This Christmas season
I traveled
One house to another
From friend to friend
With two suitcases
A new CD, and two books
I stayed with whoever offered
Surpringly, there were many.
I left home this Christmas
Because it wasn't home anymore.
A different language is spoken there now.
Even a compass can not stop there.
This Christmas I changed.
The choice came easier than I thought at 6am
On a Monday morning.
Not even really a choice
My feet moved all their own
My hands packed the bags
By 7am I was, at least in my mind,
Homeless.
With no fear.
There was never any fear.
How bizarre to me.
All these years afraid of change
To have no fear once changed.
It's been a while now
With my suitcases and welcoming friends.
I feel more at home than ever actually.
Home really is where the heart is.
Some may think I am insane.
That is just because the world indoctrinates us with material
Things and places.
None of those make us feel good.
Now the rest look insane to me.
This Christmas season was different.
Mentality changing.
Visionary.
Courage filled
Altered.
Special.
I thank God for the changes in me
The growth
I start 2025 new.
Truly new.

Might I just dissolve here
Smaller and smaller I become
With each poke. Each ****.
Each blow.
A swallow
A blanket
And I retreat
Into couch cushions
Unseen.

"Two heart cases before me!"
The cat claws down the screen
Its the most dysfunction
The most dysfunction
The most dysfunction ever seen!!!!

Two houses has she in her name
A wet box her friend in the rain
Its the most bizarre thing
The most bizarre thing
That such a sane girl went insane!!!!!

One day my friend
Your eyes will clear
Your head will lift.

Soul unchained
You will feel
Purpose
Peace
Acceptance.

It all waits for you
It waits
On you.
On time.

It holds
Essence
Gravity
Providence
Faith
Eros

Everything

Everythi­ng
You wouldn't do
Couldn't do
Will be done
Anyway.

That is the Universe
It is where we all meet
And where we all meet again.

I love you for your scarred, scared soul.
For every brick you placed around your heart.
Every past injury that you made light of.
For every single time you pushed me away.
For every scattered thought you had;
Every hideous act.
For the self-control you dressed up in from time to time.
For all the pretending that never fooled me, not even once.  
For all your effort to run and hide to protect yourself.
For your desperate claws that lashed out at me when you felt me too close.
For the battle you fought (and lost) between truth and fear.
And no, I could not help you.
But I could love you.
And I always will.
Because I saw you.
I see you still.

To **** true love with idle hands
Is a talent of mere mortal men
Who toss around unholy bands
Until paid with death for every sin.

The drawers won't close.
All those inequities
I paired up and shoved away
Pieces of them hang out
Like stray dental floss
There is no more space
To hide all the pills,
The "fix me's,"
The "miracle cures."
All those disposed of
"Too-good to be trues,"
That never made me good enough,
Are everywhere.
Half-used
Half-wasted.
Just like me.