The best day of my life was May 23rd,2000
The most beautiful bouncing boy was born  your eyes was bigger than a mountain

As you grew I was so proud that you was my son
Every time I looked at you my heart filled up with so much happiness never to be undone

You are my baby boy blue
You always amazed me and you still do

You could tell the most amazing stories and the way you draw it's so fantastic
We had so much fun making the Iron Man valentine box it was a masterpiece

Now your in high school and soon to be on your own
I'm very proud and excited for you I'm also very sad to see you go I definitely will feel alone

You will become one that I'll be watching on tv you'll be nominated for lots of Grammy awards
The music that you write, produce, and rap to are absolutely raw and skillfully written you have a brilliant future ahead of you, you definitely have the chords

Happy Birthday to you my handsome son
I'm so blessed that God chose me to be your mother you brighten up my day like the brightest star shining in the sky I love you tons

I remember you are always there for me
Sometimes I couldn't see

I remember your love was there for me
I always could see

I remember the way you patched my boo boos for me
We would blow together on my knee

I remember you feeding me
I knew we had little money but you did it for me

I remember you kissing and hugging me
I'll never forget they was all for me

I remember you laughing with me
We'd laugh for hours just for me

I remember the books you read to me
You'd read book after book and taught me how to treat a book just for me

I remember how sweet and perfect you are to me
You taught me how to be kind to one another just for me

I remember going camping and fishing and taking those catfish off the hook with me
You only did that for me

I remember you showing me how to be a great friend for me
You are my best friend to me

I remember everything you knew you taught me
You did it all for me

I remember that you tell me you'll always keep learning for me
You did that only for me

I remember every time you say I love you to me
I knew it was always for your love of me

Mom I remember everything you are to me
I love you and that's from me

I'm disconnected from the world
I don't want to see the people on this earth in a swirl

I'm disconnected from my phone
I don't take calls no more I'm unbeknown

I'm disconnected from my music
I just can't hear no more in this cubic

I'm disconnected from my sweet love
I feel like an old unfit glove

I'm disconnected from my home
I don't want to live here no more I want to roam

I'm disconnected from reality
What Is real and what is fake maybe it's my mentality

I'm disconnected from my mind
The demons took their time

I wish I was plugged in
So I can live again

You was my best friend
You was always there for me you cared

When I was happy or sad
When I fell you helped me up you was my Comrade

You made me laugh
You always put a smile upon my face you always had that craft

When it was cloudy
You made the sun shine so loudly

I cherish the time we had together
I loved playing ball you floated like a feather

I loved your smile you placed
The way you ran with such grace

Your so sweet
You loved your treats

I miss you daily
The pain is for real

You made me cry
Why did you have to die

It's easy to hear the loneliness in her voice
As she speaks she has no one to talk about, there's just no choice

She talks about the good old days
Filled with love and compassion all was just a faze

Loneliness is when you cry
There's no one there to make her smile or dry her eyes

No one to help with the demons inside her head
No one to subside the discomfort of pain from deep inside

The demons are here to prey on the misguided brain
She continues to hide her pain

Only to give into the loneliness of despair
Her loneliness has only become a reality because nobody cares

Trying to fade away loneliness has taken its toll
On her soul

Sound of loneliness is silent
She doesn't hear the birds singing with great talent

She doesn't feel the sun shining
People pass her by as if she doesn't exist so she starts declining

She wishes her heart could love again highly unlikely loneliness has become her only way of life
She remains unable to feel due to the coldness in her heart stuck by a knife

Having friends can be a wonderful asset
It makes us feel like when we play our favorite cassette

Friends are always there when we're in need,depressed,though break ups
When we are in need call,and our friends will back you up as if they worked for Mr Trump

Your supposed to be able to tell them anything
Except some run and tell everything

Friends are supposed to be on your side
Some friends just run and hide

Some friends have so much drama it just makes you insane
Try wrapping your mind around the entire situation its very inhumane

I wish I had a true friend
A true friend would back you up keep you safe, never talk about you,and never befriend you to the end

As I raised up in bed
At 3:05 am it's cold and the smell of death and the color red

I see the demons surrounding me
I feel them lifting me up in the air I try to plea

Spinning me around as if I was a toy
Chanting over and over we are here to destroy

My head feels the pain as they use the key to open my door
They creeped in hearing their voices saying it's time for war

As they enter into my brain I know I'm in trouble
I start fighting for my life but it's different this time so much rubble

They are strong as I am weak
Hitting and scratching at me feeling every shockwave hitting me like lightning streaks

I'm yelling for help but my voice is not heard
They drop me on the floor grabbing my hair and dragging me outside this is what I had feared

I reach for something,someone,anything to help me
They are taking me this time I've got to stop them I keep telling myself once they get me in their lair **** I just hit a tree

With all my might
I hang on tight

I finally find my best friend who died a week ago
Save me please I plead and she starts biting them and throwing them as if they was made of dough

I start helping her and in know time the demons have left except for one which is hiding in my head the one who stole the master key
The one that will never let me be free

But for now I can breathe again and only hope that I get my strength up for the next battle
I will continue to fight until I get my key back so I must not dismantle

That's when I'll be set free

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
Please accept me back I am endear

I can't go on feeling and hurting like this any longer
My stomach feels like someone used an auger

I have nothing but misery
I guess I've failed terribly

I will stay clear of your decisions
I won't voice my opinions

I just can't take not knowing if your okay or not
I'd rather be caught running naked
through Fort Scott

Of all the friends and family
I never thought that you would throw me downstream

I am your flesh and blood
I bet your just stuck in the mud

I wish I could save you some time and a great big headache
I hope you can make a clean break

In my wildest dreams
I never thought you'd be the one to bust out my seams

I feel sick, can't see, or think
Why can't you be in sync

Rejected by you hurts I hope you never have to feel this pain
It can make you go in insane

Always remember I'll be here
In this atmosphere

I'll always love you with all my heart and soul
Stand up be a man and take control

As I sit and watch the sun
I wonder why I was shunned

Could it be the way I look
Or the way I cook

Is it cause I'm short
Could it be that wart

Maybe it's the way I moonwalk
Probably because of my mohawk

Are my eyebrows to fuzzy
I am pretty clumsy

Or maybe it's because I don't give a sh-t what they think
They better rethink

Cause I am in sync
Not my fault they stink

I am in so much pain I can't feel my body
Maybe its the Brandy

When your upset, hurt, and In pain
Drinking some liquor seems to calm the brain

It starts to feel good forgetting
So why am I still fretting

Its only been a few hours why can't everything go back to being normally dysfunctional
Please except my apologies as their nonrefundable

Even if I'm right or wrong I don't care just talk to me
I won't say anything It's a guarantee

My head is gonna pop like a firecracker
I'll try and do all the patchwork

I know when I come down
I'm still going to have a frown

My body is numb
Maybe its because I've succumb

There once was a man named Timmy who was found in a well
What a terrible Smell

resuscitated by dog
Who was a fraud

Never was the same
but who's to blame

He couldn't help the disgrace
From his family's lambaste

He never had a chance shot out of the womb
Landing on his head with a big kaboom

His daddy was his uncle too
For Timmy was f----d up by age two

Timmy roams the hood
Like a ******* would

Looking for a trick
to do him real quick

He don't care
Because he's about to go bare

Dope makes the pain go away
For a while anyway

Waiting for his check in the mail
So he can exhale

Timmy gets high
So he can fly

Because all his pain
Is a drain

His family through him in the well
Because of a dry spell

I had to tell my husband today
Which makes this a hard Saturday

How will he take what im about to unload
Probably not very good I suppose

What's gonna happen no one
knows
We just gotta take one day at a time yo

I've lived my life only pleasing others
Now its time to fight for my life like you would, your mothers

Life can be taken for granted
Depending how its handed

I will choose what path we take
Cause this **** ain't fake

I have a best friend
She's on the mend

I had to say goodbye
I couldn't take the ride

She'll only be gone for a short while
When she comes back I'll crack a smile

I'll do anything for my friend
As she does anything for me amen

I'm going to miss her but she'll be back
100 percent so don't unpack

Wish I could go and hold her hand
To tell her hang in there you got this understand

You are beautiful, supportive, interesting, and strong
You're my friend lifelong

Hurry back home when it's time cause
Your backbone is waiting nearby

Love you with all my heart because you are my lucky star

You was my eye candy
While I was sipping brandy

Your my babies daddy
You was sweeter than cotton candy

You was my world,my everything
You was so nourishing

You was my abuser
You turned out to be such a loser

I fell head over heels for you
Didn't know I was going to be black and blue

I always thought that you loved me
I fell for your hustle,I guess I just couldn't see

Day after day I took severe beatings
They definitely wasn't bee stings

I was threatened and my family too
I was trapped with no way out if only I had a canoe

I finally got away from you
It only took me seven years to subdue

You are dead now but I bet you've made a deal with the devil
I know your still a rebel

Every day I have to deal with health issues
Caused by the daily beatings that I took with no rescues

They say I'm a survivor within
Looks like you still win

She stares out her big blue eyes full of tears
Remembering all of her fears

The day that the snake that jumped almost biting her leg
Or the bull raging in his cage

She fears the water for she may drown
Or the tornado that will twist her around

The falling tree that fell by her car
Fear of the bear with that great big claw

The shadow that follows her one step behind
The demon keeping in tune to her fears that aren't very kind

The worst fear of all she carries
Is the fear of losing your love that makes her sing like a canary

We arrive at the motel I sat next to the window
Soon he closes the drapes with clothespins in tow

I know what's about to come
I hurry and slam two shots of ***

At a split second I get a fist right on my face
I knew it was coming but I didn't get myself braced

He yells b---h you know what your supposed to be doing
As I **** in the tears I pick myself up off the ground stooping

I opened my bag the last pieces of items I own
I'd wish I'd gone and found a comfort zone

I change into my clothes mini skirt , tight shirt, no bra and high heels
I'm afraid to squeal

While I'm leaving, you know what to do or your family will be black and blue

I stroll down the long road a car rolls up
I get in and guide him to the stump

I go back to the motel
Hand over  the cash, and I get hit, kicked and told to go resale

Realizing that I'm just a minnow
swimming  in a fish tank
With no way out cause  I'm out ranked

She rises out of bed at midnight
She's got long black hair with some touches of white

She has long fingernails
With some black nail polish made from snails

She starts to dress putting on a long black dress
******* boots with a black scarf to top it off she's expecting a guest

She lives in the forest
Where no one has ever been unless their summoned or needing a spell word has it she's very experienced

She goes into her den
Grabbing a bucket and a net like she has done time and time again

Grabbing her torch setting the end on fire Ready to go explore and get what was required

She opens her crookedly door
Into the darkness she goes with her black cat in tow

She's hunting for her supplies
She's got her list two frogs,crow's feet, one rat heart, a lizard tail and one monkey  ******* which was a surprise

She gathers her findings
Stuffs them in her bag filled with linings

Heading home she uses her broom
She has an appointment tonight so she heads to the darkroom

She gets home and begins her brew
I slowly and unsure I knock on her door this seems so taboo

Come on in little beauty
Do you have it she snarls  I'm just so wary

I do I replied a lock of my hair
Including a small jar of my bright red blood with one tear

She took the items from me
Come sit down so we can get started so you can be free

I watched in silence
As she mixed everything in a ******* *** I was in reliance

She grabs my hand and puts the other on my forehead
You have a lot in there I can't promise we'll get them all it's so dredging

She started chanting as she stirred the potion
Let these demons out, let these demons out I feel like there's gonna be an execution

I was frightened
But they had to go to the island

Now drink this, I did as told
Now repeat after me she was in control

Release these demons from me
Take them away to burn in hell take all the debris and leave me the master key

Never to come back release my soul
For you have lived with me by entering through the keyhole

I started screaming,shaking,my eyes rolled up into my head
I was starting to seize up my body felt like fire I could feel the undead

I felt the demons inside me fighting for their survival
They started to rival

Release these demons at once she yelled
All of a sudden I could feel the demons obeying her commands the demons started to dispel

Finally it was over I don't remember it at all
But the witch said we didn't get them all due to the big brawl

You have very strong demons still inside you
This is all I can do you may have to give the devil his due

The witch just made this god awful  eeeheheehe
I knew at that point I was ******* do you disagree

I ran as fast as I could to get out of the forest
Glad she got rid of some of the demons but the rest still daunting me forever and are the strongest

Sitting here in the dark
Afraid to go to the park

I might burn like a vampire
I feel like a wild wire

I'm alone in this cruel world
No one to hold on to make life easier in this twisted whorl

I'm scared I'll die alone
But really does it matter the demons say they will never leave me because their bad to the bone

Children grown and gone
I'm left all alone

I hate that the demons inside has taken over my body and soul
Coming in one by one threw the keyhole

I guess the demon stole the key that I had hidden
Where no one could see in the kitchen

The key holds my soul intact
Now I'm left with a key hole open for the demons to be let in whenever they want to attack

They come and go with out fear
While I lay here in tears

I wish I'd made another key
Then I could lock the door to my soul for keeps and be set free

The demons have captured my soul
Turning my soul into captivity in the black hole

I want to break free
But it's not in me

For this demon is to strong
I've lost all hope in beating this demon for now I'll play along

I'll lay here a bit longer to build up my strength
For maybe one day I'll beat this demon who lives with me day and night driving me insane

Whenever you are feeling down
Turn on your favorite sound

Don't you know music soothes the soul
When your demons get you up and out of control

Just play those favorite songs
Get up and scream and shout let your body move around every beat you hear will clear so play along

That's right music soothes the soul
You feel no pain for a moment take control

Come get your fix for the day
Don't become his prey

Open your ears for a pleasant surprise
It won't be your demise

Let the music roll across your body
Let the notes sink in and sit back for the ride and have a hot toddy

Relax and let your mind go
With every beat that fills the air that surrounds you go with the flow

Let the music reach your inner soul
Get into the groove no more worries no more pain as you let the music bang

With every breathe hitting that beat
That's right baby no more pain let it sink in your soul and feel it in your feet

Feel the demon curling up wounded
your starting to feel relief crank up the sound make that devil run and hide
Saving your soul before you die

I sit at work thinking
When my heart is sinking

Questioning myself over and over
When will I reach for the clover

As to the path I chose
Was it left or right

I choose to go left
I fell off the cliff

Wish I had turned right
Because  it was so bright

They say run away from the light
Everything was so dark like it was night

Something kept biting me
I was running for safety

I would Never to be the same
Never to be ashamed

Oh drink that wine
Before it makes you go blind

The feeling is just so fine
What should I do about the brine

Oh I think I feel pain free
There's got to be another way

The pain is so strong
Why does the pain have to be lifelong

Mary Jane said she'd be back
She lives across the tracks

Wine is legal
Such a shame

Cause maryjane kills the pain
Helps to cure the brain

Cause they wanna do a frontal lobotomy
Which will release the pain sounds so unreasonable

Don't play like that
Curiosity did **** the cat

Sounds so out of whack
When will Mary Jane be back

While I wait I'll drink my wine
Remain on cloud nine

As I walk along the beach rubbing my belly
Remembering that it felt like jelly

Anticipating how handsome you are going to be
I prayed for you to be healthy and strong like me

Everyday I would talk and sing to you
Knowing that you was listening and singing with me too

Feeling every kick and tumble
Brought joy to my heart which made my heartbeat rumble

I always protected you with all my might
Even when I was in danger and about to fight

I knew you was going to be so cute
I couldn't hardly wait for that birthday suit

The day finally came December 7th 1994
Out you came almost in the store

You was a fighter a perfect little boy as perfect as a sparkling diamond
Your eyes was brighter then the sunshine that shined around the island

I was the happiest mommy there ever was I was so blessed
As you grew and got older I was always amazed by your finesse

You have grown into the perfect son,and an amazing man
I never could have asked for anything better as if it was all planned

Happy Birthday my son
You shine so bright like the sun

I love you with all my heart
My love is off the chart

Went to the doctor today
Should've stayed in for the day

Got really bad news Doctor see's
What no one wants to see the letter C

Had to tell my family
***** so much, to be in reality

Why did this happen to me
Lord please give me an absentee

I want to get rid of this demon
So I can have some freedom

I'm like the calico cat in the hood
Like Nick said I'll bounce back like she would

I know if I die mother f---er you better not meet me at the pearly gates cause you won't be on your feet
I'll ram you right through to the Devils cage where you need to face your own rampage

I will fight for my life
Just like I fought you with all my might

You may haunt me now
But you won't do it up there

I've done some shady s--t
I guess I deserved all of this

I'm a fighter, and I will sting you like a bee
Like the great Mohammed Ali

I was unfortunate to have never meet you
I feel as if I knew you your so smooth

You took America's music
To another dimensional mystical

You sang with your heart, body,and soul
We as fans felt you when you was so amphibole

Your so perfect,flawless,and had an incredible gift
I could look at your pictures endlessly get my drift

Your music is heard
Every day in my heart,mind and soul for the world

Your Heart and soul
Was made of gold

You inspired so many people you mentored so many artists
You are the brightest

You was and still are loved
We as fans miss and love you wishing we could have made love to you

We all fell in love
Just like a beautiful dove

When you left us we all cried and continue to mourn
So *******

You will never be forgotten you will always be remembered
you are branded in our soul that's confirmed

When I lay quietly I can hear you singing with the angels
I surly can't wait to meet you in heaven to take you in like a sponge

Prince your the one and only
You will always live in my heart never to be lonely

I hear pounding on my head
When will it stop Bam,Klang,Boom they need to be ****** dead

I can't stand this pain
It's driving me insane

Keep poppin those pain pills
Still my head feels like it's being drilled

It's the demons trying to get in
I keep telling myself don't let them win

Run, hide, fight, or should I flight
I choose to stand up and fight

Your not coming in to rearrange me
You don't have the master key

I have more angels in my head
demons you have been misled

I was stuck in slimy goo pulling me lower and lower
I start to float up higher and higher

My angels begin to sing
And surround my brain

As the angels sing louder
The banging becomes softer

I begin to feel free again
Like a weight has been lifted

The angels begin to spin me around
The demons begin to fall off my head going straight to hell

The more I spin and hear the angels sing
I'm coming back into myself free of evil

I hold you tight up against my body
I take you with me even to the party

I rub you back and forth
Up and down from south to north

I love the way you sing hard and soft
I just can't keep my hands off

I pull you close
From coast to coast

You are beautifully sound
I will never pass you around

Magnificently perfect
You have all of my respect

You are my best friend
Till the end

Growing up waiting, wishing to be set free
Ready to take over the world with some degree

Having beautiful memories of growing up
Only to be smashed with a hop, skip, and a jump

Enjoining parts of childhood, trying to forget the bad
Having an understanding that it was all a fantasy land

***** to have to fail to say
Wish I knew that before I went astray

As we grow into adulthood we marry and have a family
At that point we understand why our moms protected us daily

I always thought I'd die by age twenty-eight
I must have been high, I could've sworn I seen the expiration date

We shuffle through life, career, and family it's all just so mechanical
Deciding on Plans of burial, which seems practical

Leaving my children one less thing to worry about once I finally expire
So my children can grieve instead of worrying about the open fire

Boxing sentimental values and sorting pictures,
brings back wonderful memories of little sneakers

Sad to see them grow but very proud of how they've turned
Into handsome young men that's adjourned

As life goes on knowing that everything is in order
I'll pick up my bag of memories and go quietly to the transporter

Don't worry boys, I'll always be close
I'll guide you through the right path of life of course

So we'll meet again in the afterlife
Be ready for me because I'm going to hang tight

My life is spinning out of control
I don't think I can take it anymore

I live in a shack
It just might brake my back

I have no money
Wish I knew a homie

Every month I get asked do you think about harming yourself
I always answer yes but no plans I'm  really just trying to fool myself

Don't know how long I can keep this charade going on
Why do I keep trying to make everyone think I'm happy like a swan

I'm so depressed I see no future ahead
Maybe I'm just a fool rushing in where no angel likes to tread

Only reason I'm still here is my beautiful children
Should I chill or run

But I wonder how long that'll keep my spirits up
I know it would hurt them if I just erupt

But what if they'd be better off with out me
Not having to worry about me knowing I would be set free

This year will be the first year I'm unable to give my children a wonderful Christmas
I just can't deal with knowing I'm unable to help with their wishes

Every year life just seems to get so much harder
My mind is getting darker

I truly don't know how much longer I can keep fighting the demons away
Everything feels in such disarray

Wonder what tomorrow would be like
Maybe I'll just squeak by and wait

Why do you Cause me so much pain
Why do I feel so drained

Why do you cause me so much angry energy
Will I ever be plenary

Why are you so mentally abusive
Is it because it causes me to be intrusive

Why do you blame me for all of the mishaps
Is it because you want to bust my kneecaps

When will you be satisfied
Will it be when I become fossilized

Why do you pretend to love me
Is it because I am off key

As I was growing up
You was always there when I scraped my knee

Even though I burnt the kitchen
Trying to make us something to eat you still loved me so much

remember the surprise salad
You never got mad as you picked out bread ties you was so encouraging

I'll never forget the way you laugh
Always being goofy at the right time you always had that craft

I'll never forget when I was scared of the movie earthquake
You took your time and explained how they made the movie after that I was able to sleep without heartache

Remember that story I wrote about why I loved my dad
It won tickets to worlds of fun you was so proud of me and it wasn't half bad

You always took pictures
Black and white was the best ones I always loved the mixture

I loved going camping
Especially with monkey jamming

We always had fun the best was when you started falling
Your shoes went in two different directions  great wobbling

As I grew up into a teenager
We didn't always see eye to eye you always keep me out of danger

Then I grew up had my own family
I always seemed to swim up the stream

You was always there
No matter where I was you would always pray

Just like Prince said
I never meant to cause you any sorrow, I never meant to cause you any pain

I only wanted you to be proud
Never to be ashamed of me

Thank you for being my dad
I love you forever and always

I don't understand why I feel so dead inside
Why would I set the key aside

If I hadn't lost that key
You wouldn't be in my head right now I just want to be set free

My body is starting to break down
My mind is going in circles being chased around

My head is stirring up dark deep thoughts
How can I make it stop I'm so out of sorts

Why did I let you beat me and choke me
You wouldn't stop until my body went limp I didn't know at the time I was just a trainee

All the while I thought you loved me
All I wanted was to make a family tree

You loved being in power and in control
I lost everything my body,heart, and soul

You was a con straight out of the hood
I was a fish straight out of school

I wasn't living no more just going through the motion day by day
Waiting mostly for the hits that you gave me when I disobeyed

Being careful of where I was hit
So no one could tell I was being extinguished

you didn't want bruised merchandise
You preyed on my mind as I declined

Following every rule you made
Taking every punishment you served

Was I gonna be sold to traffickers
Or was you afraid to let your money maker go to the panthers

Was this the bigger picture all along
You stole my key and sold it to the devil is that why my head was always bashed against the wall

I was under your spell
Only way out was through hell

People see you hitting and beating me
But they just walk around or keep going never saying word to help me get my master key

Why did you not stop and help me
Maybe I would've went back but what if you was the one who set me free

My life was in danger
I was told my family was too which was a game changer

I did as told and when I was told and what I was told
Somewhere in your f--ked up mind you thought I wasn't obeying you was always in control

That's when you used whatever weapon
You had in tow to beat me into submission I reckon

You thought you was a player
You was my soul taker

When I'm happy
The demons go skin deep

They live deep inside my body
Trying to take over my soul and disembody

They try to make me not feel the pain
But I do feel the pain it's so inhumane

It's a shadow that entered into my body and mind
It was the other day when I was seven sheets to the wind

Anytime I think of good thoughts
The demons inside scream and distorts

How can I continue to feel you in me
Why did I not notice that you was standing next to me, who gave you the key

The demons have to subside
Before I lose my control and my brain gets fried

Should call in an exorcist
Before my soul becomes the sickest

It needs to die
Before I close my eyes

I remember killing one demon
But I was just dreaming

It's do or die you see
Your not taking over me

As I was chasing the stars
I stood up on my handlebars

I jumped grabbing the most shinyist star that was so beautiful
The best star that was suitable

When my eyes met yours
I was hitting all chords

Watching you grow
All systems was a go

As you grew you liked to explore
You always have the best inner core

I grew more and more proud
I was always wowed

You was the best thing I ever  planned
You are my baby grand

You are my baby boy blue
You'll always be my everlasting jewel

Sitting here just waiting
Time ticking away is sedating

I hate to say goodbye
I would rather have a stick in my eye

When will I see you again
What would you do if I beg

Would you stay or would you go
Maybe I should just go do some blow

Can you tell your husband there's been a malfunction
It was a head that was shrunken

It's my turn to take care of my mom
I know that she makes you feel calm

She's my mom, my confidant,and my best friend
You are welcome to come by from time to time again

My mom took care of me my whole life
I am ready to repay her so standby, let's not use the knife

I refuse to go out this way
Because I want to stay and go play

I'm not going anywhere
I refuse to go without my swim wear

Thought one day I'd be a billionaire
I was so unaware

I am grateful for my memories
I think i'll go eat a bowl of cherries

Don't count me out
I'm not growing sprouts

I'm just sitting in the pool of people
Waiting on God to decide by turn of a needle

How is it determined
Who will go up and who will go down, who's about to be summoned

Maybe it's a bidding factor
Between God and the devil for that matter

Could it be odd or even, heads or tails
We are all choosing to prevail

We all think we know
I guess I better get my ducks in a row

Either way I'm a little scared
As the news makes me more aware

I just wanted to let everyone know
Thank you everybody for liking and reposting my poems.
Stupid me didn't thank everyone for this and now it would take me a while to go back and reply so I officially wanted to say thank you so much I appreciate it so much means the world to me. Okay now I can do it more respectfully

Don't tell me what to do
Because it's not all about you

I'm an independent woman
Trying to be with a good man

It's hard to let things go
Just load the dishwasher up like I do bro

Oh you washed clothes
Well you didn't sort the loads

Thank you for cooking dinner
Oh but that's not the way I use the strainer

Vacuum all the carpets well they don't look touched well I think you're nuts
I have to let the little things go no if ands or buts

I have a lover
He's my best friend undercover

I've known him since junior high
He's my childhood sweetheart there's no deny

He's been my backbone
Through thick and thin never letting me stand alone

He's tall, handsome, long, he's exciting especially after a good night of *** igniting

When I eat a wonderful supper
Oh yeah he's there with a Dr Pepper

My lover knows my husband
Shhh don't worry he knew when he auditioned

My lover was with me when I got the news
I have to tell my lover that it's over before the cruise

We have been inseparable since we was eleven
It's really hard to let him go twenty-four seven

I'm gonna have to be strong and let my lover go
I bet he'll say no

I love you, don't leave me
Because we'll be off key

My lover has a name
I'm not ashamed

I've been playing Russian roulette
I call him cigarette

When we talk you sound so depressed
Is there anyway that you can be assessed

I know how it is to fight demons
When it starts there's never any refunds

I have been fighting my demons for years
I would have rather went shopping at Sears

When will my demons stop harassing me
I wonder if I'll ever be free
I remember years ago I seen the Grim reaper

I guess he was just being a sightseer
I was sober at the time
I think it was by luck I wasn't ready to say goodbye

Government wants to run our lives
But they keep telling lies

You order your pills
But to your disgust you can't get refills

You go to the doctor to get a script
The doctors don't care cause  they are all
crypt

The government don't care about your pain
They only care about their mane

It's a mother F'in shame how this could end
Just wait and see if we can mend

Gonna have to get some pills
No matter what it takes to fulfill

This is just a money thing
That feeds into the drug ring

We might as well be on crack
At least we don't need a script for that

They believe they are helping us
But in actuality they threw us under the bus

Today started out to be such a beautiful day
No care in the world everything was at bay

I kept myself busy with cooking and cleaning
Even felt like dancing to some Prince, I did some of his spinning

Then out of nowhere
I was knocked dead on my **** in less than I could take a breathe

Sat down and then it really hit me
The demons skipped me last night those creeps

And they've come to get me on this once was a gorgeous day
Why now what would've been the harm to just let one day go by

I begin to get pain and debris swishing in my head
It's so loud I can't even hear myself plead

Oh crap am I even breathing
Is it time to go now I heard yes for the time being

Knowing that would be just to easy for them
These demons want me to live so they can torture me

As if I was the walking dead
The loud noises in my head are so disturbingly embedded

I try not to let them in
As I've said before they do hold the master key made out of skin

So now my beautiful day will be spent in psychosomatic pain
Trying to clean out the demons in my attic post-traumatic

I walked into the party
Looked as if there was a hundred people eating calamari

As I scan the room
I see a man and my head went kaboom

I couldn't take my eyes off
I keep checking him out up and down and all around he definitely wasn't a knockoff

He was so **** mouthwatering delicious
At that point I knew I had no conscientious

As my eyes slowly go up his perfect body
Only stopping visually taking it all in his body was smoother than Bacardi

My eyes finally are on his neck
Then those **** lips was like a beautiful landing strip

As I got to his eyes
I realized he was staring right at my supplies

I walked slowly never taking my eyes off his eyes
He never took his eyes off me either oh what a prize

I reach to the corner of the bar
He holds out his big **** hand took ahold of my hand and planted a soft kiss on my scar

I wasn't much into one night stands
But I knew I was all in 100 percent with no demands

As we talked and had a few drinks
Enjoying soft kisses and giving winks

This **** perfect man
Had my whole body melting like quicksand

We decided to leave the party
Went to my room hale and hearty

I was so infatuated with this man
When he touched my body I just melted like pecans

Oh his soft kisses
Made my body quiver and gushed

Oh it wasn't love at first site
It was lust with such delight

It was the best one night stand I ever had
With a man I never knew anything about but was highly ranked

Maybe that's what made it so memorable
That's why it was so sensual and incredible

She stares out her blue eyes
Wondering why she always survives

Warning sirens in the distance
Will it make any difference

Never letting anyone close
Might wind up at the bottom of the coast

For fear of the black hole
To lose her heart and soul

Looking for a way to be free
Her head spinning full of debris

While ******* on some lemons
She sorted out her demons

There's a lunatic in my head
Just like Pink Floyd said

She cuts herself  to relieve the pain
Her blood is like fire running through her veins

With each cut sends her into a dimension of no return
She fights the demons within her control

She hides every cut that is made
Being careful that nobody knows where's the blade

Tells herself  it's okay
The scars that is left are reminders to keep it at bay

Fighting the demons from returning each day
Is like being on the buffet

It takes a toll
On ones soul

Cutters rock the stars
Will that stop the scars

With Band-Aids by her side
Making sure she hides

Floating up to the sky
Well that stop the disease inside

For years I've been building my nest
Stick after stick nice and pressed

I finally get my nest built with small repairs on the way
Watching my little naked birds growing and gaining adult feathers everyday

As time goes my little birds are ready for Eagle Academy
They have their ups and downs what can I say they are boys guaranteed

Soon my little feathery birdies are growing like weeds
They begin to find mates some good and some not to proceed

I soon teach my little ball of feathers how to fly
They start catching their own food flying high

Soon my beautiful nest has become smaller
I start to lose my falter

My little birdies have grown into perfect eagles
I just sit and shake my head how can all of this be legal

Now that little nest I built stick by stick
Is so empty that it feels extinct

I continue to keep the nest cozy and warm
Just incase they run into a bad storm

My beautiful birdies have grown up and started a nest of their own
Now I feel all alone

I have a dream
My head has turned to cream

What happened to myself
I think my brain has turned to mush

I used to be normal
But I am in turmoil

They tell me to look back
But when I do I get smacked

Why is this ghost haunting me
Ghosts run like blood through my veins

They say don't believe in ghosts
I see shadows that reminds me of a host

The host is taking over my body
When will I be destroyed because of that hot toddy

They say normal
Why so hormonal

I hate that lunatic
Going to blow up like a tick

Are you going to **** yourself, they ask
No Stan I don't have a plan for I wear a mask
Masks are comfortable to me
Because no one knows the pain I see

This crazy s--t must end
Before I yell you win

Every day I wake up at 3:05
That's when the crazies begin

Hustlers run day and night
Only sleeping when the time is right

Hustling isn't the life
Come help me be a hood wife

Eat chicken one night feathers the next
He won't take checks

Running every hustle you've ever been taught
Never know when you're going to stop

Robbing, skimming, and Pimpin you don't care
As long as you have silk underwear

Send your b---h out to get paid
B---h don't come back till you get laid

Once you come back with cash duckies
All of the dope dealers get new ***'s

That's when the F'er runs to score
Then he gets ready to soar

Watch every step or move you make
Because he's got a hit to take

With every hit he takes
The demon inside starts to wake

He starts to replay the day
Worrying if you'll go stray

He knows he's breaking every rule
But he still maintains he's super cool

So he starts beating you
Making you black and blue

B---h you come a dime to dozen
You cross me you'll be frozen

Could mean do or die
So don't apply

As I reach above my head
Trying to catch an angel that's hanging by a thread

What's your name
You say our names are the same

Yes I am you
Has my time become due

I'm not quite ready to go
Monroe's ready he has no toes

It's not his turn
I want to stay and learn

If you put me back in the clouds
Then we can pass on the shroud