I'm tired of this
I'm tired of it all
I just want to know if I am going to fall
Fall into this darkened depression
Instead of staying in this gray world
Where nobody cares whether I am able to stand or fall

I can hear:
                   The depth of the silence
And in the distance,

                  It waits.
Lurking between the grey solitude of here
                                                                            And there.
Then and now.

Synchronizing
The ambient future,
Reflecting a shriek of joy and pain
                                                             cries of laughter,
that lick its lips around the coast
To taste this moment.

Is it real
Stay now.
be here now.

For the past is illusive,
Dividing the mystical thought,
From a maximized reality.
Do not wait for a sunset that’s everlasting,
But live in the grass seed
            Of today.

It grows as dawn sheds night
And early day brings rain
That clouds the everlasting light
From withering your core.
From the solitude of tomorrow.
The memory of yesterday, to pass way
for today.

                                 But there is no tomorrow.

I want to be a war machine

I want to rupture spleens with a gleam from my eye

I want to spread suffering in lines waiting for lies, just in time to ignite a stupendous sight in one phone call

I want the call to arms to be in the alarms of emergency vehicles

I want the residual survivors slaughtered after given my word as to the **** of every daughter in my New America

I want to just stare at ya as you plead to be spared

Beheaded and laughed upon, kicked down the stairs

I want to judge you

Smother you in your filth

In your guilt

I want to starve your kids with empty ingredients

I want to **** on my **** and smear it in your ears while beating it

I want to stare in each and every eye, as it dies with the burning sky in its frame

I want to scream the names of the slain, from burning castle walls and call, for lost love to return in the squirm of man

I want to demand, flesh from the best of the best, in a contest against the peasants

I want to topple your towers down, in tickling sounds, from trumpets bound in space

I want to spit in your face, drown you in doubts and smack you awake

I want to decimate your graves, and from the tenth left make, toilets for my torturers, in sweltered pits of **** remains

I want the world to shake in the hunger pains, of every fat ****** with burrito stains in his lingerie

I want to serenade an angelic raid, on your made up play, of plastic soldiers eaten by animatronic vultures, as I smolder the beaten toys on the floor

And I want

Really really want

More

After some time,
You know that
They don't
They can't
Understand  
That scars like these...
They don't go away
They don't fade
They come knocking
At midnight to tell you
About how they've
Festered for so long
Even after, you talk them out
Resolve them, lay them to sleep
They revisit you, dragging you back
To memories best forgotten
Touches burnt on your skin
Half-remembered words,
Hateful, disgusted expressions
Cheapened expressions
That make your soul unclean

Ordinary, everyday people
Could never understand  
Why you need to look away
Fidget so much, the hidden
Violence with which you **** back
When someone touches
Upon such sensitive issues
Maybe you talk it over with them
Once, perhaps, and then they think
That it is gone, it is laid to rest
But what they fail to realise
Is that it comes back, creeping
Crawling, taking you over again
They'll turn away, disgusted
Because they don't know the
Impacts of long-term exposure
To slow poisoning of heart, veins, lungs

And they'll turn away
Repulsed, disinterested
When you come crying
Begging for some help
Some solitude
Because you can never
Make them feel  
The pent-up emotions
Over a decade
The unseen scars
These little things
Have left you with
They will not see
The confusing mixed
Messages being sent
By those other people
They will not understand
That you're not looking
For something you've
Lost, right there,
Sitting on the ground,
Almost helplessly,
On your knees

In fact, you're looking
For something
That was never yours
To have in the first place
(peace, solitude,
no more loneliness,
no more emptiness)

Something
you have
(never had)
Permanently
Lost