'T was a throne too high to mount;
Even for Goliath.
Too large to fit; to secure one,
And yet they rose me and I sat.
As Croseus did receive; I did receive.
Until sight (with the clouds) reeled,
To whom I offered exchange.
Granted; humbled; homed;
I fell,
To silent, safer depths.
And yet still they found me.
Silent still I remain.
Of revelations..... none, which they don't already know.
Spare that they are too ignorant to know it so.

Among the scattered granite
Kneels a concrete angel
Watching over the stillness
Of the sacred place.
Crows gather and I
Undisturbed sit
Under an overcast sky
A slight chill will every wind
So fitting and so welcome
Leaves spurting their way along the asphalt
Moss -laden oaks standing in reverance of the dead at rest
And yet there is much life
Bees in the low cut grass
Moving about the daisies
Crows playing games in the clouds
Blades of grass tremoring with the breeze
The ground appears to tremble
But it would never dare
Not here.
Not here where alone feels nothing like loneliness
Where innonence has endured
In the only place where tears can fall without scrutiny
Peace takes precedence here
Where the dead listen
As God speaks

If we could take all the tiny impressions
And all the memory shards
Of the overlooked insignificant moments
And put them altogether
With the great ones
Perhaps a full soul could be made.

I made the mistake
Of assumption
Believed he was like me
Wanting truth
An appreciator of genuine
So I gave him what I myself
Wanted in return
I gave him all my past
Every regret
Every fear
Every pain
Every mistake
I didn't water them down
I didn't conceal them
I surrendered all the ugliness
I became vulnerable
Nakedly human
Just with the hope to be known; loved
In spite of that humanity
I gave him the authentic me
I am proud of that
It took a courage I had to dig deep for
It took character that I had always admired when I had seen it in others
In the end
He used all of that
To form an opinion of me
Not one of who I had become
But of who I used to be
He failed to recognize the value in transparency
What little truth I was shown of him
I accepted
His failings were as many as mine
And I was just glad to know them
I consider it my gain
To have been judged unrightly
To have been shamed unjustly
To have been betrayed
To have been fooled
It taught me a little more about myself
It taught me that
I do not want facades anymore
That life is not a costume party
And that those who wear masks
Are not my people
My people are harder to find
But well worth the seeking

How a dream can take the subtlest things
We dont register in the day
And make them play like a movie
In the most fantastical way

Strange creatures that sing Sinatra
And fuzzy slippers in the snow
A camp party with beer gardens
Faces we know but do not know

Always looking for the bathroom
Where the gay men pray for me
And everyone there is naked
Yet while I know this I don't see

Upstairs to get left-over food
"Will you get in the picture too?"
"Oh no," I say, "I don't belong."
And there's just so much to do.

A lawn mower that's finally fixed
But is barricaded just so
It takes a very funny man
Knocking down everything to go

And he plops me in the bucket
While my love walks along beside
Saying I'm not pretty enough
He'd rather a mail order bride

A pickup truck....the color red
Which being sober I must drive
After admiring the city cats
That keep the handicapped alive

Right after the hall of xmas trees
That even Satan would admire
Filled with all the chattering squirrels
That stare at me as they conspire

I keep watch over my shoulder
Certain someone is there behind
I wake and make perfect sense of
All the oddities of my mind.

In those deep, deep clutches of the heart
Where every pain is held
And covered with others over the years
All wrapped up together
Every injury, dismissal, loss, and rejection
Disappointment, abandonment, cast off, and failure
How could a heart even grow under all that?

Take the girl who walks the straightest.

One with:
Honesty
Understanding
Compassion

Spin her round 3 times.

Let the centrifugal force **** out:
Her Truth
Her Perception
Her Benevolence

Then tell her to walk straight again.

She will never walk straight again.

It is the purest form of love,
The type that I have found with you.
The color of you engulfs me;
Makes my own a different hue.

You accept me just as I am,
A task that not many can do.
You chisel cracks into my heart
To let the light shine right on through.

I was made for the summer moon
Barefoot walks with sea salt winds
Coffee at midnight; naps at noon
Acoustics with wayward friends
The smell of fresh cut grass in fall
The orange of a sun closed eye
The sound of a cardinals mating call
And the awe of a star filled sky

Actions whip upon my flesh
You know yet turn away
And use the liberty that I gave you
With the words I wouldn't say.
Backing down without a fight
Yes, darling that's my way
Victory is most often won
In choosing not to play.
And so now start the battles
Between yourself and sin
Battles you are sure to lose
Just to lose all over again.
Cunning from a weaker foe
Who doesn't know his enemy
Requires no consideration
And holds no pause for me.
And so the whips are turned...and
Your flesh is now their aim
Because I won your very soul
Without playing the game.

An aboriginal with a window
To the world
Watching all the little ways
Of conformity
Of learned destruction
The foolish ways of men
Just observing
Beauty transformed
Truth smothered
Light covered
Desire suppressed
The moderns
Changing all the time
Like rocks on a riverbed
All the godly gifts
Being shifted around
Heavenly innonence
And all the purity
All the passion
So transformed by man that
Pride equals power
A tear is weakness
The sun just a tool of industry
Through that window
War is acceptable
Death is expected
Stifling is strength
And hearts are restrained
There is no yield to passion
No recognition of self
No care of essence
The sky seeds never grow
Loves goes unspoken
Everything conditioned
And conditional
Eyes are shrouded
Voices raised only for contention
Ears are transient
Minds neglect infinite
A gardens mockery it is
With hushed lips
Squashed hope
Core disregard
Just a being-battle
Everyone wants to win
To be rewarded
With emptiness.
I don't live amongst that world
Because that world doesn't live.

One day my friend
Your eyes will clear
Your head will lift.

Soul unchained
You will feel
Purpose
Peace
Acceptance.

It all waits for you
It waits
On you.
On time.

It holds
Essence
Gravity
Providence
Faith
Eros

Everything

Everythi­ng
You wouldn't do
Couldn't do
Will be done
Anyway.

That is the Universe
It is where we all meet
And where we all meet again.

I love you for your scarred, scared soul.
For every brick you placed around your heart.
Every past injury that you made light of.
For every single time you pushed me away.
For every scattered thought you had;
Every hideous act.
For the self-control you dressed up in from time to time.
For all the pretending that never fooled me, not even once.  
For all your effort to run and hide to protect yourself.
For your desperate claws that lashed out at me when you felt me too close.
For the battle you fought (and lost) between truth and fear.
And no, I could not help you.
But I could love you.
And I always will.
Because I saw you.
I see you still.

"Two heart cases before me!"
The cat claws down the screen
Its the most dysfunction
The most dysfunction
The most dysfunction ever seen!!!!

Two houses has she in her name
A wet box her friend in the rain
Its the most bizarre thing
The most bizarre thing
That such a sane girl went insane!!!!!

What if stars had no purpose
Other than make us wonder
During peace the wealthy still
Show up to go and plunder
Slimy long-aged miracles
Still find rocks to crawl under
Deadly draughts continue on
Despite the sound of thunder

No, I didnt get to leave.  
Like I wanted to.
Like I was meant to.
I didn't get to go see what you saw
Or search for myself under a lone tree.
I stayed here.
To save it all while it all died around me.
People I loved.
Trees I planted.
My only comforts.
Burying them one at a time.  
Fickle doesn't fit here.
The only thing that works here is giving.
There's nothing for me to take
Only give.
And I do. I give it all.
And it is taken.
Usually that doesn't bother me
But today I'm ******.
Today I'm tired.
Having a conversation with myself.
And we dont get along anymore.
We are too different.
And have betrayed each other too many times.
I have learned living contrary to one's nature
Is ******* misery.
And worse as I chose it.
The great one who steps up to save the day
Has to do it forever
Or be branded as terrible.
When do I get to live, be me, run?
To leave would mean hurting the only ones
That I ever loved.
And all my dreams probably would never come true
Anyway.

To **** true love with idle hands
Is a talent of mere mortal men
Who toss around unholy bands
Until paid with death for every sin.

How strange you saw the devil
Where an angel stood
Made darkness out of the light;
Evil from the good.
Turned innocence into jaded
White right into black
Truth was right in front of you
Now it's at your back.

The drawers won't close.
All those inequities
I paired up and shoved away
Pieces of them hang out
Like stray dental floss
There is no more space
To hide all the pills,
The "fix me's,"
The "miracle cures."
All those disposed of
"Too-good to be trues,"
That never made me good enough,
Are everywhere.
Half-used
Half-wasted.
Just like me.

The shards you see
There in the grass
Look a whole to me

Perspective be
Diamond or glass
What is it to thee

I think i figured it all out.
Yeah.
Our souls get filled with so much along the years.
It hoards all of the most amazing and most horrible moments.
And we just clutch them to us as if they are needed to maintain our structure.
As if they formed us, somehow.
I don't believe that.
My soul has never changed
It's just harder to reach now because
Of all those moments in there surrounding it.
So I started thinking that it requires a purge.
And how many times I may have partly done that.
In those rare allowed moments I had.
When collapse came
When sobbing that truly hurt the heart occurred.
What if I hadn't succumbed to the need to collect myself?
What if just lay there and sobbed more?
Until I didn't need to sob anymore?
In all those cemeteries that called to me from time to time.
On that blanket looking at 10 story pine trees; the sun changing the color of its needles.
On that carport when I felt like I was close to being fully known.
When all of me was screaming for that purge.
I think if I had just let it happen, let it all go, emptied my soul
I would have stood up
Completely able, completely ready, and completely free to just
Be me again.

In a world where lovers are many
And friends are oh so few
I thought that you would recognize
Which one I am to you.
A friend doesn't care what you bring to the table
They care only about what they serve
They want you to get the very best from life
Not for that which you might deserve.
They may send a funny tshirt
Or the doctor right to your door
They pray for you every single day
On your bad days they pray the more
And not time, nor words, nor distance
Will ever change their love for you
Lovers will come and lovers will go
But thats not what true friends do.
We stick around through lifes follies
Even if we may never speak again
But know dear friend you are with me
Right where you've always been.