I am the offspring chosen to face our past
My grandparents could not cry and their parents could not grieve
Their gardens were empty and their stomachs were knotted
The twist so tight they sank into the ground while the walls rotted

Goodbyes were stolen, identities not built
Time spent living lives not truly felt
Generations before me, beneath me
They have chosen to lay in rest

But the burden does not remain away
Instead it sits with me
It is by my parents blinded rage or my grandma's quiet disapproval
That their uneasiness in their agnony is all of ours to feel

You see, this pain it demands to be seen
It engulfs the children, the lovers, and the sea
Embracing a storm trapping us into repeated beliefs

Legacy blinded by grief has no room to grow until we shed the layers of our mothers forgotten tears,
She was not allowed to cry but I shield her from uncertainty, the world is senseless but I sacrifice charting this land unsighted
Feeling this pain that has drowned generations before engulfs my existence


I scream into the dirt as I break us from this loop of silent agreement where survival is key
I bawl to my blood what they did to you was not moral and the lost mourns have been freed
Because I will always remember what couldn’t be seen is etched in our veins,
Our families blood is my blood that remains


My eyes may sting with ghost but I swore of an existence leaving the world less scorned,
My touch vigilant of the surfaces it reaches,
I welcome my future kin and sing him a story that there is a life worth living and it will forever be freed

The heat isn’t the same since the sun set away from today prematurely, and while some say ******, others explain the death of a star is inevitable
My body won’t be the same temperature but at least the sky gets to keep all the suns dust to experience the wonderful that once burned in the flesh

I wish you could see what you’ve left
You’re soul so light
I’m forever lit because you lived as bright as you wanted to without worrying about the inevitable explosion that every strong fiery star experiences so thank you
You made my world right even if the sky’s not as bright
But I believe tomorrow will be alright because the sun once lived, now I’m forever warm even when it’s dark

I’d like to say I didn’t start chain smoking at 23
That I did good deeds Instead of littering when my trash leaks
How I didn’t sleep in well past three and I was always clean
I’d like to say I had reasons to get out of bed , I just ignored the existential dread

But the grapes within me don’t grow well and
As much as I’d like to say I quit smoking yesterday
I feel shrunken with what I’ve done  
So I poured my heart into a glass but instead of pairing it with a steak I decided I was too bitter to compliment the taste
I tried to make Butter for The plate but I know everyone is scared of fat since they’re always telling us that

I want my body to be the temple that sees the sun,
I want to sing with crowds and live among the nuns while needing none

Instead I just leave my bed with a dent unable to pay rent  
I’m a crisis at mid life  
23 with no right
I’m a bottle gone wrong, left to pair with just stares
But maybe, maybe soon they’ll look away
And I can pave my own day

You made me believe in days that never dragged
How I'd be with the person from my dreams
Whispering just breathe
While counting to three, letting us be
But mornings always rise
And my perceptions were never a winning prize
Time always made me tell it wasn't you and me,
Because life had me by throat
And you were gone before I could yell, just yet
Now I wait til the morning with no sunset so I can have met the man behind my belief in the love that has me asleep

There was a dream I once could reach
And the days never seemed to preach
Now I just lay awake
Picturing the beauty you use to make

with me

Just because,
I sometimes feel the air you once whispered To remind myself
How rare,
To have met the eyes that sang louder than the voice
Covering the internal crimes and shading your external cries
Making me wonder why
but also understanding
The man who could not comprehend  
that theres a life beyond our twisted minds
And some futures that don’t have dead ends,
No matter how hard you tried
You couldn't see the sky,
Though I've forgiven and made amends
Its for you, I live
Always feeling the wind and searching for your skin
It's for you, I speak the words we always meant to give
And for that, I no longer hold it in

My skin may be bruised while you continue cruise..
but seconds later
I stand withheld
Because you see, wounds heal
And your fingertips are no longer felt,
My neck free from your belt
I rebuild
So Thank you for giving the monster a borough in the back of my head
It's only so narrow
But now its filled, I have to thank you,
Thank you for making room
For the flowers to grow
Forever out of your reach
I can only heal after getting away from the leach you coast as
My skin was once blue
But after leaving you which was long overdue
I see being me is the only thing I need
And how I'm finally free

When I was younger I used to pray
That my family would move out of the heats way
And my heart would be saved
From all the Sunrays

I wanted to leave before the summers got to me
And dried all the water left inside to see
And destroy everything I once believed
Because the desert was once a sea
Now left to be
Just the Suns relief
But I will never be the flower that grows by the trees
I only know the desert rat
That dwells inside of me