Could I be a monster?
Cold blood flowing blue.
Heartache lying in my wake,
Monsters need love too!

It seems that I awoke one day,
To a life I did not recognize.
And plodded forward anyway,
With desperate, frightened eyes.

To view the world afresh; anew,
With shaking hands and fear.
Strangers plenty and friends few,
No familiar hand to wipe a tear.

And teaching myself I trudged on,
Making all too often a mistake,
Until all my belief in me was gone,
And I had made my own heart break.

I had turned away those who were true,
Assumed they had a dark, hidden side.
And as in my past life, I trusted very few,
No one knows me because of my pride.

I could venture out and nomad roam,
And struggle for truth, not to falter,
But know I would still not find a home,
For my faithlessness just will not alter.

I can see just where I've been at any given time.
Where I'm going I have no clue.
And it's all because my head's just not on straight,
At least not according to you.

But instead of helping me twist it and turn it,
To get it back on the right way,
You said you needed some time to think,
And then you just walked away.

Call me when you get it all turned around,
Just like the way it was before.
Then, we can fix any problem together,
I mean..That's what true love is for!

The gun was pointed long ago,
And pointed right at me.
So close... that the barrel,
Was all that I could see.
And then accustom took it's hold,
So I carried on the same.
But then it shifted awful slight,
And found a better aim.
Holding just such a disposition,
( I discern better than some,)
That there was no mistaking,
What was about to come.
And so I had to choose an option,
Though they all were poor,
I must have chose the worst because,
I never saw the door.
And I'll never know who pulled it,
Were you? or I? to blame?
The cocking of that trigger?
I heard it say my name.

Dreams that seep through crevices,
As we drop them at our feet,
Just as when all hope departs,
The heart slows down it beat.

Lame and injured...soul and mind,
Enjoy no quickened breath,
Abandoned dreams and hopelessness,
Bring but an early death.

I know that life is testing you, pushing you to the brink,
Stop struggling for just a moment, and take some time to think.
Is this burden within your power?, if not...just let it be.
Bear the weight with faith and know it will ease....... eventually.
It's never more than you can handle and know this too will pass.
Relief will arrive right on time, for God holds the hourglass.

When all is dark around me,
and I sit with pensive time.
I ponder on past memories,
and try to make a rhyme.

It used to be so easy,
To express my thoughts in poem.
Now I just sit fumbling,
in this shell I call a home.

They say emotions inspire you,
Pains make  for worthy read.
I conjured better smiling.
I know this now, indeed.

I never learned the way of ease,
I drop things with no grace,
As when earth itself does move,
And knocks things out of place.
You just stand there oh so stunned,
I drop things with no grace.

I never even learned to love,
And yet you still loved me,
In a way I did not deserve,
In a place that I could not be,
For I was just too hideous,
And yet you still loved me.

I never felt the true sting of loss,
But I sure feel it today.
(It was for your own good, my love,
That I sent your love away.)
Nor that I could feel your hate.
But I sure feel it today.

I will accept all the guilt of this,
And I will take the blame.
For I'm already so very ugly,
What difference makes the shame.
Just go ahead and **** me now,
And I will take the blame.

Opening the channel from there to here
Opportunity for a song
Comfort from the heavens
With breath it moves along

And dangles by his front porch swing
Your chair so very near
Death may claim the warmth of one
But not the music that you'll hear

For love endures all things they say
Even loneliness and pain
A simple windchime reminder
Until you find him once again.

I go now to the darkened room.
Where no one can hear me.
Where I can sob, and weep and moan.
And no one can hear me.
Where there is no shame at all,
Because no one can hear me.
Where my heart cries out for help,
And no one will hear me.

If I could go back to that fork in the road,
If I could go back today,
Stand again before that intersect,
I'd choose the other way.
If I could go back to the starting line,
If I could go back today,
I'd be one hell of a strong competitor,
And not just run away.
If I could go back to the thrill of us,
The thrill before the fall.
I'd cling to you for the entire ride,
And not ever look back at all.

Sometimes during life's short journey,
When faced with so much grief,
A soul forever impacts our own,
Though the meeting may be brief.

I was broken and lying in pieces,
You picked me up and made me whole,
Wiping tears that fell for forever,
And your imprint is still on my soul.

I stepped into the darkened space,
Where I was sent to be.
To dwell on things and meditate,
Alone with only me.

And yes 'tis true, I desired it such,
And mentioned it to you.
But shortly later, I changed my mind,
But all that was in view...

Was a quiet little breathing room,
With no air to spare.
And so I came out,.. and looked about,
But you were no longer there.

He was born in the year nineteen sixty nine.
His place of origin, not completely sure.
But he is presently residing in Canada.
In the wrong era, that he must endure.

In the English days of yesteryear,
He would have been deemed so great.
I would love to travel back with him,
For I, also, was born too late.

I may have sat cross-legged,
On a sloping grassy hill,
And listened so intently,
To his amazing skill.

Or perhaps he would be reading,
In a theatre that's oh so grand.
And by carriage they would travel,
To hear the best poet in the land.

But would we know each other,
The way that we now do.
Or would I be just another common,
Hoping for a glance from you.

Would I stand afar so you couldn't see,
The longing in my eyes.
To know you and to have you know me,
My passion in disguise.

There is one thing that's certain,
Whether circa 1700 or 2010.
You are my very special poet,
If breathing now or living then.

It gets much easier the more I do it
Harder to love the less it's known
Like a wind, I blow right through it
This life, a life content, a life alone.

The waste of many years spent, neglectful, chaste.
The passing of time with trivial toilings - stealing,
Nature's harkened plea.
Come to me! For I am the enduring.
And you belong to me.

Smell the ripened apple, view landscapes' vast abode.
Dive into thy river's broad; Eye with wonder upon:
Mountain, vale, and sky.
For you are of me, and they; you..fixed.
Hear thy Nature's cry!

Each hour, whispered feet, they travel nearer to thee,
To meet with deafening silence, feast while you may.
See, feel, listen..be soothed.
From whence body born, you will return.
By Nature's way..removed.

To discriminate without bias
To master such a skill
To demonstrate all knowledge
With a clear decisive will
To seperate right from wrong
To cull out any grey
To speak without emotions lead
With words that show a way
To weigh with perfect measure
To balance hope with what is real
To fill thy inner spirit up
With what is true not what we feel
To survey all with settled eyes
To learn when to take & when to give
To stand tall in a violent storm
With a heart that does not live.

You look to what's in front of you,
I look to what's behind,
And I discover twice as much,
Of what you hope to find.

For what will be has already been,
Everything is repeated.
And before you even lose the game,
You've already been cheated.

You can read every new bestseller,
Knock on every new neighbor's door,
Just keep wishing for your happy ending,
But that too has been done before.

So take a right instead of a left,
Choose to smile and not frown.
But even the village idiots know,
That what goes up must come down.

Is this too harsh for you, my friend?
I've saved the best for last.
There's no future that awaits you,
That isn't in your past.

How is it that it seems for some,
All the words just come with ease?
With what appears no forethought,
Would someone tell me please?

And even if  hastily written down,
They blend just as if all along,
They were seeking all this time,
For each other, to form a song?

Tis' true there have been times for me,
When the words would easily flow,
With very little effort on my part,
Where they came from..I don't know!

And times like those it seemed as if,
Every noise and sight evoked a rhyme,
And I couldn't wait not even a second,
To get them written down in time.

But lately all the words are forced,
And I hopelessly, blindly *****,
To find the words to make a poem,
And this ......was today's last hope.

Who knows when my fear transformed from a conscience choice,
Into an powerful, ******, instinct that can speak without a voice.

Overnight a war was waged and fear did sensibility accost.
And surely by the break of day, reason had certainly lost.

And rearing its' undeniable force against my weakened mind,
All faith, and hope, and ability to trust, were also lost in kind.

And there can be no futile appeal, no second charge will ever be,
Strong enough to stand fear down, to reclaim control over me.

And though I may have lost it all, at no point did I ever retreat,
I fought the fear with all I had, and graciously admitted defeat.

And as cowardly as it may sound, it is easier now that it's done,
To embrace what I raged against, and just accept that it has won.

Neglect in past has offered to pain,
A Subtlety of a kind,
A numbness to even death itself,
That is hard to find.
So your departure was just in time,
To subdue me for one more great.
This pressure is mine and I will bear it,
So goes and so goes Fate.

Please make some space for me, my friend,
in your exhausted soul.
Allow others a chance to know you,
So that you may soon be whole.

Please make some space for me, my friend,
I want inside, you see?
You have so much to give the world,
Please offer some to me.

Shake off all your troubles,
Throw weariness away!
Breathe among the living,
Say all you're scared to say!

True, it takes some effort,
and lust for life you lack,
But try, please try, my dear friend,
to take your passion back.

Oh! What a long storm has travailed here,
With only a short lull or two.
That rainbow which we presume is near?
Is a thunder's span length from view.
Who called the clouds and who rose the mist?
Did memory beckon again?
Green grass that once surely did exist,
Has since died between now and then.
The trees are so very tired now,
And their limbs can hold no more weight,
And for them and I and you, I fear,
That the rainbow is much too late.

Force feed me your reality,
I am hungry but can't eat.
And my mouth is drooling,
From the smell of rotten meat.

Pry my teeth like iron bars,
A little bit is all I need.
Offer me just a  little taste,
Then leave and let me feed.

I could use a quiet place,
To feed my inner self.
Constant chaos has succeeded
In placing me on a shelf.

Yesterday I helped him out,
The day before, it was she.
Today I woke up with a vow,
This was the day for me.

But again another crisis evolved,
And my attention was turned away,
And my best friend, my lonely soul,
Was neglected another day.

Day after day the same has occurred
And so the cycle has come to be,
And I am uncertain if I am still here,
Not sure that there is still a "ME."

To a life that's been unlived,
For many, many years,
It takes so very little effort,
To stem the useless tears.
Accepting that the minimum,
Is enough to just get by,
That most attempts to smile,
Will end with only sigh.
But if offered just an instant,
One single sparkling chance,
To Live, oh yes to truly live,
Would it dare to dance?

Did the songwriter write me a song or verse?
And add a melody in honor of me?
Did an orchestra play before a silenced crowd?
My beauty on display for all to see?

Did the sculptor etch me in his bust?
Exposed to all,  only knowing trust.
Taking care with talented stroke.
With focused eyes and masking cloak.

Did the Canadian poet have me in mind?
In the beautiful words he can easily find.
Whose works, uncensored, like a child at play.
Pen, purely mimics, what my soul wants to say.

I'd like to think I may have inspired,
A great man to do something great.
Even if only to transcend a moment;
And seize eternity before it's too late.

Tell me......Will the morning... bring the expected rain?
                        And won't the anticipation of it ease some of the pain?

Tell me......Will tomorrows' grief... be too much to bear?
                        But if it's awaited, leave some grief to spare?

Tell me......Will the next mistake... be worse than them all?
                        But, if it's premeditated, won't it look rather small?

Tell me......Will the next sacrifice... be the ultimate one?
                        But if given early, then won't my will be done?

Tell me......Will the unavoidable tears... still be a mighty dread?
                        If some are cried prematurely, won't there be less to shed?

Tell me......Will I escape any... of the misery- filled future lot?
                        If I choose to feel it now, by then will I have forgot?

Tell me......Is it better... to suffer heartache in its' time?
                        Or, perhaps, save some toil, and just break it in its' prime?