I sought those creature comforts
in the beds and arms of strangers
because I wanted to feel wanted
if only for a moment.
I was so lonely
that even those brief moments
of sweaty lust between unfamiliar sheets
felt better than the emptiness inside.
It was always so fleeting
and before it was even over
the loneliness would creep back in
settling into my bones
a harsh reminder that I still was not wanted
like I wanted.

I will blame myself
for every thought, word, and action
that I thought would bring you closer.
It only served to push you further away.
If you love something, let it go.
What a cliché.
So I let you go
in a desperate attempt to bring you closer
I let you go.
You never returned.
And now I sit and wonder-
did I love you too much?
or did I never love you at all?