You don't have to tell me
                 I'm not good enough.

I already know.

I promised myself
That I would change
That this year would be different
But already I’m finding myself
Repeating my same mistakes
Over and over

I promised myself
That I would believe in myself
That I wouldn't give up
But I’m already finding myself
Slipping away

*-h.m

I am torn

Between the missing and the hurting

The ache you left is still hollow and

I don’t know if time actually heals all wounds or if it just fills them

With one part pretending and seven parts regret and

The mountain of words that is rotting in my belly

Just waiting to erupt from my tired throat

I am torn

Between my heart and my mind

If I don't cage up my thoughts

All they do is wander back to you

My skin tells me that you will be back soon

But this skin has never touched you

It’s been too long

I have since scrubbed you out of my pores and

Washed you away from my sheets

Taken you down from my shelves and

Tucked you away from the light

But when I close my eyes at night they remember

The way your voice tasted when you laughed

I am torn

Between love and resentment

Sappy is sticking to me like a band-aid and

I’m too chicken to rip it off

I’m too stubborn to let myself forget because

If I forget that we existed,

If you never hold my eyes again,

If I let you slip through the cracks,

What will I have

Then

It is a question that I won’t let myself answer

Consider this

Time heals all

Wounds but in the healing

Wounds

The smoke traveled through my throat all the way to my lungs.
With cloudy thoughts and smelly clothes
I sat on the back row.
Teachers and classmates wonder alike.
I wish I could push the smell inside my Hello Kitty backpack
But I cannot, so instead, I pull myself aside.
I keep telling mommy to quit.
But does she listen? I wish she did.
A couple of years later I discovered a marvelous thing!
Although I had promised myself I would never touch a cigarette, I do.
It happened in the backyard where my volleyball fell.
I simply bent down and picked up a cigarette **** instead.

The skinny, now small cigarette-  still blushing with mom’s lipstick.
I put it in my mouth, automatically.
Just how I’ve seen her do it millions of times.
I inhale and exhale my worries away and become my mom.
Next thing I know, the stench disappears
and it’s me who blows little puffy clouds
into my daughter’s mouth and lungs.
I pass the sickness on.
Later on we go visit Doctor Nguyen.
As we step inside, I can smell the infected air of the hospital’s hall.
And I know.
I know what the doctor will say.
While I see myself on my daughter’s head
I can hardly breathe.
I am choking with the smell of smoke,
The smell of sadness,
The smell of tears and of cancer.

I want to smile
And say 'im fine'
And i want that
One day...
To not be a lie

I never knew I could trust someone
Until I met you

I never knew how beautiful I look when I smile..
Until I met you

I never knew how good laughter is
Until I met you

I never knew love could be so sweet
Until I met you

I never knew touches are warm
Until I met you

I never knew a simple walk on the beach
could be so special
Until I met you

I never knew the vocabulary of LOVE
Until I met you

I never knew a kiss could hold my breath away
Until I met you..

I never knew holding hands and hugging...
Could give me a sensational feeling…
Until I met you...

I never knew I could love someone
as much …
Until I met you…..