Witching hour-
Long special
For the masses
Of anxious thoughts

More *****!
No,
You're cut off.

All the bars
Are closed
In Cleveland
But I've got
A good bit
Of liquid cowardice
Left in the freezer

Affectionately called "Dog Bite"
I sit in the Valley ER for 4 1/2 hours
**** me

I wonder how much
The Bacitracin costs

Reach inside
Detoxify me
Clean out every
Part that sings
Those praises

Leach from me
Everything
And everyone
I love

I'll be
A better worker bee
A better member
Of our blessed
Society

More pretty
More silent
More compliant
Less defiant

Replace the Fire
With the Earth
And the Earth
With the Water
And I'm left with Air

Whistling through
My empty tomb
My empty womb
This empty room

Raise my arm
To the audience
Prove I'm still
Alive and
Breathing

I'll be lost
And afraid
But nobody
Will know

So...

Rhapsodizing at
The end of my allotted
Four hours of sleep
Finally, my exhaustion
Gives way to
A strange,
Happy,
Manic Phase

I love that you
Are moved by
My sadness,
The tension
That spirals
Into madness,
Free entertainment
For my little
Audience

Are my tears
Pretty
When they fall
From my face
In the dim light?

Are my fears
Disturbing
When they spill
From my lips
Like an angry
River?

Am I
Somehow
More attractive
For my tragedy?

I can be
Your dangerous
Distant nightmare
If you promise
To fetishize it
From time to time

Dear River,

First of all, *******.

I found the letter you left in my car. "******* when you find this," you said.

I have a bad habit
Of falling for guys
Who SEEM different.

**** me, it looks like
You're not
A c t u a l l y
Different.

There are
Three things
Every guy
Has in common:

1. They lie
2. They cheat
3. They think they're somehow above EVERY OTHER GUY

I bet if I
Reeeeeally wanted to,
I could have your ****
And your heart
And your soul,

But your righteous
Indignation
"Protects" you.

Have fun with your good, Christian girlfriend. Have fun with your vanilla ***. Have fun with living for others.

I'll
Be
Miserable

Until I meet the next one.

And I hope you enjoy
The poetry
I write about him.

Last of all, *******.

Always,
Cydney

I guess it was, but the tear fell anyway

She'll be comin' 'round the mountain
When she ****
Too late now
She's already here

But maybe you've forgotten
How bitter she tastes
After too many
Heaping helpings

Is that he
Had been an only child
Until our sister
Came along

It's gotten so bad that I drove a total of three hours just to sleep next to a boy that isn't complete garbage.

It screams and thrashes
Nocturnal, writhing
Hungry for itself
Contradictory, insane
A little death
A massive tremor
Two backs
One beast
Are you ready to fuse?

Somewhere between
My desperation and my desire
I find you
Infiltrating my dreams
With memories
Of your deadly kisses
You always kissed to ****
And touched to burn
You spoke in order to enchant
Incantations under a full moon
I hear Death moaning
Softly in your song
She lives between your lips
And takes her throne on your tongue
DEATH
As you spoke to me
As you kissed me
As you tasted me
DEATH
Waiting for your command
**** her! **** her and sigh!
"She was always so interesting
She was always so smart
What a pity, what a shame!"
Your Death is sweet
Like strawberries and Jack
Your Death is rich
Like cranberry sauce with cinnamon
My mouth waters for yours
For your Death
Because she is life!
Your Death is life eternal!
To sleep in the mouth of God
Forever
The boy with Death in his mouth
The boy with the mouth of God
Find restful sleep in the valley
There, in the lower lip
A hushed, soft valley
In which to rest with Death
She will show me her throne
On the tip of the tongue
And slay me there
Before her honey throne
My blood will taste bitter
Dripping from your tongue
But
With all
That
Sweetness


I doubt you'll even notice

Sad eyes,
And those pouty, pouty lips
Poor thing,
You have no idea
What you're doing

Confused little boy
Innocent and caged
You have
My condolences
For the loss of your V

Because it wasn't to me-

Me! The succubus
The girl the Bishops
Warned you boys about
The harlot
To drag you down to Hell

"My favorite toy"
That you've never really
Played with
"You want my ****"
Yes! Now, give it up!

All these words
Through the static of space
But I guess
That's just how my moaning
Sounds best

Just another boy
Won't let me **** him
Just another boy
Who's got a thumb
In my heart

But you're more like
Georgie Porgie, puddin' and pie
Kissin' girls, then makin' them cry
When other boys come out to play
ALL YOU ******* RUN AWAY

Sorry, where was I?

Austen
Phoenix
**** him,
But
I miss him

He'll never make the trip
To see me
And I guess that's why
It *****
So much

I drive to Phoenix
To Austen
To pouty lips
To confusion
Willingly, enthusiastically

Because
**** IT
I
Love
The kid <3

Down you sent me,
Down into that
R
  A
  B
   B
     I
       T
       H
          O
             L
                E
Of ecstasy
Without contraband

Suddenly, the distance between us
Ceases to be
Immense
And becomes
Unfathomable

I've never been afraid
Of doin' too much
But this boy has me
Thinkin' too much

Hey, V.

Okay, girl. What are we doin'?

We're waiting.

For what? Not that little blonde kid!

No, not him.

Then for what?!

Calm down. You've got me.

Yeah, I guess...



I don't like him, ya know...

I know.

He said I was beautiful-

I know.

-and then he just-

Would you shut the **** up?!

Christ, sorry!

Ugh, it's not you. It's-

Him.

Yeah.

Forget him! Let's find a hot stranger!

No.

Girl.

I know.

He doesn't want you OR me.





You just gonna ignore me now?

Tryin'.

*****, face it. He was just another excitable boy who got caught up. None of them will stay, and if they do, it won't work. Not like you want it to. I miss the old you who understood that. Why do you have to do this to me?


Whatever. I'll be here when you wake the **** up.

Yeah, I know.

Baby boy-
I am not nearly
THAT big of a simp

You may be cute,
But ain't nobody
THAT ****** cute

She lives in a house

With many walls

Not just the four on the outside

But many, many walls

That guide her along

And form halls

And she obeys the halls

Because she doesn't know

She can walk through

Walls



She loves boys

Who dream

Because she doesn't believe

That she can



She is chaos

Imploding

And retained

By some force

Of sheer social

Fuckery



She stands in a field

And suddenly realizes

She is agoraphobic



The fear

is not

the LONELINESS

It is

the ABSENCE

of a

HUMAN SHIELD



She weeps

For she has no shield

From the weapons

She made

Herself



She cannot change



To do so

Would be

To ****** God

And to take His place

And to stain His throne

With menstrual blood

To walk His valleys

Bathed in scents

Adorned in jewels



She would be Eternal

And that can never be

I'd love for something to choose
"Not to be"
For me

I'm livin'
In the past
Since the past
Was so much
Better
Than Now

In the past,
You loved me

Now,
You don't

Have you ever
Been in love?
Have you ever
Been in love
Like I have?
Stark, raving
Mad
And heavily
Indebted
To yourself?
Have you ever
Abused
Prescription
Medication?

I wanted to be friends
I wanted to be lovers
But you're so insecure
And dishonest
And fickle

I wanted to be cool
I wanted to be open
But you're so ******* vain
And worrisome
And fickle

I wanted to be stellar
I wanted to be happy
But you're so preoccupied
And ****** up
And fickle

There is only you
With those hands
And those eyes
And those lips

I bet you bite hard
And pull the skin with your teeth
To remind your victim
Of your ability
To easily tear the flesh

'Murica is gettin' cold
And dark
And grey
And sad
But, there you are

In the blur that is Fall

Everything dies
To desolate the earth for Winter
And, here I am

Made alive by you

Through the cold
Maybe you will keep me warm
Maybe you will keep me
From freezing to death

There, in your shame
Cozy and warm
Until the Spring
When I can step into the sunshine
Out of your embrace

Would you want to keep me?



Well?

Boys and men
Love and lust
Pain and
SUFFERING
So much
SUFFERING
But it feels so good
Mmmmm...

The roll hit
just after
I played uke
with a bunch
of ****** hippie
kids.

I thought of you
Euphoria
and my brain
Booted up the
drug.
molly.exe

"Rolling hard"
is interesting
Terror and bliss
Dancing a woozy
Tango in the night

Terror had her fill
and so subsided
so all that
was left
was Bliss

On the beach
With friends
So much
Bliss

Almost overwhelming,
Terror may
threaten you,
but Bliss
checks that *****

I ran into the
waves
of that infinite
Ocean
And screamed
into them
I screamed
Into the Ocean
With the full
force of my
Voice
for the first time
since my last
Mental break

She will always
Roar louder than
you,
That infinite Ocean

At least you listened.
At least you cared.
At the
Very least,
You didn't lie to me
Again.

So, you aren't him.
So what?
I'm supposed to
Save myself, aren't I?
It could never be
Your fault,
My misery.

Mm, but how
Good of friends
Your warm arms
And my cold
Waist
Could be,
Separable
Only by necessity.

If only!
If only!
If only!
I could ever
Have been worth
The trouble...

Instead of my
Near constant destruction
I think I'll
Try to create

Are you frightened?
No?
But you're silent
So
I guess it's something else

I tell him all the stories
About the boys,
The lies,
The awful dates

He tells me
I've been
Given
A **** hand

And then
He adds himself
To the pile
Of stories

He says:

"The trouble with a mask is that it never changes."

And I think of you.
I think of your mask
And how it hasn't changed
And how it never will
According to Bukowski.

I wonder if you are real.
Really, actually, truly real.
I wonder if you are just a mask.
I wonder if you are hollow.

The most addictive things
Are the poisons we create ourselves.
You, then, must be man-made.
You are shoddily me-made.

Every sweet word and sensation
Was created in my fantasy.
I projected complex emotions
Onto your lifeless mask.

You will never change.
You will never change.
You will never change.
You are just a mask

And Bukowski is warning me from his grave.

Who hasn't drunkenly complained to the guy at the liquor store about their abysmal romantic prospects?

There is a certain
Ache
Familiar to me
But worse this time

We met on the subway
At the Subway
No-
But there was a blunder
So it qualifies

I was drunk
On Angry Orchard
Unfiltered
The drink and I
Had that in common

But you were
Sweet to me

And so
So
So
So cute

The real thing

I could feel it

Could you?

So go on
Back across the water
Out of sight
Out of mind
Once again
And I'll visit
Occasionally
In my mind
In fantasy
But only
On occasion
When I'm lonely
And losing
My battle
With alcoholism

In the whole of our human experience,
We can only fully trust
What we perceive in dreams

You quiet the tempest
Of my emotions
With the stillness
Of your love

I'm only hit again
By the tidal wave
Of my infatuation
After you leave

But in those
Private moments
Where I feel so safe
I melt into you

At. Every. Opportunity.

That quiet calm
Which evades me
Most days
Is freely mine, with you

And my love
Slows down
And breathes
Your scent

And it trusts you <3

You appear
And disappear
And reappear
And it's Christmastime

I know I've said too much
I know I've tried to be nice
I know I've been naughty
I know I've gone too far

I think about you
And her
I think about your Christmas Eve
With a beautiful person

I'm drunk
If you can't tell
And broke
So Christmastime evades me

But you have her
And she
******* Christ
She has has you

I have three cats
Two dogs
Two passive *****
And a future hangover

She has you
And I'm jealous
So jealous
That I might actually tell you

Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
*******

**** her
**** me
Merry Christmas
*******

"It doesn't feel like Christmas"
Well,
No ****
We're so wretched

Poverty and jealousy
Impatience, opportunity
Blessed ******* scrutiny
Of all the shoddy mutinies...

You were a dream
No. 1 on the Christmas list
But Santa never brings
The most expensive things

So a good night to all
And
To all
A good night

But I'll never have
You
And I hope it's
Alright