
In this boundless world of things to do
The last thing I want is to think of you
I want to forget what we’ve been through
Maybe then it’ll be easier to float
I’ll swim away from the things I wrote
I’ll break away from the things I said
I see the surface, it hasn’t found me yet

If I had to write a letter
To tell you why I’m gone
If I knew it would make things better
When I’m finally moving on
If I could find the words to say
I’m sorry and I want to change
But I don’t want to change for you
I really want to want it too
I know it starts with saying that
I want the relationship we once had
I miss you so much I can’t feel it now
I say this though I hear the sound
Of lawnmowers humming
On one of the hottest days
That started out dewy, and cloudy, and gray

When everything’s fine
These little webs
They’re pulling at me
All the time
Wrapped around my legs
Stuck to my arms
These little webs
Grow from my heart
And wrap me up
In a crazy mess
A tangled muddle
Of hopeless sadness
What would I be?
Without these webs?
Surely I’d still
Never find happiness
I’d be unwound
For the world to see
I like these webs
They make me
*Me

I never loved you
And I won't suggest it so
You were in my moment
Then I simply let you go
I keep you on the outskirts
Of my weaving wedding veil
Don't you know that I'm a widow
And you're next on my trail

I'm hating myself
And I bet you're hating me too
If I can't love me
How can you ?

You say you don’t know me anymore

Truth be told I’m the same old girl

My hearts been hardened by this world

I’ve been on my own, I’ve been hurt

Lots of stuff happened beneath the silence

My teeth have grown in, I’m no longer smiling

The holes in my mouth sank into my soul

I’m just so tired of being alone

I’m just so tired of waiting for you to come home

Young love is dead, hearts already broke

Broken confidence walking on broken bones

I don’t know me, no one knows

There are no “friends” in this life of hell

I’m hollow just like an empty shell

I don’t know what I want, I can never tell

Can’t remember where I fell

I’m pretty sure I died long ago

My body’s succumbed to some troubled soul

Looking in the mirror, I try to reinvent myself

Lost in the silence, with no one to help