I’d like to say I didn’t start chain smoking at 23
That I did good deeds Instead of littering when my trash leaks
How I didn’t sleep in well past three and I was always clean
I’d like to say I had reasons to get out of bed , I just ignored the existential dread

But the grapes within me don’t grow well and
As much as I’d like to say I quit smoking yesterday
I feel shrunken with what I’ve done  
So I poured my heart into a glass but instead of pairing it with a steak I decided I was too bitter to compliment the taste
I tried to make Butter for The plate but I know everyone is scared of fat since they’re always telling us that

I want my body to be the temple that sees the sun,
I want to sing with crowds and live among the nuns while needing none

Instead I just leave my bed with a dent unable to pay rent  
I’m a crisis at mid life  
23 with no right
I’m a bottle gone wrong, left to pair with just stares
But maybe, maybe soon they’ll look away
And I can pave my own day