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Aug 9 · 36
I will win
Hi.
It's me again
No he and I
No me and them
No we or us
It's always just me.
I guess that's what Destiny
Claims it to be.
And that's the great tragedy
Of having such a strong mind
For there's nothing I will ever need
That in myself I won't find.  
Theres nothing one can offer
Nor anything I can gain
The only challenge in my life
Is my brain against my brain.
May 6 · 51
Lost in space
This empty space
Is so cold
There is numbness here
A slowing of life , of thought
Occasionally visited by a confused delusion in a half waking dream
That leaves too soon
There is no life here
Only death
Hope left an age ago
I just wait now
Mourning is done
And I spin...
A centrifuge of nausea
With chunks of ***** floating by
In a decided manner
And the air thins as awareness fades
Just how long will this take?
They never really taught me that in astronaut school.
Dec 2018 · 67
"In ward"
deanena tierney Dec 2018
I always come back here
Where I can speak without shame
Where there are no acquaintances to judge
Or offer ignorant advice...no whispers
As I pass
I pass uncaring anyway
I've learned no one really matters
No one's thoughts or opinions mean a **** thing in the end
The way I see it we are all born with an estimated 75 to 100 year life sentence
I've spent over half my term sharing space with one addict or another
Checking the cell for contraband while they sleep
Not for fear they would take me out with it
More out of fear they would end their sentence prematurely
Which is so unfair to the rest of us.
And when the sleepless nights
Get to be too much I just go a little mad
Enough to get solitary for a little while
You see I've learned enough lessons for now
I have no use to learn more than a man needs to know in this place
I can recognize a liar and the one who schemes behind my back
But most disturbing I see the brokenness of all mankind that will never be fixed
At least not while "in ward."
Dec 2018 · 70
Dementia
deanena tierney Dec 2018
The hours seem to pass so slow
While the years go spinning by
Forgotten dates of long ago
So fixed.  Yet still they fly.
As wind carries forth the seasons
And shadows mark the day
So go the treasured memories
As the mind meets with decay.
Sep 2018 · 120
Never right
deanena tierney Sep 2018
I'm attractive enough
Smart too
Willing to do things
Others won't do
The purple in the room of white
The spirit that no one can hold
Nothing ever meets my prize
No one ever sparks my soul
Alone I wander alone I live
And cry in torture every night
That I've no one to share this life
That nothing no one makes me right
Aug 2018 · 88
FALL
deanena tierney Aug 2018
The wind will grant its pardon
And the clouds a blessed reprieve
The sun will take the shorter route
And earlier will come the eve.
The air itself will become more clear
And the horizon will begin to sprawl
The smell of fire and crisp leaves
Will welcome in the Fall.
Jun 2018 · 194
Chain of command
deanena tierney Jun 2018
"Crackle" goes the brittle leaf
Orphaned by the tree.
"Shh!" the dow responds to it
"The hunter's after me!"
The hunter takes his aim and whispers
"I've got you now..at last!"
Until the bear sneaks up behind
and grinds out,"not so fast!"
Jun 2018 · 168
The Master of Departure
deanena tierney Jun 2018
With a jaw tight as a vise
And eyes with pinprick beam
I swallow once unnoticed
Withdraw at every seam
No thought at all...a statue
No ears to longer hear
A focal point behind you
Is all that is still clear
A moment yet a lifetime
A drop without the fall
I breathe and walk right past you
As if you weren't there at all.
Dec 2017 · 191
No FAIRies
deanena tierney Dec 2017
There are no knights in armor
There is no castle by the shore
No three wishes in a bottle
No living happily evermore
There is no perfect ending
And much to my dismay
You will never see a "miracle"
No matter how hard or long you pray.
Good doesn't always beat evil
Most times it's the other way around
My tales are not quite as fun to hear
But I've both feet on the ground
I myself fell victim once
'Course that was many years ago
Believing in that one true love
That I saw come and I saw go..
We all grow up...I'm older now
So much older and more wise
Little girl.. that's why I share the truth
So that you won't believe the lies.
Nov 2017 · 216
Too far
deanena tierney Nov 2017
She said," You live just a bit too far,
Too far from where the people are
To see the industry of the day
Or to hear the children as they play."
I replied," I live just far enough away
To see all that heaven will display
And hear God's voice when I pray,
A shame you don't live too far as well,
For this is where the angels dwell."
Oct 2017 · 198
Lost
deanena tierney Oct 2017
The features are faded at the edges
In the fog-ged path I walk alone
Dusk has come and gone by now
The dampened trees begin to moan
One foot first and then the other
A breath with every one
Degrees are dropping fast now
Since the setting of the sun.
No candle burns to guide me
The full moon my only light
Reflecting off the shadows
That are darting left and right
The wind, is howling its commands,
Cracking twigs are keeping pace
Behind my hurried fearful steps
That are lost now in this place.
And I am on the path no more
And I can't find the way
Whispers echo off the brush,
"You're not going home today."
deanena tierney Sep 2017
To discriminate without bias
To master such a skill
To demonstrate all knowledge
With a clear decisive will
To seperate right from wrong
To cull out any grey
To speak without emotions lead
With words that show a way
To weigh with perfect measure
To balance hope with what is real
To fill thy inner spirit up
With what is true not what we feel
To survey all with settled eyes
To learn when to take & when to give
To stand tall in a violent storm
With a heart that does not live.
Sep 2017 · 1.8k
Hurricane Irma
deanena tierney Sep 2017
I know that while I sleep tonight
So many of you may die
A heaviness will tuck you in
Like a sheet across the sky
And together you will cower
In every corner you can find
Heart beats right in sync with
The roaring of your mind
Unrelenting punishment
From unrelenting rain
And just when you think it's over
It will return again.
With a wind that rips your soul away
As pure hell invades your sky,
Then hopelessness will take over
As your sons and daughters cry.
How sickening it is to know
That I must sleep here just the same
While you wage a war for life
Against a storm who earned a name.
God please send a peace beyond understanding  and comfort to those in her path tonight.
Aug 2017 · 368
For Jamie
deanena tierney Aug 2017
Opening the channel from there to here
Opportunity for a song
Comfort from the heavens
With breath it moves along

And dangles by his front porch swing
Your chair so very near
Death may claim the warmth of one
But not the music that you'll hear

For love endures all things they say
Even loneliness and pain
A simple windchime reminder
Until you find him once again.
For Jamie
Aug 2017 · 251
the addicts wife
deanena tierney Aug 2017
I remember him yanking the sheets away from me
And how the cold hit my skin
Stung
Drawing my knees up to cover my nakedness
Clutching them to my chest to hide
Totally exposed against my will
Seeing something like repulsion in his eyes only different.. more empty
While I cried and begged for the covers back
For a very long time while he laughed
Before balling up the sheet and slinging it at my face
And then saying, "put some ******* clothes on, *****."
Then he left the room.
This from someone I loved, who used to love me.
From someone who became a stranger.
Almost overnight.
And that's how one chooses not to love again.
Aug 2017 · 267
purple petals
deanena tierney Aug 2017
purple petals in a birdbath -
like rafts during the rain -
bobbing briefly with each drop -
like memories on the brain -
Aug 2017 · 274
pretend you like me too
deanena tierney Aug 2017
I could speak long on heartbreak.
I've known it pure and known it true.
But what poor converse that would make
I won't do that to you.

Besides you have all of your own ****
That has left you beaten too.
And,"no," I don't want to hear about it
I don't care that much for you.

Let's just leave our pasts in the past
For it's the po-lite thing to do
"My day was fine. I'm glad you asked!"
Now pretend you like me too.
Aug 2017 · 290
a lover all my own
deanena tierney Aug 2017
Suppose I write these words
For a target yet unknown
Cast them out into the world
Just as if the wind had blown
Like feathers may they travel
Flutter up and all around
Praying that they do not drift
Unnoticed to the ground.
But rather cross my soulmates path
By chance or by hopes might
To bring me a lover all my own
With these words I write.
Aug 2017 · 232
Martin
deanena tierney Aug 2017
Just a wee bit too eccentric,
And a little bit too much drink,
Yet the passion in the hallway
Did certainly make me think
And yes, your airplane was so cool
And I liked you were smarter than me.
But I'm so glad I didn't fall in love.
Because you wanted a family.
Aged 43- and as of yet no child
In need of a son to be an heir
And the thought of being a mom again
Was just way too much to bear.
Whether you even liked me for me
Well I guess I never truly knew
Most times I felt more like an applicant
For a job I couldn't do.
But all things turn out as they should
It was so nice to see you the other day
To hear that you had met another
And had a little Martin on the way. :)
deanena tierney Aug 2017
1.Go out alone. Don't arrive with an obnoxious group of friends that don't get out enough. That's what girls nights out are for.

2. Wear something neutral. Don't put too much time into getting ready. Keep it classy. No ****** heels.

(btw ...these time tested and ***** approved instructions are for when you are in need of company only. If you are looking for a relationship, love, or some serious life partner, these instructions will not be of use to you.  Trust me on that. )

3. Stay away from cheesy dives, go with hotel lounges, (lots of middle aged conference men there away from their wives just waiting to take full advantage of their freedom. It also allows u to avoid driving anywhere with a complete stranger.)

4. Walk in with your eyes down  and not too quickly.

5. Sit at the bar...right in the center.

6. Order whatever you really want.

7. Scan the room only once or twice.

8. Choose your victim ( whatever you fancy) and  make eye contact.

9. Shift your hips slightly in your seat as if u are already turned on , then look away.

10. Wait to be approached.

11. Make the social introductions but keep small talk to a minimum. He doesn't need to know where u were born or what u do for a living or likewise.

12. Ask to go to his room.

13. Let him think he's in charge until you get there.

14. Then just simply undress, take the top position, place his arms over his head and apply full rocking body weight at all times until your finished.

15. Calmly dress and leave. You can offer a simple "thank you," if you must. (I usually do not), however, never give your real name or leave a number...not even a fake one.
Just go.
It's pretty simple really.

(Safe *** of course...always a must :-))

Always interested in hearing other's techniques...please feel free to share.
deanena tierney Aug 2017
She stood in the garden, alone, and spoke aloud.
"I so wish I could hear your voice again. There's just a snippit left in my head...it's been so long.
The quirky laugh, so nonchalant, as I remember, questions requiring deeper thought, and yet the answers were always so easy.
The tone which I at first never expected but later identified with you and only you...and still do..if I were to only hear it again...match it to that snippit I play over and over again more times than I care to admit...well then   maybe then I would feel how I  felt the last time we spoke.... Like I was vital, loved, scared, and yet safe all at the same time. Sometimes...but only on a very rare occasion, do I wish that I could turn that snippit off. Just so I wouldn't have to miss you for a moment or two. "
"And who has loved like this ? " she asks herself pitifully.
" Only me."-...she whispered in self reply, as he listened quietly from behind the northern wall, never making a sound, before turning and going on about his day.
Just as one lone tear waters the gardenia.
Jul 2017 · 192
4:03
deanena tierney Jul 2017
Awakening at 4 am for a needed touch. The stillness requires it, the quiet calls for it, the darkness outright demands it. Expectant, quivering, and ...done. 4:03. Alone.
Jul 2017 · 249
Take Me to Church
deanena tierney Jul 2017
On a sermon note,  when I guess I should have been listening, I scribbled a poem years ago that I now find in a long neglected book I used to smuggle in every Sunday. A stoic book and in the folds I find the never published long forgotten write of an imagined future day that fate holds from above just out of grasp. That sparkling jewel of hope. A day with darting eyes and deep swallows, heaving hidden breaths, electric thoughts. Two of the corners are shriveled now , one side requiring unrolling the see the last words of each line. Interjected words here and there to change the nuance just a bit. Truth is in there, pleasure too. Between the space of whispered glances and a final goodbye. Wonder what it all means now. I can't quite wrap my head around it much like the sermon of that day. So I will leave it with Pope, right in the middle of the Windsor Forest, "to consult the dead and live past ages o'er."
Jun 2017 · 170
requiescat in pace
deanena tierney Jun 2017
Those thoughts, that we once lit upon, in such a rage,
(Oh!  how ablaze they once were and Oh! how quick they flew)
Scribbled posthaste onto the now much duller page,
To immortalize- as only the penned word can do.
And so, if ever apt,... regress to way back when,
(at least for a time, at least in mind,...return alone)
To dig them from their coffers - let them live again,
all of the greatest passions our souls had ever known;
To resurrect the fire that only youth can start,
(Recover- , a breathless moment or a wanton gaze)
Exhume instead- , a tear, shed from a lifeless heart,
To bestow the elegy of our departed days.
Mar 2017 · 392
Less
deanena tierney Mar 2017
It gets much easier the more I do it
Harder to love the less it's known
Like a wind, I blow right through it
This life, a life content, a life alone.
deanena tierney Feb 2017
Just how many movies can a girl watch in a lifetime anyway ?
Funny how I have been most of the characters at some point in my life.
I've actually just recently progressed from the pathetic Bridget Jones
to Fat Amy in "How to be Single."...or perhaps Tom in the same flick.
  
I find it twisted yet somehow quite revolutionary the way my mind works.

Anyway... There are no sleepovers. I have no desire to cuddle strangers.

Another bizarre premiere.
Wth
Nov 2016 · 430
Without a stake
deanena tierney Nov 2016
'Twas not a death of ceaseless breathing,
But rather one of love deceiving,
From which the soul did die.
And by doing so, then guided pleasure,
To a grave no one could measure,
Beneath a weary sky.
Without a stake even for its leaving,
Or further thought of its conceiving,
It quietly held its own,
Appearing no worse for the heaving
Sighing less heavily while bereaving,
A spot no tree had grown.
Nov 2016 · 325
The Devil still to come
deanena tierney Nov 2016
Ah! To let you believe I became your victim
Theres no better reward for me
I chose and took your soul ...you fool
Too ignorant to see
I don't allow a glimpse within
Despite you thinking so
How bored I have become again
With all the status quo
With all the base humane of weak
Of all the stupid fare
Even now I dumb this down
Just so that I can share
Oh have you met the devil?
I guarantee that you have not.
He sends me presdisposing
Of all unworthy lot.
Oct 2016 · 269
The Ultimate Freefall
deanena tierney Oct 2016
It just comes down to rot really.
Dangling on a ledge of a mountain it took your whole life to climb.
For what ?
To let go?
"Hell no!" they say....that's not allowed.
"That's too ******* easy," they preach.
Placing a coward label on every tired soul
who deserves the liberty to say
"Enough is enough!"
Somehow we don't get the right to die anymore.
Gotta leave something behind to carry on, right?
Work our entire god forsaken lives for the good of others....struggle through....make it through...see it through,... right ?
Thats noble.
Praise the noble souls who led easy lives
But **** on the pained, beaten ones who finally say," I'm done."
"I've done enough, I've had enough, I'm exhausted."
Yeah ...blaspheme the jumper they will.
Been screaming half my life for someone to hear, "Im dying here people!"
Ignorant ***** won't hear me on the way down either.
Sep 2016 · 1.0k
Rheumatoid Arthritis
deanena tierney Sep 2016
By the time it becomes visible
I'll have been in hell for quite a while
Tight mittens binding up my hands
Tempered wince behind the smile

Moist cement ...three feet deep
And a mind that won't think straight
Clumsy and slow...trudging along
In a fogged deficient state.

Simple things become so great
And the pain won't let me be
Slumber 14 hours long
Meet the new..unimproved...ME.
For anyone who suffers from chronic pain and for those who love them....so that they might understand.
Aug 2016 · 427
A Funeral in the Rain
deanena tierney Aug 2016
Closest to the memory
Heartaches holding fast
Imagination feeding on
What never was or passed.
Who is it that does not enjoy
Crying all alone at night
Over make-believe scenarios
Made over til they're right.
Tragedy has always kept
such company for the brain
Illiciting pleasure quite akin to
A funeral in the rain.
May 2016 · 294
On living death
deanena tierney May 2016
Should I blame my God?
Or does it lie with me?
Did fate or chance or fairies?
Take your soul from me?

Was this in "the plan?" Perhaps.
Or was there some lack of will?
Either way of no import...
But,oh! I love you still.
Jan 2016 · 447
fickle man
deanena tierney Jan 2016
I know your words are not for me.
It doesn't hurt much anymore.
Just a little sting, a tiny pinch,
Not the heartache like before.
Knowing that the ***** I feel
Isn't only for a love I never had
But also for the fickleness of man
Well..that makes me doubly sad.
Jan 2016 · 324
maybe next time
deanena tierney Jan 2016
I don't know where I lost you...where we lost "us." Two individuals who met at just the perfect time, a time of hope, dreams, immortal thoughts. That was beauty. Unsustainable riveting beauty. Beauty as does time , they both have their prime and  their peak. And once that peak is reached the only place to go is down again, unless you set up a tiny house next to a tree and stay there. We didn't do that. We should have done that. We should have **** sight done that.
Dec 2015 · 266
be it let
deanena tierney Dec 2015
Sometimes it just hits me,
(be it sunset or sunrise,)
A quirky grin; a funny look
from a similar pair of eyes.
And I begin to grieve again,
(be it a moment or a day)
For the love I never really knew,
Until it up and went away.
It's no matter, where he is now,
(be it miles or next door,)
For he is just a hollow ghost,
Of the one I know no more.
Oct 2015 · 643
Marilyn
deanena tierney Oct 2015
I believe in my delusion.
By definition...its real to me.
I am sleek, mysterious, sought.
grand piano, flapper dress, long cigarette sought.
Unseen but expected garter holding me together.
Perhaps the only thing holding me together.
Scoffing advances because I have that liberty.
Cognac ..no champagne.
No mother to advise proper.
No need for etiquette when I intimidate so well.
The quiet masterpiece in the room.
Their whispers make me
And I love me
Not adored but renowned
I shade my eyes and exit
Taking all of the air with me
Oct 2015 · 246
Untitled
deanena tierney Oct 2015
Oh! to hold the secret
For the souls tranquility
Whilst the earth itself may shake
And storms rise up at sea

To retreat unto it's own
Where all life's joys of past have flown
And just breathe them all back in
To  feel them right..all over again.
deanena tierney Oct 2015
No need for speech; nor serpents vow,
Amongst this garden fair,
For fate has granted only now,
A portion; just our share.
Willing to trade a lifetime for
The privilege to stay here.
But we've no such liberty anymore
The night is drawing near.
Placed but for a moment lone
In a paradise apart
From the bitter world we've known
But now we must depart
And return the ways we came
You yours and I my own
And yet we'll never be the same
For the paradise we've known.
Sep 2015 · 507
And so...
deanena tierney Sep 2015
Today I place you where you belong
Not where I wan't you to be
For the lie which has held me hostage
Now in truth has set me free

T'was never a word that you uttered
Nor any gift that you had shown
That made me hold u so exalted
No. That blame is all my own

Funny how the brain can ration out
a senseless amount of care
Giving the most to one so common
And the least to one so rare.

You were never my Anam cara
Not my soulmate, nor " the one"
Just another man, of many men
When it was all said and done.

And so...

Today I place you where you belong
Not where I wan't you to be
For the lie which has held me hostage
Now in truth has been set free
Sep 2015 · 190
Who knows
deanena tierney Sep 2015
I gave up letting others hold me
at first because it just felt like I wasn't being loyal to you..
then because I didn't want anyone but you and even though I am still yours...
you are not mine.
Never were.
I will just have to try closing my eyes
and pretending it is you that holds me now...
And afterwards escape to our tree and cry.
deanena tierney Sep 2015
I no longer write for the one..
I used to.
He doesn't come here anymore.
Besides..neither one of us
Is the same.
We aren't anything like before.
But just like the broken verses...
That don't flow
Like mixing prose with muddled rhyme.
How I long to write for the one..
I used to.
Just for one last beautiful time.
Sep 2015 · 1.3k
Biology
deanena tierney Sep 2015
And now I must dissect the past
And seperate every part
Every wrong decision
And every broken heart
Regrets I'll place off to the left
Unheard "I love you's" have their place
Useless dreams..they go on the right
By the memories of your face
Wasted years and loneliness
They will all go in a stack
Right beside all my love for you
Love that you never gave me back.
Aug 2015 · 942
my slippers
deanena tierney Aug 2015
You will always be those slippers
and the one I talk to you in my mind
and when I'm just needing a smile
yours will be the face I find
you are the truth.. the absolute
that time can't paraphrase
the beginning and the middle
and the end of all my days  
when everything is seeming grim
when my lifes end is drawing near
ill just slip those slippers on
and say goodbye my dear.
Aug 2015 · 239
Brrrr
deanena tierney Aug 2015
Perhaps one day you'll write for me
Like in the days of old
You let love go
it will come back
at least that's what I'm told

Perhaps one day I'll be the one
Oh would you be so bold
Just let love go
It will come back
At least that's what I'm told.

Perhaps you just might not return
Is that how it will unfold
I let love go
And it got lost
And now it's freezing cold.
Jul 2015 · 294
Now I'm way off Track
deanena tierney Jul 2015
I didn't know your circles
Any more than you knew mine.
But I do know that they overlapped,
And so from time to time...
Our eyes wound meet in frenzied blur,
As our lives lapped on and on,
Then in the matter of a single whir,
So very briskly ...we'd be gone.
And knowing it'd all come round again..
You'd forget me for a score,  
Because up 'til now I'd always been
On my track... just as before.
But today I made a most brave move,
To escape the typic human race,
And now our paths might never cross,
So let these words take my place....
Please don't get dizzy on your course.
There's no need to run too fast.
Remember your only catching up to,
What has already passed.
May 2015 · 227
The Hope
deanena tierney May 2015
I really miss my Andy.
Perhaps not even the man anymore.
But the hope.
The inspiration I found upon meeting him.
Now I feel like I'm trying to find
a ghost most times
Or something to believe in
Or my way back home
Thinking back the years to the time I last remember
Breathing
Not just any breathing. Fresh deep air and full chest
Breathing
October winds, and conversations with dead people.
Living.
Photos of unmarked headstones in old graveyards
Living.
Each breath now is just that much closer to death.
I hope to find my Andy soon, the old one , a new one, doesn't matter I guess.
Any Andy to breathe the life back into my soul will do.
May 2015 · 1.1k
Dropout
deanena tierney May 2015
Go ahead... think your smarter,
Than me .. go right ahead.
In fact I did agree with you,
"Your so smart" (pouty lips) is what I said.
And then went on pretending
To be a naïve simple fool,
That was all to my advantage, baby,
Letting you think we were "cool."
But I found the truth behind your lies
And I heard everything you said
Then I pretended I loved you too
While you were in my bed.
But you deemed yourself unworthy
And I'm not some naïve simple fool,
Think yourself smarter all you like
But I'm sending you back to school.
May 2015 · 629
Don't include me
deanena tierney May 2015
I wish that it was misting and cool right now.
That I could go lie in it, my tears mixing with the rain
Just to feel a part of something pure
But it's not and I'm not crying right now anyway.
Rather I sit surrounded by those who don't know me...never knew me.. never wanted to, and never will.
Did they never catch a glimpse of me? After all this time..
Never saw the heart I hold that bleeds for them
The mind that reasons for them
The sacrifice the abandon the belief inside of me
The beauty of my faith  which was lost so long ago
That I reclaimed in order to believe yet again in them
I've been searching for beauty myself but I'm not finding it here
Portions at times...rations maybe  but no more.. not enough
There's too much ugliness here for me...too much greed
selfishness, immorality, disloyalty, lies and pain here for me.
And I can't belong to this.
I wish that it was misting and cool right now.
That I could go lie in it, my tears mixing with the rain
Just to feel a part of something pure
May 2015 · 294
My Best Friend
deanena tierney May 2015
The past came back to bite me again tonight
Hungry he was, hungrier than the hounds of hell themselves
Tearing off another piece so viciously
And so unexpected...he's quiet you know
Sneaking in with his non-reflective eyes
there's no warning
His talons are the reminder, in actual time,
That nothing has changed.
The past the same as the present
only later....
after he waited so patiently
until his appetite was more than he could withstand
ravenous, bloodthirsty he is
And I thank him.
Good friends, he and I.
Always arriving in time
To grant another wound I can lick
and a scar I can appreciate
Bringing another revelation that a ***** in a bikini is easier to look at
Than a beautiful soul......
A purposeless, lonely, beautiful soul.
Thank you my friend.
I enjoyed your visit.
Come back and see me soon.
Come hungry.
Jan 2015 · 526
Mile Marker Thirteen
deanena tierney Jan 2015
At mile marker thirteen,
everything is numb.
Around the block time and again,
the cycle never done.

Too many greetings, hellos and goodbyes.
Too many crossings, too many sighs.
The rush has ceased, the thrill is gone.
Brow quite furrowed, face quite drawn.

Might there be a pothole?
Or perhaps a steep incline?
Hell, I'd even take a head-on,
Just to feel this heart of mine.
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