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Lay the bricks
Lay them high
Keep you safe
Up to the sky
Night will fall
He will call
Sit quietly
Within your walls
Closeness too far
The darkest star
Could I be any other?

07/26/24
You push and you pull
Like a rubber band
You say all the right things
But you don’t understand
Why I pull away
And want to hold your hand
You think I’m just free
But you don’t really know me
I’m not ready
To fall so hard
You keep coming
For pieces of my heart
I guess I’m enough
When you want me
But im not enough
When she’s on your mind



You stretch and recoil
Like a taught rubber band
Articulating perfect words
Failing to understand
You wonder why I retreat
While longing for your hand
You imagine I’m careless and free
Never truly seeing me

Unprepared to tumble, deep
Yet you persistently seek
Fragments of my heart
I seem enough when you desire
But falter in your eyes
When her shadow conspire



How many ways can I write this?
Could I find you in everything?  
Would you look at the skies as I do?  
Would you see all their shades of gray, and blue?  
Above rooftops and trees,  
Above homes filled with families,  
Would you see all for what they are?  
A symphony of love at the center of hearts?

Could I find you in my hands?  
In the calluses and soft touch,  
Would you be harsh, gentle, and just enough?  
Could I find you in the words I carry in my palms,  
Flowing rivers of thoughts that sing like a song?

Could I find you in the mornings,  
When I wake before the sun,  
When life is love and love is life,  
And you are the only one?  
Could I find you in my coffee,  
The way it warms me softly  
And leaves its taste upon my lips,  
The ones I wish you would kiss?

Could I find you in my shoes or my dress,  
Or the table beside my chair?  
Could I find you on the couch,  
Or in the stillness of the air?

Could I find you in my arms,  
Where I imagine I hold you close?  
My very sweet dear friend,
Is it wrong to want you the most?  

Of all the night skies I’ve gazed upon,  
Your light is the most true.
You are the moon above my sea,
Your glow dancing upon waves set free.
I could find you in everything,
In all that I feel and see
Turning this scattered life of mine
into beautiful poetry

For now, I’m going to stop.  
I have a lot to do.  
But just for a moment,  
All was lost and everything was you.

(To be revisited, one day)
A smile is simple, in the right company. Surround yourself with kindred souls.
Would a rose by any other name be as sweet?
Would a rose gifted by another sweep me off of my feet?
Would the fragrant scent make me so softly weak?

Never have I ever been one for flowers,
Their allure held but for a few hours,
A vibrant life for temporary display,
Before they drop all their petals, wilt away.

A perspective from closed eyes open to see,
Finding sincerity in the twelve before me,
Watching their flirtatious shadows dance
As the petals sway to the breezes romance

Studying their intricate details,
Have I never read the story each rose tells?
Sewn into the earth, cared for, tended to,
Their history of love, unfolding in bloom
Like books unfurling pages, one by one
Each petal a testament to the tenderest love

I imagine his eyes, the warmth of his heart
For a moment their stories and my own were of one part.
Gifted with the purest intentions, a hopeful beginning
From those hands seeking love, never-ending

So would a rose by any other name be as sweet?
If from the hands of the one who gifted them to me.
Loving new perspectives, new acceptance, & full of hope for my own path. It's going to be okay... in time. This world is beautiful, in so many ways, I need to remind myself to always follow those that bring in more beauty. I'm ready to find everything that makes me light. Ps. Someone is going to be so lucky. I can't wait to hear about it... one day.
“All I wanted to do in my painting, the story I wanted to tell was: Look around you; they’re still here.” - Vincent Valdez

Years ago, I stood in front of it,
Anger, sickness, heartbreak,
All at once.

This is modern day.
Men in fancy watches,
Women in nice jewelry,
Holding their children.
In the background, a new truck,
One on his smartphone.

Angry, they hid behind robes,
Faces unseen, hidden, uncalled out.
Angry at their entitlement,
White, racist, arrogant.
Angry, knowing they were just a part
Of a bigger, uglier whole.

Disgusted, this was their normal,
Walking society's paths,
Believing their false superiority.
Disgusted, upper-class arrogance & bigotry,
Feeling more entitled, undeserved.
Disgusted, holding their children,
Teaching hate instead of love.

A grandmother walked in,
With daughter and granddaughter,
Seven, maybe.
This grandmother, strength personified,
A history facing all phases of prejudice.
The daughter, resentful,
Hardened acceptance,
Knowing this is our world.
The youngest, bright-eyed,
Clueless to the view,
Happy and innocent,
Listening to her Grandmother’s and Mother’s words,
Eyes uncertain, back and forth,
Until the words and the painting settled in,
Turning innocent eyes hollow & dark,
Shifting her spirit.

I broke, walked away,
Stomach churning, heart aching.
What is it like to be judged,
For just existing,
In a world so prejudiced?
I imagine so much like this moment.

I wanted to hug them,
To say it will be okay,
But I’m a white stranger,
And I know it isn’t.

Fixing this goes deeper
Than government’s reach.
Racism taught to infants,
Raised to hate, a cycle unbroken.

I watched George Floyd,
Helpless in the face of it.
Engraved racism, an impossible fight.

Yet, I see many stand,
Speak up, come together,
And in that, I find hope.
Is this what it feels like
To be seen
To be valued
To be understood
To be deeply engraved
Every layer visible
Admired for the way the elements form together
For the waves and imperfections that create the beauty of the whole
Are these anxious floating bubbles that are wildly swirling in my stomach, reaching for the back of my tongue…good?
(Good for me?)
Is this excitement
Is this fear
Is this hope
Is this sadness
Why does it have to be anything
Why can’t it just be, this. As it is.
Why do I lose my words but hold them overflowing in my hands
Why am I so uncomfortable in my own skin
Why does writing that nearly break my dam
Is this my lack?
Of self worth
Of inability
Of being so far behind
Standing in my own shadow
Afraid if the light filled me I could be
Is this why I’m not enough
Is it me?
Amour de Monet Feb 2018
You found me on the floor again not wearing anything
I'm so sorry baby sometimes I just get weak
I didn't mean to scare you
yes, I can hear you

You fill me up with honey and tell me it's gonna be fine
We'll get through this together, You're not alone this time.
Yes, I can hear you
I just can't feel you - at all

You don't know what's in my head It's like I'm losing ground
For a moment I'm up just to crash back down
I can't seem to handle my own two feet
I get so ****** tired and I feel so weak

Yea I know I'm moving slow but Im trying my best
I don't need your angry tone on top of this burden on my chest
It's not good enough for you
but it's the best I can do

Two feet on the floor again I think I've lost my mind
The whole world's gone a blur, No, I'm not alright
My hands are shaking, I'm going crazy
It's hard enough to just get by
I know it makes you angry
So, I'll turn my head while I cry

You say baby look at me and I stare right into you
You say baby listen to me and I am listening to you
But you're miles away
We're miles away

Two feet on the floor again, no, I'm not alright
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