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daniella Oct 2013
Darling I want to be your beauty queen,
Roaming through the streets,
Only 17,
I'd give up everything to be your anything,
You fog up the sane,
That makes me loose my brain.

And we sit at night,
Wondering how we survived,
And between our breaths and smokes... we cry,
Hoping, wishing, thinking, wondering if it's me you see when you close your eyes,
Never want to say goodbye, 
Never want to sleep at night,
Without your chest pressed up against mine 

- d.a
daniella Oct 2013
I’m a poet!
Do I know it? 
Yes I think so.
I know three lines, one stanza 
Is a haiku.

I’m a poet, right?
I write about feelings, death, love 
And all that ****!

I’m a poet, I think?
Does this have to rhyme?
I want to rap,
But I’m white, but one of those only comes out once in a blue night.

I’m a poet, I know,
Because I think words are more than gold,
A projection of the soul,
They can create a world far from our own.

I’m a poet, perhaps;
Gone have the days of running laps,
These words are coming too fast,
I’m using rhyme again, **** this relapse.

I was a poet, but weren’t we all?
What memories will dry up on that shore before,
I dive into the stars, bypass mars,
Wake from that reality, 
And dream of what was.

~ d.a
daniella Oct 2013
i own more books than friends,

i need to return the books back to the library,
that i've kept since august,
but those words on that page kept me sane,

the words are real and everything a person could never be,
a person you call a friend is never always there,
when you need them most,
they let you down and even though you're suffering and drowning in your anxieties,
they are forgetting your mere existence,
but the pages on that book are the ones,
i hold close to my heart,
because they get me through the days when i need to grocery shopping,
but instead i'm smoking,
wishing,
the pain away that in hope i will one day be okay


~ d.a
daniella Dec 2013
Darling, you’re worth more.

Don’t carry your life like a burden,
someday, someone, somewhere
will love you enough to see
the beauty of your excitement at
all the little things your eyes catches;
they’ll love you enough to travel
across the state just to see you at 2am
and cradle you on your sad days, crying
in bed and you’ll get back every effort
you bring forth to others.
Someday, some time, some where,
you’ll wake up and realise
that your life is much more beautiful
than your cold self on your death bed.
daniella Nov 2013
the amount of times i've written i'm fine while crying,

the amount of times i smiled while i wish i was dying,

it hurts simply because,
people underestimate the kind of pain you have to be in,
to drag a blade
across your own skin,

i hide myself  under a pile of lies so no one sees,
the secrets behind
these fake smiles,

my depression is like a current pulling me under and everytine i finally have some strength to pull myself up again it pulls me down,
it is strangling my happiness out of me,
it refuses to let me breathe,
it grabs hold of my neck and is murdeing my joy,
i can't explain the pain that went across my veins,
those nights where i wish i was sober,
where poems like this made no sense,
where i smoked my pain the **** away,
those nights where a pull of the rope could of ended my night,
i don't know anymore,


all i know is that i'm getting worse and worse by the second and i don't know what to do

~d. a
daniella Nov 2013
I don’t want to write lyrical poems about my heartbreak.

Because surely,

Something so sad cannot be beauteous.

I don’t want to share this piece of feeling,

Its meant to be hidden in that drawer full of skeletons.

Lines and phrases from my old poems keep repeating themselves to me;

I am hope and heartloss all rolled into one.

I wanna shut my ears,

And **** the pain out.

Even if it takes every little living atom outta me.

~ d.a
daniella Dec 2013
When I was younger, commercials told me that depression hurt, and I had no idea what that meant. Flowers were flowers and the sun tanned my skin and peach tea ran through my veins and the world produced enough magic for me to be content.

How I ended up on my bathroom floor with a knife is a story for after my eulogy. Do not mention how the flowers died, how the sun burned my skin, or how the world is the worst it has ever been.  

Suddenly, I was mocked by every living thing on this planet. They sighed “you do not live.” Every frown was another twist of the barbed wire tangled up in my bones that clicked toward the destruction of my free will and the caging of my heart, brittle and broken and bruised and more than ready to stop its frail beating.

I used to want. Want to lap up the planet like a thirsty dog, satiated by the sanguine hearts that care for the earth, I wanted to glide through every part of history with my eyes wide open with a ribcage breathing energy and light, strength and confidence.

And here I am.

I wonder if any of it was real at all. Until I find out, I’ll make myself a part of history today. May you forever remember the pigment of my eyes when I cried from the joy of the moment.

This is the end of the road.



~d.a
daniella Oct 2013
It's sad to forget,
What we were,
What we had,
The connection,
The beauty,
The rush,
How it suddenly stopped,
The light of my life,
Turned into a flicker at the end of the tunnel,
I felt so lost,
Yet,
The darkness,
It's beautiful,
It's like living in fire,
Without feeling,
Death being inevitable,
No knight in shinning armour in this story,
No light at the end of that flickering tunnel,
No chance of surving,
I am no princess,
And this story,
Like others,
Are doomed,
Just as Romeo and Juliet,
Adam and Eve,
Bonny and Clide,
Had to suffer the dreadful pangs that fate,
Brought to them on their doorstep,
That caused suffering,
And nothing but pain,
And left with nothing but simply,
A no happy ending.


~ d.a
daniella Jul 2014
“You’re the elephant in every room now. I used to think you were the monster under the bed, but you’re not supposed to fall in love with the monsters. Not even when they kiss you like they mean it. I’m lying down in a field of apologies for you, and they all sound the same. I’m sorry this felt like a flying through a windshield. I’m sorry I didn’t stay to clean up the mess. I’m sorry all we had to show for this was a crime scene love affair. I’m sorry you stopped touching me. You’re living in my head for now, and we treat each other better this time. On the bad days, I think I see you in the supermarket or strolling down the sidewalk or in a car speeding by, and then I realize for a second that it’s still about you. Even when it isn’t, it is. Even when I’m not thinking about your name, everything around me is still singing it. Like a song I can’t get rid of. Like a song I want to unlearn. Like a song that will always belong to my voice no matter how hard I try to burn it away.”
~ d.***
daniella Oct 2013
Nothing,
Has been,
Going right for me,
I've been,
In London,
Trying to figure out who I'm meant to be,
I'm breathing in smoke,
Laughing till I choke,
I've been wondering why people are hung up,
on the life I lead

As I get out of bed,
I think it would be better,
If I layed there instead,
Of facing those demons,
Stuck inside of my head,
If only,
I was happy,
If I was happy,
Those demons wouldn't taunt me.



~ d.a
this poem i wrote when i was suffering depression and battling a sevre eating disorder so it means a lot to me and i hope you can relate to it :)
daniella Nov 2013
i wrote so many poems,
for a girl who'd never see,
i stopped writing poems.
that girl is dead to me;

i lost my power and source of thought when writing,
she was gone,
nothing to hold on to,
only those three words,
that traced the page,
over and over;

i
love
you

~ d.a
if
daniella Oct 2013
if
If I could draw
I would paint you a masterpiece
with every colour of the rainbow on a never-ending canvas,
just to remind you
that there is light and colour
in every moment of everyday,
and beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

if I could sing,
I would pen you a thousand melodies
to lift your soul into the heavens
on days where it felt
like you were six feet under.

if I could run,
I would soar across this city
with cups of tea and the warmest blanket,
to make you feel safe
on the nights you felt completely lost.

but all I can do is write.
so I will ink you some sorry word
in the hope that you’ll understand
that I love you,
and think that there is stardust
gleaming out of your every pore.


~ d.a
daniella Oct 2013
a girl could pluck poems from her mind,
like apples from a tree,
and hand them to you.

wondering if you'll examine them for,
bruises
and throw them away, or
if you'll take a bite into one and enjoy it, or
if you'll take a knife and cute one in half to show her the star pattern inside:

show her you'll take her apar by the poem,
to show her,
the beauty inside

~ d.a
daniella Dec 2013
you're 17,
but you're a beauty queen,
only a year older than me,
but you'll never open up your eyes to see, but
you have a georgia jagger smile,
and in my dreams,
you're with me,
i'm complete,

but for now you're only words on the page of poem,
that you will never read,
you're wonderful, incredible and yet i'm invisible,


the way you hold your stares,
the way you tuck your hair behind your ears,
the way you bite your lip,
the way your beauty is pure,
the way you stutter as if you're unsure,
as if you can't see how perfect,
in my eyes you are too me,

i just wished you'd notice that i'm the angel who'd give up her wings to be your anything,
if that's what you needed from me,
you're beautiful

you're so **** dead set beautiful and nobody compares to you

~d.a
daniella Oct 2013
A train hit me, ran me over, ******* killed me when I saw you today. 
You smiled and I melted like the very first day.
I was flooded with our memories.. 
I was drowning in your voice..
I wanted to stare into your eyes and make you remember our beautiful love story.
But I know that it will never be again.
I miss you..
And I regret never telling you that I love you

~ d.a
daniella Oct 2013
I know you deeper than footprints
forming pock-like lakes in mud
after rain, mud that cakes between
teeth in boot and tire treads, mud that
tastes like 7-years-old and a dare.

I feel you heavier than tongues
made thick with alcohol and regret,
tripping like that one time I said
“I love you” to your full name,
first-middle-last syllables falling
together foreign and unfamiliar.

I see you brighter than bonfires
break dark with sparks that testify
to the momentary brutality of
hope, to the truth that smiles fade
in time with the passing of warmth.

I hear you sharper than winter’s sting
on blushing cheeks, cracked lips that
bear, and bare say bring it. Bring
flood, bring torrential, bring avalanche,
bring cataclysmic. I’m ready.

~ d.a
daniella Jul 2014
you would always seem the broken one
but god knows how many bodies you’ve fixed
how you hold the sanity of others in your palms
like the collapse of the galaxy depends on it
always so delicate, so gentle, so careful
you are the intake of breath of the almost dying
and *******, you are the north star of many
sharing the light and poetry and hope
and filling lungs to the point of explosion
like supernovas contained inside our skin
your veins overflowing with ink and quills
giving out much but never keeping any
good god i hope you know how much you’re worth
like the only four-leafed clover in a thousand patches
i bet you lost count of the broken hearts
you’ve glued back together, how much ache
you have tucked inside your pockets to keep
you make me write poems in the middle of my sleep
so i guess this is the payback, my little gift
to the girl with eyes who have seen brokenness,
who knows the true meaning of love and hurt,
to her who fought the demons with her words,
whose tempest washed out the worst,
who deserves so much more than this birthday poem,
the girl who inspired me and millions of others,

i’m glad you’re alive
i’m glad you survived

~ d.a

— The End —