Sometimes it just hits me,
(be it sunset or sunrise,)
A quirky grin; a funny look
from a similar pair of eyes.
And I begin to grieve again,
(be it a moment or a day)
For the love I never really knew,
Until it up and went away.
It's no matter, where he is now,
(be it miles or next door,)
For he is just a hollow ghost,
Of the one I know no more.

I believe in my delusion.
By definition...its real to me.
I am sleek, mysterious, sought.
grand piano, flapper dress, long cigarette sought.
Unseen but expected garter holding me together.
Perhaps the only thing holding me together.
Scoffing advances because I have that liberty.
Cognac ..no champagne.
No mother to advise proper.
No need for etiquette when I intimidate so well.
The quiet masterpiece in the room.
Their whispers make me
And I love me
Not adored but renowned
I shade my eyes and exit
Taking all of the air with me

Oh! to hold the secret
For the souls tranquility
Whilst the earth itself may shake
And storms rise up at sea

To retreat unto it's own
Where all life's joys of past have flown
And just breathe them all back in
To  feel them right..all over again.

No need for speech; nor serpents vow,
Amongst this garden fair,
For fate has granted only now,
A portion; just our share.
Willing to trade a lifetime for
The privilege to stay here.
But we've no such liberty anymore
The night is drawing near.
Placed but for a moment lone
In a paradise apart
From the bitter world we've known
But now we must depart
And return the ways we came
You yours and I my own
And yet we'll never be the same
For the paradise we've known.

Today I place you where you belong
Not where I wan't you to be
For the lie which has held me hostage
Now in truth has set me free

T'was never a word that you uttered
Nor any gift that you had shown
That made me hold u so exalted
No. That blame is all my own

Funny how the brain can ration out
a senseless amount of care
Giving the most to one so common
And the least to one so rare.

You were never my Anam cara
Not my soulmate, nor " the one"
Just another man, of many men
When it was all said and done.

And so...

Today I place you where you belong
Not where I wan't you to be
For the lie which has held me hostage
Now in truth has been set free

I gave up letting others hold me
at first because it just felt like I wasn't being loyal to you..
then because I didn't want anyone but you and even though I am still yours...
you are not mine.
Never were.
I will just have to try closing my eyes
and pretending it is you that holds me now...
And afterwards escape to our tree and cry.

I no longer write for the one..
I used to.
He doesn't come here anymore.
Besides..neither one of us
Is the same.
We aren't anything like before.
But just like the broken verses...
That don't flow
Like mixing prose with muddled rhyme.
How I long to write for the one..
I used to.
Just for one last beautiful time.