I am a master poet,
No quatrains can compare.
Me and my youngest son
Solved Samson's Riddle together,
Wouldn't Samson's wife wish
We both were there.

(CARSr. 3-12-12)

Doubled upon me twice and within the same week
As the cloud of death overshadowed over me
I tried to shout but could not speak.
Fleeing for my life as the debris and splinters were flying all around
In the midst of all the destruction
Great hail stones were also crashing down upon the ground.
What is my trespass? What was my sin that thou has so hotly pursued after me?
For upon my heels I felt your holy power and through the matrix, I then exited my ivory tower.
Lying in a cold sweat I'm trembling and I'm shaking
My heart is sore with great pain and is also aching.
Gazing up at the ceiling, I’m searching for the reason why
If I don't learn the interpretation soon
The next time it happens, my silver cord will be loosed and I will die.
As always in need of help I go and I take a look
Thank you Lord for giving me Samson's strength to open up, my five letter book.
For there it was right before my eyes the answer was revealed to me
It has to be the truth for the Lord tells no lies.
You’ve shown me countless visions and many marvelous wonders all along my path
If I turn my sights and away from you now I know I can expect to reap
Your whirlwind wrath.

(Curt A. Rivard Sr.)

I thought about this paper for many weeks and just what it was I was going to write about. As hard as I can try, I can’t muster up any feelings in any shape or form. The only fear I now face is, when either my father or my girls mother who are both very close to be giving up the fight here on earth I ask myself will I even cry at their funeral and if I don’t what then will all the other family members then think of me? My only defense I guess, will be, I cried out all my tears when my brother had passed away and how he told me not to call for help as he knew he was dying on a ****** overdose. I still to this day deal with just that and how I wish I didn’t listen to what he had said.

All I remember was, when he got that 1.3M he told me he loved me, I was his dog Dollar and he was my Richie Rich and he’ll take care of me because I took care of him when everybody in the family turned him away until he got his money and that was when they all started to come out of the woodwork. Because I never took that into consideration he knew I was true to him and I had to honor a wish that he had given to me before we cashed the check. We both knew one of us probably would die as a result of it and his wish was to just let him be if things got real ugly.

I remember also how I cried all by myself in the funeral home and sat all alone in the church and that nobody in my family asked me if I was ok or even to tell me that they loved me rather then telling me I was next. I now know that they said all that only because he gave me money and tens of thousands they were.  He told me many times not to give any of the money he gave me because they didn’t take care of him for 5 years in a wheelchair like I had when he was **** *** poor and with nothing.

It is not out of hatred for not possibly being able to cry but rather I think I am now numb to such imagery. In the pursuit of the endeavor I am undertaking I am using the valuable skills I am gaining so maybe one day I will be able to possible give my children a life I feel everyone should enjoy. In the process of my newly gained knowledge in an undertaking that is shrouded in mystery to many, I am witnessing much more than the normal person could even fathom, handle, let alone I feel comprehend.

My funeral will be a private event for certain selected individuals that only my children deem fit to attend. As far as music and readings go, let them sing and speak their hearts out to me. My estate will be supervised and handled and given to my youngest son Joshua J. Rivard. I want to be wearing a custom tailored suit and without the backs cut out of them. I also wish to be placed in a full view casket till the time where I am then transported to a private location to begin the process of turning myself into a mummy.

Truly the sad part of this whole thing is, and the my hair on my forearms and on the back of my neck are tingling on their end's is, I had the true pleasure of embalming, casketing, and being a pole bearer for my elementary school teacher "Math Class with Mr.. D." (remember that poem?) and I had read his own obituary that he wanted printed for all to read in the local paper prior to his own death and here it is, my college class assignment. O' yeah, Yes I did place in his hands a scientific calculator a TI 81 it was that nobody got to see because nobody came to his awake but I filled in for the millions that should have been there for him. It also was a blessing to tell the funeral director to put him in a solid pecan wood coffin that was the most expensive and I got to keep the extra pillow and the vintage ribbon that was also inside. That is how my poem "Casket Pillow" also came to life.

(SirCARSr. 1-17-14)

Death and Dying Class assignment, Professor gave me a 90 for a grade.
Although this isn't a poem it is something I felt I owed to all my readers, Thank you all for reading and the time you spent thinking about what I had written.

Till Later, SirCARSr.....

As if having two cans with a string attached we got connected
I was on your mind and that was better than I expected.
I sense we harbor the same feelings, like my new train of thought I now carry
You showed me a new trick in the living you prosper from
You are full of new tricks I can see, and there is many more to come.
I can also see you’re on the way to patent a new technique in the art,
You learned from the best, and you learned it right from the start.
Traveling faster than the speed of light I am propelled forward
Mind is racing all the more remembering back to an earlier time
Now I’m heading to the room, the only room I ever begged to enter before
Back then I was led away and to only the chapel’s door.
Inside there alone, my eyes let loose, gallons of salty water.
Wanting to replenish at the machine I find I’m short a quarter.
Walking through all the twists and turns like in a maze
Up and down the stairs we also climbed, about face we now then descended
Found myself now in the room I cried to see,
So cold inside, I didn’t even have to check its A/C.
Dragging my left hand now along the wall, walking all the faster out so I didn’t stall
But really I held it so I wouldn’t fall,
Fuzzy feeling all throughout me like me I was in a haze.
Pushing you out all along the way, I enjoyed for that was no place to stay,
With delight and high honor I did give to you, too bad it had to be this way.
Faces did see what I did and I saw those looking, eyes all in a gaze.
Ridding with you lying in the back, I know what is to come next of you,
I just watched it only days before, O’ how now my heart is so sore
Attached I fight so hard from becoming, and I lose every time
What good money you don’t come from, that is the only crime.
I know you are still in there and wanted to leave the light on just in case
Congregation was told of my endeavors today, after my prayer request, you went into space.
To heaven you go, for that I believe is the only place.
Seemed to be the same every Sunday my request goes out
And for the grieving families you left behind it just make me want to stand up and shout.
I also pray that when exam time comes, seventy credits yes I need to pass the test,
But till Tuesday you were supposed to be the only guest
(CARSr. 5-26-12), (CARSr. 5-28-12)

On your cold
Big right toe,
That is where
The string
And paper,
Now must go!

(CARSr 6-2-12)

Putting many miles in the rear view mirror
Off I left working on making my life all the more clearer.
Dragging left hand on the wall again,
This time it’s all the more complex.
In a matter of minutes I’ll be doing toe tag checks.
Fresh cadaver held me up
Out there eyes came and into a sterile cup.
Given visions to the blind
How I wish they were my favorite aunts kind.
Needle through the glass thirty eight degrees Fahrenheit
Inside you all lay and with no light.
The door was pulled losing its vacuum.
Breaking this seal was better than on a bottle of
Crown Royal Cask number sixteen!
A frozen slumber party inside yes I did see.
All but one with my two hands it took to count all of thee.
Capacity of friends allowed inside,  a maximum of only fifteen!
Sudden Blast of cold air turned all my body hair into needles
Like the quills on a porcupine or a cactus in the desert.
Moving the bodies all around,
I’m looking for number one.
I trapped myself in, now look what I done.
Found the man I came looking for,
Now I have to figure out, how to get him to the door.
In a split second I shattered the games all time high score.

(CARSr.5-31-12)

Tonight my love, I seek out to fulfill my most passionate dream,
capturing your beauty with these words, I'm now penning this poem, for laying before my eyes, heaven has now been seen.

Thy locks of hair are finer than the finest feathers of all the flocks.

Thy eyes are diamonds that saw and found favor in thee,
my promise to you, I'll prove to you, just what you mean to me.

Thy lips are soft and taste so sweet, nothing in this world can come close to compare like when ours gently touch together and then slowly meet.

Thy ******* are well rounded and are so full of life, the love they produced sustained life, the perfect mother, my beautiful wife.

Thy hands move in such a caring way, forever will I long for there touch, each and everyday.

Thy hips have carried and brought forth fruit unto me, so deep the seed planted as were together joined as one, we will live on forever for you let me plant inside you, our very own, family tree.

Thy feet have walked side by side all along the way, never will we forget, for in all our hearts your nurturing memory will always stay.

For all that you are and for all that you have done, I just want you to know, I will always love you and you will always be... the only one.

(Curt A. Rivard Sr. 2014)

.

O' no I feel them, there back again the heavy pain I feel inside my heart
when I wake up, that is when- all the shaking inside of me begins to start.
An enemy of mine who tries to win all the time never will he conquer, for I have a new plan.

Through your soothing comforting written letters I receive with all your heart felt written words. Will you keep writing, will you help me? for if not, I will surely lose this mental fight.

Overpowering what my nightmares can do I take you with me and to it, a special place daydreaming all day long and all about you.With your help I can win this insane fight till then, I tell myself, I'm not in here, I'm home with you tonight.

I hate the feelings I have all inside so no one can see me, under my prison blankets... I cry and hide:(

Back again like a farewell tour I saw once again
Like a vision from GOD there she laid all the more peaceful
Freshly washed strands of silver hairs of wisdom now full and wavy like a child
All the closer I felt this time, all the more feelings as if I know before
Remembering your face as I saw you across the room
Like a face on the cover of a music magazine
Pulling a ritual out of my pocket I asked with my eyes
Got the response I was looking for in his node
No disrespect is intended just my way of coping
Everyone needs a way to deal, doesn’t matter what side of the tracks you’re from
High school dropout or on the A list in an Ivy League were all the same in the end
You might not see but others will through the procession that follows you
Stopping traffic, being able to run through red lights it’s all ok, doesn’t matter
It’s your day; Warhol says fifteen is all you get not on this day it’s all yours!
Seeing vapors again around the outer edge, shadows are dancing as well
Buds are pounding drums deep with bass
Saw you open up your arms after pushing you as if a child on a sled then pulled like in a wagon
Releasing nitrogen then pulling back the skin on the one closest to your heart off them came
How you must have felt flaunting your two rings of Saturn
And how you must feel now knowing there in the hand of another
I had no say in the matter it comes with the education so in return
I played for you a sweet soft song and prayed by your side all alone.



(CARSr. 5-14-12)

Do I now take the fridged
flesh......
bare left or right hand
and sign my
SACRED BOOK
with there hand
and with my
DIPPING PEN?
(SirCARSr. 1-24-13)

I stood there watching you as I left.  Trying hard to memorize you, knowing it would be so very important to me.
The way you looked, the way you looked.
Soon someday, I will hear your voice again and that days singing will come soon.
Man can not make a pill that would let me sleep without your memory or written erotically enough to forget about you.
These months will go by-
for all I'll remember is...
what it was, as well as, what it will be...
And that my love, you will want to see.

(Curt A. Rivard Sr. 2000)

May I have the honors of this dance with you?
But first I must seal your lids
For I fear your sleeping eyes will awake
Inside they go to cover your eyes
And me now you cannot hypnotize
Conductor with his thin baton in hand
We are the only two players in this band
He made an invisible nine panel grid
Two steps to the subjects left
And then two steps forward
He then gets up the nerve and then takes a plunge
O’ my GOD I cannot believe what he just done!
Dipping you now he goes in deeper
He orchestrated the perfect symphony for me.
May I please cut in and take this dance I ask
Holding your hand in my left like a violin
In my right a hollow metal bow
Bears also a razor piercing point
Clutching the handle I touched upon
All the major and minor notes
A five minute solo I played and deep within you
Preserving you all the more
That is what I am doing to you
Upside down bottle in my left now
And my bow now holds a clear hose
I see pink fluid now is beginning to flow
All over the damage now is where it all must go
Vapors now burning my eyes have just begun
When all is said and done
Inside again now I closed you
And it was with a trocar button
next time I close one
I will put a new twist in the  N stitch!
(CARSr. 7-24-12)

Mr. P.  Showed me the first time,
And now placed before me, Mr. J
I questioned your state,
While you laid there like a piece of slate.
Thin you were with the apple in your neck.
Tempted for a bite like in the book of Genesis,
A sin you might say, but what the heck.
They didn’t care for they put you in a partial wood and glue box,
Then they stole your money like a masked fox!
Opening your velvet lids she exposed them both,
Pressing all around, for she had to make sure.
Just in case you could have been saved
From some kind of a cure
A bowl your pupil turned
Something you gave me to eat from
Milky white yes they were,
Something else they did tell me,
And I didn’t even have to look that far.
With her clipboard and her pen
She marked all the things outside and then within.
Doors now closed and stained instruments are now touched
Thick blue rubber latex gloves are passed around
Pre prepped he already is,
What’s next I then wonder?
A quick slice of a scalpel
Now exposes what was under.
Hooks seven layers deep
Removing something you now couldn’t even keep
Like pulling a worm out a fish’s mouth,
It then popped out,
“Look” He just snagged himself a trout.
Putting your trust in something better then Big Ben,
If it seized up, what would you do then?

(CARSr.5-31-12)