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I think when I first saw you,
I swallowed you like my anti depressant pills,
and you settled into my stomach.
When I first saw you,
A thousand seconds in time wrapped themselves in silk,
And became cocoons of memories.
Turning into butterflies,
they fly around in my chest.
When I see your smile,
when I hear your laugh,
when I remember the stars in your eyes.
When I first saw you,
I wanted to breathe in all of the air of the earth.
Because you...
You took my breath away.
When I first saw you,
I wanted to live.
For the first time in my life..
I wanted to  live.
But minutes turned to seconds on our pocket watches,
and you sat on the hillside of my insides with a gun.
You sat there and shot down all my butterflies.
And now..
I don't want to live.
And I don't want to love.
I want to die.
You took love from me.
You stamped at it with your feet like cigarette ashes but I'm still burning.
You grabbed me by my throat and whispered,
"I love you."
And as you left me there dying,
with my last breath I apologized for getting blood on your coat.
Writing about whatever.

Thoughts welcomed!
 Nov 2013 Damaged
xxxx
Fake It
 Nov 2013 Damaged
xxxx
All they see is a smile
But little did they know
That she was hurting
15 w
/drdc/
 Oct 2013 Damaged
Em
Without You.
 Oct 2013 Damaged
Em
Some days I can be strong, some days I can be weak.
Most days I forget how to feel altogether.
I'm just trying to find a way to get better.
I want to feel, something.
Anything.
Anything would be better than this.. this
Numbness.
This feeling of being feelingless.
Emotionless.
Empty.
I want to be strong for you.
But it never ends up being true.
I'm not strong. I can't carry on,
Not without you.
I want your insecurities to roll of your shoulders
like rain drops.
Catching them in my hands,
like marbles,
putting them in a soft leather bag,
tucking them in my pocket.
I crave to walk into space with you,
to play on the moon in big klunky space suits,
with moon dust floating up from our feet
like whispers ,
coating our lips so that they become part of our smiles.
I want to take you back to your childhood.
To days filled with sunscreen smell,
first pets,
overly large parkas,
and muddy rain boots.
To the times before you tried to keep up with societies idea of how you're supposed to live.
Before the first few times you were hurt,
finally beginning to build your walls high,
like a fortress.
I want to commit arson,
intentionally burn it down, no matter what the cost.
So I can peer through the wood smoke and see the center of your kingdom,
where you hide your rain drop marbles and your moon dust secrets.
I know it's incredibly selfish for me to write your name with black stones in the salt fields of Nevada  without you ever knowing about it,
and then expecting you to open up your chest,
not your wooden box,
no,
your chest.
Where your heart lies,
and your lungs.
To open up your chest and show me the words scribbled all along your bodies walls.
It's not fair for me to expect it,
especially without telling you that if you did,
I fully intend on kissing them all until they are worn down and faded from your flesh where they float down to your feet like yellow feathers.
It's not fair,
but I'm tired of feeling you fade away,
or get annoyed when you  change to fit in with the people around you.
Why would you change, darling?
When you're so imperfectly perfect.
So I saw on something tumblr that said..

"I hate when you're trying
so hard not to cry in front
of someone and then they
ask 'are you okay?' And
you just lose it."

And I thought to myself..
No that's never happened to me.
And then I realized..
No ones ever asked me that before.

I'm right there with you Kay...

It's just kinda an empty feeling, huh?

Yeah, but I'm used to it.

Me too.
So then I asked her if she was okay,
and she asked the same of me.

We both said yes,
but I think we're lying.
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