I have a friend who would meet me at
At our Italian Restaurant
Anytime
Who could even ask for more than that ?

I could speak long on heartbreak.
I've known it pure and known it true.
But what poor converse that would make
I won't do that to you.

Besides you have all of your own ****
That has left you beaten too.
And,"no," I don't want to hear about it
I don't care that much for you.

Let's just leave our pasts in the past
For it's the po-lite thing to do
"My day was fine. I'm glad you asked!"
Now pretend you like me too.

To know a love that transcends all,
Where all else fades to grey,
And all the trivial toilings known,
Promptly drift away.

And there's no longer any need,
To question future lot.
And all the failings of your past,
Promptly are forgot.

And euphoria is a daily breath,
Effortlessly received.
And all the love that is professed,
Promptly is believed.

And any foe which may appear
Is easily defeated.
And every "I love you," softly spoke,
Promptly is repeated.

And all thoughts, silently known,
No words even shared.
And any injury received by one,
Promptly is repaired.

But when one of two depart,
And one life is ended.
Hasty promises of forever,
Promptly are rescinded.

And I'm not certain all the pro's
Can make up for the con,
Of enduring a day when such a love,
Promptly is just gone.

purple petals in a birdbath -
like rafts during the rain -
bobbing briefly with each drop -
like memories on the brain -

I remember when I was a young girl, lying on my bed, with the oversized pink comforter, and reading.

Reading romance novels.

Novels that always began with a girl, to which I immediately identified myself, who was alone.

And out of nowhere, this mysterious, incredibly masculine, charming, and great looking man, would sweep into her life, and she would fall in love.

Most times she would not admit it, but rather, play hard to get, and misperceive some action of his in the wrong way and think him a pig, but still love him anyhow.

They ALWAYS ended , however, with everything working out and them both professing this larger than life love for each other, and THE END.

Ok so now I am all grown up... and life hasn't even slightly resembled any one of the novels I read.

And I guess after all this time it is easier not to believe....I mean after all...they were all fiction.

Where is the non-fiction romance section at the bookstore?...oh I know there isn't one.

Shame on all these authors for disillusioning me and so many other young girls.

And somewhere in my sick little mind...I am still searching for it...and think that quite possibly I may have found it...there is only one problem...my courage has been wore down after all these years and I fail to act.

Can I write a book about that?

The more I rise toward heaven
The less I want of earth
Indifference is an easy aide
Dullness has it's worth
For logistics, not my matter
The world is not my care
My natural home is calling
All desire waits up there
Minutes are just tangled
In a web within my mind
Memories pale, illusive
I've eternity yet to find
So pull me..pull me closer
My God please take me in
Illuminate what's before me
Remove all that once had been
Breathe me up your staircase
Let all your stars just smile
I never even belonged here
I've been ready for a while
As for the pain of others
It's just a worldly show
That fades to black behind you
And means nothing as I go

Force feed me your reality,
I am hungry but can't eat.
And my mouth is drooling,
From the smell of rotten meat.

Pry my teeth like iron bars,
A little bit is all I need.
Offer me just a  little taste,
Then leave and let me feed.

The crimson garment has fallen away,
Revealing a cover that's white and sheer.
A simpleness replacing undeserved shame,
A rebirth replacing muddled with clear.

Affected no more by past regrets,
Obscurity abounds no more,
Transformation of wayward self,
Into a soul, authentic and pure.

I do not like the world around me,
The filth and ***** places,
The lying selfish faces,
The weakness satan preys on,
All beauty now is all gone,
And like the world, I now smell,
Of the tomb in which we dwell,
With no will to perservere,
Nor rememberance of a tear,
Walking 'round about in throng,
Singing all the same sad song,
Of all we've lost or never had,
And of the good that turned to bad.
Until this becomes our norm again.
Forgetting better days have been.
I do not like the world around me,
The filth and ***** places,
The lying selfish faces,
The weakness satan preys on,
All beauty now is all gone,
And like the world, I now smell,
Of the tomb in which we dwell,
With no will to perservere,
Nor rememberance of a tear,
Walking 'round about in throng,
Singing all the same sad song,
Of all we've lost or never had,
And of the good that turned to bad.
Until this becomes our norm again.
Forgetting better days have been.
I do not like the world around me,
The filth and ***** places,
The lying selfish faces,
The weakness satan preys on,
All beauty now is all gone,
And like the world, I now smell,
Of the tomb in which we dwell,
With no will to perservere,
Nor rememberance of a tear,
Walking 'round about in throng,
Singing all the same sad song,
Of all we've lost or never had,
And of the good that turned to bad.
Until this becomes our norm again.
Forgetting better days have been.  You get the picture......

When the sands of time have finished,
And I wait to breathe my last,
Will I wish I had done something differently,
While reflecting on my past?
There is one thing which now comes to mind,
A "once in a lifetime" chance I may have lost.
When I stifled a dream with a soul mate poet,
Because I was afraid of what it might cost.
The days, they pass so quickly by.
And doors that were open - now close.
And stagnantly I still just sit here.
Looking for answers that nobody knows.
And in my heart I already feel,
A loss that swells with every sigh.
Of the great love affair I almost had,
But instead,  let pass me by.

Those thoughts, that we once lit upon, in such a rage,
(Oh!  how ablaze they once were and Oh! how quick they flew)
Scribbled posthaste onto the now much duller page,
To immortalize- as only the penned word can do.
And so, if ever apt,... regress to way back when,
(at least for a time, at least in mind,...return alone)
To dig them from their coffers - let them live again,
all of the greatest passions our souls had ever known;
To resurrect the fire that only youth can start,
(Recover- , a breathless moment or a wanton gaze)
Exhume instead- , a tear, shed from a lifeless heart,
To bestow the elegy of our departed days.

By the time it becomes visible
I'll have been in hell for quite a while
Tight mittens binding up my hands
Tempered wince behind the smile

Moist cement ...three feet deep
And a mind that won't think straight
Clumsy and slow...trudging along
In a fogged deficient state.

Simple things become so great
And the pain won't let me be
Slumber 14 hours long
Meet the new..unimproved...ME.

I shared
A billion pieces of what they call me
A million times 'cause I was lonely
Hoping for a bit of madness
To match my own without the sadness
I took
A black and white of every memory
Knowing loss is all we foresee
Tucking them into their own space
Every word away with their face
I formed
Beauty out of a delusion
Lost myself in the confusion
Made a bed out of every mistake
Formed an idea that I could not shake
I found
That life is only what we make it
If we aren't then we should fake it
The time will come and it will fly by
Some things we loose the day we die.

I once saw an old faded rocking chair,
On an otherwise empty porch.
Of an abandoned colonial -style house,
En route for a visit up north.

It moved just a tad, as if to whisper,
So I stopped for just a spell.
And wished that it could speak to me,
What stories would it tell?

Would it speak of simple innonence,
Unhurried times now gone?
But someone honked their horn at me,
And so I hurried on.

The happiest season of my life.
Was the one when I met you.
When a few shared simple words,
Made the whole world new.

When we would talk for hours,
And pull all the details out,
Of how both of our lives were going,
And of what they were without.

I could feel your thoughts on me,
While mine were visiting you,
But so subtly everything did change,
As seasons always do.

Can we wait this out a little longer,
Hold our breath with fingers crossed?
For our season is sure to return again,
And bring back what we lost.

I could really use a hug,
From a very special friend.
Given without pretense,
And no need to pretend.

I could look him in the eye,
And say without any shame,
I feel as if life has beaten me,
And I'm the only one to blame.

I could tell him I messed up.
Mistakes? I"ve made a few.
He wouldn't even blink at all.
He would know just what to do.

He would just keep hugging me,
And he wouldn't let me go.
He'd try to bear my grief with me,
Because he loves me so.

I could really use a hug,
From a very special friend.
Given without pretense,
And no need to pretend.

Somehow you always find a way in,
Through the bleakest me.
And cause me to admit begrudgingly,
I've a gentler side to see.

But do me a little favor, please,
Keep that secret deep inside,
For it has taken me years to find,
A place the nice me can hide.

It is the purest form of love,
The type that I have found with you.
The color of you engulfs me;
Makes my own a different hue.

You accept me just as I am,
A task that not many can do.
You chisel cracks into my heart
To let the light shine right on through.

I wonder how simple my life could be,
If there was nothing to worry me.
I would sleep in every morning,
Stay up late every single night,
Drink my coffee from dawn til dusk,
Tell myself I was always right.
There would be no dogs to walk,
No dinners to hurriedly make,
No bosses to glare down on me,
No insults I'd just have to take.
I could always say just what I felt,
And not cautiously weigh every word.
I could yell at the top of my lungs,
And let others think its' absurd.
I wouldn't have to answer the phone,
I could dress as casual as I desired.
I could skip laundry as long as I wished,
Take a long nap if I ever felt tired.
No one could make me do their bid,
I wouldn't have to hasten to any call.
Oh how simple my life could be,
If I could worry about nothing at all.