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130 · Dec 2018
MalaSuerte
Cydney Something Dec 2018
I tell him all the stories
About the boys,
The lies,
The awful dates

He tells me
I've been
Given
A **** hand

And then
He adds himself
To the pile
Of stories
Boys ****
129 · Nov 2018
Bentonite
Cydney Something Nov 2018
Reach inside
Detoxify me
Clean out every
Part that sings
Those praises

Leach from me
Everything
And everyone
I love

I'll be
A better worker bee
A better member
Of our blessed
Society

More pretty
More silent
More compliant
Less defiant

Replace the Fire
With the Earth
And the Earth
With the Water
And I'm left with Air

Whistling through
My empty tomb
My empty womb
This empty room

Raise my arm
To the audience
Prove I'm still
Alive and
Breathing

I'll be lost
And afraid
But nobody
Will know

So...
I'm preparing for a drug test and thought I'd be cute about it
128 · Nov 2018
The Girl Who Cannot Change
Cydney Something Nov 2018
She lives in a house

With many walls

Not just the four on the outside

But many, many walls

That guide her along

And form halls

And she obeys the halls

Because she doesn't know

She can walk through

Walls



She loves boys

Who dream

Because she doesn't believe

That she can



She is chaos

Imploding

And retained

By some force

Of sheer social

Fuckery



She stands in a field

And suddenly realizes

She is agoraphobic



The fear

is not

the LONELINESS

It is

the ABSENCE

of a

HUMAN SHIELD



She weeps

For she has no shield

From the weapons

She made

Herself



She cannot change



To do so

Would be

To ****** God

And to take His place

And to stain His throne

With menstrual blood

To walk His valleys

Bathed in scents

Adorned in jewels



She would be Eternal

And that can never be
128 · Jul 2019
#112
Cydney Something Jul 2019
Somewhere between
My desperation and my desire
I find you
Infiltrating my dreams
With memories
Of your deadly kisses
You always kissed to ****
And touched to burn
You spoke in order to enchant
Incantations under a full moon
I hear Death moaning
Softly in your song
She lives between your lips
And takes her throne on your tongue
DEATH
As you spoke to me
As you kissed me
As you tasted me
DEATH
Waiting for your command
**** her! **** her and sigh!
"She was always so interesting
She was always so smart
What a pity, what a shame!"
Your Death is sweet
Like strawberries and Jack
Your Death is rich
Like cranberry sauce with cinnamon
My mouth waters for yours
For your Death
Because she is life!
Your Death is life eternal!
To sleep in the mouth of God
Forever
The boy with Death in his mouth
The boy with the mouth of God
Find restful sleep in the valley
There, in the lower lip
A hushed, soft valley
In which to rest with Death
She will show me her throne
On the tip of the tongue
And slay me there
Before her honey throne
My blood will taste bitter
Dripping from your tongue
But
With all
That
Sweetness


I doubt you'll even notice
127 · Feb 2019
Poem 69
Cydney Something Feb 2019
So go on
Back across the water
Out of sight
Out of mind
Once again
And I'll visit
Occasionally
In my mind
In fantasy
But only
On occasion
When I'm lonely
And losing
My battle
With alcoholism
124 · Sep 2019
You v. Him
Cydney Something Sep 2019
Where you once stood,
Looking away
He now stands,
Meeting my gaze

I really should
Just destroy the pedestal
124 · Jan 2019
Fickle
Cydney Something Jan 2019
I wanted to be friends
I wanted to be lovers
But you're so insecure
And dishonest
And fickle

I wanted to be cool
I wanted to be open
But you're so ******* vain
And worrisome
And fickle

I wanted to be stellar
I wanted to be happy
But you're so preoccupied
And ****** up
And fickle
124 · May 2019
Trust
Cydney Something May 2019
In the whole of our human experience,
We can only fully trust
What we perceive in dreams
123 · Oct 2020
I just realized
Cydney Something Oct 2020
that I'm like Buddy the Elf,
but emo.
Or just, like, a non-evil
Mugatu.

I'm Will Ferrell
is what I'm saying.
123 · Nov 2020
Atomic Blonde!!!1!
Cydney Something Nov 2020
Would, coulda,
Shoulda
Spent my days
Crocheting blankets
For my cats,

But noooooo

I had to spend
All that time
Writing poetry
About you.

(>._.)></3
123 · Nov 2020
Is it too soon to cry?
Cydney Something Nov 2020
I guess it was, but the tear fell anyway
122 · Nov 2020
Dear Southern "Gentleman",
Cydney Something Nov 2020
"I want a man whose hand doesn't shake when he puts it up my shirt. Y'know what I'm saying?"

- Reese Witherspoon in Four Christmases
122 · Jan 2019
Doin' Too Much
Cydney Something Jan 2019
I've never been afraid
Of doin' too much
But this boy has me
Thinkin' too much
121 · Dec 2020
Functioning
Cydney Something Dec 2020
Falling away
Making suicide jokes
Playing dumb
Feeling dumb
Being dumb
Drinking
S m o k i n g
******* strangers
Going to work
Paying my bills
Stayin' alive

So I guess
You could say
That I am
Functioning
Cydney Something Mar 2019
Warm hum
The electric current
That passes
Between us

Every
Time
You
Touch
Me

Worn soles
You're closer
To the mother
In old shoes

I'm
Closer
To
Death
In
Your
Arms

I wish
I could steal
Those touches
Every day

Supine
In
The
Sunshine

I wish
I could feel
That warm humming
Until I drown

Every
Time
You
Touch
Me
I
Die
119 · Aug 2019
Untitled
Cydney Something Aug 2019
You see, my most wicked one-
My demon,
My death,
My darkness-
I am wholly yours
119 · Sep 2019
The Fight!
Cydney Something Sep 2019
I'm paying my bills
I'm dancing my dance
I'm hopping along
I'm fighting for my
GOD-
******
LIFE

You're looking
And seeing
The dance
But
NOT THE FIGHT!
Cydney Something Nov 2020
Witching hour-
Long special
For the masses
Of anxious thoughts

More *****!
No,
You're cut off.

All the bars
Are closed
In Cleveland
But I've got
A good bit
Of liquid cowardice
Left in the freezer
118 · Jul 2019
2-Backed Beast
Cydney Something Jul 2019
It screams and thrashes
Nocturnal, writhing
Hungry for itself
Contradictory, insane
A little death
A massive tremor
Two backs
One beast
Are you ready to fuse?
118 · Dec 2020
Progress Report
Cydney Something Dec 2020
It's gotten so bad that I drove a total of three hours just to sleep next to a boy that isn't complete garbage.
117 · Nov 2020
On the mirror
Cydney Something Nov 2020
She had just
Stepped away
For a second

BANG!

Written on
The mirror:

"I'm so sorry.
I was never any good at
Goodbyes"
117 · Nov 2020
Petty
Cydney Something Nov 2020
I hope
You hurt
As much
As I do
Maybe even more
117 · Oct 2018
WineDrunk
Cydney Something Oct 2018
Pink moscato
Parking lot
Empty stomach
Very quickly there

Just like that
The sadness subsides
Although I'm alone
The bottle, my friend!

Warms me and whispers
To my used parts
Through din of city
"Come away with me, child"

"Wanna **** a stranger tonight?"
"Wanna jump off a building?"
"Wanna write that **** song?"
Nah, I wanna drink more wine <3
115 · Sep 2019
Defamation
Cydney Something Sep 2019
They said I
Touched them
They said I
Kissed them

They said I
Tried to force them
They said I
Tried to **** them

They said I
Was all over them
They said I
Was pressed against them

They lied
They lied
Oh, God
They lied
114 · Aug 2019
Boston
Cydney Something Aug 2019
I would've had your fingers
Drawing lust on my skin
Tasted
After finding my bliss

I would've had your mouth
Meeting mine
Open
Exploring my landscape

I would've had your weight
Finding gravity useful
Pressed
And giving aid to motion

I would've had your ****
Killing me from within
Quick
To send me into madness
114 · May 2020
What is it
Cydney Something May 2020
Boys and men
Love and lust
Pain and
SUFFERING
So much
SUFFERING
But it feels so good
Mmmmm...
114 · Nov 2020
Got Me F*cked Up
Cydney Something Nov 2020
Baby boy-
I am not nearly
THAT big of a simp

You may be cute,
But ain't nobody
THAT ****** cute
How are you gonna cancel three **** appointments back-to-back and then have the NERVE to ask me to cover your shift??
114 · Oct 2018
Phoenix, to Austen
Cydney Something Oct 2018
Sad eyes,
And those pouty, pouty lips
Poor thing,
You have no idea
What you're doing

Confused little boy
Innocent and caged
You have
My condolences
For the loss of your V

Because it wasn't to me-

Me! The succubus
The girl the Bishops
Warned you boys about
The harlot
To drag you down to Hell

"My favorite toy"
That you've never really
Played with
"You want my ****"
Yes! Now, give it up!

All these words
Through the static of space
But I guess
That's just how my moaning
Sounds best

Just another boy
Won't let me **** him
Just another boy
Who's got a thumb
In my heart

But you're more like
Georgie Porgie, puddin' and pie
Kissin' girls, then makin' them cry
When other boys come out to play
ALL YOU ******* RUN AWAY

Sorry, where was I?

Austen
Phoenix
**** him,
But
I miss him

He'll never make the trip
To see me
And I guess that's why
It *****
So much

I drive to Phoenix
To Austen
To pouty lips
To confusion
Willingly, enthusiastically

Because
**** IT
I
Love
The kid <3
I'm so high right now
113 · Dec 2018
Reminders
Cydney Something Dec 2018
They say I shouldn't
Read into things
And that I should
Take things at face value

But I can't
Just ignore
All the little reminders
Of my shortcomings

The sighs after I speak
The shifting of their feet
The silent gestures
And the blessed absence

They say I'm all I need
And I shouldn't want more
That I should fix me
Even though I'm the mess

The madness
The insanity
The levity
Of the irony

**** all of you
**** all of me
Leave me be
But set me free

I'm not free to be me
113 · Nov 2018
Don't be a Bitch
Cydney Something Nov 2018
Be a friend
Be an adult
Be a ****
Be a manic depressive mess
Just don't be a *****
113 · May 2019
"In Your Own Words"
Cydney Something May 2019
In school
The most dreaded command:
"In your own words"

A damning direction
So filled
With prepubescent
Insecurity

They could mark you
Wrong
For your own
Words

They could make you
Feel
That you were altogether
Wrong

They pretended
That they wanted you
To express yourself
In your own words

But they
Only wanted
To mark
You wrong
113 · Oct 2019
In the blur
Cydney Something Oct 2019
There is only you
With those hands
And those eyes
And those lips

I bet you bite hard
And pull the skin with your teeth
To remind your victim
Of your ability
To easily tear the flesh

'Murica is gettin' cold
And dark
And grey
And sad
But, there you are

In the blur that is Fall

Everything dies
To desolate the earth for Winter
And, here I am

Made alive by you

Through the cold
Maybe you will keep me warm
Maybe you will keep me
From freezing to death

There, in your shame
Cozy and warm
Until the Spring
When I can step into the sunshine
Out of your embrace

Would you want to keep me?



Well?
113 · Dec 2020
Not to be
Cydney Something Dec 2020
I'd love for something to choose
"Not to be"
For me
113 · Nov 2018
Untitled
Cydney Something Nov 2018
I feel like an inflatable raft
With a leak
That I can't find
Because it's so small

It may take a while
I'll still end up
Deflated
111 · Dec 2019
Warmth
Cydney Something Dec 2019
I
Only
Wanted
To
Be
Burned
By
Your
Passion

But you warmed me with your
Kindness
And ******* for that
111 · Nov 2020
Am I Wrong?
Cydney Something Nov 2020
Last I checked,
I was the baddest
*****
In this joint.

Also-
I've got that fuxkin'
Heart on me
Like a hurricane of
Love.

Got this deep
******
Desire
To make you as
Happy
As I'd like to be,

But you can't make anyone happy, can you?
111 · Oct 2018
To Have Hope
Cydney Something Oct 2018
To have hope is to stay up all night
In the arms of a boy you just met
And have him smile at you
As if he means it

It's to keep checking your phone
Because he said he'd text you
And to believe him
Until you can't

It's to come up with all sorts of excuses
As to why he hasn't spoken
And to play back the night
Over and over again

It's to make yourself keep wondering
If you should let it fade and die
Or hold on a little bit longer
Or shoot yourself, maybe

It's to battle your own common sense
To deny what you already know
To grasp too tightly to a
Flimsy
*******
Fantasy
That maybe he actually did care

To have hope is to be poisoned
To have hope is sickness
To have hope is to feel pain
Another one bites the dust, as they say </3
111 · Nov 2018
Social
Cydney Something Nov 2018
Relating to society
Or its organization

Screens too small
World too big

Screaming
At the top of my lungs

All you see
The Capitol letters

My opinions shriek
Like a banshee

I'm a ghost
And so are you

O, Connection!
Fickle Beast!

To be Social
As Social was meant to be

Not these screens
Not these silent screams

**** your opinion
My opinions are fact!

*******, I'm nice!
Sorry, not sorry

I'm so broken
My flaws are fine

But YOU
YOU have no excuse!

**** your Social
**** your thoughts

**** how fast
You block your bridges

You left me
To rot here

With a phone
In my hand
Okay, so I don't hate-hate social media. I love-hate it.
111 · Nov 2020
My Ultimate Fantasy
Cydney Something Nov 2020
Is that he
Had been an only child
Until our sister
Came along
Cydney Something Nov 2020
Dear River,

First of all, *******.

I found the letter you left in my car. "******* when you find this," you said.

I have a bad habit
Of falling for guys
Who SEEM different.

**** me, it looks like
You're not
A c t u a l l y
Different.

There are
Three things
Every guy
Has in common:

1. They lie
2. They cheat
3. They think they're somehow above EVERY OTHER GUY

I bet if I
Reeeeeally wanted to,
I could have your ****
And your heart
And your soul,

But your righteous
Indignation
"Protects" you.

Have fun with your good, Christian girlfriend. Have fun with your vanilla ***. Have fun with living for others.

I'll
Be
Miserable

Until I meet the next one.

And I hope you enjoy
The poetry
I write about him.

Last of all, *******.

Always,
Cydney
109 · Mar 2020
It's Whatever
Cydney Something Mar 2020
Are you frightened?
No?
But you're silent
So
I guess it's something else
109 · Nov 2018
What They Know
Cydney Something Nov 2018
They know how to scare us
And keep our attention
And turn us against one another

They know where we go
When we think
Nobody is watching

They know what to say
To keep us out
Of their holy business

But
What
Do
They
Know?

Let's leave our phones in the hotel room
And go **** in the woods
108 · Nov 2020
The Now
Cydney Something Nov 2020
I'm livin'
In the past
Since the past
Was so much
Better
Than Now

In the past,
You loved me

Now,
You don't
108 · Nov 2020
In My Fuxkin' Feelings
Cydney Something Nov 2020
Who hasn't drunkenly complained to the guy at the liquor store about their abysmal romantic prospects?
108 · Sep 2022
Distance
Cydney Something Sep 2022
Suddenly, the distance between us
Ceases to be
Immense
And becomes
Unfathomable
108 · Mar 2019
Ugly
Cydney Something Mar 2019
I'm the bad guy
Because my words
Aren't pretty

And you decide
Who the
Bad guy is
107 · Dec 2018
X is for X-mas
Cydney Something Dec 2018
You appear
And disappear
And reappear
And it's Christmastime

I know I've said too much
I know I've tried to be nice
I know I've been naughty
I know I've gone too far

I think about you
And her
I think about your Christmas Eve
With a beautiful person

I'm drunk
If you can't tell
And broke
So Christmastime evades me

But you have her
And she
******* Christ
She has has you

I have three cats
Two dogs
Two passive *****
And a future hangover

She has you
And I'm jealous
So jealous
That I might actually tell you

Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
*******

**** her
**** me
Merry Christmas
*******

"It doesn't feel like Christmas"
Well,
No ****
We're so wretched

Poverty and jealousy
Impatience, opportunity
Blessed ******* scrutiny
Of all the shoddy mutinies...

You were a dream
No. 1 on the Christmas list
But Santa never brings
The most expensive things

So a good night to all
And
To all
A good night

But I'll never have
You
And I hope it's
Alright
106 · Nov 2020
A Day Waisted
Cydney Something Nov 2020
At least you listened.
At least you cared.
At the
Very least,
You didn't lie to me
Again.

So, you aren't him.
So what?
I'm supposed to
Save myself, aren't I?
It could never be
Your fault,
My misery.

Mm, but how
Good of friends
Your warm arms
And my cold
Waist
Could be,
Separable
Only by necessity.

If only!
If only!
If only!
I could ever
Have been worth
The trouble...
106 · Sep 2019
Dirty
Cydney Something Sep 2019
I'll be
Your ***** little secret
For as
Long as I can stand
To be

You'll see
What it is you lack
In her
Exactly what you want
To see

We'll believe
We are above the din
Of what
The world sees fit
To believe

But we are just pretty savages
105 · Nov 2020
Pretty Madness
Cydney Something Nov 2020
Rhapsodizing at
The end of my allotted
Four hours of sleep
Finally, my exhaustion
Gives way to
A strange,
Happy,
Manic Phase

I love that you
Are moved by
My sadness,
The tension
That spirals
Into madness,
Free entertainment
For my little
Audience

Are my tears
Pretty
When they fall
From my face
In the dim light?

Are my fears
Disturbing
When they spill
From my lips
Like an angry
River?

Am I
Somehow
More attractive
For my tragedy?

I can be
Your dangerous
Distant nightmare
If you promise
To fetishize it
From time to time
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