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I feel like taking revenge,
every time you cancel on me,
or put me off again,
or call me last.
I feel like making you feel,
all the things I feel.
Hurt,
            rejection,
                             ­  sadness;

and don't forget, anger.
I feel like taking revenge,
but I'm far too kind for that.
Im not sleeping, not tonight,
Too many thoughts running through my mind,
Too many whispers, too much pain,
Rather think and think and start again.
Stare at the stars and think of regrets
Pray to my God for all the help i can get.

My thoughts they'll be louder than even my words.
Though as loud as they are, they'll never be heard.
super late upload
 Oct 2013 Damaged
Matthew Walker
This is one of those days
I don’t know what to pray about
This is one of those days
I don’t really want to praise your name
This is one of those days    
I feel so alone

But I’ll close my eyes and thank you anyway
Thank you God, for giving me the ability to breathe
Thank you God, for letting me sing
Thank you God, for helping me move my feet

I know if my mom was beside me now
She would raise her hands and say
“You do all things well!”
I know if Derek was here today
He would raise his hands and give you praise
So I will do the same

Thank you God for staying beside me
Even if I don’t feel it
You’re always there
12/19/2012
When you watch the one you love the most become unhappy.
And there's nothing you can do about it because they won't let you in.
They don't want to share with you,
even though they know you wouldn't do or say anything to hurt them.
At least not intentionally.
And you ask and ask them what's wrong.
But they keep quiet and just distance themselves away from you.
You ask what's wrong,
They tell you they need space.
So you give it to them.
They probably just need to push you ways because they know you see everything about them.
You can see through them like glass,
and they don't want you to see how they're shattered.
So you think about them at night,
before you sleep.
About their smile and their laugh.
How you miss it.
And you'd do anything to get it back.
To breathe some life into your ghost.
And then finally,
when you think you may be getting somewhere with them,
maybe they'll tell you their secrets,
tell you what's hurting them.
So you say it..
You say it all.
I hate what's hurting you,
and I'd do or give anything to make it stop.
And you wait for them to respond,
but when they do all they say is
Okay, I'll be fine! Thanks.
And you just sit there with your eyes stinging because they are so much apart of you that when they're away from themselves,
they're away from you too.
It's like you can't breathe right.
So here I am sitting, worrying.
Wondering when you'll let me through.
Wishing I could drive to your house right now,
come through your door,
hold your face in my hands so I can see your eyes and you can see mine..
Looking into nothing but honesty,
so that if one doesn't tell the truth,
the other can see it right away.
Or maybe I'd be too chicken with such a direct approach,
knowing you don't like my finger prints staining your skin.
So I'd wait till we went to bed,
you lying on your side and I on mine.
Whispering in scratchy voices,
I'd ask what's wrong.
I'd hope you'd tell me.
Maybe if your answer was said in a dark room,
the heaviness would disappear from your words,
letting them float up to the ceiling until they escaped out the window.
I can't say for sure.
You don't open up.
And it kills me to know that,
that you can't even for me.
And it kills me more that my words probably wouldn't help you at all,
even if I said them a million times.
So I'll just repeat myself and say I'm here for you,
always.
And you'll probably repeat yourself too,
and say that you'll be fine.
Straight from the heart.
I want to warm my hands in you,
the soft merrigold folds of your
buttercream skin.
Lay in the crook your shoulder,
hiding my face deep in the smell
of ocean breezes and mist,
spraying up around me,
setting me free.
Trace my spine like the highway,
hitting every bump in the road,
sliding off the side once in awhile
to skirt down the ***** if my side;
tuck your knees to your chin,
like you do,
like you are.
How when I think of you,
I think of the cosmos,
and nebulas,
and star filled spaces
All clustering like broken glass.
Because that's what you are,
you are broken glass.
See through in most places,
Tiny splinters here and there,
so you can
Still see through,
see your reflection,
But when the glare hit just right,
you are inpenetrable,
no ones eyes able to look for long.
I wonder what you think of when you
think of me?
Do you think of wind?
Always around you,
touching inch of your skin,
setting you free,
or setting against you,
heavy.
Or do you think of somethin else?
Something worse?
Something,
like invisibility maybe?
Can you really see me?
Cause I don't think you can.
Not with the way you treat me.
Pretending I exist only half the time.
You let me do things for you,
put myself out there..
And then I get excited about something ,
or maybe I need you.
And you jut sit there,
and pretend I don't exist.
And it feels like my lungs have been cut out.
But it's okay,
what's the point of breathing anyways?
When the life is knocked of you,
again,
and again.
I miss you like the dawn.
Grey streaked horizons,
clumsily reaching for covers,
wrapped up in warmth.
I miss you like the moon.
Dying every night,
so that the sun may love
come morning.
I miss you like the trees.
Leaves dropping in autumn,
so beautiful and yet,
everything is dead.
I miss you like the cold.
Christmas lights,
and holiday joy.
So cold you can feel it in your bones,
like there is nothing else.
I miss you like the stars.
Fading with the new light,
yet always there,
watching.
And most importantly,
I miss you like the wind.
Always around me,
but I can't touch you,
or capture you in my hands.
Always there,
but impossible,
you are.
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