When a mothers heart is broken
Even the angels weep
No single word be spoken
As still as the ocean deep
Industry halts in reverence
The sun hoods its great eye
When a mothers heart is broken
The birds wont even fly
When a mothers heart is broken
The clocks stop out of shame
Natures shades are drawn
And heaven does the same.
Onlookers retreat with pity
The wind dares not to blow
When a mother's heart is broken
The whole world seems to know

Here....
We celebrate genuine
We admire raw uncensored love
We understand it takes more courage to expose yourself than to hide
We don't applaud actors, we pity them
Here....
We don't wipe tears away, we dance underneath them
Here.....
Is an easy place to be
But so few come
This is the place where inertia
Is found while being still
And divinity smiles
Where brokenness is beautiful
And filters are unnecessary
Fear and pride are allowed in and yet
They will never accompany you out
This is where spirit meets body
And acceptance is born
Where wisdom comes to cast itself off
And admittance of ignorance is prized
Wind moves us here as was intended
Where we set down things we have carried too long
Where breath and freedom are identical
The purest form of joy is here
Where real becomes reality
The place you can go to anytime
And choose to never leave.
Who would want to anyway?

Just a jumble
By a troubled mind
Or perhaps a tired one
Who looks through frosted glass
For all the parts to make the whole
Of you.
Collecting your past acts
And contrary present,
All of your tells and words,
Truths and indescrepancies
The slightest of body language
To form an image of a soul
That is unknown
And upon finding the concoction
Rather plain
I can add a little smoke
Or a little drink
And quite simply
Take all those pieces apart
Study them; scrutinize them up close
Until they all blur and skip a bit
Then rearrange them all
Repeating this process
Of infinite possibilities
Until the result is either too beautiful to truly love,
Or too hideous to abandon.
This is how I determine who you are.
By how I construct you
And how I perceive you
In this light or that.
In limitless dimensions,
You easily become
Someone I can love or hate
Hold or let go of
Regard or disregard
I can do this forever.
You are irrelevant.

Oh but yet another drunken spillage
Onto a quiet hidden page
Pieces moving all around
While I am filled with rage
A soul barely lived
And begging for a span
So barely loved amongst
The mediocre man.

We used to climb trees.
Scramble up them with our friends
There wasn't anything in those trees we needed
Nothing waiting to be claimed on the highest branch
It was just a tree
And we climbed it for fun's sake
Coming home with splinters,
Scraped knees and embedded dirt.
And the next day, guess what we did?
We climbed the ******* tree again.
Until the world taught us fear
And the tree wasn't fun anymore.
And so it goes on and on really.
Until simple seems so difficult
That we no longer have the courage
To truly live.

The hands that will touch me now
Will be calloused
But they will not hurt me
Not like your slow hands
That massaged in a poison
Without me ever knowing
No. The hands that will touch me now
Will belong to a monster
Without a disguise.
That's bravery.  That's love.

The day is coming soon or late
When all this matters no more
I'll chuckle when I contemplate
What all the worry was for.
All the struggle was wasted time
The prayers were pointless too.
Meaningless also; every rhyme.
Everything I did or didn't do.
The silent agonous cries at night,
The tears that were shed for naught,
Every smile, joy, and beautiful sight,
When that day comes, will be forgot.

I lived in Resolve.
Such a quiet and beautiful place.
Bountiful air; restricted space.
An intusscepted portal.
Until a very peculiar slant of light,
With heavenly spin; point just right,
Pierced my singular soft spot
(through sheets held tight)
And made me mortal.

I have traveled on Route 66
Where opportunists passed before
Been up and down State Route 1
Along the California shore
Made the trips along I-90
Back and forth, east to west
Drove a decade or more away
With very little rest.
Saw a giant freeway moon
And felt God on 89A
I got to all my destinations
And found myself along the way.
Been all around the country
It's in my blood to roam.
And no other place will ever do.
The highway is my home.

A furrow set upon your brow,
My heart just could not bear.
Certain to break the more, if I,
Were the one to place it there.
For who I would be to take a life
And scar it with my own?
To keep it, I must sacrifice
The only love I've known.
And so, before the altar's lit
I will ask you dear.... to go
Please go while you still love me
Just go my darling, go

An aboriginal with a window
To the world
Watching all the little ways
Of conformity
Of learned destruction
The foolish ways of men
Just observing
Beauty transformed
Truth smothered
Light covered
Desire suppressed
The moderns
Changing all the time
Like rocks on a riverbed
All the godly gifts
Being shifted around
Heavenly innonence
And all the purity
All the passion
So transformed by man that
Pride equals power
A tear is weakness
The sun just a tool of industry
Through that window
War is acceptable
Death is expected
Stifling is strength
And hearts are restrained
There is no yield to passion
No recognition of self
No care of essence
The sky seeds never grow
Loves goes unspoken
Everything conditioned
And conditional
Eyes are shrouded
Voices raised only for contention
Ears are transient
Minds neglect infinite
A gardens mockery it is
With hushed lips
Squashed hope
Core disregard
Just a being-battle
Everyone wants to win
To be rewarded
With emptiness.
I don't live amongst that world
Because that world doesn't live.

How a dream can take the subtlest things
We dont register in the day
And make them play like a movie
In the most fantastical way

Strange creatures that sing Sinatra
And fuzzy slippers in the snow
A camp party with beer gardens
Faces we know but do not know

Always looking for the bathroom
Where the gay men pray for me
And everyone there is naked
Yet while I know this I don't see

Upstairs to get left-over food
"Will you get in the picture too?"
"Oh no," I say, "I don't belong."
And there's just so much to do.

A lawn mower that's finally fixed
But is barricaded just so
It takes a very funny man
Knocking down everything to go

And he plops me in the bucket
While my love walks along beside
Saying I'm not pretty enough
He'd rather a mail order bride

A pickup truck....the color red
Which being sober I must drive
After admiring the city cats
That keep the handicapped alive

Right after the hall of xmas trees
That even Satan would admire
Filled with all the chattering squirrels
That stare at me as they conspire

I keep watch over my shoulder
Certain someone is there behind
I wake and make perfect sense of
All the oddities of my mind.

Appropriate hello and thank you
With the offer of a shower
Not known for weeks.
Shakes so fine you could call them
Vibrations.
Brittle bone ******* on white skin
Near death he was.
Hungry, dope sick, and dying
Right in front of me.
And I watched that locked bathroom door
As one waits for another's last breath
Quiet, still, patient.
Until the water turned off
And then I retreated a bit
As if to offer some tiny bit of dignity
Shoving half a leftover cake into ziplocs
For his exit.
Reminding myself I'm such a hypocrite
To think I've got it all together
That he is somehow less than me.
Truth is we are all a ******* mess
All with our own unique addictions
Fighting over and over again
With personal demons
That we made ourselves and
Losing every time.

Please allow me time
Time to untangle myself
From all the trappings
You set for me
The hidden ones
And the ones I gladly walked into
Just to love you.
Time to detach every fiber
Of myself from yours
So I can feel whole as one again
Time to regain the strength
So I can move
Time for my heart to steady
And my wounds to close
And my head to stop reeling
Time to be myself again
And to be content with that.

Actions whip upon my flesh
You know yet turn away
And use the liberty that I gave you
With the words I wouldn't say.
Backing down without a fight
Yes, darling that's my way
Victory is most often won
In choosing not to play.
And so now start the battles
Between yourself and sin
Battles you are sure to lose
Just to lose all over again.
Cunning from a weaker foe
Who doesn't know his enemy
Requires no consideration
And holds no pause for me.
And so the whips are turned...and
Your flesh is now their aim
Because I won your very soul
Without playing the game.

So many things
I care nothing about now
As society says I should
My soul disagrees

The tiny monsters used to come and play
In my backyard most every day
Controlled with just a stare.
Then little monsters started stopping by
A bit more evil in their eye
Controlled now with a glare.
But the bigger monsters, well they came at last
And I, with no more looks to cast,
Grabbed the nearest gun.
And without a thought of the fatal game
One quick finger and perfect aim
I killed all but one.

It is the purest form of love,
The type that I have found with you.
The color of you engulfs me;
Makes my own a different hue.

You accept me just as I am,
A task that not many can do.
You chisel cracks into my heart
To let the light shine right on through.

The obsession finally ended
After the reality really set in
It became too hard to keep looking
Even the moon can burn the eyes
If you stare too long

And so I saw it.
That look.
Disdain?
Suspicion? Confusion?
Repulsion? Disgust?
I saw that.
Only one way from here friends.
Stay tuned.

Guess who came to the masquerade ball without a mask.
That would be me.
The naked one with the unsure yet determined
Look on her face.
The one screaming "here I am" from the center of the room
And you noticed me
And I liked you
Until the mask fell off
And you turned the opposite direction in bed
And I love you's shared once were just that,....  shared once.
And then I wished I had worn a costume.
Head to toe armor.
With no eye holes so I would never have seen you.
Or better yet just have stayed home.