Hush. Sh. Whisper not
A heartache in this space
For fear it get too watered-down
Over days over ages
That you lose a gift of purity
From God.
Pity.

When all the stars are in their proper place
And the dead ones have given up their space
When equality and equity are one and the same
And goodness is sought for in place of fame
When we are able to redact our every mistake
And truly learn lessons from every heartbreak
It will be the day when the immortals die
And their souls rise up to embrace the sky

You took a little piece of me, when you said," farewell."
And now that little piece of me, resides with you in hell.

But the rest, it is the best of me. Your soul, no one could save.
And one day I will sit in heaven, look down at you, and wave!

No, I didnt get to leave.  
Like I wanted to.
Like I was meant to.
I didn't get to go see what you saw
Or search for myself under a lone tree.
I stayed here.
To save it all while it all died around me.
People I loved.
Trees I planted.
My only comforts.
Burying them one at a time.  
Fickle doesn't fit here.
The only thing that works here is giving.
There's nothing for me to take
Only give.
And I do. I give it all.
And it is taken.
Usually that doesn't bother me
But today I'm ******.
Today I'm tired.
Having a conversation with myself.
And we dont get along anymore.
We are too different.
And have betrayed each other too many times.
I have learned living contrary to one's nature
Is ******* misery.
And worse as I chose it.
The great one who steps up to save the day
Has to do it forever
Or be branded as terrible.
When do I get to live, be me, run?
To leave would mean hurting the only ones
That I ever loved.
And all my dreams probably would never come true
Anyway.

Oh, to decipher riddles,
And scrutinize the word.
Yet voice can also alter,
Simple into quite absurd.
Rhyme, an open forum,
Is vague and often grey,
Sacrificing nothing but,
The words I can not say.

It's funny how we all just seem
To come and then go again.
Sometimes here, sometimes not,
Sometimes just checking in.
To see if any old friend of ours,
Has just.. like us...stopped by.
And left a little post-it poem,
As their way of saying "hi."

Just how many figure eight ***** does one need?  
More than one ? Perhaps.  
I guess as many as it takes to get the right answer.

Well, the day dawns.
The grass has dew.
Everything is fresh,
Everything's new.
Another chance granted,
I open my eyes,
Breathe in the hope,
And look toward the skies.
Wondering just what,
This day may hold.
Smiles or tears,
Just what will unfold?
As the day rushes on,
I am slow to decide,
If good day or bad?,
I smiled AND cried!
Maybe I must begin,
To judge hours..not days.
As  mood alters fast,
Black, white, and greys.

I know that while I sleep tonight
So many of you may die
A heaviness will tuck you in
Like a sheet across the sky
And together you will cower
In every corner you can find
Heart beats right in sync with
The roaring of your mind
Unrelenting punishment
From unrelenting rain
And just when you think it's over
It will return again.
With a wind that rips your soul away
As pure hell invades your sky,
Then hopelessness will take over
As your sons and daughters cry.
How sickening it is to know
That I must sleep here just the same
While you wage a war for life
Against a storm who earned a name.

How a dream can take the subtlest things
We dont register in the day
And make them play like a movie
In the most fantastical way

Strange creatures that sing Sinatra
And fuzzy slippers in the snow
A camp party with beer gardens
Faces we know but do not know

Always looking for the bathroom
Where the gay men pray for me
And everyone there is naked
Yet while I know this I don't see

Upstairs to get left-over food
"Will you get in the picture too?"
"Oh no," I say, "I don't belong."
And there's just so much to do.

A lawn mower that's finally fixed
But is barricaded just so
It takes a very funny man
Knocking down everything to go

And he plops me in the bucket
While my love walks along beside
Saying I'm not pretty enough
He'd rather a mail order bride

A pickup truck....the color red
Which being sober I must drive
After admiring the city cats
That keep the handicapped alive

Right after the hall of xmas trees
That even Satan would admire
Filled with all the chattering squirrels
That stare at me as they conspire

I keep watch over my shoulder
Certain someone is there behind
I wake and make perfect sense of
All the oddities of my mind.

An aboriginal with a window
To the world
Watching all the little ways
Of conformity
Of learned destruction
The foolish ways of men
Just observing
Beauty transformed
Truth smothered
Light covered
Desire suppressed
The moderns
Changing all the time
Like rocks on a riverbed
All the godly gifts
Being shifted around
Heavenly innonence
And all the purity
All the passion
So transformed by man that
Pride equals power
A tear is weakness
The sun just a tool of industry
Through that window
War is acceptable
Death is expected
Stifling is strength
And hearts are restrained
There is no yield to passion
No recognition of self
No care of essence
The sky seeds never grow
Loves goes unspoken
Everything conditioned
And conditional
Eyes are shrouded
Voices raised only for contention
Ears are transient
Minds neglect infinite
A gardens mockery it is
With hushed lips
Squashed hope
Core disregard
Just a being-battle
Everyone wants to win
To be rewarded
With emptiness.
I don't live amongst that world
Because that world doesn't live.

I am not perfect.
I am not blameless.
I am not selfless.
I am not sinless.
I am not pure.
I am not strong.
I am not okay.
I am not ashamed.
I am not defeated.

I am not like any other.


I am blessed.
I am forgiven.
I am saved.
I am worthy.
I am loved.
I am special.
I am beautiful.
I am never alone.
I am a child of GOD.

I am just like you.

And thats a good thing
Right now and so.....
You never were the one
yes...I knew it years ago
I beat upon my own ****** drum
Make my own movie in my head
And never dwell on useless things
Like everything you said
No I will swallow what I choose
And spit out all the rest
And know each thing inside and out
Before deeming which is best
I can swing these hips of mine
In ways you've never seen
And this heart you claim as yours
You've no clue where it has been
Or of one who touched me deeper
So much deeper than you could
Nor of the nightmares that I mimic
Much more often than I should  







Abd

Snip the fibers and just be free
Talk over negative intrusions
Welcome real opportunities
Breathe in my blessings
Give myself to others
Invite hope back in
Care for myself
Utilize pain
Forgive
Forget
Smile
Love

I will not call, I will not call,
Not call on him again!
I do not lie within his heart.
I lie in place of sin!

He calls me there, He calls me there,
I hasten to the call!
I do not lie within his heart.
Not partly, not at all!

I call for him, I call for him,
I wait with no reply!
I do not lie within his heart.
I dim the lights and sigh!

He calls me there, He calls me there,
I should not go but I...
Hurry into loveless arms ,
Then hurry home to cry!

I guess I should have taken time,
To feel the pain I earned.
Instead I just sent it all away,
And today it all returned.

How could you have chosen,
A mask over a smile,
Can you remember our sons' face?
I know its' been a while.

You traded love for debauchery,
Was it worth so little to you?
We must have made a million memories,
But I can only recall a few.

And part of me is so angry,
That you threw it all away.
Another part just feels pity,
Your life turned out this way.

There is no time for regretting,
I must keep myself on track.
So I'll send this pain away again,
And pray it won't come back.

If I could go back to that fork in the road,
If I could go back today,
Stand again before that intersect,
I'd choose the other way.
If I could go back to the starting line,
If I could go back today,
I'd be one hell of a strong competitor,
And not just run away.
If I could go back to the thrill of us,
The thrill before the fall.
I'd cling to you for the entire ride,
And not ever look back at all.

If I must die today my Lord
Please let me die with grace
Let me pass expressionless
With no ill upon my face.
And if I must die today my Lord
Please let me unencumbered be
Of any regret that has long since passed
As I traverse from me to thee
And if must die today my Lord
Please send the peace to those still here
That death was my greatest pardon
And with pardon comes no fear.
And if I must die today my Lord
Please do not let me writhe
And again return to me the dignity
With which I lived my life.
If I must die today my Lord
Please turn the mood to grey
And usher calm into this room
Lord, If I must die today.

Just how many movies can a girl watch in a lifetime anyway ?
Funny how I have been most of the characters at some point in my life.
I've actually just recently progressed from the pathetic Bridget Jones
to Fat Amy in "How to be Single."...or perhaps Tom in the same flick.
  
I find it twisted yet somehow quite revolutionary the way my mind works.

Anyway... There are no sleepovers. I have no desire to cuddle strangers.

Another bizarre premiere.

Don't be alarmed!
I have something to say.
Was wanting to inquire,
What you're doing Saturday?

Doesn't have to be this one,
Could be a week or two or so,
But I want to take you with me,
To a place I love to go.

It is a little bit out of the way,
And we may be out a bit late,
But I will drive while you relax,
I'm asking you out on a date.

I know "dork" is what you're thinking,
And I have to say I agree,
I promise you will make it to church,
We will have fun you will see.

It's one of my favorite places,
And I know you will like it too,
If you have sandals... wear em',
Let me know if it's good for you.

I don't need to know everything,
Sometimes it's best to let things be.
When I look in my mirror,
I don't like what I see.
A coward is looking back at me,
Who proclaimed to be so strong.
But I buckled under the pressure,
And proved myself quite wrong.
And all the explanations,
Well they matter none at all,
You placed me on that pedestal,
Just to watch me fall.

I may never feel your arms about me,
Or your kiss upon my lips.
And I may never know your scent,
Or your hands upon my hips.

And I may never get the chance,
To hear you whisper in my ear,
And feel your breath upon my neck,
While you call me "my dear."

And there about a million things,
You and I may never get to do.
And I don't know whose fault it is,
But it's breaking my heart, too.

Today I think I'll pull the shades,
Turn the a/c down real low,
Make myself some kettle corn,
And watch a classic show.
Turn off all the phone lines,
Lock the doors real tight.
I think that's what I'll do today,
I think that I just might.