I sit again cross-legged now,
Swaying to and fro.
On my swing, alone as always,
The safest place I know.

Where peace has always found me,
On the wings of wind's soft touch,
For a time I thought that it was free,
But in truth, it cost so much.

The leaves, they fall around me,
Flowers bloom to die again,
I hear the sounds of living somewhere,
But my swing is where I've been.

A few hands did try to shake me,
But I rocked so out of fear,
Of where leaving just might take me,
So I chose to just stay here.

But the boards, they are now creaking,
From the weight of courage lost.
Yes, I used to think my peace was free,
But I know now what it cost.

It cost me the love and cost me the joy,
Hope strived so hard to bring.
And no peace can be found in that,
Not even on this swing.

Trouble can take a stable man,
And make him go quite mad.
Uncertain just why she visited,
Make him wish she never had.

But there is no stopping Trouble.
She waits around every bend.
But once you do get used to her,
You may just call her "friend."

And yes, she may bring chaos,
As Trouble's been known to do,
But there's no avoiding it once,
Trouble's taken a liking to you.

And there is no need to worry,
Please do not worry at all.
Trouble needs your number,
To make an international call.

There is a man in Sussex,
To whom I will belong.
I have never even met him,
And now it feels so wrong.

And as I stand in the city square,
Searching the crowds for you,
I feel my heart may just stop beating,
For there's nothing I can do.

Promises were made and I was given,
With a nod and firm handshake.
And before I had known you, my love,
I never knew my heart could break.

Part of me wants to risk it all,
Security and even name,
But I just can't disgrace my family
And impress them with that shame.

So let's just spend a day in the park,
And secretly pretend,
That we will always be together,
And this will never end.

Let's discreetly turn the corner,
To that alley on the right,
And kiss with all the longing,
And hold each other tight.

Let me smell the scent of you,
and let me breathe you in.
So I can save that memory,
And bring you back again.

In less than just a fortnight,
My stay here will be ending,
And I will begin my new life,
My life of just pretending.

New love with its weak knees and nervous touch,
Slowly fades away, and the quivers aren't as much.
And when that day comes and boredom arrives,
I guess we'll both just move on with our lives.

A decade hence, he found a love, and offered her his name.
Vowing to honor and cherish, and she vowed to do the same.

Five years later they created a son, and the world seemed bright.
But then one day he took a vice, and there was no more right.

A little pill was offered, and a little pill he tried.
Soon he had to have them, to wife and son ...he lied.

The days went on and on and on...to him it felt like one.
And despite all of the battles...the little pills had won.

Some time later his wife stumbled upon, all  he had tried to hide.
And then she put all the wrongs together, and  sat down and cried.

No, she did not leave him then, she had vowed for better or worse.
And she stood right by his side until...he found salvation in a hearse.

This story is true...though based on a lie,
Addicts? ...they leave without saying goodbye.

I didn't know your circles
Any more than you knew mine.
But I do know that they overlapped,
And so from time to time...
Our eyes wound meet in frenzied blur,
As our lives lapped on and on,
Then in the matter of a single whir,
So very briskly ...we'd be gone.
And knowing it'd all come round again..
You'd forget me for a score,  
Because up 'til now I'd always been
On my track... just as before.
But today I made a most brave move,
To escape the typic human race,
And now our paths might never cross,
So let these words take my place....
Please don't get dizzy on your course.
There's no need to run too fast.
Remember your only catching up to,
What has already passed.

Its not the sharpest teeth
That makes an enemy so.
Sharper be the teeth you find
On friend rather than foe.

Oh, shadow, I will keep thee safe,
For thou art the weaker power,
And I will stand between you and East,
At least til noon time hour.
Then turn slowly to the west,
So that I may shield your eyes,
From the burning, painful sight,
Of a sun who brightly dies.
And be turned away from you,
At any given time or slant,
To offer you protection from,
Things I see, you can't.

One day, I'll find the perfect place,
On a hill with lonesome tree.
And if not but behind closed eyes,
You will be there with me.
You will write of our beauty,
With your old quill pen,
Beauty behind our dull eyes,
Of days that should've been.
Of a love that we both carried,
Yet somehow could not touch,
For fear that we would break it,
Perhaps we loved too much.
Your pen will assuage the pain,
And erase mistakes away,
On a hill with lonesome tree,
I'll one day go to stay.

How did I let it go this far again?
Knowing it could never last.
I was born for only solitude.
This lesson learned in past.

You made me feel more beautiful
Than I ever had before,
But somehow it still wasn't enough
To open my locked door.

The kisses have grown colder,
And I have backed away.
Not fully sure if fear or indifference,
Has made me feel this way.

Selfishly I just continued on,
It's as unforgivable as a lie.
Partly not wanting to be alone,
Partly because I hate "goodbye."

How will I be able to tell you,
I don't love you the way I should.
After I have spoken the words.
Right now I just wish I could.

I hope your pain is less by far,
Than mine; I'll suffer by shame.
I'd rather be hurt than hurt another,
Slander me, I'll take the blame.

I won't ask you for your pardon,
Or for you to understand.
That I am meant to wander alone,
With no one to hold my hand.

I will never be able to sacrifice,
My defenses,  just on a whim.
And since there are no certainties,
My chance for love is looking grim.

One hand or less
The souls
Beyond perhaps a year
Would still feel my
Absence
And might still shed a tear
So sad to think
The love
Of which I strove to give
A lifetimes worth
Also dies
The day I cease to live.
Forgettable
My self
Average at its best
Loved by few and...
Counted
On just one hand or less

******* one more kiss, my love.
Pick me one more flower.
Watch with me one more sunrise.
Waste with me one more hour.

Read me one more bedtime story.
Cast me one more glance.
Whisper me one more secret.
Dance with me one more dance.

Write me one more love letter.
Flash me one more smile.
Sing to me one more love song.
Walk with me one last mile.

She stood in the garden, alone, and spoke aloud.
"I so wish I could hear your voice again. There's just a snippit left in my head...it's been so long.
The quirky laugh, so nonchalant, as I remember, questions requiring deeper thought, and yet the answers were always so easy.
The tone which I at first never expected but later identified with you and only you...and still do..if I were to only hear it again...match it to that snippit I play over and over again more times than I care to admit...well then   maybe then I would feel how I  felt the last time we spoke.... Like I was vital, loved, scared, and yet safe all at the same time. Sometimes...but only on a very rare occasion, do I wish that I could turn that snippit off. Just so I wouldn't have to miss you for a moment or two. "
"And who has loved like this ? " she asks herself pitifully.
" Only me."-...she whispered in self reply, as he listened quietly from behind the northern wall, never making a sound, before turning and going on about his day.
Just as one lone tear waters the gardenia.

I feel so very out of place, sitting here amongst inanimate objects, looking at pictures of those I once knew, examining trinkets that once held some importance, which now sit cluttered up by the memories I can't recall with loves I once knew, that I thought forever could not touch, that were picked up by the next day and the next day and are quite scattered now, amongst all the worthless "treasures" of lives' I used to have, no more fitting into this current one, than I do this scene.

Should I blame my God?
Or does it lie with me?
Did fate or chance or fairies?
Take your soul from me?

Was this in "the plan?" Perhaps.
Or was there some lack of will?
Either way of no import...
But,oh! I love you still.

Somehow, down through the centuries,
Man discerned it was best to hide.
Conceal their grief and likewise love,
And hoard it all inside.

Emotions we should so easily share,
We choose to temper instead.
And so many things that we want to say,
We just let go...unsaid.

The heart can take you places
You might never wish to go
And the mind can teach you things
You might never wish to know
We can choose to follow them
Know that God is on their side
Or live remote and un-learned
All because of foolish pride.

There are way too many of us
Expecting the knock to come one day
Praying that the phone won't ring
And take what's left of hope away

There are way too many of us
Hidden here sharing our shame
While living useless helpless days
From dawn to dusk ...the same.

There are way too many of us
But somehow still unseen
By others in their perfect worlds
Whose children are so clean

There are way too many of us
Who make our worlds so small
Because even friends don't understand
The pure horror of it all

There are way too many of us
Hearing that what we do isn't right
Tough love or enabling?
Whatever helps us sleep at night.

There are way too many of us
Just waiting for the sky to fall
Wishing today might be the day
That just puts an end to it all.

And in this moment I can be free
Without past or present
Or future worry
When my face rests
In whatever unattractive position it desires
Freedom. Right there.