Pick wise your memories!
We can't retain all.
For our brain's capacity,
Is ever so small.

Make light of heartaches,
Embrace love, banish hate.
For our heart's capacity,
Is ever so great!

You can paint me black now.
I'm in the shadow anyway.
And let my tears be evil,
My despair-your resolve.
Turn my sobbing
Into battle cries.
Go ahead, you know me
right?

Here is what I mean, my friend.
Clear your mind and sit a spell.
For I've found a revelation's end,
That to you I'd love to tell.

I need to ask you something. Yes! I must.
You know, I'm very good with those.
You'll answer honestly I trust,
To these questions I now pose.

Who knows you as yourself does know?
Does anyone solely rely on you?
Your answer will be "no-one, no."
Unfortunately...it's true.

If tomorrow came and I were gone,
And here's just what I meant.
The world would turn and carry on,
That's "insignificant."

When the sands of time have finished,
And I wait to breathe my last,
Will I wish I had done something differently,
While reflecting on my past?
There is one thing which now comes to mind,
A "once in a lifetime" chance I may have lost.
When I stifled a dream with a soul mate poet,
Because I was afraid of what it might cost.
The days, they pass so quickly by.
And doors that were open - now close.
And stagnantly I still just sit here.
Looking for answers that nobody knows.
And in my heart I already feel,
A loss that swells with every sigh.
Of the great love affair I almost had,
But instead,  let pass me by.

Please do not convict me,
Of a crime I've not yet done.
Just because I pondered retreat,
Doesn't mean that fear has won.

Every time a war is waged,
Within myself, I try,
To view the battlefield from afar,
With every slant of eye.

And strategically position myself,
To see every point of view.
And then do some recognizance,
Before deciding what to do.

Please do not convict me,
Of a crime I've not yet done.
Just because I pondered retreat,
Doesn't mean that fear has won.

And thats a good thing
Right now and so.....
You never were the one
yes...I knew it years ago
I beat upon my own ****** drum
Make my own movie in my head
And never dwell on useless things
Like everything you said
No I will swallow what I choose
And spit out all the rest
And know each thing inside and out
Before deeming which is best
I can swing these hips of mine
In ways you've never seen
And this heart you claim as yours
You've no clue where it has been
Or of one who touched me deeper
So much deeper than you could
Nor of the nightmares that I mimic
Much more often than I should  







Abd

I feel so very out of place, sitting here amongst inanimate objects, looking at pictures of those I once knew, examining trinkets that once held some importance, which now sit cluttered up by the memories I can't recall with loves I once knew, that I thought forever could not touch, that were picked up by the next day and the next day and are quite scattered now, amongst all the worthless "treasures" of lives' I used to have, no more fitting into this current one, than I do this scene.

The rational connection of mind to heart, fails;  amidst oppression.
And selfs' own sake will hide away, concede;  deny expression.
As I, now, twisted internal, seeking within, my fill.
For famine of mankinds' virtues, beckons me to my own will.

To draw upon my minds' well waters, reason every discourse thrown,
But are these resolves born true? Is this slant really my own?
Or some opinion, stole in past, from man with noble name,
Or truly this, my own wit? But impressed, are they not the same?

Though  life revealed foe, of friend; the spirits' urge will still attend.
And Hope; unbound, ever present, dwells; unfaltering, fervent to end.
And Faith, oh Faith, clings on, clings on;  amidst war and grief, despair.
Such as a moth to a miniscule light, when the beam is no longer there.

Though I have no mortal hand to clasp, no steps in tune to compose,
Behold, Hope and Faith still wander inside,  and outward, in my prose.
And what of Nature? I'll tell you. Possession of a freedom I full own.
No enemy, traitor, nor judge can claim the memories I have known.

The majestic crystal sparkling, of tiny buds on trees.
When noon is at its' highest, clear day on summers' eve.
Deafening quiet, stillness yet, of brook in land, far, near.
Where all alone, I gathered pebbles, and threw to spring so clear.

To sit and almost ponder, paths foreborne, foregone and chose,
Then too pensive, outcast those thoughts, minds' purpose opted close.
And stared, vacant, purposeless; to focal point, of what?, unsure;
Oppression could not enter there; for nature and heart were pure.

And dear sweet wind to hydrate, the thirst; sunquenched,  my skin,
Yet not too fierce or frequent, that would be appreciations' sin.
Clouds, course set  by own accord, frolicking, playfully, with the sun,
Flit over, near, under, and back, and then softly, become just one.

And behold, grey cloud, rumbling, with precipice; this is natures'way,
To alter sky and mind inspire;  grant seasons within the day.
And rain; higher powers' solace, to cool, to heal, to renew,
Sparkles more grandly at times by far, then sun on the morning dew.


May life impose upon my heart, oppression, body frail, dreary cope,
It shall not ever wrench the hold of Nature, Faith, and Hope.

She stood in the garden, alone, and spoke aloud.
"I so wish I could hear your voice again. There's just a snippit left in my head...it's been so long.
The quirky laugh, so nonchalant, as I remember, questions requiring deeper thought, and yet the answers were always so easy.
The tone which I at first never expected but later identified with you and only you...and still do..if I were to only hear it again...match it to that snippit I play over and over again more times than I care to admit...well then   maybe then I would feel how I  felt the last time we spoke.... Like I was vital, loved, scared, and yet safe all at the same time. Sometimes...but only on a very rare occasion, do I wish that I could turn that snippit off. Just so I wouldn't have to miss you for a moment or two. "
"And who has loved like this ? " she asks herself pitifully.
" Only me."-...she whispered in self reply, as he listened quietly from behind the northern wall, never making a sound, before turning and going on about his day.
Just as one lone tear waters the gardenia.

I once saw an old faded rocking chair,
On an otherwise empty porch.
Of an abandoned colonial -style house,
En route for a visit up north.

It moved just a tad, as if to whisper,
So I stopped for just a spell.
And wished that it could speak to me,
What stories would it tell?

Would it speak of simple innonence,
Unhurried times now gone?
But someone honked their horn at me,
And so I hurried on.

Who is this who lies in my bed,
That I don't even know?
Who's so messed up within his head,
With nowhere else to go?

Feeding me breakfast poisoned with dreams,
And singing me hope to sleep?
Who then lies awake concocting schemes,
For with my soul to keep?

A master and a villain he be,
Behind an angel's eyes.
Yet he's the fool...it is not me,
I see through his disguise.

You see perception blessed me thrice,
And now I am full aware.
Fool me once, fool me twice,
But again? You best beware!

For I can also lace the truth,
To cut you down to size;
Use your deceit as my reproof,
And justify the lies.

But use my pillow - I'll play the role,
And take my portion double.
Before I snip your twisted soul,
"My pleasure..it's no trouble."

Oh, to decipher riddles,
And scrutinize the word.
Yet voice can also alter,
Simple into quite absurd.
Rhyme, an open forum,
Is vague and often grey,
Sacrificing nothing but,
The words I can not say.

Tell me why you look so hard,
And want to delve within?
The heart of a human being,
That's filled with only sin?

Why you feel you want to save,
And make a bad man right?
When for so long... he's been so wrong,
And his soul is black as night?

Why do you never turn your back,
And walk swiftly away?
From one who has ignored you,
Yet once again..today?

Why would you bother fixing,
An old spirit to make it new?
I know I can never understand,
But I am so glad that you do.

I think about the future, and what it just may hold.
And whether it is up to me, or a plan that must unfold.
I hesitate to think about, what lies too far ahead.
When I do, I overdo, and then can't clear my head.

I would love to learn to take things, just as they come along,
And not debate every choice I make, as either right or wrong.
To stop trying to live up to, what others' say I should be.
Maybe fly away for the weekend, try some spontaneity.

Stop and talk to a passer by, who's wearing shabby clothes,
Listen close, and maybe learn, something no one knows.
Take more breaks and be the center, of my own attention,
Find a way to spend a day, with too many smiles to mention.

Open up to a new found friend, holding nothing back at all,
Expand my horizons to find, the world really, isn't all that small.
And if I chose to do everything, that my heart truly desired,
Would I ever know if it was me, or the plan which had conspired?

Once upon a time, we are children.
Awakening every day with innonence,
and judgement - free naivety.
Hopeful of what each hour may bring.

Once upon a time, we are youthful.
Anxiously awaiting a first kiss, expectant
of new experiences.
Hopeful of what the years may bring.

Once upon a time, we are adults.
Settled into responsibilities, accepting
of our circumstances.
Hopeful of what the decades may bring.

Once upon a time, we are aged.
Reflective of our past paths, resigned to
our current state.
Hopeful of what the darkness may bring.

I will be lying where the butterflies roam.
The place the Monarchs call their home.
And the Brushtails visit etched with blue.
Where the Gossamerwings drink the dew.
The Pieridae will grace me with their art.
Winged paradise stills the beating heart.

There was no single moment or simply clear event,
Nor a significant reason which I can recall.
When or why our crossed paths continued straight,
Til' we no longer could see each other at all.

For just a brief second we paused together,
At the intersection, held hands and smiled.
Then we said goodbye and drove on ahead,
But the meeting made loves' road worthwhile.

Left and right turns, curves and stop signs,
I've encountered them all along Love's Lane.
And I forgot the way back to the intersection,
For just by chance you'd return there again.
.
Yet if I could ponder and retrace the many miles,
To arrive back at the same very spot,
I believe I would find, though great at the time,
Your very face I would have forgot.

Those we meet along our journey,
Along all of loves' twisted trails,
Hold purpose but just for a moment,
Until destinys' true love prevails.

The crystal prismed chandelier
    is h               g  in the hall.
           a         n
              n     i
                  g
Luster marred by settled dust
Determined not to f
                                       a
                                       l
                                       l
Neglect has been revealed to all
By the noontime sun
                                             O
                                                                      
Shining through yonder window*
                                                                      
On its' midday r.......u........n.............


Seated on a straight back chair
I see and yet care not*
Like that prismed chandelier
*Neglected and ?

I feel it but their only loss, for society to cast me out.
For failure to follow guidelines set, by one who is without.
For it is but a shameful sight, to live, yet not be free.
Bound by a common prudence, is naught but tragedy.
What mine eyes take pleasure in, I will see, and see again.
And blinded be sad, the rest of men, to deny and call it sin.
And touch I will, repeatedly, the softest of all places,
While all the other's scrutinize, with disapproving faces.
And I will trespass, forbidden land; with fruits for my partaking.
And find the taste irresistible, despite society's forsaking.
And eat I will, until fill is full, then wipe my mouth in glee.
While stands 'round a miserable crowd, desiring to be me.
And if I love another, and yet another, and another more.
Won't I just be pleased and sated, more than I was before?
I find it but a blessing, that my heart can expand... to place,
Inspiration and diversity, into such tiny bits of space.
And I will not beg pardon, from thy judgemental hand.
But rather, offer pity to those, who will never understand.

Stunned as one who has lost focus,
By spinning with closed eyes,
Until the brain leeches skull,
And reality only sighs.
Groping for the ground,
Perplexed and weak and worn,
Between the place of right and wrong,
Of lies and truth be torn.

******* one more kiss, my love.
Pick me one more flower.
Watch with me one more sunrise.
Waste with me one more hour.

Read me one more bedtime story.
Cast me one more glance.
Whisper me one more secret.
Dance with me one more dance.

Write me one more love letter.
Flash me one more smile.
Sing to me one more love song.
Walk with me one last mile.

I believe in my delusion.
By definition...its real to me.
I am sleek, mysterious, sought.
grand piano, flapper dress, long cigarette sought.
Unseen but expected garter holding me together.
Perhaps the only thing holding me together.
Scoffing advances because I have that liberty.
Cognac ..no champagne.
No mother to advise proper.
No need for etiquette when I intimidate so well.
The quiet masterpiece in the room.
Their whispers make me
And I love me
Not adored but renowned
I shade my eyes and exit
Taking all of the air with me

If I just keep running,
fast..as fast can be.
All the worries stalking,
Won't catch up to me.
Wake up bright and early,
Hit the door as soon,
Run a million errands,
All before 12 noon.
Play the music really loud,
To help increase my pace.
Just act nonchalantly when,
They look me in the face.
Clean the house with earbuds in,
Dusting every nook.
Let the cell just vibrate,
Never stop to look.
Take a Benadryl exhausted,
Strip off clothes and then,
Fall asleep with head in hands,
Wake to do it all over again.

The now silent cell phone,
And the muted tv,
The every day longing,
For the one I can't see.
The look to the night sky,
The feel of the wind,
The wasting of past time,
That nothing can mend.
My bed full of dreams,
My heart bounds within,
A journal completed,
Of days way back when,
We would hold hands,
And laugh on the beach,
Just writing together,
With no need for speech,
And the sun warmed,
Our eyes that we closed,
And forever was all,
Even time dare propose.
No cigarettes needed,
No liquor would do,
To escape from the truth,
That I never had you.

A dear friend called me yesterday,
To inquire,"How are you?"
I answered,"Fine, no problems here!"
Yet this was far from true.

I'd stubbed my toe, lost my job,
The pipes had burst, the pup had died,
But so that my voice would not crack,
I swallowed hard......... and lied.

My friend , I know,  suffers much more,
From the ills this life can throw.
Terminal cancer for many months now,
With very few left to go.

She deserves only a joyful voice,
a smiling and carefree face,
to be her last remaining memories,
while embarking from this place.

I cleaned out my closet,
Earlier today,
And with very little thought,
Threw most everything away.

But I found a few lost feelings,
On the top shelf, in a stack,
A pile of old photographs,
Of times I can't get back.

And tears I had already cried,
Returned to me again.
And I foolishly wished things could be,
The way they were back then.

But there is no chance of that,
I shouldn't dwell on it anymore.
You are not the same person at all,
The person I loved before.

I wish that it was misting and cool right now.
That I could go lie in it, my tears mixing with the rain
Just to feel a part of something pure
But it's not and I'm not crying right now anyway.
Rather I sit surrounded by those who don't know me...never knew me.. never wanted to, and never will.
Did they never catch a glimpse of me? After all this time..
Never saw the heart I hold that bleeds for them
The mind that reasons for them
The sacrifice the abandon the belief inside of me
The beauty of my faith  which was lost so long ago
That I reclaimed in order to believe yet again in them
I've been searching for beauty myself but I'm not finding it here
Portions at times...rations maybe  but no more.. not enough
There's too much ugliness here for me...too much greed
selfishness, immorality, disloyalty, lies and pain here for me.
And I can't belong to this.
I wish that it was misting and cool right now.
That I could go lie in it, my tears mixing with the rain
Just to feel a part of something pure