She'll be comin' 'round the mountain
When she ****
Too late now
She's already here

But maybe you've forgotten
How bitter she tastes
After too many
Heaping helpings

There is a certain
Ache
Familiar to me
But worse this time

We met on the subway
At the Subway
No-
But there was a blunder
So it qualifies

I was drunk
On Angry Orchard
Unfiltered
The drink and I
Had that in common

But you were
Sweet to me

And so
So
So
So cute

The real thing

I could feel it

Could you?

Rhapsodizing at
The end of my allotted
Four hours of sleep
Finally, my exhaustion
Gives way to
A strange,
Happy,
Manic Phase

I love that you
Are moved by
My sadness,
The tension
That spirals
Into madness,
Free entertainment
For my little
Audience

Are my tears
Pretty
When they fall
From my face
In the dim light?

Are my fears
Disturbing
When they spill
From my lips
Like an angry
River?

Am I
Somehow
More attractive
For my tragedy?

I can be
Your dangerous
Distant nightmare
If you promise
To fetishize it
From time to time

I've been drinking since I woke
And thinking of boys
And trying to smile

But it's hard these days
To find my place
To answer "why?"

He's steady snoring now
I'm wide awake
I'm longing for more

I can't get high for a while
So I'll drink
So I'll think

Only hungover occasionally
It's really all right
It's really all wrong

Drink
Think
****
Snore
I don't like ***** anymore

Have you ever
Been in love?
Have you ever
Been in love
Like I have?
Stark, raving
Mad
And heavily
Indebted
To yourself?
Have you ever
Abused
Prescription
Medication?

Sometimes
I wish to keep you
Like a bug
In a jar
With holes in the lid
And a thin layer of soil
And sticks and leaves
For you to climb on
But then I remember
How all
My childhood bugs
Died within hours
And I change my mind

So many people
So few friends
Everyone, preoccupied
With nothing

Nothing but themselves
Their stupid lives
Their stupid issues
Their vanities

I grasp at nothing
And try to find
Something
And come up short

Maddening
Sickening
The nature of
All these people

**** 'em all

Slender frame,
Auburn hair,
Blue-grey eyes,
I'm hypnotized

Sleeve tattoos,
Cheeky smile,
Effeminate,
I'm desperate

You say my name,
You call me "sweet",
You ***** tease
I'm on my knees

I'm useless
Around boys like you
I'm *****
And wish you were, too

The floor is above the ceiling
In a two-story house

The ones we thought looked so cool
When we walked through the models

The desert landscape
In the background

Everything was dead
And we hated it

But the two-story houses
They were cool

You made noise on the floor
And it sounded like the ceiling

Reminded us
Of Grammy's basement

The adults
Made the ceiling thud

As we kids
Played games downstairs

The floor
Is above the ceiling

In a
Two-story house

It's over now,
And I don't wanna talk about it

Take my chin in your hand
Eye to eye
Whisper your secret
With the set of your brow

I'll never hear it

K
i
s
s

M
e

And I will
Melt
Into your
Eternal Punishment

I will
Kneel
At your
Altar of Sin,
For I am

Yours
.
Yours
.
Y
O
U
R
S

To use
To have
To keep
If you want me

Write your secret on my back with your nails

I'll never see it

love me...
(That's the other fantasy)

Love me
(Don't just **** me)

L O V E
M E
A N D
S H O W
M E

THAT I'M MORE THAN JUST MY HOLES

THAT I'M MORE THAN JUST YOUR *****

THAT I'M MORE

Love me,
Touch me,
Love me,
Kiss me,
Love me,
Breed me,

yes
<3

The roll hit
just after
I played uke
with a bunch
of ****** hippie
kids.

I thought of you
Euphoria
and my brain
Booted up the
drug.
molly.exe

"Rolling hard"
is interesting
Terror and bliss
Dancing a woozy
Tango in the night

Terror had her fill
and so subsided
so all that
was left
was Bliss

On the beach
With friends
So much
Bliss

Almost overwhelming,
Terror may
threaten you,
but Bliss
checks that *****

I ran into the
waves
of that infinite
Ocean
And screamed
into them
I screamed
Into the Ocean
With the full
force of my
Voice
for the first time
since my last
Mental break

She will always
Roar louder than
you,
That infinite Ocean

From here to there
And back
In seconds flat

You're just
A dream away
From me

And I hate
Every time
I wake up

But you don't seem to love me...
The things and words and pictures
Only amounted to lust

I want to be wanted,
But you don't seem to want me
You despise me

Everything you said
Everything I did
Now haunts me

I dance after midnight
With ***** in my veins
You're on my mind

I want to be loved,
But you don't seem
To love me

I'll never tell you
How I feel
Right now

I just
Want to
Stay high

The way my heart
-My little engine-
Turns potential
Into kinetic energy

Zero emissions,
But ****
Does she purr!

I'm too fast
And too forward
For most people
And most places

Too honest
And too crazy
For your liking
And your spaces

I'm still trying
And still hoping
That you'll adjust
And you'll take me

But too hopeful
And too desperate
Is all you see
And all they see

You quiet the tempest
Of my emotions
With the stillness
Of your love

I'm only hit again
By the tidal wave
Of my infatuation
After you leave

But in those
Private moments
Where I feel so safe
I melt into you

At. Every. Opportunity.

That quiet calm
Which evades me
Most days
Is freely mine, with you

And my love
Slows down
And breathes
Your scent

And it trusts you <3

Hey, V.

Okay, girl. What are we doin'?

We're waiting.

For what? Not that little blonde kid!

No, not him.

Then for what?!

Calm down. You've got me.

Yeah, I guess...



I don't like him, ya know...

I know.

He said I was beautiful-

I know.

-and then he just-

Would you shut the **** up?!

Christ, sorry!

Ugh, it's not you. It's-

Him.

Yeah.

Forget him! Let's find a hot stranger!

No.

Girl.

I know.

He doesn't want you OR me.





You just gonna ignore me now?

Tryin'.

*****, face it. He was just another excitable boy who got caught up. None of them will stay, and if they do, it won't work. Not like you want it to. I miss the old you who understood that. Why do you have to do this to me?


Whatever. I'll be here when you wake the **** up.

Yeah, I know.

He says:

"The trouble with a mask is that it never changes."

And I think of you.
I think of your mask
And how it hasn't changed
And how it never will
According to Bukowski.

I wonder if you are real.
Really, actually, truly real.
I wonder if you are just a mask.
I wonder if you are hollow.

The most addictive things
Are the poisons we create ourselves.
You, then, must be man-made.
You are shoddily me-made.

Every sweet word and sensation
Was created in my fantasy.
I projected complex emotions
Onto your lifeless mask.

You will never change.
You will never change.
You will never change.
You are just a mask

And Bukowski is warning me from his grave.

Yes, dear-
but what do I do
about this
*******
ache?

Your eyes reminded me
Of my cats
With wiiiide
Open pupils
Dreamily taking in
So much
Of the world

"Good morning," he croaked through vocal cords unused for hours.
She smiled.
"Hi," she sighed.
His smile was small, with eyes slowly blinking.

If you're an
Apparition
Then why
Is your ****
So hard?

I can't blame you
For me
And all the things
I **** up

I can't hate you
For changing
How you feel
About me

I won't tell you
How to live your life
Or how
To love me

I don't know
Anything
At all
Anymore

We all just want
So badly
To be SEEN
And HEARD
And ACKNOWLEDGED
That we forget
To SEE
And HEAR
And ACKNOWLEDGE
Each other

I'm just a hopeful
Little thing,
Aren't I?

A hopeful,
Demented,
Scattered little
Thing

You remember
So many things
I wonder
If you remember

How

I

Taste

Just legitimately sad.

Words and words and words
And not a single one
Fits

Ineffable

But neither does that one
Because it's a word
And you're a vision
And I'm pathetic

Ineffable

As if you meant it
But you run and hide
When the lights come on
You were never there

Ineffable

I'll shut up for now
I don't think
You'll mind

Really,

Why on GOD'S GREEN EARTH
Did a:
1. Trump-supporting
2. Muslim-hating
3. Trump-supporting
Boy
Think he could get
THIS *****??

How I wish
And wish
You cared enough
To say hello

But I realize
You are a free agent
Unto the will
You choose

And you choose
And choose
To not say
Hello

And you realize
I am a mess
Plagued by
Your absence

So that
Should tell
Me
Something

Years ago, now
Clean as a whistle
Sober as a Mormon
You poured into me

My head spun
My hands shook
My heart raced
My whole world melted

I stopped you
Because I was afraid
Of overdosing
And dying beneath you

27, coming right up
But I'm feeling Amy
Feeling like 27
Might be the end

All these words
Trail behind me
Spilling from my fingers
Gently pressed to a screen
What do they even mean?

All this time
With nothing to show
Laughing at Forever
Hardly noticing at all
How far I'm going to fall

All them nights
Lightning in the sky
Flattering a stranger
Poorly masking all my craze
I've got scary **** for days!

All that love
For different boys
Add them to the kite tail
Lightly floating in the breeze
Until the lighting finds the key

Nonsense!
My relationship with
My Father
Alcohol
My Mother
My husband
My Boyfriend
And Myself...

They don't really
Matter.

But ask away!

I'll answer
H O N E S T L Y

I want to be happy while I'm sober

I want to be rested when I wake

I want to be strong enough to fight

I want so many things

But I'll have to settle for

Wasted
Weary
Weak

At least for now