I want you back.
Selfishly.
I want to meet you.
Needlessly.
I want to throw it all away.

But I hold on.

I hold on, not because I want to.

But because I have to.

Was my body just a welcome mat
For you to wipe your ***** feet.
Or was it a place for us to meet.
And feel the heat
Of our bodies

Your smile held the world.
While your green eyes.
The constellations.
Imagine looking at the world.
Without people, or animals.
Imagine looking at the sky.
Without stars.
When you took your life.
This is what I'm left with.
An empty planet
And a black sky.

Her devils, took her to see the angels.
I was lost.
I am still lost.
Everything in this world is like a ******* disease.
Without you here.
Take me.
I need you near.

These walls and bars
They have a purpose
One day
If you stay
I will crumble

I think it was all me.
I played out this little Fantasy.
Where you were mine.
And I was yours.

How could I have been so blind
Now this pen it binds
My wrists
Run dry, this ink in vains
As I pour out this illusion
Of X's and O's
Of flowers and hearts

Maybe I just thought you were someone
Someone I wanted you to be.
Something you and I could never be.
Someone for me.

I fall too hard for the wayward stars
Because they understand broken hearts
Because they know what it is like to burn up.

Should i accept my fate.
Become something that drifts through the cosmos
A piece of debris
Seeing all the stars
But never getting too close to feel their fire.

So when you come back down to earth
And you stare at your palm trees and power lines.
Will you have dreams
Of big apple scenes

Or will you dream of me.
Lost with the wayward stars
Or will I just be a memoir
Lost with the books
Hidden in the nooks
Of your heart.

She was so much of everything
Now she is nothing, but still a part of everything. Funny how it is when someone you are in love with passes on. In a way they keep living with you. Whether it is a ghost to haunt you, or an angel to guide you.
They are still there. She is still here.

So what's left of me?
I drink from this bottle
I drown in the sorrow
I pray, no more tomorrow

Would you even recognize me?
I sleep with these women
I have lost all conviction
I hope, this was all fiction.

Come back

Come back and I swear I'll save you

It isn't the days when I am at work
Or even the nights I stumble in drunk
Sure, those nights I hurt, and hate myself
But,
It is worse when I wake up alone
At 2 am, and I'm stone cold sober
That is where my real madness blooms
Those nights I suffer, and struggle
But my mind is limited on its thoughts
To you, and of me
And why I'm so ******
In every way possible
And I can't sleep, because I have no alcohol in the house
So I leave and go to a diner at 2 am
Because I can't stand myself, or my loneliness
The truth is
I just want someone here by my side
To love me when I can't love myself
To eat my onion rings
Because I hate them
I want someone to fill the all the holes in my life that I cannot fill myself
You know
They say you can't love someone
Without first loving yourself
I don't believe that at all
Because I have so much love inside
And none of it is reserved for me

As I peer out this vidual.
Wondering if I'm an individual
Staring through the glass
I see my demons peering back.
In that moment our eyes make contact.

As I stared through cheap sunglasses, looking at your porcelain seeing the reflection of my hazy eyes and the masses and the lies.
I see what's left of your body and it HAUNTS me!
It doesn't let me go because I won't let you go.
You broke me and ways no one will ever break me.
you took me to places no one will ever take me.
Now, you're a princess in the clouds.
I'm the court jester left on these hallowed grounds.
You're my angel next to the bed where I lay my head.
And as drown my sorrows in all these bottles
Filled with nothing but yesterday's hopeful tomorrows.
I realize.
I can't keep this life this way.
It pulls and it tugs against everything that I've ever known.
And everything that I want let go.