She spends all day
Up in her room
Dreaming of a better place
A castle guarded by a dragon
Where her Prince Charming
Whisks her away
To a new land

She types her feelings away
Writes them down
For the world to see
Nobody knowing who she is

She doesn't know
Who she is or
Who to be
Kept getting
Caged in by society

She is ordinary
A lonely girl
With dreams of
Finding somewhere new

But what she doesn't know
Someone out there is waiting for her
To let her know how
Extraordinary she is

Dear muse
Part of me
Wants to thank you
For giving me
Inspiration to
Write again

Maybe you didnt
Know Ive been having
Trouble with words and
Insecurities but ****

Hell you
Created for me
Lead to this
Burst of energy

Creativity was
Oozing from my mind
Bursting out inside
Last remaining
Shards of my heart

These words
Falling onto the page
I dedicate them all to you
This is what you deserve

Dear muse
I hope you
See this someday
Know how bad
Your "love" scarred me

Growing up kids get told
"There's nothing wrong with
Being who you are"
"You can be anybody
You want to be"
"You are special"

Unless of course
You are different
Not a stereotyped that
Can be boxed and put away

You are only wanted if you
Act and look a certain way
Skinny but still look like you eat
Smart but not so smart it's intimidating
Talk and be kind
Don't say too much or be too nice
Then you'll come off as creepy

Tired of spending days
Being quiet when
There's so many things to say
Staying up late
Contemplating ways to
Be who I was told people would like

It's hard trying to fit in
When you always stand out
Scratch that
Get left out

I've tried everything
To be who you want
Why can't I just be me?
I don't know how to be
Some puppet controlled by society

Death is
Everything
And makes people
That are depressed feel
Happy on the inside

I never feel my anxiety
Creeping in on me
It crashes down in
Waves of panic and horror

When it finally reaches shore
It's pulling back
Waiting to attack again

There's no real
Calm inside this storm
Swirling in my mind

When the waves hit
Gotta brace for impact
Lest it pull you under

I'm so stupid
i mean honestly
I'm just an innocent little girl
all I want is to be loved
at least to be wanted
tht was too much to ask for
silly me me for ever thinking
there was a chance for me to be happy
why did I ever believe
someone anyone
would ever care about me

One day
I'll be gone
You'll miss who I was
Who I coulda been

I was lost
I was broken
You found me
Lost and alone

I was sick
Now I'm better
No new scars
A better woman

Shame on you
You coulda had me

I just want to get out here
Change my mind
Be someone else
Know what it's like to be normal
Not be stuck like this...

Death would be okay
At this point
Drunk, high anything
Would make me feel better

I wish you could help
Bring me back to this earth
Instead of my mind
Dragging me to hell

I wish you'd all let me go
Be free of all this pain
Because everywhere I turn
I'm the reason someone else is hurting

I want pain, to hurt
Bring the blade upon my
Fresh weak skin

I wish you'd let me go
Get rid of those soft
Fragile strings to a
Broken human being

Takes a gun out
Aimed at my head
Tries to shoot myself
Kills the world instead

You did something worse
Than causing these
Black and blue bruises to
Appear over my body

Worse than taking
My innocence away
At this point I wish
You would've popped my cherry
That wouldn't be as bad

You know what you did
This thing that was so bad
Worse than defiling
My fragile human body

You took away the
Three words that meant the world to me

Threw I love you in my face
Like it was a weapon
You win
You've taken my
HEART
Away from me

Goodbye will never
Be able to rid my mind
Of this terrible travesty

Dear muse
Another day
Without you
Leaving me alone
Despite the fact
Youre already gone

I dont get it
Why it was
So easy for you to
Leave
Forget about us

We were perfect
Now everything feels wrong

Dear muse
Help me
Understand
Where it
All went wrong

Dear muse
How unlucky
I still dont
Know what to
Do without you

Its unfortunate
Really that
Everyone else will
Get compared to
What we had

Even worse
Its very possible
It was nothing
That part of you was
Fiction-
Just the part that loved me

Im not sure
Where it all went wrong
How we wasted
Emotion fawning over each other
When most of it was
Likely a lie

Dear muse
So much of me
Wants you dead
But who would I be
Had I never met thee

Dear muse
You are the
Worst of everyone
Who hurt me
Which is saying a lot

You knew all the
Insanity people put
Me through
Knew the way to
Get under my skin

You lied when you
Could have been honest
Did six years of friendship mean
Nothing to you?
Was any of this real?

Dear muse
Ive already lost
My will to fight this
Already forgiven you
All I wish is you
Would love me too

Even on "good days" im still haunted
By the memories of the past
Creepy crawling up my back
I can hear their voices taunting me
Feel their faces close to me
People who hurt me
Still in the back of my memories

Even on good days
I am ****** into darkness
A void that never quite leaves
Whose grip refuses to release me

Even on good days
I cant help the
Wandering  thoughts
Drifting into self mutilation
I'm never going to be good enough

Even on good days
Im not convinced theres hope
No permanent change
No future worth fighting for

Even on good days i am
Surrounded by the poison
That clouds my mind
Yet somehow I stay here
Somehow I'm alive

Drowning in this
Hell of my
Own personal misery

Losing control of
Myself and sanity
Searching for a friend
Some light that can help me

Not quite sure what to do
Have little faith left
Holding onto shreds of hope

Sanity slipping away
Grasping onto a
Sliver of hope that
I can be saved

You know I'm going to be honest here
It takes me longer than most people
To open up and tell you how I feel

It's hard for me to express my feelings
But with you it was so easy
I trusted you with my
Fragile, wounded, damaged heart

You took advantage of me
I can't believe I ever trusted you
How could you use me like that
Tear my heart into pieces
Break me beyond repair

You want me to be honest
Here's the truth:
I trusted you and you
Left me for the next best thing
Made me think anything we had
Never meant anything

I don't know what to think
I don't know how to feel
I just wish you loved me
Because I'd do anything
To be a better person for you

What is it
About writing
That you love so much?

Is it the way you can
Express yourself
Let your feelings out?

Putting ideas together?
Seeing your creation
Come to life

Did it save you?
Are you hoping to
Save someone else?

Was writing the thing
That saved you
Gave you hope
Built you up
In a world so cold?

Did it help to
Create someone else
A new world
A new caricature of
Who you wanted to be?

Did it make you
Explore who you were

Did it save you
Maybe just change you?
Make you feel powerful
Sitting around a keyboard?

Writing helped me
Find a voice
Figure out my feelings
Who better to go to
When you're lost
Than a blank page
Full of possibilities

It makes me feel heard
Like someone can
Relate to my words
My struggles
Somehow relate to me

Writing makes me feel
Not so invisible
Even if I still feel alone

Words have put me in
Some bad places in the past
Writing has helped me
Sort out the pain the
Universe seems to be causing

I have found peace
Within the pain
Solace within the struggle
I have found a
Temporary place again

Writing does a lot of things
I know what writing has
Done for me
So why do you love
Writing so much?

Dear mom,
Please stop blaming me
Using society as a shield for the
Disgust YOU feel towards ME

You expect too much
Refuse to say
What you want and
I know I know
It's all my fault
Isn't it always?

Stop being selfish
My anger isn't some
Guarantee you ****** up
It wasn't you
Someone hurt me
To protect you I fell silent
**** that angered you

Stop expecting me
To behave on behalf of society
One that
Threw me away
As a child
Shunned my differences
When I couldn't explain them

You never accept that
You have anything to do with
What happens to me

Dear mom,
Want the truth?
Here it is:
I spent a week
Starving myself to
Feel better and free
While you continued to
Badger me

I'm not even sorry
That I can't blame myself
For once I NEED
Selfishness-
At least enough
To tolerate myself

I need to start
Writing again
It's who I am
I'm lost without it

Writing is a major part
Of what makes me
Feel almost happy

I couldn't live
Without my writing
It's ingrained
In my broken soul

Who are we to
Judge others on
What they've done
Mistakes they've made

We have all
Done something
Wrong stupid or bad

We are all people
We are not better than
Someone who has made
Some mistakes

This was meant to be
Our place
Meant for just
You and me
Our secret hideout
Away from the
Secrets, pain and lies
Of the real world

This was our
Special hideout
Our ***** little secret
Away from our
Twisted reality

You ruined it all
Closed the door
To our happiness
When you let the
Green monster in

She bought hell
Into our little
Civil society

She turned us
Against each other
Tore our friendship apart

What was once our home
Is nothing more than a
faded, tainted memory

Pictures, books, and
Memories all
Burned to the ground

All that's left is
The pain that you
Created
In our
Broken
****** up world

Several
Lovely hours where
Everything feels good
Everyone feels happy
Peace is attained

Maybe one day
We will be more
Than just strangers
Who pass each other by
On the street

One day you will be
More than that boy
I look at from afar
Hoping that someday
You will notice me

One day we
Will be in love
Get married
Have babies

One day
With you
I'll be able to
Find the real me

So many people
Up there floating
In the sky
Crying out fr help

I believe
Death is the only
End to this pain

As a writer
I do tend to
Draw inspiration
From my real life

I also get inspired
From other writers
Even just the
World around me

Don't think
Every word
Every thought
Every image is about you

There are secrets untold
Messages hidden
Deep inside my brain
Words, thoughts of my own
Locked inside left untold

I heed to stop writing
It's driving me crazy
Maybe I should look
Up from my phone
Pay attention
To the world around me

I wish you'd all let me go
Be free of all this pain
Because everywhere I turn
I'm the reason someone else is hurting

I want pain, to hurt
Bring the blade upon my
Fresh weak skin

I wish you'd let me go
Get rid of those soft
Fragile strings to a
Broken human being

Takes a gun out
Aimed at my head
Tries to shoot myself
Kills the world instead

Venomous lies
Drip through my ears
Reverberate in my skull
Reminding me of who
YOU
Really are

Scars litter my mind
While yours is clear
No shame, no doubt no fear
What we had was a joke
Stringing me along
Until you were done

Your heart is stone
Toying with everyone’s emotions
Acting on instinct
Never looking back

I gave you so
Much of me
Did you even care?
Was any word or emotion real
Or was it a facade
To build US up
So you could
Break ME down?

I can’t remember now
Why I trusted you for so long
Unanswered questions will
Forever linger

I am
Stronger
Now than I was before
I won’t be broken by the
Memories you left anymore

Help me
Save me
Get me out of here

I can't take it anymore

All these voices inside my head
Are lessening my resolve

I want to hurt myself
I'm going to hurt myself
Would someone just
Understand me please

Oh you
What were you thinking that time
Didn’t you know you’d always be mine
Why?
Why did you think I’d leave you
Didn’t you know I loved you too
Didn’t you know
I couldn’t live without you
If
You ever leave me again
Just know that there won’t always
Be another second chance
This time
I decided you were mine
That this time you’d  
Really changed and you’d
Be able to stay by my side
I will
Believe in you
Hold onto you
Do everything I can to show you
How much I trust you

Forever
Can’t be too far away
Hopefully you’ll be able to stay

This is not goodbye
Just a new Hello
Erin thinks as
She pulls the trigger
The bullet goes through her heart

As she fades away
Into the unknown
She can't help but be happy
She finally has a place to call home

Bored
Tired
I'm so done
With everything

Help me
Save me
Get me out of here

I can't take it anymore

All these voices inside my head
Are lessening my resolve

I want to hurt myself
I'm going to hurt myself
Would someone just
Understand me please

Honey
You're old enough
To not have to
Listen to
Every single thing
That comes out of
Your mother's mouth

hell
opens
People to
everyone's truth

IM NOT A CHRISTIAN
SO STOP TRYING TO
MAKE ME BELIEVE IN YOUR GOD
I DONT TRY TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE IN MINE

Maybe one day
You'll realize
All the pain you caused me
How hurt I am
How bad I hurt myself
All because of
What you've done to me

You used to be home to me
With you I was safe and sound
Sheltered from the world
Just you and me
Against the world
But now the
Walls are weakening

Breaking up
Trying to piece us
Back together
Make us okay again

Picking up my
Heart so broken
I don't know how
It was ever open

You opened me up
Just to break me down
How can I trust
Anyone ever again

This house
Once so colorful
Has now faded into gray
The walls so fragile
Have broken down

Where do we go from here?

Happy times where
One is safe and sound
Money is good; the
End of the school day

Some things
We keep to ourselves
For a good reason

No one was there for her
She was dying inside
Beaten and abused
Her whole life went awry

So when she got pregnant
She killed herself
Not able to come to terms
With the fact
Her own brother
Got her pregnant

Maybe one day
We will be more
Than just strangers
Who pass each other by
On the street

One day you will be
More than that boy
I look at from afar
Hoping that someday
You will notice me

One day we
Will be in love
Get married
Have babies

One day
With you
I'll be able to
Find the real me

Eat me alive
Chew up my bones
Spit me out
Throw me away

Take what's left
My soul and spirit
Everything I have
Is now yours

Thank the skies up above
For creating a world
That we all can love

It ***** when
People ask if you're okay
You want to be honest
Yet always feel
Obligated to say I'm fine

Things are not always okay
But I say I'm fine
Not just so others don't worry
More to try and
Convince myself it's the truth

Tuck me in
Hold me tight
Say you love me
Just for one last night

Lay with me
In your arms
Make me feel like
It'll be alright

One more day
Til it's gone
Our time is up
The magic is gone

One more night
Til we're through
Heartbreak and heartache knowing
I'm nothing without you

Goodbye is painful
But that's what we have to say
Heart left in pieces
Shattered on the floor
Maybe the next man
Will take the pain away

Heart break and heartache
Little red roses
Scattered on the floor
Vases shattered on the ground

I thought he was the one
That our love would be enough
It turns out
I was wrong
I'm nothing but a young naïve fool

I should never have believed
A guy like him
Could ever
Love a girl like me

Poetry is the only way
To know if I'm
Even remotely  okay

I write to feel
Feeling lets me know
That I'm still alive
Even though I may
Be dead on the inside

Poetry is a way
Of exposing my
Thoughts through words
That I can't use when
Expressing my emotions

Poetry is my life
The only think
Keeping my feet
Planted firmly on the ground

Make fun of me
If you must
But writing is
What keeps me happy

This is not goodbye
Just a new Hello
Erin thinks as
She pulls the trigger
The bullet goes through her heart

As she fades away
Into the unknown
She can't help but be happy
She finally has a place to call home

No one else but you
Can make me feel this way
If I had you
Everything would be okay

No one else
Can make me feel
Like I'm worth it

No one else but you
Can make me happy