I'm paying my bills
I'm dancing my dance
I'm hopping along
I'm fighting for my
GOD-
******
LIFE

You're looking
And seeing
The dance
But
NOT THE FIGHT!

Be a friend
Be an adult
Be a ****
Be a manic depressive mess
Just don't be a *****

Pink moscato
Parking lot
Empty stomach
Very quickly there

Just like that
The sadness subsides
Although I'm alone
The bottle, my friend!

Warms me and whispers
To my used parts
Through din of city
"Come away with me, child"

"Wanna **** a stranger tonight?"
"Wanna jump off a building?"
"Wanna write that **** song?"
Nah, I wanna drink more wine <3

No.

The way my heart
-My little engine-
Turns potential
Into kinetic energy

Zero emissions,
But ****
Does she purr!

They say I shouldn't
Read into things
And that I should
Take things at face value

But I can't
Just ignore
All the little reminders
Of my shortcomings

The sighs after I speak
The shifting of their feet
The silent gestures
And the blessed absence

They say I'm all I need
And I shouldn't want more
That I should fix me
Even though I'm the mess

The madness
The insanity
The levity
Of the irony

**** all of you
**** all of me
Leave me be
But set me free

I'm not free to be me

I
Only
Wanted
To
Be
Burned
By
Your
Passion

But you warmed me with your
Kindness

To have hope is to stay up all night
In the arms of a boy you just met
And have him smile at you
As if he means it

It's to keep checking your phone
Because he said he'd text you
And to believe him
Until you can't

It's to come up with all sorts of excuses
As to why he hasn't spoken
And to play back the night
Over and over again

It's to make yourself keep wondering
If you should let it fade and die
Or hold on a little bit longer
Or shoot yourself, maybe

It's to battle your own common sense
To deny what you already know
To grasp too tightly to a
Flimsy
*******
Fantasy
That maybe he actually did care

To have hope is to be poisoned
To have hope is sickness
To have hope is to feel pain

We all just want
So badly
To be SEEN
And HEARD
And ACKNOWLEDGED
That we forget
To SEE
And HEAR
And ACKNOWLEDGE
Each other

Really,

Why on GOD'S GREEN EARTH
Did a:
1. Trump-supporting
2. Muslim-hating
3. Trump-supporting
Boy
Think he could get
THIS *****??

I thought
I'd be done
With the sad ****
By now

I feel like an inflatable raft
With a leak
That I can't find
Because it's so small

It may take a while
I'll still end up
Deflated

Your eyes reminded me
Of my cats
With wiiiide
Open pupils
Dreamily taking in
So much
Of the world

"Good morning," he croaked through vocal cords unused for hours.
She smiled.
"Hi," she sighed.
His smile was small, with eyes slowly blinking.

They know how to scare us
And keep our attention
And turn us against one another

They know where we go
When we think
Nobody is watching

They know what to say
To keep us out
Of their holy business

But
What
Do
They
Know?

Let's leave our phones in the hotel room
And go **** in the woods

I just
Want to
Stay high

The ravenous,
Beastly harlot
With the many arms
And many horns
And the tongue of
Honey and silver
Is not at all
Tamed.

She is simply
s l u m b e r i n g

All you need to do
To wake her
Is lean close
To my ear
And whisper,

"Now."

~

Relating to society
Or its organization

Screens too small
World too big

Screaming
At the top of my lungs

All you see
The Capitol letters

My opinions shriek
Like a banshee

I'm a ghost
And so are you

O, Connection!
Fickle Beast!

To be Social
As Social was meant to be

Not these screens
Not these silent screams

**** your opinion
My opinions are fact!

*******, I'm nice!
Sorry, not sorry

I'm so broken
My flaws are fine

But YOU
YOU have no excuse!

**** your Social
**** your thoughts

**** how fast
You block your bridges

You left me
To rot here

With a phone
In my hand

Nonsense!
My relationship with
My Father
Alcohol
My Mother
My husband
My Boyfriend
And Myself...

They don't really
Matter.

But ask away!

I'll answer
H O N E S T L Y

I can't blame you
For me
And all the things
I **** up

I can't hate you
For changing
How you feel
About me

I won't tell you
How to live your life
Or how
To love me

I don't know
Anything
At all
Anymore

Take my chin in your hand
Eye to eye
Whisper your secret
With the set of your brow

I'll never hear it

K
i
s
s

M
e

And I will
Melt
Into your
Eternal Punishment

I will
Kneel
At your
Altar of Sin,
For I am

Yours
.
Yours
.
Y
O
U
R
S

To use
To have
To keep
If you want me

Write your secret on my back with your nails

I'll never see it

love me...
(That's the other fantasy)

Love me
(Don't just **** me)

L O V E
M E
A N D
S H O W
M E

THAT I'M MORE THAN JUST MY HOLES

THAT I'M MORE THAN JUST YOUR *****

THAT I'M MORE

Love me,
Touch me,
Love me,
Kiss me,
Love me,
Breed me,

yes
<3

I'm the bad guy
Because my words
Aren't pretty

And you decide
Who the
Bad guy is

So many people
So few friends
Everyone, preoccupied
With nothing

Nothing but themselves
Their stupid lives
Their stupid issues
Their vanities

I grasp at nothing
And try to find
Something
And come up short

Maddening
Sickening
The nature of
All these people

**** 'em all

It's over now,
And I don't wanna talk about it

Yes, dear-
but what do I do
about this
*******
ache?

Sometimes
I wish to keep you
Like a bug
In a jar
With holes in the lid
And a thin layer of soil
And sticks and leaves
For you to climb on
But then I remember
How all
My childhood bugs
Died within hours
And I change my mind

Slender frame,
Auburn hair,
Blue-grey eyes,
I'm hypnotized

Sleeve tattoos,
Cheeky smile,
Effeminate,
I'm desperate

You say my name,
You call me "sweet",
You ***** tease
I'm on my knees

I'm useless
Around boys like you
I'm *****
And wish you were, too

The floor is above the ceiling
In a two-story house

The ones we thought looked so cool
When we walked through the models

The desert landscape
In the background

Everything was dead
And we hated it

But the two-story houses
They were cool

You made noise on the floor
And it sounded like the ceiling

Reminded us
Of Grammy's basement

The adults
Made the ceiling thud

As we kids
Played games downstairs

The floor
Is above the ceiling

In a
Two-story house

I've been drinking since I woke
And thinking of boys
And trying to smile

But it's hard these days
To find my place
To answer "why?"

He's steady snoring now
I'm wide awake
I'm longing for more

I can't get high for a while
So I'll drink
So I'll think

Only hungover occasionally
It's really all right
It's really all wrong

Drink
Think
****
Snore
I don't like ***** anymore

I'm too fast
And too forward
For most people
And most places

Too honest
And too crazy
For your liking
And your spaces

I'm still trying
And still hoping
That you'll adjust
And you'll take me

But too hopeful
And too desperate
Is all you see
And all they see

Well, **** me.

I guess it would've been
More acceptable
For her to leave you
Over pizza

Whatever.

Fine.

But you don't seem to love me...
The things and words and pictures
Only amounted to lust

I want to be wanted,
But you don't seem to want me
You despise me

Everything you said
Everything I did
Now haunts me

I dance after midnight
With ***** in my veins
You're on my mind

I want to be loved,
But you don't seem
To love me

I'll never tell you
How I feel
Right now

How did
A gal like me
Get to deserve
Having
A guy like you
Dangled in front of her?

What did I do
To justify
Your sweet,
sweet
Tortures?

That karmic force
Which propels me
From tragedy
To tragedy
Sent me
helplessly
To you

And I find myself
yet again
In a state of breathless
Wonder~
A moth
Reaching for
The deadly kiss
Of your deepest fire

Drunken on
Your words
And every
Drop of
Tenderness that
Poured from them

This is the state
Of my ravenous soul

To Hell, I'd gladly descend <3

She's been a joy the entire journey."

From here to there
And back
In seconds flat

You're just
A dream away
From me

And I hate
Every time
I wake up

Just legitimately sad.

I'm just a hopeful
Little thing,
Aren't I?

A hopeful,
Demented,
Scattered little
Thing