The air is getting heavier,
With each shallow breath I take,
Struggle gives way to stridor,
And leaves pure panic in it's wake.
And just as any drowning victim would,
I desperately flail around,
Upwards seeking outstretched hand,
Below for solid ground.
Yet still I find no glimpse of you,
There isn't a single calming hint,
And now I am floating aimlessly,
For I know not where you went.
No purpose left to follow,
No vision still to seek,
Without my soul's life jacket,
My future looks quite bleak.

I have never seen a snow bank,
Nor have I ever flown,
To any distant place or time,
I have not always known.
Upon my inner eye I find,
Images in repeat,
Filled of where I long to be,
Yet can not move thy feet.
Every lonely meager wind,
Invokes impatient will,
Toward all I can't envision,
Yet my heart does thrill.
Soul will not be silent,
No rest at all abound,
Until it follow's distant call,
And it's home is found.

When every single rabbit's foot is rubbed down to the core,
And all your note's in lil' bottles fail to reach the shore,
And you realize that no *** of gold, has, nor will be found,
And not even one, heads-up penny, remains on any ground,
And all that Buddha seems to get, is a real bad tummy ache,
And you can't locate a wishbone, to have a chance to break,
And every finger becomes so stiff, that you just can't cross,
And you find the numbers, seven and eleven, bring you only loss,
When every ladybug becomes so sick, and appears surely to die,
And you search, but find no rainbows, to view up in the sky,
And finally, you must admit, horseshoes only work for fun,
Must it take all of this to know that's GOD's the ONE?

Go ahead and push on me,
Give it your very best.
Push me until I have to bend
In your crazy little test.

But know that I am flexible,
Cos' I've been bent before.
Just when you think I'll crumble,
I will bend a wee bit more.

You've finally met your match, life,
There's no pressure I can't take.
So go right ahead and push on me,
         I will bend...I will not break.

I will set the guiding tempo, the rhythm of each day,
And not by every meager wind, be up and blown away.
But hold fast to an anchor, secured in solid ground,
So when all the storms arrive, I won't be tossed around.
I'll just breathe in and out, shut my eyes if the need arise,
Open them when the fury passes, to brighter, sunny skies.
Shut out all of the chaos, that man breeds, and always try,
To dwell in that safe haven, that was made for you and I.
An a-ged oak waits on a hill, waits for us, or so it seems,
We planted it together, and it's growing in my dreams.

I love early mornings.
When the air is quiet
crisp and
still.
I always think about you.
And pretend that we are together,
sharing coffee,
waking slowly.
Wishing the sun
would stall
just on the horizon
for several hours...
So that our morning chat
could be prolonged.
We sit on the swing
in our robes and
slippers
just a while longer,
my head resting on your shoulder,
with my eyes closed,
feeling your chest vibrate when you talk.
Little peck kisses and
shared glances and
silly little grins.
I so love early mornings.
Early mornings with you.

I'd like to share a story,
A sad and tragic little tale,
About a silly, naive woman,
Who was so scared and frail.
Who finally found her anam cara.
Ah! But he lived so far away.
She vowed that she would meet him,
On a not too distant day.
But somewhere in the meantime,
She did meet another beau,
Who treated her so very well,
And a love of sorts did grow.
A love that offered comfort,
A safe place to lay her head,
And she began to wonder,
If she should stay with him instead.
But there was always a nagging,
A pulling , if you will,
And without her anam cara,
Her soul would not be still.
After so much time had passed,
She wrote to him to say,
"I really want to meet you now,"
"Could you come down my way?"
And she waited for many months,
But anam cara, he never replied,
She later learned, she'd waited too long,
Her anam cara had died.
The lesson of this fable friend:
Take a chance...and do not wait!
If you waste time, you just might find,
That you made your choice too late!

Will the nighttime greet me,
With more dreams of you?
Will my heart remind me of,
Our days that were so few?
Will my tears offer any solace,
Or just cause more to flow?
Will I ever find the reason,
Or accept I can not know?
Will time fade the memories,
Fond ones that we shared?
Will my soul ever get over,
The fact you never cared?

I suffer a certain sort of death,
With the loss of you and I,
The same as a falling star does,
After shooting across the sky.
Gone in a very short instant,
Disappearing from all view,
Unsure if it was really there,
The way that shadows do.
But the hole thats left behind,
Is infinite or so it seems,
And everything is jumbled,
Just like disturbing dreams.
Surrounded by so many,
Yet, still I'm the only one.
I just wasn't prepared for,
The setting of our sun.

I will re-teach myself the lesson,
Which I failed to learn again,
While shoving tiny fragments back,
Into where my faith had been.

And in proportion to your worthiness,
I'll offer a little piece of me,
Will you treasure or make shards of it,
I'll watch, and wait, and see.

For with ample time and a cunning gaze,
I'll know exactly what you lack,
If proven true, I'll give some more,
And if not, I'll take it back.

For you see, I'm a fierce protector of,
This gift I call my soul.
And unless you surrender yours to mine,
You'll never have the whole.

For I have an eye that misses none,
And a heart that's just as keen,
So be careful dear, while you discern,
What your loss of me would mean.

As if late, the mighty river rushes head on,
To an end that, it finds, is already gone.
Winding, impatient, carrying useless debris,
Cutting  a path as far as any eye can see.

Moved by a force that is all of it's own,
Recklessly moving towards the unknown.
With a passion that it can not explain,
A tributary veering off from the main.

And we, like the river, urge right on ahead,
So weary, yet rushing, until we are dead.
Picking up baggage for which we have no need,
Tossed about, powerless and drowning indeed.

Yet there is a shore on which we can stand.
Just walk in faith, the way it was planned.
But until we can quiet our own inner will,
We will run like that river, and never be still.

I need a hand to hold mine tight,
And a shoulder to rest my head.
I long for someone to kiss me goodnight,
And tuck me safely into bed.
Someone to whisper "I love you.",
And with tenderness stroke my hair,
Who lies awake just to look at me,
Someone who truly does care.
Someone I can snuggle up next to,
So I can listen to their heart,
Someone who I can hold right now,
Before I fall completely apart.

Where , oh where, just have you been?
I check everyday just to see.
If you found some inspiration,
That you wouldn't mind sharing with me.
The words, they used to come like rain,
Sometimes too quick to recall,
But lately, it's been such a struggle,
To write anything worthy at all.
And so I check for something of yours,
Which has always saved the day,
Could you help start a landslide friend,
So I could find something to say?

Of all the ornaments, on the crowded tree,
The one, by far, that means the most to me,
Is the one that reminds me of a true friend,
Who has filled my heart and helped it mend.
For when my days were troubled,
And I was feeling so very lost,
He stayed by my side, even closer,
And never once counted the cost.
And with his help I am now able,
To be myself once again,
And there is love in place of where,
An empty hole had been.
And He did it because he wanted to,
No motive that I can see,
For being someone who gave it all,
Gave it all... just for me.
Of all the ornaments, on the crowded tree,
The one, by far, that means the most to me,
Is the one that reminds me of a true friend,
Who has filled my heart and helped it mend.

Is it just coincidence,
That our paths crossed long ago?
So many others have entered here,
So many seem to come and go.

Tell me why you seem to stay,
And I just can't let go,
Is it because I stunted it?
Is it because I do not know...

Just what truly you are to me,
I'm so afraid to try and see,
Yet with every thought of never knowing,
Something dies inside of me.

I long to hear your genuine laugh,
And to see just how you smile,
And feel a certain thrill inside,
I haven't felt in quite a while.

So, selfishly I will make this plea,
"Please don't give up on me just yet."
Cos' I don't want to remember you as,
"The Greatest Love I Never Met."

There is a despair of sorts,
Of which no one can tell.
When a soul fails to breathe,
And dies to certain hell.
Elongated and underlived,
Monotonous, empty, vain.
Joyless, careless, hollow,
And filled with only pain.

The air was very frigid,
Early eve on a very cold night.
As I sat in the drivers' seat,
Waiting at a very long light.
And I heard a tap on the window,
Looked over and saw him there,
He was wearing broken glasses,
And had not combed his hair.
And I rolled it down just slightly,
And he said...do you mind If I stand?
Close to your car to feel its warmth,
And he had a few dollars in his hand.
Then he began to tell me about,
The local shelter where he did stay.
And how he worked day labor,
And of the church where he did pray.
He continued on to tell me that,
The shelter was not free,
And he needed 32 dollars,
To pay enough for his family.
He gave me the telephone number,
To the shelter and then his name,
But I never called, just gave him cash,
And I'm the only one to blame.
That later on that very night,
The man who I gave "aid".
Overdosed on crystal-****,
Of which I'm sure I paid.

When I'm in your arms, things are certain.
When your hand's in mine, I don't doubt.
But as soon as distance steps in between,
My soul just somehow feels "without".

And I can't seem to explain it.
How can a connection be real?
When it disappears so quickly,
Just because I can no longer feel..

Your breathe, so soft, upon my neck,
Your eyes, so deep, focused on me,
Your arms snaked about my waist,
Words whispered from lips , so lovingly.

So the only way I can feel happy,
The only way I feel "right" with you,
Is to stay in your presence forever,
And that just simply won't do.

I don't feel the rain anymore,
Neither the sun upon my face.
Everything is so muddled,
And nothing has it's place.

I don't feel the undeserved love,
That you give to help me heal.
I wound just like a wild beast,
And even this I can not feel.

And it's clear I am no better,
Then I was a few years ago.
I take things so very easily;
And just as easily let them go.

But I don't find any comfort,
In just what I have become,
I'm sure I'd hate indifference,
If I wasn't so **** numb.

I think I've had enough,
Enough of all the games,
Forgetting all the faces,
Forgetting all the names.
Moving to the next one,
The next one in the line,
Moving to the back again,
Because no place is mine.
Nothing ever seems to last,
Present is the same as past.
So, I think I've had enough,
No more flat land to climb,
I'd rather sit quite solitaire,
And play a game with time.

The day, it was just beautiful; the sun was shining bright,
Until I saw a photograph..... that turned my day to night.
And once again truth is missing, once again I am unsure,
And I wish I'd never seen it, so I'd be happy like before.
But the funny thing with truth? the funny thing is this...
It always finds the little things, the little things I miss.

She has eyes that see right through,
The heart that holds the bits of you,
The pieces that you now can't give,
With her goodbye, love ceased to live.
No genuine smile shows in your eyes,
Longing for her, while telling me lies,
Be true to yourself; be true to me,
Her face is the one that you wish to see,
Sitting right here, holding your hand,
But it's just me and I don't understand.
Just what is it that I don't possess,
Is it the way I laugh, the way I dress?
Don't lead me on, please don't pretend,
That I'm the one and there is no end,
I know that I'm being settled for,
And I just can't take it anymore,
You cry at night,.. I hear,.. I know,
But I'm hurting too, and I must go.

Write to me...write to me...
write to me, friend.
Before old time shadows
Start to descend.
Don't let them close me in
like they did before,
Please write your words
that mean much more.
Secret messages
that lure me to light.
That birth in me
despite dead of night.
Your words, your words,
please gift them again,
There's a scary shadow
where they have been.

You are my anam cara, my soul's friend.
Who knows me from beginning to end.
Your every word reaches out to me,
You see what the others can not see.
Who holds me close though far away,
And within your arms I hope to stay.


You're the warm slippers
I wear all the time,
The inspiration for almost
every rhyme,
The hot cup of cocoa,
that warms my hands,
The knowing look no one
else understands,
The old favorite song
I sing in my head,
The fluffy comforter
I have on my bed,
The view I see when
I'm on my swing,
The song that plays
when I can't sing,
The warmth on my face
from the great sun,
The quickened sleep
when the day is done,
The first one I want
to tell about my day,
The confident voice
when I just can't say.
The friendly hand
that calms my feet,
The reason my heart
still wants to beat.
The face I see sitting
there by me,
In dreams beneath
the poetry tree.
The one who reaches out
to break my fall,
Who hears every scream,
whisper, or call.


You are my anam cara, my soul's friend.
Who knows me from beginning to end.
Your every word reaches out to me,
You see what the others can not see.
Who holds me close though far away,
And within your arms I hope to stay.

Why doesn't GOD take all the pain,
That we feel so much of here,
And make it just a useless word,
Make it all just disappear?
And why doesn't GOD take sickness,
And all the ills of day to day,
Children's hospitals and chemo,
Make them all just go away?
Why didn't GOD make all men good,
And let not one man be poor,
And why can't we live in paradise,
The way they did before?
I know within my heart that GOD,
Can make all these things true,
But I'm not supposed to question,
Just what GOD will do.
With just my faith I will believe,
In the perfection of his plan,
For he knows every single thing,
In the heart of every man.

Do you see that little boy
Who is sitting over there?
The one with the blue eyes,
And the ***** blonde hair?
The one you walked right past,
On your way over to me?
He was holding up his new toy,
Just so you could see?
He tried to get your attention,
He had a quick story to tell,
But you moved away so quickly,
He tried to keep up but fell.
You see that incredible little boy,
Has been overlooked too long,
And I know he often wonders,
Just what he did so wrong.
So please take a second glance,
Try to see just what I see,
A precious special little boy,
Who means the world to me.

I can remember the pain of grieving,
And the release from shedding tears,
But lately I can't seem to shed them,
I am numb after all these years.
And oh! what I wouldn't give to feel,
Like I had something I couldn't lose,
Instead of always, easy come, easy go,
No matter which way I choose.
And I know that some may argue,
An even temperament is the best,
But oh! how I long to know passion,
Just the same as all the rest.
Just give me something to fight for,
Of which I can't find any doubt,
So that I may wage one hell of a war,
For something I can't live without.

I headed to the shoreline,
A little bucket in my hand,
And once it was completely filled,
I headed back to land.

And with my tiny shovel,
I dug myself a moat,
Then with a broken seashell,
Fashioned quite a boat.

Then I made four towers,
With a flag on every one,
And waited for them to harden,
Under the midday sun.

I'd built myself a castle,
How simple it had been,
Even though the waves did claim it,
Tomorrow I'll start again.

I sometimes often wonder,
How simple life would be,
If all I needed was a little bucket,
A shovel, sand, and sea.

The sunshine which I saw today,
Seemed a brighter shade than yesterday.
The sky was a much deeper blue,
Then I have ever recalled within my view.
The grass, at full attention, stood,
Much more rigid than I thought it could.
The clouds painted feathers white,
And together it all was a majestic sight.
And I just wanted to stand and shout!
GOD is real! How can you doubt?

There is a time for all to be undone.
Seasons change just like the wind.
But I've a keepsake from every one,
That I shared with my dear friend.

That spring, when everything was so new,
And our hearts were beating fast.
And Summer did reveal our hearts as true,
Yet through fall they did not last.

And etched upon my inner eye,
Is his face,...... with edges grey.
Memories shared by he and I,
In the seasons that didn't stay.

But one day soon, the winter will end,
And the sun will once again shine,
Upon the face of my very dear friend,
Who, for a season or two, was mine.

You will never bridge the chasm
Or know the greatest depth
Of an unleashed soul's sole passion
Nor find what gives it breath
It's fed by an unknown catalyst,
That urges onward total war,
And loses it's very own battles,
Battles it's lost before.
And though you start with armor,
And resolve in your facade,
You will only descend halfway,
Then retrace the steps you trod.
But do not feel disheartened,
For you are not the first who's tried,
And failed upon this journey,
Who has turned to run and hide.
And the soul discoverer, rest assured,
He will find no treasure bin,
Just an ugly face and a twisted mind,
And a broken heart within.

When all the church bells cease to toll,
And the ocean tides no longer roll,
When not one beast utters mere a sound,
And no compassion can be found,
When the marching drummer fails to play,
And no beacon remains to show the way,
When every breeze becomes right still,
And each soul relents to his Master's will,
When the whole of man stops in place,
And stares out into empty space,
When earth meets sky;  no in-between,
Will be the moment all truth is seen.

I gathered you all around me,
And breathed in your very scent,
Conjured some certain "extra",
From ordinary moments spent.
And, oh, how denial cheated me,
And stole many precious a day,
But truth is always the victor,
What's not there can never stay.
No way to rewind, no way to rescind,
Words of love, invented and said,
To try to make everything become,
The way it was in my head.

Hearts can often embellish,
A minute thing to grand,
Perhaps this is why, so often,
Things don't go as we planned.
If you hold every single thing,
In a proper perspective light,
You will not be so surprised,
When things don't go just right.

I hesitate to wonder ,
Where the missing piece might be,
Its not where it has always been,
And it's began to puzzle me.

It was a very special piece,
That filled what I did lack,
And I don't know where it has gone,
But I sure hope it comes back.

And there is an art to everything,
To be learned if not but known.
A way to find positive purpose,
In every negative that is thrown.
We've only but a breath to bargain with,
So know then thyself today.
Take what's been handed, use what you can,
And then toss the rest away.

I think your name so many times
I talk to you in my head
In fact we spoke this morning,
When I first got out of bed.
Then we went to church together,
You don't believe,.. yes,... I know.
But after I asked you nicely,
You said that you would go.
After church we went to the gym,
To try to work off a little stress,
I shared the ear buds from my Ipod,
We like the same songs, more or less.
We stopped off for a protein bar,
And me for coffee, you for tea.
And I'm sure that you don't know it,
But you spent the day with me.

I took a nap mid afternoon,
And you were right by my side,
I laid in the crook of your shoulder,
And you held me while I cried.
We took the puppies for a walk,
And spent some time on the swing,
Just staring out and drifting off,
To try to forget about everything.
We read philosophy for a spell,
And tried to **** empty time,
Tucked ourselves in very early,
And tried to write this rhyme.
A whisper in that voice I love,
Says that yes, we're meant to be.
But I'm sure that you have no idea,
That you spent the day with me.

I feel your tears upon my face,
They taste just like my own.
Hope departed; yet left in place,
Regret of seeds now sown.
Embittered heart still beats on,
Another day to mark my days.
Lust has dulled; passion gone,
And to solace... night betrays.
No relief, no rest from pain,
A constant plodding ache.
Such as a flower with no rain,
Since my heart did break.

"I can not be held accountable,
For these thoughts within my head.
You are the one who impressed them on me,
By what you wore and what you said."

"And as I stare, I'm not to blame
For the visions I now see.
For if you dressed appropriately,
There would be less evil in me."

_______

"I am sorry, I don't agree with you,
Your thoughts are all your own.
And completely under your control,
Not mine..by what I've shown."

"So I will not bear the burden,
Of your character, so unclean.
And when you find your cop-out fails you,
You'll know just what I mean. "

I do not need your adage,
Nor your condescending look,
To make it seem so simple,
To give back what I took.
It's mine now, it belongs to me,
And I'll sacrifice no more,
And I won't accept the blame of Fate,
For leaving it at my door.

There is a deep breaths' healing balm,
That comforts when pain surrounds,
When all of life's trials are pressing in,
And heartache fully abounds.

Close your eyes and just breathe,
Until the calm comes into you,
Remembering, without any doubt,
That God will see you through.

Tell me do you still behold my face,
The same way that you did before?
When the distance didn't seem as far,
And things weren't so unsure.

Or, has the passed time changed your heart,
And tempered desire for me,
Has your passion numbed, eyes grown dim?
Tell me what you still see.

Do you still see the same youthful soul,
That matched yours in hope-sprung way?
Do I remain fixed in your vision?
Things are changing every day.

Still, all but one has been altered,
Eroded by time's unyielding might.
Spare truth, who makes no bargains,
Enduring time;  unveiling right.

If destiny's course is advance set,
Not even time itself can place,
Deception in the eye of the soul,
That truth will not erase.

I pardoned thy self a burning hour,

And languished in the heat,

Conjectured an undeniable power,

That reality failed to cheat.


Until the time it suffered whole,

And claimed back what was due.

Extinguishing flames in my soul,

By tempering thoughts of you.

Shiver the leaves of autumns' fall,  
Are thou as cold as I?
Now deaf to the joy of nature's call,
And whim of thee deny.
Give up your toil forgotten sun,
The geese have set the way,
The languish of youth is all but done,
And hour spares none today.
Be era or be season, awake to only die,
On wind thy passion's roam.
To Eastern shore, to death they fly,
Lost and far from home.
And forget thee then thy fancy's brood,
That burned within it's prime.
Thy heart returneth to pensive mood,
For an Elegy of Time.

My heart has not felt a beat so strong,
As the daythat you first touched me.
And yet I still don't know where I belong,
Or if anything's even meant to be.
I was hopeful when you entreated me,
And somehow my soul let you in,
But lately it has ushered you to the door,
And has sealed it up tight again.
And my conscience stakes not even a claim,
To the muddled life that I live,
I am but a slave who never meant any harm,
And I pray that you will forgive.

My passion lies on a distant shore, but like driftwood floats away,
Only to return to the beach again, for a moment, but doesn't stay.

But if I could put my hand on it, and pick it up to claim,
Would I still be so passionate, and behold it just the same?

And just like a sparkle in the grass, from many, many, yards away,
What I see from here is beautiful, and intriguing in every way.

Yet many times on closer inspection, things appear not so bright.
Like plastic hiding in Bahia blades, on a rainy, moonlit night.

And maybe I appear amazing too, to the one on the distant shore,
But if all the miles were finally crossed, would the interest still endure?

Why must we always take what we have,
And try to turn it into so much more?
And then in the end be remorseful when,
We can't put it back how it was before.