lately, I've been asking
myself what I am living
for but I'm not even
sure or the answer

am I living for the boy
I met at the poolside 8
months ago in hopes that
he'll still remember me?

am I living for my parents
with their unrealistic
expectations of me that
made me want to die?

am I living for the friend
who said I was the only
person she could trust but
disappeared right after?

am I living for myself
the boring kid who
cries a lot and hate
myself for who I am?


and honestly I'm not even
sure if I have anything
to live for but what is
there to die for?

last year I asked myself
if I would still be writing
about you when you're
no longer in sight and
thousands of miles away

but I saw you in the fallen
leaves I heard your voice
with the roar of the wind
I still see you in my dreams
and I still think of you

last night I asked myself
why you still crossed my
mind from time to time
because I haven't heard
from you since you left

I could cry or tear a little
about you but instead I
am writing about you
for all the wrong reasons
and you will never know