When the coffee turned into tea
And she was faced with that real-i-ty
Her world suddenly stopped spinning.
The walls rushed in... not one by one
The ceiling fell in to shut out the sun
And she called this the beginning.
Of life without truth and reason
Over and over...no change of season
Would ever breech the tomb within.
And over time she did go blind
Left with only the echoes of her mind
And she was never seen again.

The bindings.
The encasements.
Tendons twisting
The tight slipknots
As we squirm
And entrap us all
In miniscule minds
Minuscule thoughts
Until the sickle
sets us free.

It's just like sluggish raindrops
The way they slowly trickle in
All those memories we had to tuck away
To begin
To begin...again.

When all the stars are in their proper place
And the dead ones have given up their space
When equality and equity are one and the same
And goodness is sought for in place of fame
When we are able to redact our every mistake
And truly learn lessons from every heartbreak
It will be the day when the immortals die
And their souls rise up to embrace the sky

Now the scales are shifted
I am weighted; you are light
A simple inverted victory
You won without a fight
Because I loved you first
Pride in silence be,
I (for you) would look away
Please do the same for me.
I am sinking faster now
While buoyantly you rise.
Elated, full, and sated
By misporpurted eyes.
Whether I loved first or last
Oh to love at all!
But to be the one who loved alone
'Tis what makes the balance fall.

It's that moment when you peel your heart
Like onion skin
And start placing the ring-like layers
In so many different places
That you realize completeness
Does not come from trying to fill space,
But rather by extending it.
It is in that moment we find God.

If anyone ever wanted to know me
All they would have to do is read my poetry.
My whole life, my entire being is in there.
My past, my present, my future....all there.
All the joy and loves I've known right there
Along with dreams that failed,
Opportunities lost, faith forgotten, faith renewed
Desires, secrets, ****** encounters
My sweet side, my dark sides
My fears and my inadequacies
Humor, habits, hope, and hang ups.
All there.
The things my heart breaks for
The things that couldn't break me.
Even the things I purposefully broke.
But so far no one has had the urge
To read all this nonsense
And I am okay with that.
Better to know myself than to be known.

Snip the fibers and just be free
Talk over negative intrusions
Welcome real opportunities
Breathe in my blessings
Give myself to others
Invite hope back in
Care for myself
Utilize pain
Forgive
Forget
Smile
Love

How many times
I had believed
Evil rapped my door
But many years
Passed on by; now
I'm not as sure.
There is a haze
That never clears
Looking through a hole
And so, to see,
We implement
Clarity of soul
And reaching back
To harder times
T'was not evil no
A lesser thing
A lesser threat
Came, but it did go.
And now the knocks
Come just as much
But I can just ignore
No heightened sense
No skipping beat
To raps upon my door.
I let them come
And let them go
Never see their face
There's no desire
To know just what
Calls upon my place
For I am old
And deaf and blind
And I care no more
Whether evil
Whether angels
Rap upon my door.

The time I have left with you
Will not be marred by hope
But rather acceptance.
Our final days will become
Snapshots inside my head
I will memorize your voice
But most importantly
I will treat your pain
And tell you that I love you.
I will hold your feeble hands
Within the warmth of my own
My face will be fearless
And my eyes will be dry
It is the least that I can do.

Let me live no longer than
The last leaf left to fall
No longer than the songbird
Who still has a mate to call
Not a minute past the wordsmith
Who can no longer write for ill
No please take me well before
The heart runs out of thrill
Let me live no longer than
The second-to-last bell ringing
No longer than a perfect soul
Decides to give up its own singing
Not a moment past the revelation
There are some we can not save
Let me know nothing of hope's demise
Before I hit the grave.
Come sooner than all the loss ahead
It be so unfortunate to wait
Take me now my dearest Lord
Just as love turns into hate.
Before the winter brings a chill
And a furrow sets the brow
Realizing it was all for naught
Take me soon, God, take me now!

I took the bait that dangled
Starving as I was.
For a taste of something new.
Made a challenge of accepting
An imagined captivity.
I could make a habit out of this.  
A willing slave.  
And just stay, learning.
Learning your motivation,
Your sins.
Intriguing as it is...
It is not harmless.
Not for the Master,
Who underestimates
His captor.

The crickets chirp for me tonight
Trees darker than the sky
The only other sound is that
Of the traffic passing by
At will my mind can block that out
Until just those crickets be
But the thoughts! T'would be mercy
If heaven did the same of thee.

I hear the bells as well my friend
Those knocks upon the door
That never should be opened
To the faint,.. of that I'm sure.
And friend, I too, I dress in white
To contrast the blackened span.
I too feel nauseous at the sight
Of the passionless hearts of man.
So I've kept company with a soul
Whose thoughts are so absurd
They tapped until they formed a hole
With taps I never heard.
Where stars, ideas, and ghosts collide
Then tumble out to space
With all the agonous shrills that died
To never find their resting place.  
I chase perfection in my brain
Where the mad race has no end.
And deem myself quite insane
Just like you,  my evil friend!

As she opened and removed her robe
She tore her walls down with it
And stood completely naked
As if displaying herself to God
And waiting for judgement
With a bare soul and raw fear.
The air heaved at the sacrifice
The earth trembled.
The sun dimmed.
Oceans stilled.
Heaven cried.
Mankind laughed.

If I must die today my Lord
Please let me die with grace
Let me pass expressionless
With no ill upon my face.
And if I must die today my Lord
Please let me unencumbered be
Of any regret that has long since passed
As I traverse from me to thee
And if must die today my Lord
Please send the peace to those still here
That death was my greatest pardon
And with pardon comes no fear.
And if I must die today my Lord
Please do not let me writhe
And again return to me the dignity
With which I lived my life.
If I must die today my Lord
Please turn the mood to grey
And usher calm into this room
Lord, If I must die today.

I read back a decade ago
Words that were written just for me
So beautiful and so pleading
To accept what was meant to be.
I relive the only era
I have ever known passion true
Embittered by the knowledge that
I lost it all when I lost you.
Delusional I guess I am
Believing to this very day
That a pad, a pen, and passport
Could take a decades pain away.
Taking daily mental pictures
Of things I have no way to share
Thinking you would want to see them
But you probably wouldn't care
"It's time to let him go" they say.
"You can't move on unless you do."
Ten years later and still alone.
Because my heart belongs to you.

They've been tossed around alot;
I myself have thrown some too;
Right back from whence they came;
Except for the ones from you.
Those... I tucked in my coat pocket;
The very best and brightest kind,
Like the most beautiful diamonds,
Anyone could ever hope to find.
And yet, even with the care I kept
I could not find them later on
Just like post-parade street trash
So very quickly they'd be gone.
Maybe if they weighed a bit more
Or if they weren't so paper-thin,
I wouldn't find just an empty pocket
Where my keepsakes should've been.

To know the subject of the words
Makes no difference don't you see
Be it river, lover, universe
All be but the same to me.

How is it that the days get longer
Yet shorter be the years?
Just how does a very old memory
Bring about brand new tears?
Why do some things never dissipate;
Others? .....always vapor be?
How do we blindly move along,
And yet stall when we can see?
How dare the moon eclipse the sun,
When it's the sun that outs the moon?
Why does some sadness stay so long,
While joy always leaves too soon?

I know it wasn't you.
Just the demon inside
That took me for its prey.
And changed your view
Of me,  to one who lied,
So he could have his way.

I know it wasn't you.
Just the demon inside
That wouldn't go away.
You did what you had to.
Strike to ****... then hide
But I loved you anyway.

Partial or impartial; the blessings of God?
For if known love; known still the rod.
Gods favors to all each evenly so?,
Or blanketed for the whole world to know?
All; vice and virtue, foe and friend,
Fortune and fall; All must contend.
Wake to a most wondrous sight;
Still the tears will come at night.
Hands have touched that loved me so;
Likewise hands I did not know.
The fulcrum; sane to quite insane
Swings from loss to swing toward gain.
The middle stillness? A heart content at rest?
When the swinging stops;  is that when we are blessed?
Pushed or pulled by a higher guide?
Or is it all chance that's left to decide?
Moved alone by the will inside?
Or purely by the force of nature's pride?
We long for shrieks of ecstasy, for pleasure that won't last.
Just to shiver in the shadows that tragedy will cast.
All the questions with no answers got,
To think upon or think upon not.

If we could take all the tiny impressions
And all the memory shards
Of the overlooked insignificant moments
And put them altogether
With the great ones
Perhaps a full soul could be made.

In my untimely search for truth
I pre-empted doubt with grief.
That surely would have been delayed
If 'twere not for unbelief.
And while I suffered it sooner
'Twas not of any less degree
Nor even of a shorter span
Than if truth had looked for me.

The heart can take you places
You might never wish to go
And the mind can teach you things
You might never wish to know
We can choose to follow them
Know that God is on their side
Or live remote and un-learned
All because of foolish pride.

Why do most men find the sorest spots on others to poke?
Same reason small children pick scabs I suppose.

And he said. "I'm afraid that one day you will wake up and realize that you are wasting your time on me."

And I thought to myself, he doesn't even know that I knew that from day one.

But I have always loved wasted time.

Hell, the best times that I remember are the ones where I was wasted.  

Wasted with people who didn't know me at all.

I was the collateral you used to buy something you had no intention of paying for.

Was the prize as grand as you dreamed?
Or not as beautiful as it seemed
From afar; As hope designed
To delude yet another feeble mind.
As distance adds hues to mortal sight.
And man teaches man that wrong is right.
Just as a scratch on a precious stone,
The value of it changes once it's known.
How noble a king until he is felled,
How low sinks the star that you once beheld.
Oh! The hope! But at once the gain....
Can never return to hope again!

'Tis nothing but a chasm now
Much easier to melon ball out the rest
Than try to refill it.

He repeats himself a lot.
I love that about him.
I also love the times when we seperate in public (like to use the bathrooms)
And I see him in the crowds with an almost panicked look, eyes darting around,
And then when his find mine,
His face relaxes, and he just smiles
One of those rare amazing smiles
That actually reach the eyes and burst out.
I love that.

Ill rest my head here for a while...
Laying here wondering how she has me so beguiled,
When i think of her I always smile,
Time with her eternal, away I revile,
I want to *** in her but make no child.  Boom ya!

The atmosphere has always pulled on me
Like a single sparkle in tall grass at night
To discover the flight of soul
It whispers of great things in the wind
Tugging always against my gravity, the
world, and what is called reality.
I must learn to fly.